Fatal Flaws
by BesserwisserForHire
Summary: Will be revised when I have the time. Until then, this story is old and you should not expect much.
1. In Foggy London Town

So, this is my Ray – Bryan fic. I'll warn you though; I am going to call Bryan by his Japanese name (Boris) and Tala by his (Yuriy). And Ray too (Rei). I'm not sure I will change any other names though, because it will only confuse me.

Uh. I hope you'll tell me if there's any OOC-iness in this, because I really try to avoid that.

**Warnings; **Boris-language, irresponsible drinking, fighting, male/male action (although no lemon), other violence, sloppy beta-reading.  
**Special note; **I don't know if the Institution of Mental Health actually exists. I just made it up and you will have to deal with it, because I know nothing about London or psychology-methods whatsoever. I did go to a shrink once, but that's not much to go by.

... Why do I like ruining my favorite characters' lives? Oh, well.

Enjoy!

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**Chapter One  
****In Foggy London Town**

The sun shed its light across the buildings, making the windows glow like gold in the sky. The streets were dirty and long, filled with people from all different kinds of places in the world. Cars were honking, bicycles ringing their bells and dogs barking. There was so much movement that the town itself seemed to move, like an ocean of concrete.

Rei Kon sneezed as he emerged from the underground subway. He hadn't been to London that many times in his life and it had been years since his last visit. It all seemed unfamiliar and new, like the city changed every time he turned his back.  
And still it looked just the same as it always had. He remembered watching Big Ben from a hotel room, staring at wax-statues at Madam Tussaud's, as well as falling in love with the London Towers.

This time though, he was not in town for mere sightseeing. It was a vacation of sorts, but not the one he was used to. Life had been alright with him, when he was Beyblading at least. But after the team broke up, both the White Tiger X and BBA Revolution, nothing ever got the same. They grew up leaving their childhood behind and all went their separate ways. He was supposed to be a man now, twenty two years old and with enough money on the bank to survive for a good long while.

But he felt like a little kid more often than so, and he was scared. Without Beyblade he had nothing. All his friends took paths that lead them further away from him and as soon as he had left his village he barely spoke to any of them anymore.  
Now when his childhood was over, he thought that he might just as well have a look around at what life had to offer.

The only thing was, he didn't get that far before he ended up with a psychologist.

Depression she said, too severe for her to handle, so she sent him to a special group at the best institution in the world, which just so happened to be in London.  
And thus, there he was. He didn't know if the sad thing was the fact that he actually suffered a mental condition like that, or that he didn't have anything better to do than go there.

Sighing slightly, enjoying the last rays of the morning sun, Rei picked up his bags and started looking for his hotel.

**X**

Boris Kuznetsov was a very fucked up man. At least, that's how his psychologist had expressed himself. At a young age, Boris had been taught to block out every emotion but hate. Of course this made him grow up into a not so nice person, and after nearly killing a person in what was supposed to be a friendly Beybattle, things only went downhill.  
As soon as he turned eighteen, his friends had enough. His closest one, Yuriy, had sent him straight to a psychologist.

Boris never really co-operated with the doctor, but very slowly he started to open up, with the help of hypnosis. What the psychologist found inside of Boris made the doctor so horrified that he sent him to the Institution Of Mental Health in London. It was supposed to be the best of places in the world to get the sickest people straighten up, he had said, and thus, there Boris was.

He couldn't recall if he had ever been in a town like that before. He especially didn't like the big clock tower which seemed to peer almost obnoxiously at him. He also hated the weather; it seemed to rain there more than it snowed home in Russia.

The people were annoying as well, rushing around looking weird in their funky clothes and talking non-stop with their hideous accent. As if English wasn't bad enough, they had to come up with several ways to speak it as well.  
So far, Boris hated London and he hated the fact that he was going to stay there for as long as necessary. He being the person he was, that could mean forever.

At least the bars were great, if rumors were to be trusted.

**X**

He had been trying on clothes for nearly an hour, feeling very silly about himself. He was just a guy, after all, and guys were known to not care about their clothes. Right? That's what every girl he knew always said when he went through his ritual of dressing, at least.  
Maybe he wasn't a guy then, he thought with a sneer directed at the mirror.

That blue shirt had to go.

He wanted to look good on his first night out, that was all. He didn't feel comfortable in London. Everything was so unfamiliar and unfriendly. He missed the good old days when everything was simple. Waking up in the middle of the night by Tyson's snoring even seemed tempting.  
Bickering with Hillary, talking about life with Kai, that too were things he missed like a leg.

Sure, Kai didn't seem like the guy who you could talk to for more than a minute, but there was more to the captain than what he would let on. He had been Rei's closest friend during that time and maybe he even developed a little crush on him. But that passed, as did his childhood and days of glory.

Just as everything else, even happiness had an end.

He didn't understand why it all had to end like that, though. He didn't understand back then and he understood even less now. Mr. Dickinson had told them that Beyblade was a sport for youths and the older they got the harder it would be for them to find sponsors.

So they tried to make it without sponsors, but after a while everyone realized what was on the other side of that wall between childhood and maturity. Hillary had gotten a job and a boyfriend, Max had taken over his fathers business after the man had a heart attack. It came as a surprise for all of them and he guessed that working was just Max's way of taking care of the grief.

Tyson took it upon himself to coach new teams, like his brother had done. Kenny got a job at a computer firm and Daichi just took off to live the good life. They kept in touch with each other for a while, but it happened less as their lives got filled with more adventures.  
Kai though, always seemed to have time for him. He still kept on Beyblading, for a while at least. Then he stopped showing his face around at championships and the last time the two of them spoke to each other had been two months before London.

Rei himself had tried to keep Beyblading up, but as all his friends faded away, so did his lust for the sport. He saw no point in it anymore, because his friends were no longer there. Sure, a long time ago, he Beybladed only for himself. But that was in the past, and no matter how hard he tried he could never go back to those habits again. Quite frankly, it sickened him.

Returning home to the village had turned out to be the only thing left for him to do then. The few things left that hadn't gone downhill before that suddenly started collapsing around him. It was as if the sweet world of beauty he had built around himself quickly fell apart.  
He didn't really like his village and returned only because there was no other option.

Growling slightly, deciding to go with a red shirt he tried to smile at the mirror. The smile cracked halfway, fading slowly as he stared into his own amber eyes.  
Not even his eyes were shining anymore. It was as if he was slowly decaying. Perhaps he had been doing so for a long time, and just failed to notice.

**X**

Rei hesitated slightly before he pushed the bar doors open. Warmth hit him in the face, coming straight from the bar. A loud chattering was soaring inside and he could hear glasses ring as toasts were dedicated. He had often wondered what he would dedicate a toast for, if he ever made one. Maybe friendship?

But it all seemed so distant now. Everything did, and no matter how much he tried to recall anything, all he could feel was numbness. Maybe all people did that, when they had felt down for a long time they slowly got used to it and suddenly, one day, it didn't hurt at all. They couldn't feel anything.  
Or maybe it was just him?

He sat down by the bar, not sure if drinking was such a good thing to do when he was in a mood like that. He could drink on occasion, but he had a feeling that drinking that day would only end up bad.

As the bartender gave him a questioning look through ruffled bangs Rei looked thoughtful for a moment.

''Have you got milk?'' he said curiously, looking at the man.

The bartender raised his eyebrows and looked at him like he was stupid.

''This is a bar, kiddo''

He couldn't be much older than Rei himself, and still he had the nerve to patronize him. Not in the mood for a fight, but even less in the mood to be pushed around, he looked stubbornly at the man.

''Look, I'm tired, I'm stressed, depressed and need to get away from the world for just one night, okay?''

''Ye' ain't gonna gonna succeed with that by drinking milk, I'm afraid.''

''But… I can't…''

''If you can't drink then what the hell are you doing at a bar?''

The question struck Rei, not because it was so rude and straight-forward, but because the bartender was right. What was he doing at a bar of all places? He could have gone to a museum or the Picadilly Circus or maybe just some random park, wandering around until dawn. And still he had gone there, and what for?  
He didn't even know.

''Alright'' the charcoal-haired Blader sighed. ''A glass of red.''

The blonde man behind the bar laughed kindly, his eyes flickering like candlelight.

''No way, mate'' he snickered and wiped a tear out of his eye. ''You're getting a Guinness.''

**X**

Boris looked around the bar. It was filled to the smallest corners with people, packed with chatter and cigarette-smoke. He normally wouldn't mind, but tonight he felt so completely and utterly bored. He had heard that Londoners were famous for their blood-spilling bar fights, and he had been hoping to get a little piece of the action.

Hell, if he was going to be living there for quite a while he might as well enjoy himself too.

He let his cold eyes sweep past person after person, trying to find a suitable target. But there were no football hooligans that night, and no punk-girls either. Only old men and single middle class women sat by the tables, drinking their beer and whatnots, smoking and laughing.  
Fuck, he thought, what an utterly boring town.

Maybe the reason that no one was around was because it was a Wednesday night. This thought hadn't struck him before, but as he thought about it, the more sense it made. He should have gone there on a football-Friday or something. Then maybe he would have had something fun to waste his night on.

But what was another wasted night, anyway? His whole life had been a complete collection of trash. His parents he had never met, and if he had he didn't remember them. Or, that wasn't all true. When he thought about it he thought that he might remember his mothers' kind grey eyes.

But that was all in the past, anyway. The Abbey had been his home, and they had taught him all he knew. He didn't even know why he was supposed to go see a psychologist anyway. He wasn't depressed, just bitter. They had taught him how to hate, and now it just came naturally.

Maybe that was his problem. Blocking out emotions doesn't really work in the end. It's like filling a wardrobe with ugly clothes. Just because you can't see them it doesn't mean they're not there, and when there comes a day when you have to get a shoe out of there, the whole thing collapses over you.

But he liked his life like that. No one could argue against the fact that all of the Blitzkrieg Boys had some kind of attitude problem. Yuriy was too caring but always failed to show it, and instead it was misread as a strong competitive streak. Kai was just the same, only he was seen as a cold-hearted bastard in everyone's eyes.

The thing with Boris was that he actually was a cold-hearted bastard, rotten to the core. Maybe if things had been different he would have been a nice person. But reality was reality, and he never denied the accusations.

He liked seeing others suffer, and he liked making them suffer. He liked to bite back at people with sarcastic remarks and he thought he had reasons to never trust anyone but his childhood friends.  
At least he did talk to people, more than what could be said about Kai. Never mind that whenever Boris opened his mouth, someone left the room crying.

It did the trick, so why complain?

Suddenly, he caught the eye of a large man sitting by the bar. He was tall and obscenely muscular, looking slightly unfriendly in his large moustache. He turned to watch the TV that hung in the ceiling, burping loudly.

A wicked grin fell on Boris' face. He had finally found his victim.

Stepping up to the large man, his steps confident and daring, his falcon-like glare burning with challenging intimidation, his wicked grin grew wider. He stopped beside the man, looking tall, like a hunter looks at its prey.  
The man raised a dark eyebrow and crossed his arms.

''You want somethin'?'' he barked with a dark voice that reminded Boris about a bull-dog.

In fact, the whole man did, especially when he wrinkled his forehead at him.  
It was interesting how many layers the skin could fall into in just one grimace.

''Shouldn't little _zalupa_'s like you be home lying in bed right about now?'' the ex-Blader smirked.

The man's gaze darkened severely, and he stood up to glare at him. Standing up, the man had risen to an impressive height. Still, he didn't scare Boris. In fact, no one and nothing did.

''You want do die? Is that it, you little piece of meat? Because I can do you the favor!'' the British man snarled, looking more like a dog than he had done before.

Boris thought his devilish grin couldn't get much wider, and yet it did.  
He leaned closer to the man's face, almost spitting out his words.

''With dreams like that I'm surprised you're not sleeping.''

The other growled, licking his teeth.

''You're making a big mistake, mate.''

''Oh, no, you're the one who's in _pizdets._''

The look on the man's face was almost worth dying for.

**X**

Rei looked up in a blurry haze as he heard a loud bang. His head felt heavy as he swayed to look at what was going on behind his back. As he turned his head, he saw a large man fly through the room and land with a loud ruckus on a table.

The ones who were sitting by the table, jumped up with loud shrieks. As they ran to a safer part of the bar, someone awfully familiar to Rei dragged the large man up by his collar and hit him in the face faster than Rei could blink.

On the other hand, he didn't think anyone could blink that fast after a few pints.

As the two men tossed each other across the bar, the bartender immediately ducked behind the counter. Rei watched the fight with great fascination mixed with fear. It had been a long time since something exciting happened, and still he never really liked fights.  
Sure, he could win one if he ever had to, but violence seemed so unnecessary. He admired people who could take you down with words, and not by merely insulting you. The power of the tongue (and not the perverse one that he suddenly came to think of) was extraordinary, if one knew how to use it right.

Soon the bartender's head showed up from wherever he had gone to, and this time he was holding a shotgun.  
Rei seemed to be the only one who thought this was odd.

''That's it, you two! Get the hell out of my bar or I'll shoot your bloody arses off!'' he roared at them with his uneven voice, but they paid no attention to him.

Rei had never been that close to a gun before, and it frightened him. He knew what a person could do with one of those, and he was no in the mood for being the witness to a murder on his first night in town.

As the bartender growled, Rei's heart felt like it had just had a flat tire. As he heard the weapon click, he knew what was gonna come but still it startled him.

The gunshot rang loud in his ears, and as the smell of gunpowder filled his nostrils he fell out of his chair with a yelp. His head pounded loudly, and he instantly regretted ever coming there at all.

How was it that all the psychos always got drawn to him? The Saint Shields, Team Psy-kicks, the battle with Boris and…  
He blinked rapidly, not really sure if his mind was playing tricks on him.

Drunk or not, he could bet his kidney on that one of the two fighting men looked exactly like Boris Kuznetsov.

Oh, he remembered the Russian alright. How could he ever forget? He had almost died that day and his ankle had never been the same. The man frightened him, as well as made him feel an urge of befriending him.  
A person like that seemed like he needed a little love every now and then, and well, Rei was just a nice person. Although, he couldn't really deny that he would like to slap him around a few times too.

The dog-like man stared at the bullet holes in the wall then glared at the bartender.  
The bartender gritted his teeth and pointed the gun towards him.

''Out of my bar, _now_!''

The man didn't even have the time to react until the-man-who-looked-very-much-like-but-hopefully-wasn't-even-though-it-was-highly-likely-Boris eyes lit up and he threw his opponent out through the bar doors.

The customers in the room yelped in horror, while some only cheered the fight on.  
It was an odd mix of people, Rei thought and stood up.

He had to go make sure that they were alright, and if he would have to call an ambulance. He bet the others around wouldn't do it, and he just couldn't have someone's death on his conscience.  
(And he was very, very curious about who was winning, too.)

He soon got followed by the ones that were too, curious about it. They quickly pushed their way past him and he was beginning to fear being trampled.  
Slipping into the back of the crowd he climbed his way out of the bar and out on the street.

The air was surprisingly cold, colder than he remembered, and it hit him like a slap in the face. Immediately he felt like he had just awoken from a bad sleep. The alcohol's effects started to slip off him, and as his eyes darted around, like cat eyes in the dark, he didn't have to try hard to find the fighters again.

The larger man was laying on the ground, his face an unrecognizable mess of blood. Hovering above him like a bird of prey, the Boris-man stood drenched in blood.  
Rei feared that the blood wasn't just his own.

''Fight! Fight! Fight!'' the people around cheered, and it sickened him.

How could they just stand there and let it happen? The man on the ground was obviously in a bad condition, and the assaulter didn't seem to want to stop any time soon.  
Rei bit his lip down hard, not sure of what he should do. He didn't want to step in between them, as much as he wanted to break them apart. Sighing deeply, he knew that he had no choice if he wanted to be able to sleep that night.

He took five quick steps and in a few seconds he was holding the Bryan-mans arm with a firm grip.

The man froze, as if touched my lightning, and slowly, hatefully, turned to glare down at the dark-haired Chinese man.  
Rei felt his heart sink and get devoured by his stomach. Silence fell over his ears, even if the crowd was still cheering them on. But they looked only like a faint blur in the corner of his eye, and all he could see was the face of the man he was holding.

There was no doubt in his mind now, that the man was in fact Boris.

Boris Kuznetsov, the man whose eyes were empty of compassion. The man who had hurt him, injured him like no other, in what was supposed to be a simple game. He was the one who would always send bile into the back of his throat, as well as make a burning anger sear through him.  
Still, he wanted to find it in his heart to forgive him. He just wasn't sure if he could.

Boris' eyes were a color of vicious icy-grey, as well as his hair which lay in sweaty lumps, plastered against his pale skin. The man breathed heavily, his breath smelling strongly of alcohol.  
Rei wasn't sure that the equally tall man recognized him, and a part of him was glad for that.

''Boris…'' Rei said hesitantly, not really sure of what he should say. ''I think he gets the picture.''

The Russian man panted heavily, his grin fading bit by bit. His face was unreadable, and Rei wondered if there was anything inside the man at all. If it was, he didn't really want to know. The look in his eyes said so much at the same time that it was impossible do decipher, but still it made his spine freeze.

Then before he could blink, a fist connected with his jaw and sent him flying into darkness.


	2. Your Own Worst Enemy

I hope this won't be as sloppy as the previous one. And I'll just go ahead and say that; Boris' opinionsare not reflected by the author. Okay? I might be a bad person but Boris is over the top.

And a reader challenged me into writing something funny, seeing how I always write so angsty, and I will sure take that challenge! I just haven't decided what to do yet.  
Hnnn...

This chappie then? Well... See for yourselves. Thanks for reviews and enjoy!

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**Chapter Two  
-  
****Your Own Worst Enemy**

As Rei woke up it was more the tiredness than the pain that hit him.  
His cheek was pounding and screaming in pain, a metallic taste of blood lingering in his mouth. As he lay there on the ground, he was also starting to develop a headache, the ones to kill for.

Slowly he cracked his eyes open, little by little, and stared into the white sky.  
The morning smelled fresh and sharply of dew and a cloth of moist was clinging to his skin. But the morming sun was warm, and he sat up slowly as he watched it rise like a large pearl in the horizon.

After ten minutes, he had started coming to his senses. Every part of him that needed hurting, aka almost his entire body, hurt like it had never hurt before.  
Groaning to himself, Rei sighed and drew his fingers through his dirty hair. As he yawned widely, a little like a lion, a tooth fell into the back of his throat and he had to cough it up with great effort in order not to suffocate.

He spat it out on the ground and glared at it.

If you were going to be positive about it, the day had just begun and the dawn was beautiful. He was awake and as soon as he took a shower and a lot of Aspirins he would be back on his feet in no time. Then he could go sightseeing!  
Or pick up a large box of ice-cream and sit in his hotel room all day watching chick flicks.

Rei muttered as he stood up, brushing himself off with the stiffness lingering in his joints.

''Ouch'' he growled and started walking, sighing deeply. ''That must have been some hit.''

As he began walking, realization hit him like a kick in the teeth. This was the day when he would make his first visit at the Institution. Which had been the reason that he had wanted to drink milk in the bar in the first place.

Looking back at it, milk at a bar did sound pretty stupid. He guessed he should have seen the pints coming miles away.  
So there he was, a headache about to drill a hole in his head, missing teeth and with a bruised face. He couldn't even walk too fast because he feared that he would faint.

Oh, well, he thought, I guess life is just peachy like that.

**X**

Boris didn't like busses. They were always packed with people, which made him feel like a cow on the way to the butchery. The drivers were always rude too, and the damn paying-system never worked like it should.  
Plus, there was always, with no exceptions, someone on the bus who annoyed the hell out of him.

Like this day, a teenage girl sat chewing on her chewing gum loudly and with open mouth, while talking loudly on her phone. Behind him sat a man listening to music so high that he could clearly hear the lyrics, and he hated that song. Plus, the bus smelled funny. Like a mix of dust and bacteria and a little hint of human body odors.

But he didn't have a car and it was too far even for him to walk and he would not in his life take the subway. The subway was even worse than the busses.  
He didn't really know why he even bothered being there at all. Who was gonna know if hen ever showed up in London? What if he left town and never went to that stupid Institution?

No one knew him there, there was no one to call and tell either. He was perfectly safe. He could just take the damn train to another part of the island. Maybe he could even go to a different country, like Holland. He had always wanted to go there. And after all, you hadn't partied until you had partied in Amsterdam.

But on the other hand, they could always call Yuriy and the red head would get pissed. He would get so mad that he probably would send brain-eating insects through the mail. Or maybe just fly down there and beat him to a pulp.  
Yeah, that sounded probable enough.

Boris sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Who was Yuriy to tell him what to do with his life, anyway? The friend could mind his own business. He was over eighteen, for crying out loud! A twenty-four year old man should get to decide over his own life. Shouldn't he?

On second thought, he pondered, it would indeed be fun to check out all the nut jobs.  
He chuckled slightly to himself.

Yeah, I think I'll give it a try, he thought, at least it would be good entertainment.

The large building of the institution, which he recognized from the brochure that Yuriy had thrown at him, stood up in the distance. He pressed the 'stop'-button and waited for the vehicle to stop.  
It slowly made a right turn and the wheels hissed as air was let out of them and the doors opened with a whining noise. The Russian stood up and exited the bus with four other people.

He narrowed his eyes as he looked at them, wondering if they were heading towards the same place that he was.  
The girl with the phone, an old woman, a middle-age man and what looked like his son, looked around nervously. Maybe it was their first day too, or they just didn't know how to find their way to the mall or wherever sane people went on Thursday mornings.

He took off, his steps wide and his face determined. His whole being oozed a threatening aura, like someone had punctured a hole in him and all his bitterness was leaking out.

Being a fast walker, he had soon gone up the sidewalk and entered the great, green yards of the building. Big willows stood weeping at what looked like very random places, fountains and flowers standing in the sunlight. He guessed they were there for soothing purpose, but all they did was piss him off.

How dared the flowers look at him like that? It was as if they were sneering at him because they were pretty and he was mental. What did flowers know about anything, anyway? All they did every day was standing at the same spot, never moving, never changing anything.  
Boris had changed a lot of things. For instance he didn't believe that the Beyblading world would ever be the same without him.

Suddenly, the image of Rei Kon popped up in his mind. He shuddered at the thought of those friendly, amber eyes and that sickening smile. He hated the kid, or maybe man was more appropriate, because he was always so god damn perfect. He never lashed out at people and if he did, he had a good reason for it. He always won the fights that really mattered to him, his friends didn't send him to shrinks and he was loved world wide. Boris hated him for being such a… such… well, he didn't really find an appropriate word for it.

He would have to think about that word. _Pidar_ sounded right.

Growling he noticed that he had reached the entrance and reluctantly, he stared at the door knobs with a look of defiance in his eyes. How come he had started thinking about Kon anyway? It wasn't like they had met recently.  
Although there was a Chinese man he hit the recent day, but he didn't remember his face too well seeing how he was drunk like a barrel.

Besides, all Chinese looked the same, didn't they?

He shrugged the thought off, but still it lay gnawing at the back of his mind. Like he had missed something very important. Deciding that it wasn't important at all and that his mind was only playing tricks on him, he pushed the doors open.

If he was going to be in a bad mood he could as well be it there.

**X**

What struck Rei as he ran around in the large building wasn't how obscenely large or clean it was. Not even the people loitering around in the corridors seemed strange to him and some of them were even talking to the walls. No, what struck him was how odd it smelled.  
It was as if an odd mix of dread, despair, depression and bleach had spread around the walls and floors and weird paintings of rainbows and animals on the walls. He wasn't sure if feelings did have smells, but if they did they sure smelled awful.

Maybe they smelled better the better they were? Like happiness. He wondered what happiness smelled like. Would he even recognize the smell if someone showed him? It had been such a long time since anything was happy in his life.  
Why was it that as soon as Beyblading was over, everyone disappeared? He had thought that they had something more than that. That they had bonded.

But then again, they did betray and backstab each other every time they got the chance. But still they had always ended up friends.  
Was it that they had simply grown apart?

Could something broken be repaired? Well, that was why he was there, wasn't it? But wasn't that what his psychologist had been trying to do for years? After all, all it really felt like was that she had repaired his mind with too old glue and weak thread. His mind was cracking in the edges, the seams splitting. It was as if he was even further from redemption and salvation than he had been when he first went there.

Now he wasn't only hurting, he was confused as well.

Rei sighed and scratched his head. He would only confuse himself further if he kept thinking about life the way he did. Maybe he was just better off ignoring his feelings, as usual. Trying to keep up a happy face, fooling everyone. Maybe they would let him go then and they could go on as if everything was normal? As if the bad things never happened.

But they had happened and they still did. It was an endless circle, a tiring race which he could not see the goal line of. He shook his head, closed his eyes and sighed.  
Better leave the brain shrinking to the shrinks, Rei, he thought.

As he opened his eyes, he suddenly wished he hadn't. He found himself in the large yellow corridor with the high ceiling, staring into cold, dead, grey eyes.  
Boris glared at him, but still he didn't. It was as if he was glaring at nothing and everything, leaving it up to whoever wanted to, to feel glared at.  
When Rei realized that the man had not seen him, he quickly dove behind a large plant.

He watched with concentration as the grey-haired man looked at a sign, his eyebrows almost forming a 'v'. The Russian cursed under his breath then ripped the sign off like a rabid dog, throwing it into the opposite wall. The glass cracked with a loud ringing-sound and shattered all over the floor, the paper falling out.  
He spat at it and walked away, muttering in Russian.

Rei stared in shock and bewilderment, not really understanding what had just taken place before him.

Glancing over at the paper that lay on the floor like a thrown away dog, an ordinary piece of trash, he realized it was a map. He crawled out from behind the plant and bent down to pick it up.  
He skimmed through it, noticing how completely useless it was. The names on the places were impossible to read, the lines showing which corridor lead where crossing over each other, giving him a new headache. He could see why Boris had been angry at it. It made him even more confused about the Institution than before.

Suddenly he felt someone tapping him on the shoulder and by reflex she spun around, his fangs bared. He hissed by pure instinct and was just about ready to attack, when he noticed the man standing before him with a puzzled look.

His dark moustache was raised in a curious way, as if he wondered if Rei had just jumped out of a science-fiction movie.  
Then he noticed how the man looked at him, and then at the map in his hand.

Rei felt his stomach twist.

''Uh… I can explain…''

**X**

Boris tapped on the door.

''Yes? Come in!'' a kind and intelligent voie called from behind the wood.

He snarled at it, already regretting his presence there. As he pushed the door open with more force than necessary, the whole room seemed to gasp as he entered it. He looked much like an executioner walking forth and back in front of his victims, trying to see who would be the funniest to kill.  
He glared at the people in it, who sat in a ring of chairs, and then at the one person who actually smiled at him.

It was a middle-age woman, pretty though, with mahogany hair wrapped in a pony-tail over her shoulder. She wore, as if she was some random stereotype, large horn-rimmed glasses, and what seemed to be an unnessecarily tight outfit.  
Her smile lingered on and he had to restrain himself from punching her in the throat.

''This room 509?'' Boris said with a sneering and yet hateful voice.

There were just too many floors in that place.  
The woman nodded at him.

''Why, yes sir. Are you here for the PUSH-program?''

He hated her accent, which was as strong as her perfume. He never did like shrinks, and she was as far from an exception as you could possibly get. He would rather have Kai for a shrink than her. At least then he could speak Russian.

''Yeah. That here?''

She nodded.

''That is here, yes. Why don't you have a seat Mr…'' she looked down at her clipboard. ''Hm, there are still two people who's not here.''

She pushed her glasses to rest against her head, squinting at the paper.

''Mr. Kuz… kuss… kch… Kussnetoss?''

''Kuznetsov''

What sort of shrink was she, anyway? She couldn't even pronounce his name right! On the other hand, no one could. Sometimes even his friends had troubles with it, but they usually were drunk then and that was a rather good excuse in his eyes.

The shrink nodded, wrote something on her clipboard and motioned for an empty chair in the circle.

''Alright, Mr. Kussnessot, have a seat.''

As Boris walked over toward the chair, he had a really hard time deciding if he should beat the blood out of her or not. He decided that she was just stupid, and that he would need to come up with a great plan in order to make her suffering as complete as possible. As she started to speak to them, his mind wandered away.

But he didn't get far though, before a door opened. He didn't bother to look up, but he could hear the ruffling of clothes as the others in the room turned towards the door.  
He could almost hear the shrink smile.

''Oh, this must be the last one!'' she said warmly. ''Then you must be Mr. Kon?''

Boris snapped out of his thoughts. He must have heard wrong. No, that wasn't possible. His hearing was almost error free. Then it must be another Kon, he thought, the world was big. Surely there would exist a lot of Kons? After all, it was one of the most common surnames in China.

''Yes, and you are the psychologist?'' a voice said.

It was the voice of a man, no doubt. And he could detect a slight Chinese accent in it as well. It was too small for anyone else to notice, but since he was looking he detected it like a shard of glass in a bite of food.

The voice was quite familiar, if not a little darker than he remembered it. But since it had been years since he last saw the blader, that was just logical.  
Really hoping that he wouldn't find someone familiar, he looked up, his grey eyes piercing.

He found himself looking at a rather short Chinese man, looking uncomfortable. He didn't seem like he wanted to be in the room any more than Boris himself did, but instead of sending death glares he looked more like he wanted to hide under a rock. That was odd, he thought. The Kon he knew about never hid from anything. He took every challenge head on and with fierce determination. He was annoying like that. Hard to get rid of when he had decided to stick to you.

So it couldn't be Kon then, could it?

As the man looked at the rest of the room, the Russian wanted to explode.  
Kind, amber eyes looked at them, and now he noticed the long braid down the man's back, almost reaching the ground.  
As the man looked at him, he looked as surprised as Boris felt.

There was no doubt in Boris' mind then, that the man outside the circle was no other than Rei Kon, ex White Tiger and royal pain in the ass.  
And it looked like he recognized Boris as well.

''Well then'' the shrink said. ''Great! Now we're all here. Why don't you take a seat, Mr. Kon so we can start?''

Rei nodded slowly, not tearing his eyes away from Boris. Like a zombie he walked into the ring of chairs and took the only one that was empty, which happened to be on the opposite of the Russian.  
They stared intensely at each other, both hoping they were dreaming.

''Okay, my name is Amanda Grey, and I am an educated psychologist. I'm specialized in many areas, which is why I am handling this PUSH-group today. Now, does everyone know what PUSH is?''

Her sickening smile made the Russian want to throw up and kill something at the same time. She rested her auburn eyes on them while ruffling with her papers.  
A tall, scrawny and pale man in the circle raised his hand while shaking his head.

''I don't'' he said with a voice that came out raspy and fragile, like it would break if you breathed at it.

Amanda nodded. ''Well, PUSH stands for Psychological United Self Help. It is a new thing we're trying out, like when we tried out Dialectal Behavior Therapy years and years ago. PUSH is very new, so you are among the first to try it…''

Boris snorted.

''So we're guniea pigs?'' he glared at her, hoping that looks could kill.

''Oh, no!'' she shook her head reassuringly. ''See it more as… a privilege of sorts. We do believe this is the best way to handle very strong psychological problems, taking care of numerous things at the same time.''

''With other words; you want to take care of as many nut jobs you can at one time so you can get longer vacations.''

''Mr. Kuznesot, I can assure you that this is for…''

''Our own good?''

She blinked, a little puzzled at first. Then her smile fell back on her face as she pushed the glasses back down on her small nose.

''Yes, your ow…''

''How the hell do you know what's best for us? You don't care shit about anyone.''

He wondered how rude he could be to her before she finally packed her bags and left. That would be the greatest achievement he had accomplished that year. Sure, it was only spring so far but if he could crack her, break her down, he wouldn't have to do anything for the rest of the year.  
Sending a shrink to the shrinks, seemed like the funniest thing in months.

''I assure you, that even though this is a new thing, we belive it is much helpful.''

''Your faith won't help anyone.''

Her eyes were kind, and almost pitying. How could she be so stubborn? His death glare alone should have made her run away and cry. Why didn't she crack?  
Because, his brain reminded him, she was a shrink. Shrinks were used to all kinds of people, even people like him.  
Well, he thought, looks like we've gotten ourselves a challenge. This could be fun.

Rei felt nervous. He never did like shrinks and Ms. Grey was something extraordinary. She had Boris in her group and she was still not breaking apart. He would have to ask her how she did, because he got bothered by the sheer presence of the man.  
He was still shocked to see him there, too. Sure, Boris always had attitude problems, but to find him in London in the same group that he went to, that was just too much of a coincidence.

He looked around the room. There were about a dozen people in there, some fidgeting, some spacing off into la-la-land, some glaring and some looking very near to crying. He felt like he was at an AA-meeting. And maybe it sort of was. They had all gotten stuck in evil circles and now they used each oher to get out of it.  
He wondered if they would get contact persons, like in AA. In that case, he sure hoped it wouldn't be anyone of the people in the room.

Quite frankly, they made him feel uncomfortable. It wasn't that Rei had anything against people with psychological problems. He looked at people as people, no matter what kind of people they were. He just didn't think that people who couldn't take care of themselves, could take care of him. And plus, Amanda Grey scared him.

''No one is keeping you here, Mr…''

Boris almost laughed at her, a mocking shard visible in his eyes.

''You couldn't keep me here if you tried.''

Grey's smile faltered slighty, and she turned to stare at her papers.

''If we should to the name-game, then.''

She leaned bethind her chair, picking up a small, inflatable ball. Rei raised his eyebrows at the pink thing, awfully reminded of Mariah.

As Amanda threw the ball randomly into the circle he felt like he was in kindergarten. The ball passed from hand to hand, each person saying their first name, throwing it randomly back into the circle.  
As it landed in his lap, he looked puzzled at it. It glowed in the warm sunrays that crept through the large windows, almost making it sparkle. He wondered when the last time had spoken to Mariah was? Would the shrink wonder that?

Did he even want to spill his life secrets and problems out to a room of strangers? One of which wasn't even a stranger.

''Rei.'' He said and tossed the ball away, not really looking.

On the other hand, his friends never had any time for him. Maybe strangers was all that he had? It was rather sad, he thought, how his life was leaning on people he didn't even know. Like a crutch that belonged to someone else. It could get ripped away from him when he least expected it, and then he would just lie there.

Maybe he could just ask Grey for a personal appointment instead?

Or maybe he should go back to China and his psychologist there. At least then he wouldn't have to go looking for apartments in a town where no apartments seemed available. He was just glad that the Institution paid for his hotel-bill another month. Then he would really have to find a place to live.

Boris caught the ball, glaring at it. He saw his own reflection look back and he was not too glad about who was sneering back. The group was a stupid idea and he should never have come there at all. He liked his life, there was nothing wrong with it. Sure, other people might call him psycho and what not, but at least he didn't complain.  
Suddenly feeling very angry, he punched the ball flat with an exploding sound and threw it at the floor.

He stood up with such force that the chair fell over. When all the people in the room stared shocked at him, he glared at them like he wanted to kill them all.

''Fuck this! You fucking _ebanashka_'s, sit here and sulk all you want but I am not staying!'' he roared and hoped that the force of his voice would knock them down.

That would suit them right.

As he stormed out of the room and closed the door with a loud slam, a wind of hate lingered after him. Amanda looked like this was normal, like it always happened to her and that she hadn't expected anything new. After all, she did have his charts and judging from what his previous psychologist had written, she almost knew it would happen.

Some of the people in the room started crying. Rei looked at them all, wondering what the hell he was doing there. He was just a little depressed, but the people around him looked like wrecks. They deserved more help than he did. Hell, he could probably get over himself with yoga or something. Couldn't he?  
He didn't care anymore. That moment he just wanted to get out of there.

Amanda seemed to catch his eye, and like she could read him, she smiled and nodded towards the door.

''It's okay'' she said ''you can go after him.''

Rei smiled thankfully and quickly got up, running out of the room with haste. What was he thinking? Had he gone mad? Could the psychologist have mistaken his uneasiness with caring? He didn't care about the Russian. If the man wanted to storm out like a raging tornado, then why stop him?

Boris could do whatever he wanted with his life. Why should Rei care? Just the other day the man had hit him, for crying out loud! His face was still bruised and aching and he could barely chew. If the man wanted to run around with anger issues all his life, then why not let him?

After all, Rei wasn't a part of his life. He never had and he never planned to be, so why wasn't he just running out of there? He could go back to the hotel, buy a ticket back home and forget all about it.  
Life would turn out good somehow, wouldn't it?

He sighed and fastened his steps, turning corner after corner. The building was so huge it would take him forever to locate the other man. For all he knew Boris could already had gone outside and disappeared in the subway. He groaned and decided it was time that he picked out his cat-like senses.

He stopped, trying to guess where the man could most possible have gone to. He looked around, seeing nothing but people and plants. He sniffed in the air but came out with nothing. Rei sighed. Maybe he should just go for the most logic excuse, like the stairs?  
He felt so stupid all of a sudden. Of course the other man had taken the stairs! What else?

Growling Rei turned around and began running again, soon finding the stairs. He ran downwards them for what felt like an eterity, hoping to god that he wouldn't stumble and break something.

Soon he was in the entrance though, and right in time to spot something grey outside the large, glass-doors.  
He took a deep breath and sprinted out the doors, almost flying over Boris in the process. He stopped abruptly in his tracks, leaning against the open door, panting heavily.

The Russian turned around to stare at him with raised eyebrows.

''Boris…'' Rei panted, bangs hiding his face. ''Stop!''

The Russian continued his staring, his eyes cold and empty. The man crossed his arms, looking at the dark-haired Blader with what could almost be seen as an amused and hateful sneer at the same time. He watched as Rei caught his breath, slowly straightening himself up and wiping some hair out of his face.

''Well, well, well'' Boris said in a mocking tone. ''If it isn't the little kitty-cat! I never thought I'd see you here.''

Amber eyes locked with his and he hated it. He hated how they always seemed to punch him, with great forces of emotion of which he could never get a grip on. But for once, the amber wasn't filled with pride, stubbornness, kindness and determination. Instead, they were filled with so much turmoil he couldn't really determine what.

''I could say the same thing.''

''What's the matter with you then, kitty? China get too warm?''

As he mentioned the country, he thought he could see something inside Rei's eyes snap. Like he had crossed forbidden theritory. Immediately, Boris felt excited. Apparently the man was more sore than he would let on.

''Russia get too cold?''

The grey eyes narrowed, the man gritting his teeth at him. Rei almost regretted he had said anything. But only almost.  
Boris stepped closer, leaning over the other man.

''Watch your fucking tongue.''

Rei stared defiantly at him, not letting him scare him. He knew there was a person inside Boris, somewhere in all the rubble he kept inside. He had noticed through the years how the Russian had softened up, at least being able to talk to people without torturing them. But now he seemed different, like he had slipped back.

''What happened to you?'' Rei thought out loud.

''What the hell happened to _you_?''

Rei raised his eyebrows.

''What do you mean?''

''You do know you're standing outside a psychological whatsitsname?''

''Well, so are you.''

Boris sneered.

''Kitten, I just came here for the entertainment.''

His breath tickled Rei's cheek, making him flinch. They stared at each other for a while, no one knowing what the other was really thinking. Both trying to puzzle out what was wrong with them, what was wrong with the world.

What were the chances? Rei wondered. How could he possibly run into one of his childhood enemies like that? What was Boris doing there? What was he even doing himself? What was going on?

''Looking a little pale there, kitten. Too much milk?''

Rei glaredat him. God, how he hated him sometimes. He had tried to see the good in Boris and sometimes he actually could. Like when he saw how much the man cared for his friends or how protective he was of Yuriy. He even thought it a little funny how Boris and Kai never got along.

But he hated how the man was so sarcastic and rude and how he always mocked you, whatever you spoke about. His voice always wore that tone, and it irritated Rei. When anyone else besides the Russians were in trouble, Boris enjoyed it.

''Why don't you go back inside?'' Rei said then.

The grey haired man scoffed and wrinkled his forhead.

''Is that what this is about?''

''Yes.''

''So they sent the furball to come looking for me, eh? Or did you come simply because you missed me?''

Rei snarled, his eyes feeling dangerously close into becoming slits. He bared his sharp teeth as he gritted them, trying to calm himself down. There was no use in getting angry at him but he wanted to so badly. He wanted to just get the man to realize how much harm he was doing and regret it!  
But then again, Boris knew exactly what he was doing. He knew it and he enjoyed it and there was nothing that was going to change that.

He wanted the world to know how much he had suffered and to suffer back, so that he could be the one to point and laugh this time.  
He used to be the laughing matter, but not anymore. This was his time to shine.

Since Rei didn't answer, he just grinned and turned to walk away.

''Bye, kitten. Master's gotta go now.''

Rei watched his back as he left, disappearing behind the gates and out into the crowded streets. He blinked at him, still staring even long after he had gone.  
With a growl he sighed and looked at the great, blue sky above.

A bird shrieked loudly, its cry echoing down towards him. He sighed and closed his eyes, wishing he could go back in time. But time travel was as impossible as befriending Boris, and he knew that. It would be a great challenge, greater than surviving even. It would take so much effort and energy, one he feared he didn't have.

On the other hand, Rei never did back down from a challenge, so why start now?


	3. Have A Drink On Me

Now, sorry for the delay but I can't write when I'm too depressed to think.

And this story is not going to stop being angsty. And I like making Rei drunk.  
So, enjoy it the best you can.

Thanks for reviewing.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**Have A Drink On Me**

Boris hadn't been to the meetings in a week.

It wasn't really worrying Rei, or at least he didn't want to admit it did. It was just that he felt it was unfair that he himself would have to endure the five hours of agony when the Russian didn't. Sitting through one meeting every day, listening to Dr. Grey for one hour just wasn't his plan how to spend a perfect day.

And the days were pretty perfect weather wise. The sun was bright and warm, soft breezes of fresh air kept him from melting on the sidewalk. The grass was green and the sky was blue and everything smelled like spring. He could wear his favorite jacket and he would have taken his friends out for a pick nick, if he had any.  
Maybe he should call them just to check in. Would they care? Would they even remember him?

Rei sighed. The important thing wasn't the ones who abandoned him, anyway. The important thing was that Boris needed the meetings just as the rest of them did, and under no circumstances would Rei let him get away. And partially he wanted to check out where the man was living as well.

Curiosity did kill the cat, but Rei was no cat. He just looked like one.

He had in some unexplainably weird way gotten Dr. Grey, (she had asked them to call her that following the third meeting) to give him the directions. The woman had winked at him and said that it was wonderful to see someone care for another human being.  
He was still trying to figure out what that wink had meant.

Boris lair wasn't too far away form the Piccadilly Circus, which was pretty fun. He liked all the neon lights. They reminded him of all the other cities he had seen during Beyblade tournaments. All the lights, the people, the smell of food, everything was so alluring. He missed it a lot, and it felt nice to be out traveling again. Even if it was for the sake of his sanity, which he couldn't say he felt so fond of anyway.

After he had taken two busses and walked for a good long ten minutes, he spotted a tattered little neighbour hood.

It was lined by long, bumpy roads and the houses stood high and mighty against the naked sky. They were built in large, grey-brown stones and seemed slightly old and gothic to him. It was a creepy place, the quicker he got out of there the better.

He sighed and strolled up the sidewalk until he took a left turn and ended up at the door of one of the buldings. On the side of the door sat a list of the attendants, and he quickly spotted the name 'Kuznetsov B.' under the 'Third floor'-title. He took a deep breath as if to brace himself before opening the door and entering.

**X**

Three hesitant knocks were heard and Boris looked up grumpily from the TV. He hadn't been too awfully submerged in Martha Stewart's lection in how to cook a turkey without skin, but he didn't want visitors. He couldn't think of anyone that knew him there, so it made him even angrier to know that it probably was a paper-boy. Or worse; a guy selling vacuum cleaners.

The only vacuum he needed to clean was the vacuum in other people's heads. They seemed to be too thickheaded to ever understand anything. He didn't need psychologists or pills or examinations or talks. All he needed was some time alone, maybe a beer and then he could pretty much stand life.

Gritting his teeth he easily got up from the sofa in one movement and took four long steps to the door. The knockings had begun again and he threw the door up with a loud roar.

''What?!''

Quite unexpected, large amber orbs stared at him in surprise. He glared at the man for intruding his sanctuary and hoped that the daggers he was mentally throwing would be enough to scare him away.  
But to his agitation, it wasn't.

''Can I… uh… come in?''

They blinked at each other, the grey haired man out of surprise and the black haired one out of fear. Bewildered and wondering, he leaned forward to glare Rei in the face.  
Rei arched back in a snap, and Boris raised an eyebrow.

''What, I'm that ugly?'' he said in mock hurt.

Rei waved his sarcasm away with his slim hand.

''Boris, you reek of alcohol.''

He wrinkled his pointy nose, as if disgusted by this realization. When he looked at Boris next, his eyes were filled of what could almost be mistaken as empathy. The Russian snorted. It couldn't be, they barely knew each other. He himself had known people for his whole life and still couldn't emphasize with them.

It just wasn't in his nature. He liked seeing people suffer and therefore, he often found himself despising people who did the opposite. And what was it to him if he was drunk anyway? Okay, so maybe he had drunk a couple of beers during the morning. And he might have spent the morning before making tequilas, and the night before that he might have been at the bar.

What did it matter? It was his life and he had nothing better to do. Rei wasn't much of a saint either, now was he? Did he ever stop being such a boy scout or was he always giving people looks like that? Boris snarled.

''So why are you here, furry? Come to sell some cookies for the girl scouts?''

Rei smiled at him. It was a weak smile which looked more like a slight tugging at the corner of his mouth, but a smile no less.  
He crossed his arms and tilted his head slightly. It made him look like a little cat who looked curiously at you, wondering what was going on inside your head.

Boris had always hated cats.

''Are you going to be a gentleman and let me in?''

''What do I look like? A butler?''

But since the Chinese man wouldn't stop staring at him, the Russian reluctantly stepped aside. He let out his hand and gestured towards the fallen apartment with a sneer.

''Go on before I change my mind.''

Rei quickly stepped inside the apartment, and as Boris closed the door he started to second guess himself. Maybe visiting the man wasn't such a good idea. Good intentions aside, it was a very suicidal plan. What would he do if the man lashed out at him? Or perhaps decided to kill him? He was sure no one would hear him cry for help.

'In space, no one can hear you scream.'

He shuddered.  
The grey haired man gave him a weird look as he walked over to the little kitchen. It was a small apartment, a one-bedroom made for a bachelor. It sure did looked like it could need a woman's touch.

Rei twisted his mouth slightly ass he began pacing around the room.

Where he found dirty piles of clothes, he picked them up and carried them into the bathroom. Where he saw dishes and trash, he threw them in the sink or in the garbage bin. Where he saw filth, he cleaned it. Where he saw something broken, he covered it with something else. When finally Boris emerged from the kitchen with a beer bottle in his hand, he looked at Rei as if he was an alien.

He leaned against the doorway and frowned. Rei looked up startled at the man, and a wild blush began spreading across his pale cheeks.

''It looks like a bombshell.''

''Why thank you, I work out.''

Rei ignored the mans grin and drew his fingers through strands of raven hair. He only came over there for a reason, so it was as good a time as any to get down to business.

''You haven't been to the meetings.'' He said, and the man in the other side of the room opened the bottle.

''Miss me that much?''

As he gulped down the liquid Rei couldn't help but notice how his strong throat worked to swallow the beer. The man was toned, muscular but not too big. It was the kind of man all his women friends had dreamt about. Someone to protect them from the dark and fight off the evil monsters of the world.

The problem with Kuznetsov though, was that he was one of those monsters. But still, Rei couldn't help but think that there was something more to him. Beneath that shell of his, there lay a rusty, beating heart.

''Why haven't you?''

He wondered slightly if he could reach out to it, bring it back to life. Dust it off and clean it up. It was the mothering side of him that had awakened, and he felt a little embarrassed over his own thoughts. Lucky for him, Boris was only a reader of expressions and not of thoughts.

Boris looked the other man over, looking bored. He didn't really fancy the company, but undeniable, he did like how nervous the amber eyed blader looked. He wondered just how nervous he could get.  
An evil smirk danced across his lips as he closed them around the bottle once more.

''If I want to listen to bullshit I watch TV. Which is exactly what I've been doing until you so kindly interrupted me.''

Rei cast a glance towards the TV, frowned at Martha Stewart and looked back at the grey cold eyes.

''You have an odd taste in women.''

''Apparently, seeing what company I am keeping. Say Rei, why are you here?''

''Isn't it obvious? You have to go back to the Institute!''

''Oh really?''

''Yeah, really! I mean, how much harm can it do?''

Boris looked thoughtfully at the ceiling for a moment, before he shrugged and held up the bottle, as if it meant something.

''Well, seeing how I haven't been drinking anything in a month until I got to London… I'd say it can do pretty much harm.''

Rei raised his eyebrows in surprise.

''A month?''

Slowly realization hit him in the stomach once more. Boris was in London because he had drinking problems? He looked at the man now, feeling… well, he didn't really know. A part of him wanted to laugh, because it served the bastard right. But the other part, a much bigger one too, wanted to take that bottle and throw it out the window. Alcoholics always made him feel uncomfortable, and he found himself wanting to run away from the room.

He wanted to forget it even happened. But he just couldn't. What person would that make him? The world was full of evil and everyone needed a helping hand now and then. Was he just naïve to think that?

''Drinking bothers you, kitten?''

Boris looked at him with an unreadable expression. Rei damned him to hell for being such a wall.  
The black haired man sighed and did something quite unexpected. Instead of going for the door faster than lightning, he went straight over to the Russian and ripped the bottle out of his hand.

''Hey! I was drinking that!'' Boris protested, but Rei only raised a finger at him.

''You've had enough to go around already! Come on, grab your coat.''

As Rei headed towards the hallway Boris looked questioningly at him. He had no idea what was going through the man's head and quite frankly, he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. The look in the catlike eyes told him that he was not going to like it.

''Where are you going?''

Rei smiled brightly and brilliantly at him, and it made him want to rip his face off.

''Not you'' Rei said. ''We''

**X**

The sun was beginning to set, firing pink shots into the sky. All in all it was a quite peaceful evening and most people would have enjoyed it. But Boris wasn't most people and as he found himself getting dragged along the sidewalk he deeply wished he hadn't given his address out. He guessed it was Dr. grey who was responsible for telling Rei about his whereabouts. He would have to deal with that in the morning.  
Snarling Boris realized it would mean that he would have to go to the stupid Institute anyway.

And now his biggest problem was something as simple as sightseeing.

''You know'' he said and looked at the road in front of them, tyring to kill it with his eyes. ''I didn't plan on going anywhere.''

Rei shrugged.

''And I didn't plan one ever seeing you again but the world is a strange place.''

Boris snorted and shoved his hands in his pockets. He hated England. It was much too warm. People had told him that it was suppsoed to rain there all the time, but so far the only drops he had seen had been the ones in his shower.

Rei on the other hand, rather enjoyed it and he did not hide those feelings one bit. He was as easy to read as a porno magazine and it made Boris feel rather irritated.

He looked at the man beside him in silence for a while. The Russian wasn't like Kai, he talked a lot more than he did. He also differed himself from Yuriy by the fact that every time he spoke, he never said something honest and short. When Yuriy spoke, he did it to solemnly point out a fact. When Boris himself spoke, he did it to annoy and hurt people.

But Rei seemed to have been hanging out with Kai too long because even though that Boris' comments irritated him, the hurt bounced off him like rubber bullets. That fact alone infuriated the Russian, and he spent most of their walk trying to figure out how to make the man suffer.

''Why do you have to be so fucking nice all the time?'' he snarled.

Rei looked at him curiously. Whenever he met the mans grey gaze, flashbacks from their battle came rushing through his mind. But he tried to push them away, like he always did. Pain was easier to handle if you simply ignored it. The problem was, it always came back to bite you when you least expected it.

''Some of us has to.''

His voice was so light, so carefree and friendly. Boris would almost have thought that the man didn't have any problems, if it wasn't for his eyes. The deep golden yellow was restless, as if something inside of it wanted to break free. A small glint of regret always seemed to peek through.

''If you hate me so much, then how come you're taking me on this oh so nice trip?''

''You don't like taking walks?''

''Oh, I like walks. I just don't like taking walks with you.''

Rei snorted.

''Tell me'' Boris said with a voice that was soft but demanding at the same time, not allowing disobedience. ''How come a little angel like you eneded up at a place like this?''

A dark eyebrow rose.

''London?''

''The Institution, genius.''

''Oh! Well… Uh… I don't know.''

The Russian laughed bitterly at him.

''Do I look stupid to you?''

''Well, it's kind of hard to tell in the dark but…''

A threatening glare shut him up. Sighing Rei shook his head.

''No'' he continued. ''No you don't.''

''Don't be smart with me, Kon. I will have you skinned.''

''You like me naked, eh?''

Rei tried to bite back his remarks but they just wouldn't stop. It was as if his brain had entered sarcasm-mode and he just couldn't help himself.  
But Boris wasn't as amused and as he crossed his arms Rei felt his heart sink.

He didn't want to be afraid, especially not of the Russian. The man lived from other people's fears, and the only way that he would get through to him was to break those barriers. Crushing Boris' defences was not an easy task and he wondered if there had ever been anyone besides the Blitzkrieg Boys who had ever done it.

Sometimes he wondered if the man really did have a heart or if it was just his own wishful thinking.

''I had some problems. Like all of us.'' Rei said, and Boris looked at him, a faint interest burning in his brain.

Rei didn't like opening up to the man. It was like giving a psychopath a knife and telling him the lights were green if he ever wanted to stab you. But on the other hand, it was the only way to cut open that shell of his.

''What? Run out of yarn to play with?''

''Now that remark was just bad. You're getting rusty.''

''You do know I can kill you and make it look like a suicide, right? The Institution would just figure you're another basket case who got enough and threw the towel in. They would never suspect a thing.''

Rei wasn't sure if it was a threat he should take seriously or not. Narrowing his eyes he eyed the man suspiciously but Boris only looked blankly ahead of them. Beside them a river ran cheerfully, like singing a little song to them. Rei sighed and looked around, trying to spot an ice-cream stand or something that could calm his nerves.

Damn him and his sweet tooth.

''Why are _you_ here?''

A counter attack, Boris thought. Sneaky.

''To see you, of course''

He smileda false smile, like wearing a plastic mask of smugness. Rei sighed inwardly. What had he gotten himself into?

''Okay, okay, so you don't want to open up. I get it.''

Boris nodded.

''Finally, you used that little cottonball of yours that you call brain!''

Rei snarled. This was going to be a long evening.

**X**

''I dunno if iz' such a goo… hood idea that we… you drink when… you… pizza.''

Boris snorted.

''You've had three pints.''

''Well… yeaah!''

''And you're drunk.''

Rei snickered.

''Am not!''

Boris nodded at him while pointing at him with his glass.

''Yes you are.''

Rei waved him off dismissively. He drank another gulp of his pint, not really sure if his stomach was gurgling in complaint or if it was just feeling grumpy.  
He looked a Boris with a glint in his eyes. The man had opened up remarkably after a few drinks. So his brilliant plan had been to get the man obscenely drunk and then make him spill the whole shebang about his life.

Problem was; Rei had gotten himself remarkably wasted hours before Boris had even started feeling a little tipsy.

''You…'' Rei pointed an unsteady finger at him. ''Have the moscht darling eysch I have ever scheen... Why you have glasches to hide 'em?''

''I don't have glasses.''

''… oh.''

Boris leaned forward and looked him in his watery eyes.

''You look a little smashed.''

''You look a little pumpkin.''

Rei giggled, as if he had just told some joke that no one could understand. The Russian sighed and waved at the bartender for a new drink. The night hadn't been to unenventful though. Hanging out with Rei was pretty fun, in the way that he got to infuriate the Chinese a lot. He could barely wait to see how the man would get himself back home.

As Rei fell off the chair with a loud thud, Boris figured that he would probably find out very soon.

''Wow!'' Rei burst out. ''The wurld looks really freeeeaky from down here!''

The grey haired man surpressed a smirk. As his drink got placed in front of him, he grabbed it and swallowed it in three large gulps. Looking down at Rei, he found that the blader had gotten to his feet. He was shaking and swaggering, like an old brittle tree in a storm. He looked extremely tired, like his face was melting straight off.

''I should go out drinking with you more often, you're funnier than the horror-movie nights on NBC.''

Rei ignored him and slumped down on his chair, which he found increasingly difficult.

''Told you soschilisching wuz fun!''

''Soschiwhat?''

''_Sochilisching!_''

''Yeah. You're drunk.'' Boris stood up and grabbed Rei around the arm a little harsher than necessary. ''Come on, kitten, let's get you home.''

He dug some money out of the other man's pocket and threw it at the counter before dragging him out of the bar.

The night was calm and soft, buzzing with life and light. People were walking around with their dogs, a few teenagers were kicking at a car and hitting lamp posts with baseball bats. Boris mumbled a few curses under his breath and began dragging the frail body up the street. The man was a lot heavier than he looked. Probably it was all muscle, and still he managed to look so brittle.

The Russian mumbled. Suddenly the night wasn't as fun as it had started out.

''Boooorrriiiis'' Rei purred, leaning against his shoulder like a lump of clay.

''Shut up, Kon.''

''Borrrrriiiiisch!''

Boris ignored him for a few blocks, but Rei would have none of that. He tugged at the mans shirt for a good long five minutes. The Russian realized that he had no idea where Rei lived, and thus he wondered if he should just drop him in a ditch somewhere. Maybe the man would freeze to death, if he was lucky.

''Where do you live?'' he said, and Rei blinked at him.

''Live?''

''Yeah. Live. What's the matter now, cat got your tongue?''

''I liiive…'' Rei looked around, pointing at various directions that rang no bells in his head. ''I don't remember where I live. I think it was in a building of sorts.''

''Oh really? Now here I went thinking you had dropped out from a tree!''

Rei giggled.

''Silly! Cats don't live in trees… do they?''

Boris sighed.

''You know, I'm still serious about that murdering-you-thing.''

The amber eyes looked at him, large and shocked.

''But I thought we were friends!''

The other man stiffened remarkably. He glared at the drunken man with hatred, and barely restrained himself from hitting him.  
He didn't exactly know why, by the just couldn't do it. Maybe, god forbid, the man had started growing on him.  
Maybe he should kill him, after all.

''I'm going to let that go because you're drunk. And I really hope you'll remember this tomorrow so you can die from the shame.''

Rei snorted and straightened up. He took a few unsteady steps across the sidewalk, which resulted in him nearly tipping over. Right on time, Boris caught him by the shoulders.

''You know, I don't usually drink.'' Rei said, and Boris placed his arm around the man's back for support.

''So I noticed.''

''No, I mean it! I… I'm more responsible, you know? God, what would the villagers say if they saw me now?''

He was happy that the Chinese had stopped slurring. But it wasn't much of an improvement since had had begun ranting instead. It seemed no matter what the man would say that night, it wouldn't make more sense than the war in the middle east.

''They'd say you were a complete disgrace and stone you to death. Now, where do you live?''

''They would?!'' Rei stared at him with eyes wide as planets, looking horrified and pale.

Boris gave him an odd look. Had he hit a nerve? Suddenly a spark of interest lit inside of him.

''You tell me, I wasn't born in that savage little dump.''

Rei grabbed his shirt with a firm grasp, as if something bad would happen to him if he let go.

''Don't let them take me! Don't! Hide me!''

''Now where's the fun in that?''

''I'm serious! You have to… they… Aaaah!''

''Calm down, Kon. You're getting hysterical and it's annoying.''

Rei turned away from him and started swaggering away on his own. He looked like a penguin on much too small legs.  
Which was quite understandable in Rei's opinion, seeing how the world was rocking and rolling around him.  
Maybe the world was drunk and crazy, and had always been. Maybe he was the sane one, and everyone had just misunderstood the whole thing.

''You don't get it! You just never fucking get it!¨''

As Rei turned into a little dot in the distance, Boris sighed. He hated drinking with people, and now he understood why. They always got so moody. Either they fought people until he had to drive them to the hospital, or they started getting touchy and he had to beat them to pulps, or they started sobbing like little girls.

He was seriously considering just walking away and leaving Rei to all the dangers of the night. It would serve him right.

But the man looked so pathetic in his wild rantings a few meters away. Something inside of the dark depths of his mind told him not to. He didn't know what it was and he wanted to disobey it so badly, but it just kept tugging at him. He couldn't ignore it or it would drive him mad, more mad than usual at least. He cursed loudly at himself and began walking towards Rei.

He grabbed the still ranting man harshly by the shoulder and started dragging him away from there.  
Rei looked up in surprise, as if he wasn't really sure of where he was.

''Where we goin'?'' he mumbled tiredly.

''To my room. You're sleeping on the floor.''

As the Russian dragged him away in the night, Rei couldn't help but smile.


	4. Trust Me

So, I wash thinking of writing Neoborg instead of Blitzkrieg and Takao instead of Tyson, but then I would have to change the other chapters and I'm lazy so... nah.  
Errr... sobby chapter. Boris feelings ooc. They're a tough pairing. But I like challenges.  
Thanks for reviews!

* * *

**Chapter Four  
-  
****Trust Me**

When Rei opened his eyes, he immediately wished he hadn't. It was as if the moment he woke up, a great weight fell upon his head. If you can imagine having all of the noises in the world play a parade in you head, while dancing Polka in golf shoes, then you might have a pretty good idea of how Rei felt

Groaning loudly, he sat up on the hard floor and looked around. Golden rays of sunlight peeked through the blinders and greeted him with open arms. They managed to sting his eyes quite a bit, so he quickly turned his head away. The apartment was quiet, as if he was the only one there. He listened hard for sounds from Boris, his ears being quite sensitive. If he was lucky he could be able to pick up breathing or movements.

As on cue, he heard the deep, moaning breath as someone woke up with a hangover. A whole army of Russian curses flew out of the bedroom and hit Rei right in the face. Getting verbally bitch slapped in the morning wasn't his favorite way of waking up. But at least it was better than most ways Mariah could think of.

Rei stood up slowly, stretching and yawning like a sleepy tiger. He was glad he never got hangovers that serious. It was more the way he had been spending the night that made his head hurt. And okay, maybe he was a little hangover, but not more than he could handle. Sleeping on the floor was far worse.  
So he decided to move out into the kitchen and wake himself up with coffee. Coffee, being the sacred drink of the holy men for Rei, could fix about anything he could think of.

As he rummaged through the kitchen after the coffee he realized how anal Boris really was.  
Even though the apartment was dirty and smelled funky, the kitchen was an entirely different thing. All the things in the cabins were organized and neatly put up. He had never found something in a stranger's kitchen that fast before.

Thirty seconds. It was a new record.

Rei himself was a pretty organized person, when it had to do with leading groups or meetings, Beyblading and before the depression, his emotions. But at home it was like World War III. People often used to say that it's okay to have a messy home if you can find your way in it. If chaos is your order, then why bother organizing? Many people he had met couldn't find their belongings in a tidied room if their lives depended on it. But if the room was a complete mess, which they themselves had created, they could find just about anything in no time at all.

The thing with Rei was, his disorder had gone so far that not even he could find anything in it. His apartment was like a great No Man' Land. It wasn't that he wasn't a lazy person, the only thing that kept him from tidying it was because he feared what he might find at the bottom of all the rubble.  
But it didn't matter anymore, did it? After all, he was far away from China now.

The coffee puttered like a witch's cauldron, and once it was done he poured himself a large cup. The hot liquid felt like salvation to his tired mind and as the strong taste danced across his tongue, Rei felt at ease.  
Until he felt a dark, vicious and dangerous presence in the room, that was. As if all light had been sucked out of the place, Boris stood like a dark omen in the doorway.

He looked like he had just been spat out of hell.

Rei raised an eyebrow at the man, whose face resembled that of a corpse. His eyes were tired and angry, his teeth gritted and his face hanging like it couldn't stick to the skull. Large bags were visible under the man's eyes and Rei knew just by meeting the cold, grey stare that the Russian was not in a good mood.

Rei had to fight hard to suppress a little smile. Was it possible that the big bad Russian, who could drink almost anyone under the table, got the mother of all hangovers from just a little sip?  
Judging by the man's hateful glare, Rei thought he was on to something.

''Coffee?''

He held a cup in the air demonstratively to Boris, who ripped it out of his hand with a snarl.

''Don't'' he barked between gritted teeth. ''Yell.''

The Chinese raised an eyebrow at him.

''You're in a bad state…'' he said, still staring.

Boris ignored him and poured the coffee up, drinking it in one go. He leaned against the counter, mumbling to himself. Rei wondered if the man ever left his guard down.

''How do you feel?''

''I feel like my stomach's an inflatable boat and someone just pulled the string.''

''You want some fat, greasy, unhealthy food?''

''If you can find any in the apartment you are welcome to serve it.''

Rei scratched his head uneasily and glanced towards the window. So he was stuck in an apartment with an angry, hangover psycho, with no food and no clean clothes. Wonderful, his life was the true American dream.

Or British, if you wanted to be pedantic about it.

''We can go out to the pizza place on the corner?'' Rei suggested carefully.

''What the fuck ever''

Boris snarled and stormed out to the hallway, the ruffling or jackets and shoes filling the air. Rei sighed and blew a few strands of hair out of his face. Coming from Boris, that was as good an answer as any.  
He followed the man into the other room, noticing how he was still dressed in yesterday's clothes.

''You…'' Rei said tiredly. ''You want to eh… take a shower and change before we go?''

Grey eyes pinned him to the wall, drilling a hole in him with pure hostility.

Amber shot back reassuring kindness, which only agitated the Russian further. How did Rei manage to be so nice to him? After all he had done? Why was it that this one man would not let himself get scared away? Boris stopped his train of thoughts. It was no use to start getting all emotional. That was for the people at the Institute. The only thing he had to do was to get some food. As he drew his fingers through his dirty hair, he muttered.

Maybe a shower was a good idea as well.

''Wait here'' Boris said as he kicked off his shoes again and headed towards the bathroom. He stopped in the doorway, glaring at his guest. Pointing a finger at him he snarled. ''No monkey business!''

Rei nodded.

''No monkey business''

As the Russian disappeared behind the door with a snort, Rei slid down the wall with a sigh.

**X**

''No''

''But… Boris!''

''I said no. I am not following you to the Institute.''

''Come on, how much can it hurt?''

Boris glared, but it just bounced off Rei. He had gotten used to it by now.

''I've told you Kon! I'm not doing it!''

Rei groaned and rubbed his face. He had been nagging the other man since the moment he got out of the shower, which was when Rei had remembered the appointment. That was the whole reason why he was staying at Boris place anyway. He was supposed to get the Russian, drag him to the PUSH-group and feel good about himself.

He cast a golden sideway glance at the angry man, feeling slightly like a mother. The two of them were equally stubborn and none of them would budge a centimeter. He knew the man wouldn't fall for threats and if he got down on his knees and begged he could as well kill himself from the shame. The only thing there was really left, was bribes.

''If you come with me Boris, you'll get whatever you want.''

A grey eyebrow rose. Boris crossed his arms over his chest, still chewing pizza.

''Oh really?''

''Uh-huh''

A spark of interest lit in the Russian's eyes. He leaned back in his chair and looked casually at Rei. Rei felt like he was bargaining with the devil, the look of impurity on Boris' face sending chills down his back. It was odd, he thought, how one man could make a pizza place seem like hell.

''What do you have that I could possibly want? If anything, you should be the one begging me to give you things.''

''Just… please, Boris?''

The amber took on a blank exterior of heart melting kindness, and any normal person would have melted right at the spot. Boris on the other hand just grimaced. But the Chinese wouldn't budge, and after a good long while of staring the Russian muttered angrily.

''Kon, just shut up and eat your fucking pizza.''

Rei's face lit up in an instant.

''So you'll do it?!''

''I said; shut up.''

''That's a yes, I know it is! I can see it in your eyes!''

He was practically jumping in his seat by then, feeling proud over his accomplishment. Rei didn't really know why he got so glad that Boris had agreed. He was just a man and not a friendly one either. Rei won nothing on having him tag along and quite frankly, he didn't think Boris really cared. If the therapy would do them both any good, was also a mystery to him.  
But something inside of him was dancing. He felt the unfamiliar presence of lightheartedness, but welcomed it no less.

Rei shot Boris a small, Cheshire-smile. The Russian glared threateningly at him, munching on the pizza.

He wondered why the Tiger felt so giddy over the fact that he had agreed, non-verbally, to follow. He didn't even know why he had agreed in the first place. Maybe it was something with the dark haired man, something bewitching. Boris sighed.

For him this was just an annoying incident that by some unexplainably unfair reason happened to him. For Rei Kon though, it was a moment of triumph.

**X**

Amanda Grey was handing out small pieces of carefully folded paper. Each of them got one, all in different colors. The important thing with the papers though, was what was written on them. Dr. Grey's neat, curly handwriting marked them all with different words which were important to the exercise of the day.  
Rei still hadn't figured out what made the PUSH program different from ordinary group therapy. He had been told that PUSH was a mixture of group therapy, single therapy, DBT, KBT plus many other forms of therapy, all put into one. It was meant to be effective and fast working, all without needing to use medicine.

The problems of the patients were so different from one another that he had a hard time imagining how it would work. He sure hadn't felt any better from going there, but on the other hand it had only been a week. Staring at the lavender little paper in his hand, he frowned. _'What are you running from?' _was written upon it.

Rei gave Dr. Grey a weird look, but she only smiled reassuringly at him. Sometimes it felt like she could read his mind and at other times it felt like she had no clue at all. She was indeed a very eerie person, because he never knew where he had her. One second she was like your most trusted mentor, the other she was a raging PMS-bitch, to put it mildly.

He cast a glance towards Boris instead, who had crumpled his green paper in his hand like it was a bug. The man had then gone to staring defiantly and hatefully at his closed fist, and Rei was surprised that the paper didn't burst into flames. He wondered what all the other notes said, and what they all meant.  
Dr. Grey cleared her throat and the occupants of the room turned to stare at her questioningly. She pushed her glasses to rest upon her forehead, smiling still.

''Each of you has a note. Now, we will take turns speaking from what the notes are telling us.'' Her voice was smooth as silk wrapping itself around you, but strangling like a python.

She sat down on her chair, going through her notepad. She nodded at the one sitting to her left, a very short and tired looking girl.

''Go ahead Ms. Valentine, you can start.''

The girl, Valentine, looked nervously at her paper. Her skin wore the same grey color as the piece of paper, her hair greasy and dirty, pointing in every direction. By the way she was fidgeting Rei guessed her problem was social gatherings.

''Well…'' she said with voice weak as ash. ''Mine says; _'Why do you fear?_' and… I don't really fear you, Ms… I mean, Dr. Grey.''

Grey smiled, amused.

''Ms. Valentine, that was not what the note meant.''

Valentine started blushing, as if a rash had just erupted in her face, looking confused.

''Not?'

''No. See it as…'' she chewed thoughtfully on her pencil, looking for the right words. ''See it as your inner demons speaking to you. The notes are the ghosts in your head and the skeletons in your closet. Your problems, if you will, who are asking you this.''

Valentine stared at her note now, more terrified than before. She trembled slightly, not being able to tear her gaze away.

''Well…'' she said, still staring at it. ''I… I am afraid…'' she took a deep breath. ''I can't do this.''

''Calm down, Ms.Valentine. No one here will judge or harm you.''

''I really… I really can't.''

''Dear, it is now or never. Do you want your demons to haunt you?''

She shook her sloping head.

''N-no.''

''Good.'' Grey gestured for her to continue. ''Continue then.''

The girl swallowed hard, glancing at the others in the room. They all looked expectantly at her, except Boris who looked more amused. The bastard enjoys this, Rei snarled in his mind, he enjoys seeing them like this. Suddenly he started regretting bringing the man along.

''What I f… I fear because… I was five years old. My mother had driven me to Sunday Church, and dressed me up in a beautiful little dress. I hate dresses though… But… I…''

They waited in silence for her to continue, obviously feeling the tension. As the memories Valentine had tried to suppress came flooding back to her, she closed her eyes hard.

''I…'' she continued. ''I got left alone with the other children. They… they lured me behind the church, saying they wanted to show me something. They said I could be the princess this time. We always used to play, and I got to be the queen… but the princess got all the attention you know? They… ignored me… So… So I followed them of course, I just… I wanted to belong, you know?''

She took a deep breath and anxiety took a grip of Rei like a fist, squeezing his heart into a lump. What was he doing there? He had no right to hear those people pour their sores out. He had no right to pry. He had to get out of there.  
He looked at Boris who gave him a stern look. A look that clearly said; 'Oh no, you nagged me over here, you ain't going nowhere.'

''I went with them, behind the church where no grown ups were. They were all by their cars, talking… and… then they… started yelling at me, screaming and pulling and… shoving. I felt … scared. Scared! I was fucking scared! I…'' it was as if all the fear inside of her had subsided, to give space to a since long born anger.

It was like watching a monster break out of its cage. All the while Amanda just nodded at her to continue.

''So I started hitting at them, but they were too damn fast! They … they laughed at me and… I have never felt so humiliated! I cried! Cried like a little shit! I… they just laughed. Laughed! And every time I look at people, I see their faces. Every time I am about to do something, I can hear them laugh.'' She turned her head to glare at Amanda. ''Do you know how much I fucking hate to be laughed at?!''

Grey didn't flinch under her stare which was looking almost as threatening as Yuiry's. Boris sighed. He was so bored.

''I can understand your pain, Ms. Valentine. It is time you take it out.''

Valentine glared like she was going to kill her, as if another person had broken free. She looked like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Like the anger and the fear were two different persons. Then, when they thought she was about to hit something, she broke down in hard, shaky and violent sobs.

Dr. Grey leaned forward and put a hand on her back, soothing her halfheartedly.

''There, there. Don't you feel better now, getting that off your chest?''

And so the hour continued. Person after person read the note he or she had gotten, and spilled everything; their horrible pasts, why they were there and so forth. Suddenly the small notes didn't feel so strange anymore. Amanda knew what their problems were, she also had a pretty good guess why, but she wanted to make sure they knew it too.

Boris wanted to slap her.

They had almost gone through the entire circle, when there was only Rei and Boris left. Boris who sat to Dr. Grey's left, would be the last one to go. Rei looked nervously around the room and all the faces, most of them red from crying. He felt so out of place it made his head hurt. He didn't want to talk! Especially not with Boris beside him. It was all such a stupid idea.

His breathing started to get faster and more pushed, like he had to really focus on it. He had been running for such a long time, so why stop? What was the point?  
Boris eyes burned with sadistic pleasure and something else that he could not quite decipher. What was the Russian thinking? Did he think of him as weak? Was he laughing at him on the inside? Rei wanted to throw up, but he restrained the urge and instead took a deep, shaky breath.

Amanda looked at him expectantly, as did the others in the room. It was only fair that he, who had listened to them all, would say something too. He cast a last glance at his paper before shoving it down his pocket, fixating his stare on a corner in the roof.

''What am I running from?'' he said, biting his lip slightly.

He could feel the stare of Boris, watching him in slight interest.

''I… I am running from myself, I think, from my past, my present, my future, my friends and family and… all that. It's just… Nothing is like it used to be, you know?'' he was talking more to the roof than to the others, which made it all a lot easier.

He didn't really want to talk. After running for so long, it felt strange to suddenly stop and face your past. But it was for the greater good, wasn't it? If Dr. Grey thought it would help, then why not? Even if it didn't help him, it might assure the others that they weren't alone. And for whatever it was worth, he had to do it.

''If you run long enough eventually you will have nowhere to go. People will leave you; disappear from your life and… I don't know. I guess the pain, the loneliness, that little ache… like a thorn in your heart, it's easier to handle if you run. So that's what I did.''

Memories came flooding towards him, and he didn't like it one bit. If one keeps his emotions bottled up long enough, eventually it won't take much for the person to crack. And when you do, you crack like an avalanche.

He tried to remember what the elders in his village had told him about emotional stress. He remembered that they had said that when you find yourself in a moment of peril, it is wise to be present in body but not in mind.  
So he tried to sore as far away as he could, back to the good old day when everything was easy. All the while his words came falling out of his mouth like they had their own lives.

''I left my home when I was fourteen. People think I did it because I wanted to see the world, and well… I did tell them that, but it was a lie. Half a lie, at least… It's funny like that… My father used to tell me that Yanluo would punish me to all of Diyu's courts, telling me I was damned. So I pretty much damned myself just to get out of there. You know, ridding of one curse only to gain a new? I guess my father was right. My life only went downhill. Is it bad karma? I can't remember bad things I have done. I mean… I'm not…''

Rei sighed. It sounded like he was getting off the subject, but truthfully he was only getting closer. There was so much to run from, he couldn't leave any details out. Dr. Grey looked at him with slightly raised eyebrows, as if she hoped he had a very good point to make up for all his rambling. He gave her a weak smile before diving into the cold ocean of his past, cutting like burning knives in his body.

''Maybe karma is inherited, you know, like a disease?'' he looked slightly at Boris, who to his surprise was staring right at him. ''Like alcoholism.''

The Russian's eyes narrowed, but he didn't tear his eyes away. He was drilling his way into Rei's soul, daring him to stop. Rei looked at his own hands, biting the inside of his cheek.

''If so, I have a dark path ahead of me. You see, my father was an alcoholic. Also, he was very religious. When mother left, I guess he was mad that I didn't follow our religion as strictly as he did. Sure, I had faith in the Gods, I prayed for my loved ones every now and then. I attended the celebrations and important holidays. But I lost my faith more and more. It…''

Rei growled through gritted teeth, the memories of his father making him angry. The man's eyes which wore the same golden color of his, but lacking the amber edge. The strong jawbones he had somewhat inherited, as well as the stubbornness and pride. He had his mother's smile though, as well as her kindness and velvet hair. He shook his head, not wanting to remember them at all.

All his grown life he had tried to escape from the village, only to be brought back in his mind. Dr. Grey nodded at him to continue. A lump in his throat felt like it was close to choking him.

''I… got enough. Got enough of having to take care of him, only for him to yell at me. _'You disown me, Rei! You're dragging the family name in the dirt! You're a disgrace and you will suffer! Yanluo will know your sins and he will punish you.'_ was what he used to say. Even today, several years later, I can feel the alcohol in his breath. I… I still wear the marks.''

Amanda frowned.

''Mental marks?'' she said with a sort of fishing voice, looking for something.

''I've tried to outrun it all, but I guess… it caught up with me.'' Rei ignored her.

He laughed bitterly, not a trace of amusement in his face.

''Severe depression, incoherent relation to emotions, insomnia, and all the diagnoses they gave me… Is this what I have become? I have tried so hard to run from my father, my life, not letting myself for anything in the world to become like him. And all of it, all that effort… just to end up worse?''

He fixated his stare at Amanda, the cat-like eyes gleaming like torches. Then suddenly he stood up, his face blank and his mouth a thin line.

''I am not a man, Ms. Grey. I am not a White Tiger, I am not a Blader and I am most certainly not a human. What you are looking for to repair, Doctor, I am afraid has been long since lost.''

Boris frowned, his inner thoughts shielded by his walls. Rei wondered what would happen to their acquaintance, if you could call their brief bickering any sort of relationship, after that. Would he still be a roach in the Russian's point of view, or something worse? Rei sighed for the millionth time that day and shook his head.

''I'm thankful you're trying, Doctor, I really am. I feel honored to be on this program, as much as I feel sad that I slipped far enough to meet the requirements. I… I…'' It was no use, his words had abandoned him.

The psychologist nodded, understanding, if yet bitterly.

''I understand, Mr. Kon. You may be excused.''

He smiled a false smile, heading for the door. He could feel their eyes on his back as he left, and when the door closed he slid down on the floor. Hiding his face against his knees, Rei allowed himself to cry.

Meanwhile, the others sat quiet in the room. Boris knew Amanda was looking at him. He could feel her thin eyes burning the side of his neck. He tried his best to glare through the wall in the other side of the room, but it was to no use. He snarled, knowing what she was thinking even before he glared at her.

''Hell no!''

''Mr. Kussnessos, you must.''

''I mustn't do shit, you _suka!_''

The falcon had risen half way from his chair, irritated. Not because he was the one who had to go after Rei, but because the whole thing hadn't amused him. The Chinese man was starting to get to him and he didn't like it one bit. The day his mortal enemy got under his skin was a day Boris had never thought would come.

''Young man, calling me by Russian insults is not going to change the fact that you are the only one close enough to…''

''Close? Close?! I'm not closer to that shit than a fish is to the sky! Are you mad?!''

''Mr. Ku…''

He pointed his finger at her, trembling with fury. He hated when people told him what to do, especially when they told him to perform an act of compassion. If there was one thing he lacked, it was that. The only one he cared about was he himself and he was not willing to change that.

''Fuck that! Maybe you're the one who should be in this fucking group instead of me!''

She gave him a stern glare, and after they had stared at each other for at least a couple of minutes, Boris growled the highest he could. He stood up so fiercely the others around him shied away, and as he went for the door it was with loud, angry steps.

As Amanda watched him leave she felt very pleased with herself.

**X**

The Russian entered the corridor with turmoil of emotions raging through his muscular body. He was mad, infuriated, irritated, pissed off, bloodthirsty and hateful at the same time. But regardless of that, he was tired. He was tired of having to stand people, and now he was tired of Rei.

Comforting crying cats meant that he would have to tear his walls down for a moment, and he was not sure he wanted to. Sure, he was cocky and arrogant and all that when he had them up, but he feared what would happen if he ever let his guard down. Always sleeping with an eye open could tire the soul so tremendously.

It didn't take long before he spotted the little mess of black hair sitting by the wall, shaking slightly. He could hear the strained breathing of the man and assumed he was crying. Slowly and very unwillingly, Boris stepped closer to him and sat down by his side. He didn't move, neither did Rei, and instead Boris sat staring at nothing for a while.

Rei knew he was there but did nothing to acknowledge this. He bit his lip down hard, clenching his fists as to stop himself from showing such weakness. He had never thought of crying as being weak, but around Boris he couldn't help it. He wanted to show his strong sides, the old Rei Kon that he was known for. But it was so hard, and he didn't have the strength.

''I am not going to hug you, you know.'' Boris' voice barked dully.

Rei looked up at him, his eyes narrowed and blank. The Russian didn't meet his stare, not wanting to know what he might find in it.

''I'm… sorry you had to see that.''

''Well, you and me both, kitten.''

Rei didn't know if it was meant as an insult or if it was just the way Boris was. The silver haired man didn't, as usual, give away any hints of his feelings. Perhaps, Rei pondered, it was just his way of dealing with the situation. He knew it couldn't be easy fro the Blitzkrieg boy to be near a person in such a state as Rei was. But he was thankful anyway.

''So…'' Boris said after a long silence. ''Your old man was an alcoholic, eh?''

Rei nodded, staying quiet.

''I could kind of tell.''

''Oh really?'' the Tiger frowned at him.

Boris nodded.

''You're as weak around drinks as that Japanese _zhopoliz_ is around food.''

''Tyson?''

''Whatever the brat's name is. That loser on your old team.''

Rei nodded. It sounded like Tyson alright. The Blitzkriegers had never gotten fond of him. Tyson wasn't that hard to like, when you got past his sloth. It almost amused Rei to think about what his father would have said about his old friends. Or what he would have said about his son for hanging out with them. Probably it would be something about the fifth level of hell or something like that.

''So you're not as innocent as you look then'' Boris stated, clearly noticing the even lower drop of Rei's mood.

''I guess.''

Rei hugged his legs tighter, closing his eyes. Suddenly he felt an elbow nudge him and when he looked up he finally found Boris looking at him. The cold eyes of Moscow winter looked like crystal in the light of the lamps. It made something odd flicker inside of him, but he didn't know what.

''I supposed going to the bar for a pint is a bad idea, then?''

''Well, yeah. You with your poor hangover and all''

The Russians eyes sparked with irritation.

''Was that a mocking I heard?''

Rei shot him a tiger-smile.

''It might've.''

Boris snorted and hit him in the shoulder, crossing his arms he glared at nothing once more. Rei snickered slightly, for a moment his troubles seemed to leave him alone.

''Come on, Kuznetsov, don't be like that!''

''_Otyebis_''

''_Kai dei_''

''What's that you said about Kai?''

Rei laughed harder now, his eyes sparkling suddenly.

''It was Chinese you dope.''

''Oh really now?'' Boris didn't look too convinced.

''Hey, if you get to insult me in your native language, then why can't I?''

''You're insulting yourself just by showing your face outside.''

Rei snorted and blew his bangs out of his face. Faking a pout, he crossed his arms in a copying manner.

''Ooooh!'' he said with an imitated voice. ''Look at meeee! I'm Boris Kuznetsov, I'm so big and tough and daaangerous! I have no friends because I'm so mean on the playground. I'm to cool to have emotions!''

The Russian was clearly not amused by the impersonation and as a retort he brushed his hair to hang over his face and pouted like his lips were going to fall off.

''Hiii, I'm Rei Kon, I'm a big fucking pussy and I cry and cut myself at night!''

Rei laughed again, to Boris bitter disappointment.

''That's the worst retort ever. Seriously, you're getting lazy.''

''Keep mocking me like that and you won't have to think about suicide, I'll kill you and save you the trouble.''

The Chinese raised his eyebrows.

''Oh really, now? Who says I'll kill myself?''

''All Emo kids do.''

''Emo kid?'' Rei laughed again, which was really getting on Boris' nerves. ''That's cute, Boris.''

''Kuznetsov to you, asshole''

Rei leaned his head against the wall with a smile. Suddenly he felt a lot better about himself. Boris on the other hand, was not all that happy about the fact that he had cheered the Tiger up. He got to his feet with a stern look upon his face.

''Where are you going?'' Rei said wondering.

''The hell out of here''

''What about the session?''

''What about it?''

The defiant glare never seemed to leave the Falcon's face. It was as if it had been etched onto him, like a tattoo. Rei shrugged and got up, scratching his neck.

''Well, it's almost over. Shouldn't we hear what they have to say?''

''You do that.''

A dark eyebrow rose.

''What about you then?''

A grin spread across the other man's pale face, like a chill across a wet back.

The Russian started walking through the corridor, leaving Rei puzzled.

''I guess you'll just have to miss me.''

''You'll be here tomorrow?''

The only answer he got was Boris flipping him the finger, before disappearing down the stairs. Rei sighed and shook his head, the smile still lingering on his lips. A small part of him wished he could get to know the mysterious man better. Perhaps, he was on a path towards doing just that without even noticing it?

''Until next time, then.''


	5. I Dare You

Since I never put up deadlines for these chapters youcan't be mad at me. HAH!  
... man, what a meaningless filler this is. It's really crappy, I wrote it in a rush. Neeeh. Love me anyway?

(Review. The voices in your heads tell you to!)

* * *

**Chapter Five  
-  
****I Dare You**

He could hear the screaming as clear as he could feel the rain crawl down his jacket. London looked awfully grey in the afternoon, the clouds dark and looming. A soot covered horizon lingered in the distance as the rain fell like tears. Maybe it was angel tears, he thought as the screams grew louder.

It was cold outside and the air was damp and choking. He didn't really like the town much, and the weathers just proved his opinion. He had hoped that it would be a good day, without weird nutjobs and crazy psychologists and whatnots. A day just for him to be, walking around, glaring at people and getting thrown out of bars. He had won three fights already and the day wasn't even over yet.

Boris fel ta grin tug at his bruised lip.

Still, there was the screaming again. He turned his head towards the direction of the voices, seeing a hotel stand tall against the grey blur of a sky.  
If it had been a movie some sort of creepy doomsday-music would have been playing right that moment. The screaming grew louder and mixed with yelling. Anger was clearly oozing out of the building's every brick and wire, almost hitting the Russian with its hostility.

Something big was going on and a part of him was curious as to what it could be. Boris shook his head and decided that he was too sober to even bother with it.

So he began walking again, and as he went down the street the lines seemed to blur more and more. He wasn't sure if the ground was supposed to wobble like it did, but it sure was annoying. With a loud burp he yawned, and looked up just to discover that he had gotten to the Institute. Boris groaned. Kon had kept nagging him about the meetings, and the Chinese man could be quite persistent. Sometimes he was like the female friend Boris never had.

The Russian slapped himself. Friend?! What was he thinking?! Since when was Kon considered a friend? Since when was anyone considered a friend?  
No, Rei was just a nuisance that the Russian had to put up with since he was the only non-Brit around. And like everything else, Boris never really fancied Brits.

Why did he listen to the black haired man anyway? He was the one who needed the meetings, not Boris! Boris knew just how he felt, and he didn't care enough about it to bother. He didn't like anyone or anything or anyplace, and thus he avoided closeness to it. It was easy. Rei on the other hand didn't even know what his damn problem was. He was the weirdo, not him!

Boris sighed. Maybe those last drinks weren't such a good idea, after all.

With a loud grunt he pushed the gates open and entered the yard. At least it was something to do. If he was lucky Kon might be there, and then he could beat him to a pulp. It would be a very satisfying occupation indeed. And if Kon didn't show up, Boris would get to his hotel and kill him.

If he was going to hell anyway, at least he could have some fun getting there.

**X**

Rei watched as his belongings flew through the air like birds. Or bombs, more likely, since their main purpose for the time being seemed to be to kill him. He had ducked the ones containing his clothes already, but the one containing his hygiene products got in a pretty good hit. At least he didn't have anything too fragile in the there.

''And get the fuck out of here!'' the manager roared at him, slamming the door in his face.

The Chinese man blinked for a while, before sighing tiredly. He had been arguing with the staff to let him stay for hours. Then they had dragged the manager into everything and that man had some serious problems. For a while Rei even considered sending him to the PUSH-meeting instead.  
He knew the institute would stop paying for his hotel bills eventually, he just didn't know it would be so soon. Plus, the day they chose to throw him out on was a very bad one. It was raining like the sky had opened up, bleeding all over the world. Maybe it was just God pissing on him.

''Maybe you were right, dad…'' he sighed as he shoved his smaller bag into his larger one with more force than necessary. ''Maybe you were right all along.''

Shaking his head, as if it would make the bad thoughts go away, Rei stood up. He swung the bag over his shoulder, his belongings making weird noises as if they were broken. He wiped some of the wet hair out of his face, only for it to fall back again. It sat plastered against his skin, like a mask of black.

The Chinese groaned, feeling very pessimistic. As he heard Big Ben chime in the distance, Rei realized he was going to be late.

''Crap!''

Running off into the grey he figured that this day could only get better.

**X**

Amanda had woken up on the wrong side that morning. From the start of the session she had been grumpy and jumpy, biting the head off anyone who didn't do as she said. So far she had gotten three people to cry, and four to leave the room.

Her exercise of the day was the usual group therapy, which really came as no surprise to him. After hearing five heartbreaking stories of the patients' tragic pasts, Boris wanted to puke. Kon wasn't even there so he really had no reason to show up. He didn't even know why he did anyway. Didn't he have anything better to do? Or had he become a doormat over the years?

He trembled a little as a chill went down his back. What an awful, awful thought. He would definitively have to go beat up Yuriy when all of it was over.  
Boris leaned his head against his hands and glared at the room. Amanda was in the middle of handling out sheets, looking like the queen bee. The rain was falling even heavier outside, and the session was halfway through. Since nothing seemed to be happening and the Chinese didn't seem to show up, he considered leaving. Although he quickly abandoned that thought after he cast a glance out the window. There really was no point in getting soaked.

Right that moment though, the door opened. They all turned their heads to see who the arriving person was, and got to see a very wet Rei. His hair was messy and hanging like black curtains down his face, the only thing visible was one of his hardly squinting eyes. His clothes were dripping, as was the bag on his back which looked abnormally heavy. Slamming the thing down on the floor, Rei slumped into a chair next to Boris and sighed.

Amanda raised her eyebrows and glared at him. Rei, to Boris' surprise, glared back. A bad mood seemed to radiate from the young man, who was not looking like a friendly cat for the moment. Amanda pushed her glasses further up her nose and her mouth formed into a very thin line.

''Mr. Kon, you're late.''

''Yes, I am.''

''Is there a reason to this?''

''I got thrown out.''

She raised her eyebrows.

'Thrown out?''

''Yeah. From my hotel. It took longer than I thought to get my bags thrown out from the third story window. Really, I thought it would just take five minutes!''

She didn't like the sarcasm in his voice, but pretended she hadn't heard it. Maybe it was a bad day for all of them. Boris gave Rei a weird look and felt surprised about how angry he got when the amber eyed man didn't look back. As the minutes ticked onwards, a silence fell over them.

Amanda sighed and handled the last of the sheets out to Boris and Rei, then took her place at the front ot the circle. They say that there is no first place in a circle, like the knights at the round table, but Rei wasn't quite sure of that during the moment. Amanda looked very much like an empress where she sat.  
The Chinese cast a glance at his paper, not really wanting to know what he was supposed to do next. The last weeks sessions hadn't been all that fun, and digging through his past was not really his favorite occupation. Boris quirked an eyebrow when he saw what the psychologist had written.

'_Exercises of the week'_ read on top of the paper, followed by a list neatly written in black ink. Sometimes he felt that Dr. Grey spent too much time with her assignments.

''You are going to follow this list'' she said and looked demandingly at them. ''You are going to write what you do, when you do it, how you do it, what you think about it and then how it goes. Clear?''

A few nods and murmurs answered her, like abuzzing swarm from the corners of the circle. If circles could have corners, that was.

She nodded, looked at the clock and sighed. She had no intention of spending more time with them than necessary, but couldn't let them go too early. Twenty minutes remained, so she started looking for a victim.  
She found Boris sloppily scratching his un-shaved chin, looking very much like he had just gotten out of bed. Or like he didn't even gone to bed the previous night at all. Black circles under his eyes confirmed her suspicions. With a devilish grin she crossed her arms and legs and smiled at him.

He knew something was up the moment they made eye-contact.

''Mr. Kuznetsock, since you always rush out on us in the middle of our sessions, why don't you tell us a bit about yourself?''

He looked utterly bored and the face he made was the kind you make when someone tells you the earth is round.

''Nah.''

This, Amanda didn't like.

''Nah? Dear, everyone else here has done it. We know everything about each other except you. Don't you think that is a bit unfair?''

''Life is unfair, lady.''

She nodded, not looking as amused as she had just a second before. For some reason it seemed like the two of them had chosen to be rivals. The moment they crossed paths it was as if the force of the universe had decided that they were perfect nemesis.

''Yes, that is why we are here. So tell us why _you_ are here.''

He burped, smelling of an odd mixture of alcohol and beer and hot dogs. Rei waved the smell away, but his sharp senses picked up on it even minutes later. It seemed like his Russian pal had been having quite a night.

Rei shook his head. Pal?! What had gotten into him? Boris wasn't his friend! They just…. He just so happened to feel safer around him, which was really creepy because just a month ago he had been so afraid of the man that he could barely speak. He shouldn't like hanging out around the Russian! It was absurd, they were enemies! So why did he care? Why did he miss him when his chair was empty? And why did he feel braver when he could hear the other man breathe next to him? Why did he feel better about being in London when he knew that the other man was there too?

He pushed the thoughts aside. He was insane, that was it. That had to be it. He and Boris a duo? Insane. So insane in fact, that he could laugh.  
Which he did.

Boris and Amanda, and a lot of other people in the room, gave him weird looks with raised eyebrows. As his high-pitched, maniacal laughter filled the room, some of the patients shivered. Rei put a hand across his mouth and giggling he looked away.

Boris gave Dr. Grey a sly and wicked grin. Like a predator smiles at its prey.

''See, even Kon has gotten all cuckoo.''

''What do you mean gotten? Just get out of here, Kuznetsot!''

Boris rose from his seat, glaring daggers at her. Daggers wasn't even a good enough description, it was more like he was glaring swords and axes. A whole arsenal seemed to throw its way out of his grey, cold eyes. His pale face was embracing a color of auburn, like he was burning up inside.

''You can't even get my fucking name right! You know what?! Fuck you, fuck your sessions, fuck your program and fuck this whole fucking Institute! Just go to hell where you belong and leave me the fuck alone!''

As his voice echoud and ebbed out, the sound of his footsteps quickly followed as he left the room. The door slammed shut behind him and a tense feeling of awkwardness was filling the atmosphere. Amanda was looking more pissed off by the second.

''The session is over.'' She barked and stood up to collect her belongings.

''But…'' one of the patients said ''There's still ten minutes left?''

''I don't give a shit! Get the hell out!''

Trying to hide the tears in her eyes, the patient left the room quicker than they thought possible. Soon the others followed her example, and Rei was not slow to do the same. But he didn't get further than to the doorstep before Amanda stopped him.

''Kon!''

Swallowing down a gulp he turned around to look at her.

''Y… yeah?''

He tried to hide the fact that he was trembling, but Amanda saw right through. A look in her eyes whih he could not really recognize took form, and as she got closer he got even more scared. She took of her glasses and gently placed them in her chest pocket. Flipping her hair over her shoulder she leaned in so closely her perfume seemed to drill its way up his nostrils.

Rei stopped breathing with fear. This was so awkward he couldn't even put words on it. Every instinct he had told him to run for it, but his feet wouldn't listen. It was like he was caught in a trap.

''So, thrown out?''

''Uh… yeaaah…'' his eyes darted around, looking for a distraction. Anything but the woman just inches away.

''Do you have anywhere else to live?'' her voice purred at him.

His eyes formed into slits.

''Uhm… noo… not really…''

''Then… I think I might….''

''Dr. Grey, aren't you uh… ah… a little close?''

Her eyebrows rose, as if she hadn't noticed how small the distance between them really was. She straightened up and put her glasses back on, blinking innocently. A sugar-sweet smile danced across her lips, and she put her hand gently on his arm.

''You know you can call me anytime, right? If you need anything.''

Rei shivered again and shook the hand off him. With a small nodd and a deep frown, he left the room with a barely audible 'thanks'.

As soon as he got into the corridor he ran as fast as he could. It was turning into a bad old habit of his, but still. When his life and small amount of sanity was on stake, then he had no other choice. If running was the best option for the time being, then why not? But the young Chinese didn't get too far, before he ran into someone.

That someone yelled angrily during the impact, and the only thing that kept Rei from falling was his great agility and the fact that a strong hand grabbed his collar. Yanking him off his feet, two angry eyes stared at him. The amber was still in the catlike form, the slits looking surprised. In that moment, Boris thought he looked at a kitten.

Rei didn't really know why, but for a moment the grey looked like a blizzard. It reminded him of the times he walked down cold and lonely streets, with a white sky acbove him. Snow falling down like soft pearls and everything bathing in pure, white crystals. It felt like Christmas, and it felt like loneliness. Still it bewitched him and he couldn't for the first time in his life, look away.

Boris didn't really know what was going on, or why his cheeks felt so warm. But the amber was reminding him so much of the sun, so much of warmth and honey. Nice summers, the ones with good memories. The ones they had made him ignore and forget. The Abbey had ruined his life, and he didn't know if he was mad at Rei for reminding him about all the good things he had missed.

The grip around Rei's collar tightened, and for a moment the Russian's breath hardened. As if a little spark of electricity was forming between them, they felt as if magnetic force drew them closer to each other. Rei leaned in, without really knowing why. Boris did the same, without even thinking.  
As their faces were only inches apart, a tall man with a wide forehead ran into them. With a harsh thud and a lot of pain, they fell apart and hit the floor loudly. The man got up and apologized over and over again. Boris would have beaten him up if he hadn't run away at the last second.

Rei blinked not really sure of what had just happened. Beside him Boris stood up, brushing himself off and muttering Russian curses. They stared silently at each other, looking baffled.

''You gonna sit there all day?''

The Chinese blinked.

''Hungh?''

Boris sighed and grabbed a hold of Rei's collar once again, dragging him up on his feet. It amazed Rei how strong the other man was. Silently he wondered who would win in a fight between the two of them. Perhaps one day he would find out?  
The Russian shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was looking tired and still a bit tipsy. Rei sniffed the air loudly.

''You smell.''

''Why thank you.''

Before he could think of a retort, Rei's face paled remarkably.

''Shit… I forgot my bag!''

Two grey eyebrows rose.

''Your bag?''

''Yeah! With that psycho Grey! I swear, she was hitting on me!''

Boris snorted disbelievingly. Amused he looked at the other man who was clearly panicking. There was no telling what the shrink would do alone with his belongings.

''Hitting on you? Yeah, in your wet dreams.''

''I swear! She was!''

The snort turned into a laughter, which danced its way across the corridor. It seemed to bounce off the walls, like something evil. Rei narrowed his eyes and glared at the Russian.

''You're just afraid to go get your bag.''

''Hell yeah I am! What if she rapes me?!''

''Aren't you blowing this way out of proportion?''

Rei pouted and defiantly, like a grumpy child, crossed his arms.

''No!''

A staring contest erupted between them. Rei almost felt ashamed over the fact that he didn't mind. The grey seemed tempting in a way, but he couldn't quite figure out why. It was Boris who broke the eye contact eventually, as he looked towards the room that their sessions were held in. Shoving his hands into his pockets he started walking towards it.

Rei looked confused.

''Where are you going?''

''To the room.''

''… why?''

'To get your bag.''

The Chinese blinked, fearing he had not just heard wrong. When he realized what Boris was planning, panic ripped at him like claws. Finally feeling very jumpy, he sprinted off after the other man.

''Boris, no! No! Forget the bag! I can buy new clothes! Don't do it!''

But the Russian was already inside.

**X**

The rain hadn't subsided when Boris finally came back. With the bag clutched in his hand he looked around, trying to spot the owner of the damn thing. When he found Rei sitting on the stairs to the entrance, he suddenly felt very annoyed. The sky was looking darker, the clouds infecting it like mold or parasites. The rain crashed down like glass against the ground and Rei only got more soaked by the minute.

Boris threw the bag at him, and he immediately caught it. With a slightly surprised look on his face, Rei blinked.

''Come on'' Boris said and waved at the other man to follow.

Rei looked after the Russian as he stepped down from the stairs and started walking down the path leading out of the yard. The Chinese raised his eyebrows, not fully unedsrtanding what the other wanted him to do. Boris waved more impatiently at him, jerking his head towards the gates.

''Come on Kon, or we'll miss the bus!''

''We?''

A deathglare from Boris got him up on his feet, and he ran after the grey haired man even though he had no idea why. What the other man possibly could want from him, he had no idea of. But he did it anyway because he really had nothing better to do. One day, he thought, that would lead him into serious trouble.  
They walked across the street for a while in silence, the rain slamming against their skin like a sledge-hammer. The grey hair looked silver in the dawning ash-colored sky, and made Boris look almost pure. But the strongly clenched jaw and black, burning gaze made that impression crumble like dust.

Even though they were equally tall, which wasn't saying much about Boris' height, the Russian still made the Chinese feel uncomfortable. They were probably equally strong but in different ways, and as stubborn and strong willed as one another. Still, Rei felt like he had to be alert and on guard all the time. It was like he was walking next to a loaded gun instead of a man.

''Boris?''

''Mmhm?''

''Where are we going?''

''To the bus.''

''Why?''

''Because I don't feel like walking home in this weather, but you are welcome to try.''

Rei blinked for what felt like the hundredth time that day, feeling even more confused than before. He cast a curious glance at Boris, who looked as grumpy as always.  
Now suspiciousness crept its way into Rei's mind, and he was starting to fear for his own well being.

''Booooriiiiis?''

''What is it _now_, Kon?''

''What are you planning?''

''How to capture, torture, kill and bury you if you don't shut up.''

Rei frowned and nodded slowly.

''Huh.''

''Huh?'' the Russian gave him an odd look, clearly annoyed.

''Well… it's just… you're speaking about our little trip as if I am following you home?''

''Well, it looks to me like you are.''

''Yeah, I am but…why?''

''You said it yourself. You got thrown out of the hotel.''

Rei nodded.

''Uh-huuuh… so far I am following, but you then you kinda lost me.''

''You know, I could let you freeze to death and starve in the street.''

''Right. That is the part I don't get. Why don't you?''

Silence fell between them, and as they quickened their steps the silence grew longer. The awkwardness lay across Boris like a cloak and he was gritting his teeth more and more.

''Kon''

''Yeah?''

''Shut the fuck up.''

Rei sighed and looked at the street instead. Coming from Boris, that was a good an answer as any.

He would just have to do as the man said, because he had no other option. He did have money, but he didn't feel like wasting it on a hotel room. There were no apartments withing his price range, and he didn't feel like buying a home in London anyway. So unless he wanted to sleep outside in the cold, he had no other place to go but the one that was offered to him.

Although it was creepy, he felt a little warm about it all. He didn't know why, but it felt like a nice thing. Whatever motives Boris had, he liked to think about them as a favor. Ignoring the fact that Boris doing him, or anyone, a favor was about the scariest thing in the world, he smiled.

But the smile soon faltered as he saw something red and double-decked rush past them. Disappearing like a blur in the distance, the bus left them soaked in rainwater from the road. Rei blinked, Boris yelled.

The Chinese had never heard anyone swear so much in one sentence without even taking a breath in between. He gave Boris a small glance, the man shaking with fury.

''Fucking bus piece of shit! How dare it?!''

''Maybe it didn't see us.''

''Bullshit it didn't see us! We were two feet away from the bus stop! Fucking _zalupa_!''

''Oh, well.''

Rei shrugged and continued walking. Boris stood staring after him.

''Now where the fuck are you going?!''

Rei stopped and turned around. He looked somewhat like a saint in the rain, his golden eyes cutting through all the grey. Like a dash of sunlight in a dark room. The dark haired man looked so innocent and pure for a moment, Boris almost felt fitlhy just looking at him.

''Well standing here and yelling won't help, now will it?''

The Russian said nothing, but looked somewhat dumbfounded.

''So, are you going to wait here until the next one comes and catch a cold, or are you going to keep me company?'' Rei said, watching him patiently.

With a sigh and a mutter Boris scratched his head and started walking. Rei followed him and together they walked through the rain. It was almost metaphorical. Two lost souls finding their way through the darkness. But really, all it was was two outcasts walking through a half storm, looking very grumpy.

If someone would have told him two months ago that he would spend his time in London with Boris Kuznetsov, the Chinese would have laughed. Or maybe he would even have cried a little, because the whole thing was so absurd. Boris felt about the same way, besides the fact that he was very annoyed by it. Kon had never been his favorite person, and in the wink of an eye they had become roommates. It was not a nice thought, so the Russian tried not to think about it more than necessary. Whatever Gods were up there, he would have to deal with them later for throwing such a cruel fate his way.

As thunder rumbled above them, the downpour got even heavier. It was almost as if the sky wanted to wash them away from the face of the earth. Here and there some trash floated past them and Boris half expected the clown Pennywise to hiss at him from the sewers. His life was so odd already that it wouldn't surprise him one bit.

Fuck Steven King, Boris thought. Fuck him, fuck Kon, fuck England, fuck Amanda Grey and fuck psychiatry. Fuck everything to hell. What was he doing there? Why didn't he just go home? What did he have that kept him there?

Rei yawned beside him, and then it hit him. As if death stroke his back a chill bit his spine hard. He shook his head, more to himself than to anyone else.

No, that couldn't be it. It couldn't be Kon. They had known each other for what, two months? Or had they really? It was years since their first meeting, and that meeting hadn't been all that nice. So why were they even there? Why were they walking together down that road in that rainy weather? Why weren't they trying to kill each other like they were supposed to do?

Or were they? Were they really meant to be arch rivals? Beyblading was over, it was long gone and probably would never come back to their lives again. Maybe it was time to start again, to start anew.  
No, that was just silly. Why would he, the big lord of hatred, try to befriend anyone? Why would he let anyone else befriend him? What was wrong with him?

He looked at Rei, staring like he had never seen the man before. What was it with the Chinese that made his brain feel so scrambled? Why didn't they just kill each other like in the good old days? Had life always been that complicated and he just hadn't noticed?

''So...'' Rei said, as if feeling the tension but trying to ignore it. ''Sooo… Boris.''

''Hn?''

''You never told me why you're here.''

''Why would I?''

''Well, I told you why I'm here.''

''No, you told the group.''

''You're in the group.''

''No shit, Sherlock! I thought I was one of the chairs! Or maybe I was just in there watching for the fun of it! Really, it all makes so much sense now! I have such a worthless and boring life I don't have anything better to do than watch all you psychos cry all day. It's all so clear now!''

Rei didn't know if he should laugh or sigh, so he did both. Which made him make an wakward and very weird sound. Ignoring the blush across his smooth skin, he frowned mischievously. Like a small boy, or a little kitten planning something.

''You can drop the sarcasm shield, Kuznetsov. I'm not here to harm your feelings you know.''

''No, of course not .You're like Mother Theresa! You're a fucking saint! Mr. Rei Kon the big goody-two-shoes.''

''Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment.''

Boris grunted, wondering why he didn't just pound the man into the sidewalk. Bathing in the Chinese's blood seemed like a really good idea at the moment.

''Fuck you.''

''In your wet dreams.''

''That's my retort, thank you very much.''

''I liked it so much so I had to borrow it''

''What's the matter? Run out of wit so you had to steal from my genius?''

''What genius?''

''Shut up. Just shut the fuck up.''

Rei sighed and shoved his free hand into a pocket, cluthing his bag tighly with the other.

''It's only fair. You know about my past so I should know about yours.''

''You do know about my past.''

''The Abbey, yeah. But that's not the reason you're here, is it?''

Boris tilted his head back an forth considerately.

''Not the entire reason, I guess. I mean I wouldn't be here if the Abbey hadn't fucked me up as a child, now would I?''

''No, I guess not. But something must have pushed you over the edge.''

''Right now you're pushing me over the edge.''

''Really now?''

''Uh-huh.''

The smile grew in Rei's face, making him bare his fangs. Boris hated how handsome it made the man look.

''Wow, I didn't know I had such an effect on you!''

The Russian glared.

''I will not hesitate to throw you out on the streets, so be nice.''

''Come on Boris!''

''As I said before; Kuznetsov to you, asshole.''

''Okay then, _Kuznetsov,_ are you going to quit being a stubborn child and tell me?''

''Are you going to stop being a moronic asshole and shut up?''

''No, not really.''

''Then, no.''

''Awww, come on!''

The Russian said nothing, and on they went. Once again they spoke no words to each other, but the silence wasn't as awkward as usual. Rei felt strangely at home where he was, almost even safe. He still didn't trust Boris completely, but it felt better than before. For the first time in a long time, he actually felt like he had someone to talk to.

The grey haired man wiped some silver strands out of his face, licking his lips from rain. The air smelled fresh and London was only looking half as ugly as before. The cars were driving past them like different colored lightnings. The buildings stood looming and mysterious, all the lights like fireworks below the sky. The thunder kept on tumbling, like Zeus and Thor were bowling.

Soon they could see the apartment building Boris lived in, and relief settled over them. They were so cold their feet had gone numb and their skin felt strained and hurtful. But the walk wasn't all that bad, Rei thought. In some weird way, it felt like the two of them were coming to an understanding.

He wasn't all that sure whether he liked it or not, but it would have to do for the time being.

**X**

Boris couldn't sleep. It was dark outside, pitch black to be accurate. It was a wonder he could even see his own hand in the night. Outside the moon was just a thin shard and the stars were squinting menacingly at him. As he stumbled through the apartment he must have knocked over at least five objects in the process.

Peeing and drinking water didn't really help him. He didn't know exactly why he couldn't sleep, he just couldn't. It was as if a restless current roamed his body, and kept him awake. Pacing around for a while, he still didn't feel tired. He checked his e-mails, watered his dead plants, tidied the kitchen and peed again but still he was as full of restlessness as ever.

He almost considered going for a jog before he noticed his shoes were still wet from the walk earlier. Sighing he slid into the living room, where Rei lay. The lithe form of the Chinese was merely a shadow in the dark, and light snoring could be heard. Boris carefully snuck into the room, leaning over the couch. The black haired man looked like a cat even in his sleep. He was curled up in a little bundle, his hair across his face like unruly fur. The pale skin was still so uneasy, as if he was bothered even in his dreams. Boris had to smack himself when he caught himself wondering what the other man was dreaming about.

''What is wrong with you, Kuznetsov?'' he mumbled to himself, rubbing his forehead.

Rei groaned slightly, shifting in his sleep. With a sigh Boris sat down on the table next to the couch, staring at the guest for what felt like an eternity. Finally he bit his lip, not able to stand himself. He leaned forward and shook the man not all that gently.

Rei mumbled, but started to move. Opening his eyes slightly, thin shards of amber pierced Boris like a harpoon.

''What.. th… Boris?''

''Hi, Kon.''

''What... what time is it?'' Rei sat up with a loud yawn, stretching slightly.

He rubbed his eyes and looked at the Russian, the black hair tousled and all over his face. A large part of it had escaped the braid it was captured in, and he looked somewhat as if he had fallen asleep in a hurricane. Boris gave him a bothered and stern look, already regretting the whole thing.

''It's three in the morning.''

''Three in th… whaaat? Why did you wake me? Is something wrong?''

''No.''

''Then what the hell..?''

Rei looked around, looking confused. He finally groaned and fell back against the pillow. The couch creaked unhappily underneath him. The Chinese dragged the covers closer to him, snuggling into the warmth of them. Boris muttered. When he had finally woken the other man up he did not want him to fall asleep again.

''You asked me why I'm here.''

Immediately the amber shot up at him like electricity. Rei sat up looking as awake as if someone had just injected him with a gallon of adrenaline. Interest sparked in the catlike eyes and Boris felt very stupid. There was really no getting out of it, and he didn't have anything better to do. Peeing again seemed rather unnessecary and he felt like he wouldn't be able to sleep before they had this talk. No matter how pestering it would be.

''Well'' Rei said as Boris kept quiet. ''Go on then! You woke me up, now don't make me make you regret it!''

''Believe me, I already am.''

They stared defiantly at each other for a while, before Boris crossed his arms behind his head, trying to look casual.

''A few months ago'' he said ''I had gone out to the bar. It must have been the sixth time that week and my money was running low. I had gotten pretty wasted and a guy was pissing me off. We started yelling at each other, and soon it got into a pretty nasty fight.''

Rei listened cruiously, not able to hide his excitement even if his life would have depended on it. Boris frowned at him but continued talking.

''The guy died but I got out of jail due toself defense. Yuriy was mad like hell though, and he told me to get my ass over here or he would make me regret it. I told him to fuck off but Yuriy being Yuriy, I ended up here anyway.''

Rei stared. He didn't know what shocked him the most; the fact that Boris had killed another man over something as stupid as a bar fight, or the fact that he had no regret upon his face whatsoever. Rubbing his eyes a few times, he shook his head with a sigh.

''So you're here for what? Anger management?''

Boris shrugged.

''Something like that.''

The Russian watched his guest for a while, not really able to decipher the look upon his face. It didn't feel all that awkward to tell him. After all, he had only told half the story. He cast a glance towards the hallway, expecting Rei to rush out in it the next second.

But the Chinese only sighed.

''You're hopeless, Kuznetsov, you know that?''

Bpris raised his eyebrows at him.

''You're not afraid?''

''Why would I be?''

''Most people would. You know, I killed a man.''

''Uh-huh.''

''With my bare hands.''

''Yeah.''

''It was pretty nasty.''

''I bet it was.''

''Blood and broken bones and everything.''

''I pretty much figured that out, yeah.''

''You know this and still you're not running for your pathetic little life?''

''It's three in the damn morning. I will not move from this couch even if all hell breaks loose.''

Boris pouted slightly. This was not the reaction he had hoped for. He didn't really know what he had hoped for, but it was something different from this.

''You're a really strange man, you know that?''

''So I've been told. Now was that all or are you going to keep me up all night?''

The grey eyes glared a hole through him. Standing up Boris crossed his arms grumpily.

''Say that again and I'll…''

''Kill me, I know. Good night, Boris.''

The dark haired man fell back into his pillow and covers once more, drifting off to sleep almost immediately. Turning around, twisting the sheets around him, he let out a loud and very un-catlike snore. Boris shook his head and left the room, casting a final glance at the sleeping man.

''Good night, Rei.''


	6. In The Dark

You know what kinda makes me mad? How Boris is just a replacement in the show. I mean, he gets around the least character development of any of the characters. Now I know Beyblade isn't the best show for char. development, but still... at least they could give him something. I mean... they hardly tell you anything! GRRR! He's just a substitute for Kai. How rude.

Anyway.. I noticed last chapter had a lot of typos, and I am going to blame that on the fact that I was editing it in the middle of the night. Yeah. That sounds about right.  
And this chapter? Well... ahhh, beloved cliffhangers. I love them almost as much as I live character death.

Thanks for reviewing, it makes me all fuzzy inside.

* * *

**Chapter Six  
-  
In The Dark**

_I wonder what he's dreaming about._

Those were the words that were flowing through Boris' mind one night. Or, they had been flowing through his head every night the past two weeks that they had lived together. It had actually been two peaceful weeks for the roommates. And 'peaceful' in Boris-language meant; Rei had only had to go to the hospital four times and they had only had to replace three of their windows twice. Rei was pretty pleased with himself. He had a place to stay, a lair which he could subject to his womanly skills and tidy up like no apartment had ever been tidied before, and he could nag at Boris much easier.

They kept going to the meetings, but nothing really changed. Boris still drank, Rei still choked his emotions and ended up crying himself to sleep every now and then. Boris still got into barfights and his asocial behaviour was not improving one bit. Plus, Dr. Grey had not been subtle in any of the sessions. There had been winking, fluttering of eyelashes, tossing of hair, new perfume, even tighter dresses and on some rare occassions she even gently caressed Rei's hair. This only happened during a few seconds and the only reason Rei noticed it was because he was a very attentive person with keen senses. Boris noticed it too, but he pretended like nothing.

Just as he tried to pretend that he wasn't in fact, right that moment, wondering what his roommate and arch rival was dreaming about. He tried to fool himself that he did not want to smack Amanda around for other reasons than that she was a highly annoying, arrogant, know-it-all, bitchy slut. Turning over on his stomach after noticing that there were no more cracks in the roof to discover, he let out a deep sigh.

What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just think of something else than Kon? At least, if he was going to think about him, then why couldn't he think about how annoying he was?

How he never had his elbows on the table when he ate. Or how he always put the toilet seat down. Or how he always tidied all the rooms and made them look spotless. Or how he never interrupted people when they spoke, how he showered for two hours just to get his stupid hair clean. How his stupid hair got everywhere and how Boris' hairbrush (yes, he did have one) looked like an animal more than an object after the raven haired boy had gone through his sacred ritual of hair combing. He hated how there were always clean clothes and dishes in the apartment now that Rei had moved in. He hated how Rei always stopped by the grocery store when they ran out of something. He hated how he snored, how he sang in the shower with the most tone deaf voice ever. And how the amber always seemed to pierce through you when you met his eyes, with a mixture of kindness and sadness.

The Russian punched his matress with a loud snarl. Gritting his teeth he sat up, flung his legs over the bed and sighed. Running his fingers through his hair, he felt how he desperately needed a beer.

So he got out of bed and casting one glance at the alarm clock on the floor, he half-jogged out into the kitchen. With a bitter look plastered upon his face, as if he had just swallowed a lemon, he glared into the contents of the fridge. Having a staring contest with the cow on the milk-carton seemed like the best occupation at the moment. The litte cartoon animal seemed to sneer at him, almost as if it knew what he was thinking.

''Stupid fucking cow.''

Boris grabbed a hold of the carton and threw the milk in random direction with more force than necessary. He could almost hear the carton moo as it flew through the air and hit the opposite wall with a loud splashy noise. Milk covered the wall like white blood, dripping down onto the floor. The anger bubbled in him, eating at his insides like a parasite. As his thoughts seemed to have the party of the year, vomiting in his brain, his bad mood only increased.

Without any hesitation Boris finally thrusted his arm into the coldness of the slightly humming fridge, grabbed a six pack and slammed the door shut. By the force of the impact several magnets and papers slid off the refrigerator door and landed at his feet. Kon had put those silly things up, and now they seemed to be mocking him from their position underneath. Maybe he had truly gone mad, after all. Since when did magnets laugh? Was he really as fucked up as everyone told him?

Boris cursed under his breath. Why the hell should he care?

What had anyone ever done for him? His only experience of people was not a good one. Even people his own age, no, _especially_ people his own age, had been nothing but cruel to him. Ripped from his family before he even had the time to bind them to memories, he had grown up without any father-figures. The one he had was not a saint. His mother-figures had been even worse. The only friends he ever really had, the Blitzkrieg boys, seemed to never really have cared.

Or maybe they did care, and he just didn't let them in. Boris was a locked door, a vault with maximum security. He was the walking Fort Knox. No one could get inside his shell, underneath his skin or into his heart. Did he even have a heart? If so, did it beat?

He swallowed the first two beers within a minute, and by the time he had finished his fourth he had swaggered out of the kitchen and into the hallway. Glaring at the walls which seemed to glare back, he pointed at the mirror beside the coathanger. There, inside the glass, stood a man pointing back at him. The silvery eyes filled with hatred and fury, the moonlight-grey hair lying plastered with sweat across his snow-white face. There was the thin, sneering mouth, the crinkled and many times broken nose, the clenched, strong jaws. A man dressed in white boxers, his body scarred and marked, a beer bottle tightly clutched in one hand.

Was this the man he was? Was this the great Boris Kuznetsov? Was he the one to carry the name of his family forward? A family he had never even known?  
No, Yuriy was his family. Kai, Ian and Spencer was his family. Falborg was his brother in arms, his trusted ally. And even the falcon bit beast he did not completely trust. When you cut down to the bone, in the end, he was alone.

''_No! NO! Get away from me!_'' Rei's voice suddenly cut through the haze of his thoughts and immediately, Boris head snapped towards the living room.

The beer wasn't even close to getting him drunk, but it had started gnawing at his conciousness a bit. Feeling a slight burning tingle in the pit of his stomach, he turned towards the room where the Tiger was sleeping. At least he had been sleeping only moments before. Boris senses immediately told him something was wrong. Images of burglars and whatnots flashed before his mind and the fury inside of him awakened anew. Clutching the beer bottle tight as a weapon, he silently snuck into the other room. No one was allowed to enter his home and leave it unharmed. If anyone dared to break into his apartment, he would show them the way out through the window.

A sadistic grin fell across his face and his lips quirked in bloodthirst.

Silently getting closer to the couch, he raised the bottle ready to attack. As his heart was pumping adrenaline through his body like burning hot coal, his throat dried in disappointment when he saw that no one was there. Lowering the bottle, he looked around suspiciously. The room was empty, besides for himself and Rei, and not a sound could be heard besides their own ragged breathing. Muttering like a child who had just gotten his candy stolen from him, he drank the last of the beer and tossed the bottle aside. Staring down at Rei he noticed the other man was sleeping.

Just a bad dream, Boris thought. He would have to punish his roommate for that later in the morning.

But as he turned to leave, a thin hand gripped his arm with a vice-like grip. Nails dug into the Russian's skin as Rei's grip tightened. Fear had etched itself into the Chinese's face, cold sweat almost making him shine in the moonlight. Rei was breathing harder, like he was running from something. His eyes were so tightly shut the black eyelashes bent, his teeth gritted and his fangs bared. Boris thought that for a moment he could hear the man hiss.

''No! No! Get the hell away from me! I swear, I'll... I'll...'' Rei half whimpered, half growled in his sleep.

The grey eyed man looked at the hand on his wrist, the skin on his arm turning red. Blood pumped through his veins, trying desperately to get past the blockade but the Chinese man's grip was too tight. He was clinging to the Russian for dear life. Immediately Boris caught himself thinking; _I wonder what he's dreaming about,_ once more.

He was about to smack himnself again, when Rei cried out in fear.

''Get away! I told you to... NO!''

His voice cracked into a high pitched note. Suddenly he begun screaming in Chinese. Boris stood staring as if paralyzed, until he could take no more of it. He gripped Rei's hand and roughly shook the man awake. The golden eyes fluttered open in a snap and the man sat up like a lightning had just struck him. Staring out into the darkness with wide, fearfilled eyes, his breathing sounding like a thousand drums. He looked around, not sure if he was still sleeping or not. When he felt the hand across his own, he immediately swung out his other arm.

The fist connected with Boris' face in a second and the man had to step back due to the impact. Stars exploded across his visionary field and a biting pain blasted off in his eye. Cursing loudly, not caring at all about the neighbours, Boris hit back.

Rei got thrown off the couch, hitting his head in the table he fell flat on his back. Boris cursed even louder, jumping over the couch to grab the other man by the collar. The problem was; Rei wasn't even wearing a shirt.

For some odd unexplainable reason, a blush spread across Rei's cheeks. As blood traveled out of his lip and down his chin, dripping down on Boris' hand, the newly awakened man realized who was sitting on top of him. And that he was wearing only his boxers. Rei blushed wilder, since he was not wearing much more than a pair of pyjama pants himself, and hoped to the Gods that Boris would stepp off of him.

The Russian quickly realized how close and unclothed they were, but he couldn't get himself to move. Breathing harshly, as if the air was rocks in his throat, Boris blinked. His eye had begun to swell up, the hit to his face had been hard.

Silence fell between them like a barrier and the cold sweat on Rei's body turned into warmth. He was sweating out of nervousness now, without really knowing why. He had seen a lot of his friends without shirts, due to sports and bathing in the lake during the summers and all. He wasn't unfamiliar with the bodies of others, but still he felt so dirty. Like he was doing something bad, and he wasn't even sure what it was. The Falcon's heart pounded so hard Rei could feel it against his own chest.

Suddenly, as if realizing what he was doing, Boris got up and threw himself onto the couch. He fixated his bone chilling stare at Rei as the black haired man got up, rubbing his sore head. For a while the only sound in the room was their breathing and pounding blood in their ears. Rei's cheeks were red like the blood on his lip, his chest a turmoil of emotion. The Russian pinched the bridge of his nose, staring because it was the only thing he could think of.

''Boris'' Rei finally said, trying to chase the awkwardness away.

''I.. heard screaming.''

The Russian's voice was toneless and strained, like it was an effort to produce it. Not really knowing what to do or what to say, Rei sat down on the table and nodded in embarrasment.

''Ah... I... had a nightmare.''

''Oh.''

Two dark eyebrows rose.

''Oh?''

''I thought it was a burglar.''

''Really now?''

''Really.''

A Cheshire grin suddenly spread across Rei's face, his eyes sparkling with something. Something much like playfulness. Boris frowned at the sight, feeling irritated at how fast the mood in the room had changed.

''Come to protect me?''

''No.''

''Oh, my own knight in shining armor!''

''Shut up.''

''No, really, Boris, you're my hero! That's so weet! You heard me scream and then you sucker-punched me off the couch! What a nice way to wake up.''

The irritation made the Russian's eyebrow twitch. He crossed his arms angrily and tried to glare the Chinese to death. Unfortunately and much to his disappointment, Rei only smiled kindly.

''You hit me first.'' Boris barked, and Rei laughed nervously.

''Sorry, you startled me.''

''Hn.''

Rei got to his feet and scratched his head again. Looking around the room, just so he wouldn't have to look at Boris, he noticed the broken beer bottle on the floor. Just about to say something though, he got interrupted.

''Not that I care'' Boris said with his most convincing I'm-gonna-break-your-legs-mafia-style-if-you-don't-believe-me-voice. ''But next time you dream, don't wake the whole damn house up.''

''Sorry.''

''Whatever.''

The Russian got to his feet and traveled out into the kitchen. While he was occupied with doing coffee, Rei immediately got into action. By the time Boris emerged in the doorway, the beer and glass shatter on the floor was gone without a trace. Before the grey haired man had time to complain about that, Rei had already disappeared into the kitchen where he found the massacred milk carton on the floor. Quickly cleaning that up as well, he looked somewhat more at ease. Stretching widely, he let out a harsh sigh.

Boris frowned at the kitchen, then at the dark haired man.

''Why do you always have to do that?''

Rei shrugged.

''I guess it's soothing.''

''You're messed up.''

Rei smiled widely, and for some reason it upset Boris. How could the man look so brilliant and glowing when he had just woken up screaming? And to add it all up, his lip was beginning to swell. What was it with him? Was it fake? Was that smile really a facade or had Boris brought it out?

Boris growled at himself. There were those stupid thoughts again that had kept him up all night. And there he was, four in the morning with a traumatised cat who had just made his floor shine. He shook his head and poured some coffee up, muttering in Russian.

Rei watched him amused, taking a cup of coffee for himself. The genuine-maybe-not-so-genuine smile still lingered on his lips.

''That's why I'm here, after all.''

''Yeah, right.''

''What else? I'd come here for you?''

The tone in the Chinese's voice was teasing, yet not mocking. It was another ability he posssesed that agitated Boris to no end. How someone could always be so kind yet so playful and fierce. It was a long time since he saw Rei's wilder sides, years even. During the last two months they had spent together he had been a duller version of himself. Sure, he tried bravely to prove that he was still the same old Rei Kon that he had always been, but in the end of the day he always failed. Still, even though most of his eagerness and pride had subsided, that stubborness and fighting spirit was still there.

Even though Rei was running from his past, he didn't let people step on him.

That was the difference between them, he guessed. Rei had been someone once, a great fighter and soul. Now his heart was only beating half as much, desperately trying to figure out whether to try to get that battlelust back or to simply cease being. Boris on the other hand, had always been the way he was and he hadn't changed, nor did he plan to. He was just there, biting people's heads off, waiting for his turn to go home. Waiting the big wave out but not willing to leave the city unmarked. If a Kuznetsov was going to be forced somewhere, at least he would have his own little fun for it.

''You know, that's really eerie.'' Rei said then.

Boris looked at him like he was a small child who had just discovered the sky was blue.

''What? Missing me?''

''No, that you and I should meet up here, after all these years.''

''That's the cruel way of the world.''

Rei shrugged loosely with one shoulder. He didn't look too convinced.

''Maybe. But... maybe it's fate.''

''Please don't tell me you believe in all that crap.''

Rei wasn't all that trusting, but more trusting than the Russian himself. In two months they had slowly gotten to know more about each other, but not through communication. No, it was the little things you only noticed if you paid attention to it. And Boris didn't have much else to do, so he noticed more about Rei than he had ever done before. There was a part of him that told him it was insane, that he should get Rei to leave because they were enemies. But then that little voice inside of him said; What if?

Rei had a look in his eyes that told him that maybe he was hearing that little voice too, but instead of telling it to shut up he listened to it.

''What if we were never meant to be rivals? I mean, why? You were forced to fight me, I was picked randomly. For all we know, it could've been Max or Tyson in my place.''

''Don't tell me we were meant to be friends because faith decided so. I will hurt you.''

''Maybe not friends, but maybe just... not trying to rip each others throats out. Do you get my point?''

''I'm warning you. I'll hurt you badly.''

Rei took a step closer to him, looking eager. Boris leaned against the kitchen counter, raising his eyebrows at him. He tried to ooze hostility, to keep his shields up with full armor, but it didn't scare the Tiger off. He just kept staring at the Falcon with that shining gaze that seemed to cut through bone. Maybe they could cut through shields as well. At least, Rei weas hoping so.

'''I'm just saying... we could bury the battle axe.''

Boris scoffed. He put the coffee down and turned around, closing his eyes while he felt Rei staring at him.

''Now what fun would that be, kitty cat?''

And with that he left for his room, hoping to get at least a little sleep, while leaving Rei behind. But the Chinese wasn't sad for that, though. Because before his roommate left, he could see a small grin on the pale lips. It was a subtle one, yes, but still it had been there. And maybe, by a slight chance, it had meant something.

**X**

The sun stood high in the sky while a cold wind rushed some dust across the streets. It was about lunch time and every restaurant and café around was crowded with people. Businessmen, students, un-employed, hard working and not so hard working people eating and relaxing while they had the chance. The sunbeams danced across every building, reflecting in every puddle on the street. Bicycles went past, buses left trails of fumes behind them and cars honked their way through the traffic.

It was a calm and nice day, perfect for shopping. Boris didn't really agree with this, but Rei didn't pay him much attention as he dragged the man through all the numerous of shops there were. The Russian had no idea why they needed to buy more stuff for his home. He liked it the way it was. But Rei thought othwerwise, and it was either that or going to the park. Now Boris had much rather gone off on his own, taking a walk to the bar and drinking but Rei had put on his pout-face. And you just couldn't say no to the pout-face.

Boris moaned. He had become such a doormat. An underdog, a... did he dear think it?  
A _pussy._

''One of these days Kon, they will find your body in the sewers.''

Rei grinned as he looked around. Sightseeing was a good occupation, and he might as well see the town up close when he was stuck in it. All around people went by, bumping into them, talking loudly on their phones. He noticed interesting outfit after outfit, and cute butt after cute butt. Although he tried to pretend like it was the outfits that caught his eye.

But Boris wouldn't let himself be fooled.

''You know what I've noticed?''

''Hnn?'' Rei was prancing around in La-La-Land.

He slapped the Chinese in the back of the head. Recieving angry predator-like glares, Boris put his arms behind his head in a casual but still abnormally threatening way.

''You only look at guy-asses.''

Immediately Rei flinched, like a dagger had just been shoved up his spine. His pupils narrowed immediately, his gaze nailed on something in the distance. They did not stop walking, but still Boris detected a slight tenseness in the other man. With an unsure sigh Rei laughed sheepishly, scratching his chin.

''No I don't.''

Boris tilted his head with a bemused twitch of his mouth.

''Yeah, you do.''

''No! I don't!'' Rei turned to him suddenly looking very defensive. ''I look at girl asses! Like her!''

He pointed at every passing girl, unconciously raising his voice. Those who heard him, which were almost everyone around, gave him weird looks. As if he was a perverted rapist, the bypassers moved a few steps away from them. Boris wouldn't have been able to hide his wide, wofllike grin even if someone had ripped his mouth off. With a wicked flicker in his eyes, he gave Rei a challenging and devilish look. Rei wanted to throttle him, but he was too busy trying to hide his flaming blush.

''No need to get so loud over it. Geez, you'd think I just insulted your mother!''

Rei pouted like a child, shaking his fist in the air.

''I am looking at their jeans, okay?!''

The beastlike ferociousness in his eyes almost made him radiate. Boris shook his head boredly, shoving his hands down his pockets. The grin was still prancing around his face.

Rei muttered under his breath as they continued walking down the streets. Suddenly the shops didn't seem as tempting as they had moments before. Boris felt pleased with his revenge. It suited the Chinese right for trying to make him go out on a shopping spree.

Still, Rei's tenseness didn't ease. Okay, so he had been checking out the guys and not their jeans. But so? Whose business was his sexual preference? No one's, that's whose, Rei thought bitterly. So maybe he was a bit defensive, but it was mostly to hide the fact that he was afraid. People like Boris could sniff fear in a mile radius, and they lived on other people's fear. Rei would not let himself be a victim. He wasn't ashamed of being, well, gay, he just didn't want his only friend... no, sratch that, his only _aquintance_ in London to run away vomiting. All his life he had only met prejudicement and hatred for his orientation, and he expected nothing less from the Russian.

Okay, so maybe he was prejudiced against people in that way too. But it was just an old habit. He had been cut too many times not to have any scars, if you were going to be metaphorical about it. Rei wasn't afraid of getting beaten up, no. He could take care of himself. He would take on anyone who wanted to beat him just for what kind of people he liked. But he had nowhere to live other than with the Russian, and that he could not risk. When he was younger he would've risked it. Hell, he would have risked anything for his pride. But he wasn't like that anymore. Times were different. Yeah, he was afraid. But so? Who wouldn't be in his place?

Boris watched the other man during their silent walk, trying to read his expression. But all he saw was the determined look in the golden pools, and a slight gritting of teeth. So Rei thought he could hide his feelings from him? Well, they were going to see about that.

''So'' Boris said as casual as if talking about the weather. ''How long've you known you're gay?''

Rei's head did that snapping thing again, which was just as amusing at it was annoying. Boris pinned him with his stare, but the Tiger wouldn't budge.

''I'm not...''

''Drop the fucking pretending act or I'll beat the shit out of you! Seriously, it's sickening when people try to hide who they are.''

''I...'' Rei wanted to say something, but his words faltered him.

Instead he kept quiet, determinedly staring at the Russian. What now?

''Since I was eleven.'' He grunted instead, fumbling with the end of his braid just to keep himself distracted.

Boris nodded slowly.

''Uh-huh. And?''

''And _what_?''

''Have you told anyone?''

Rei kept quiet, biting his lip. As he fumbled with his hair, his eyes went completely blank. Then something angry woke in them, and he shook his head.

''A few. They didn't take it well.''

''I see. Have you told the others?''

''My team?''

''I'd rather think of them as a bunch of lucid imbecile amateurs, but if you want to put it that way then yes; your team.''

Rei sighed.

''No. I haven't.''

''Because?''

''Why do you care, anyway?''

''Oh, I don't. It's just fun to know what dirty little secrets you have.''

''You're a perverted freak.''

''I bet you must hear that all the time.''

Just like that, something inside of Rei exploded. He stopped dead in his tracks, turning around hr grabbed Boris by the collar. Baring his fangs like a rabid dog, he stared the cold-hearted man straight in the eyes. For a while Boris thought he could almost hear him growl. He waited in excitement to see what would happen. Pushing peoples buttons was one of his many talents, and he always loved the results. Rei on the other hand, didn't enjoy it as much and as he growled Boris in the face the Russian could smell his breath as clearly as flowers in a field.

''You're a fucking bastard Kuznetsov. You know that?'' the Tiger's voice came out in a hiss, any trace of kindness and playfullness was gone.

''So I've heard.''

''If you want to know so badly, no I haven't told many people. The ones I've told I wouldn't exactly describe as 'happy' and if you want to throw me out, call me disgusting and beat me half to death, then fine! I don't fucking care! Just don't toy with me!''

Boris grabbed Rei's hand and nestled it off him as easy as if it had been merely dust. Shaking his head while smiling devilishly, he met Rei's gaze without hesitation.

''Relaxe, Kon. I don't really give a shit who you fuck and how. Have a little sense of humor!''

Rei wasn't amused, and he didn't let his eyes off Boris for a long while of silence. But when he finally did, he relaxed just a bit. As if he had been holding one year worth of air supply in his chest, he sighed and continued walking. Boris snorted and followed him.

They continued past a few stores, into another couple, then just planlessly down a few streets without speaking a word to each other. It wasn't tense though, just mildly edgy. But Boris was getting bored and if he had a kitty to play with, then why not?

Casting a sideway glance at his fellow aquintance, his wolfgrin returned.

''So, Rei, what kind of guys do you like?''

Rei cried out in frustration, grabbing hold of his dark hair he looked like a neurotic five-children mother on a Saturday morning.

''For God's sake, Boris! _Shut up!_''

''Why are you being so defensive about it? It's not a big deal. Do you know how many homo's there are?''

''Stop snooping in my private business!''

''If you ever wanna get laid it's not supposed to be private business. So come on, blondes? Brunettes? Redheads? What makes little Rei Kon tick?''

''Right now you're ticking me off!''

''Just answer the question already! Damn, if it's that hard I'll go first!''

Rei slapped himself in the face, groaning tiredly. Boris on the other hand, was having the time of his life.

''Let's see...'' the Russian said, thinking with concentration. ''I like my bitches short.''

Rei arched an eyebrow at him.

''Short?''

''Yeah, short.''

''Why short?''

''Why not short?''

''_You're_ short.''

''I'm as tall as you.''

''Yeah! And I'm short!''

''Tsssk. You don't know what you're talking about.'' Boris waved his hand dismissively at him.

As they turned down a hill, disappearing from the crowded square, a lot of looks were cast their way. To say that they were getting loud in their discussion would be an understatement, since their voices could be heard echoing down the streets like a battle-cry.

Even though he didn't want to admit it, Rei felt unbelievingly relieved over how Boris was reacting towards him. Sure, to anyone else it might seem like the two were fighting, but deep down he knew that it was Boris' way of not being a complete asshole.

And in a way, Rei felt like they were accomplishing something. Maybe, slowly, they were starting to warm up. Suddenly that battle-axe seemed like it had been covered in a thin layher of dust. It wasn't close to a proper burial, but at least it was a start.

**X**

The phone had been ringing for hours. It was the third night in a row that Rei had been screaming in his sleep. Boris who hadn't been able to sleep had to wake him up every time, give him a smack across the head and then let him go back to sleep once more. He hadn't asked about the dreams and Rei hadn't told him. But that was alright with him, because really, he didn't care. It just annoyed him that something scared Rei more than he did and he wanted to know what. So he could laugh at him later.

Or at least he tried to tell himself that.

It was all a very tiring ritual, but not as tiring as the sound of the phone. It was shrill, whining and annoying, shrieking like it tried to cut through the walls. He hadn't picked it up simply because no one ever called him and he had no intention to speak to anyone anyway. Rei didn't seem to want to answer it either, probably because he thought it was Boris' private business. Still, right that night it was annoying him so much he had to restrain himself not to pick up the phone. Taking a couple of deep breaths he tried to remember the calming meditation and elder of the village had taught him in his youth. As he slowly relaxed himself he tried to breathe calmly and focus on something nice, a memory perhaps.

What came up in his head was Boris.

Rei sat up with wide eyes, as if he had just dreamt again. But he hadn't, he was awake. Staring around him, frowning, he wondered if his mind was living its own life. Why on earth did he think about Boris? Maybe it was because they were roomates, he thought. They met everyday so of course they would be on each other's minds. So it wasn't odd, it had a reasonable explanation. There was nothing more to it. Right?

Sighing Rei drew his fingers through his hair, deciding to think of it no more.

As the phone rang stubbornly, he growled a final time before throwing himself off the couch. Slowly and very tiredly strolling into the kitchen, he picked it up. Since he heard no complaints from Boris' bedroom, he took it as a sign to continue the action. Clearing his throat Rei put the phone to his ear.

''This is the Kuznetsov residence, Kon Rei speaking.''

''_Please don't disgrace yourself with that hideous language''_ a raspy, brittle old musty voice spoke in Chinese.

Rei's heart took a leap so great he almost thought it would jump out his mouth. Pinching himself, as if to see if he was dreaming, he felt miserably disappointed when he notiched he was still awake. Fear took a large bite out of his heart and no matter how hard he swallowed the lump in his throat only grew.

''How did you get this number?'' Rei answered in his native tongue.

He tried to sound friendly, polite even, but the anger that coarsed through his veins like boiling acid made it hard. He just wanted to tear the phone down and rip it apart, yell at the man on the other end to go to hell. He wanted to tell him to go fuck himself or jump off a buidling, but he did not. Instead he waited tensely for the man to answer.

''_It wasn't all that hard. Your psychiatrist gave it to me. A really kind woman, she is.''_

When Boris realized that the phone had stopped ringing, he breathed out gladly. He was relieved, to say the least, to be rid of the horrid sound. But then the sound of Chinese reached his ears, and immediately his interest sparked up. Climbing out of bed he peeked out through the doorway, listening in intense concentration. Apparently, Rei had answered the phone and the call did not seem to be for Boris. So naturally he continued eaves-dropping.

''What are you calling for? We haven't spoken in months.'' Rei said, and on the other end a snort was heard.

''_So I noticed. That is a really rude way to talk to your superiors to.''_

''Right now I don't really care. What do you want?''

Irritation and aggression was evident in Rei's voice by then, and it was only fueling the fire of curiosity in Boris' mind. He was wondering who had gotten hold of his number and how the person knew that Rei was there. Maybe it was one of the old Bladebreakers, he guessed. But by the sound of the Tiger's voice, it couldn't be. Rei had said to the group during the sessions that he was sad that the team had drifted apart, not mad. And right that moment he sounded very close to an outburst.

''_I thought I should warn you beforehand._''

''Warn me?''

''_Yes, Rei. I am visting you soon._''

As the phone fell to the floor Rei tried hard not to scream.


	7. Greetings From Moscow

WOW, this was fast! And this chapter is so fluffy I am fearing for Bryan's/Boris' well being. It's so hard to make him stay in character and still subject him to my plot. sigh  
Anyway. Thank you SO much for reviewing. It makes me want to write even more! You keep my mood up!

And thanks for pointers and all that. I really appreciate you guys. You even stand my sloppy typos. I hope this will be enjoyable. And uuh.. Yeah. Soon we'll dig into Boris' past. YEHAW! And.. uhm.. yeah whatever. Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter Seven  
-  
****Greetings from Moscow**

''You're being silly.''

Although the door was thick and his voice strong albeit slightly mellow, the sobs from the other side weren't dampened one bit. On one side of the door stood Boris, growing more irritated and frustrated by the minute, and on the other, in the bathroom, sat Rei curled up in a little ball.

The Russian pouted like a child that didn't get what he wanted. He was confused, and he didn't like being confused. Rei had just dropped the phone and run into the bathroom and Boris had been trying to get him out ever since. Partially because he didn't like to not know what was going on, partially because he was mad that someone he didn't know had his number and partially because he really had to pee.

''Rei, get out of there! You've been locked up for an hour!''

The sobs became more frequent, like an echo through a dark tunnel. Listeting to them, as well as the crying Chinese's ravaging breathing, he felt as in a trance. Muttering Boris opened his sixth beer bottle that hour, and drank half of it in two gulps.

''Kon, stop being such a prissy! I can fucking hear you crying so what the hell are you hiding for?''

''I-I'm not c-crying'' came the somewhat muffled response from inside.

It was the first time Rei had answered him since Boris started assaulting the door in the first place. Banging his head against the white wood, the Russian growled. This was not his speciality. He knew Rei was upset, he knew he was crying and he could bet his liver, kidneys and left lung on that he was curdled up into a little heap in the furthest, darkest corner of the room.

''I can hear you, for fucks sake! Now get out of there!''

The sobbings harshened, almost seeming to cut through Boris' marrow. Now he was seriously getting angry. Banging his fist brutally against the door while kicking it, he yelled.

''Rei! Get the fuck out of there right this instance!''

''Go away!''

He snarled loudly, like the stomach of a hungry demon.

''I'll kick the fucking door down and then I'll make you pay for a new one!''

''Just what business is it to you?!''

''What business?! It's my fucking bathroom and I need to take a fucking piss!''

Rei got quiet in there, and for a moment it actually made a nerve inside the Russian jump. But he quickly ignored it by gulping down the rest of his beer, eagerly digging into another. Whilst in the bathroom the dark haired man hugged himself so tightly he thought he would choke.

A part of him wanted to thrash the room and rip it to shreds with his bare hands; another part of him wanted to just lay down on the marine blue tile floor and die. Breathing through his nose, he wiped the tears away. It was time for him to stop acting like a five-year-old. But still, he was so scared. His father was coming to visit him and he did not know what would come of that. He was afraid that his father would crush him again, make him even weaker and that Boris would be _ashamed _of him. Then another part of him feared that he would instead let the anger seep through and just right about cold-bloodedly murder his relative.

He was such a mess of emotions, many of them coming from past events just deciding to tag along with the ride. He didn't know what to do, what to think or even if he liked the color of the bathroom or not.

It's dark color reminded him of the depths of an ocean, looming around him, waiting for him to move. But he didn't want to move. He wanted to rot into the tiles forever.  
But it seemed not that likely as Boris was getting even more impatient outside. At first it had kind of warmed him that the Russian had been trying to kick the door in, surely waking up several neighbors, just to get to Rei. But now it just hurt even more that all the man wanted to do was pee.

Because no matter how much it embarrassed him, a very small part very deep inside of his heart had thought that the Falcon had cared.

He was so foolish. He should have known better. Why would he care? They were former rivals, weren't they? Not even his former friends cared anymore. He just had to face it, even though he would rather swallow down a gallon of cow-bile and cyanide, he was truly and utterly alone.

And what a dark place solitude was, come to think about it. Time seemed to move so awfully much slower when you were alone and no matter how slow it crawled you never seemed to catch up again. When Boris had started opening up, even if it was barely noticeable, Rei had felt the world start spinning again with such an amazing speed he almost fell flat on his ass.

''Just… just go away, Boris!''

His frail and shivering voice rang through the keyhole, burning with slight fury. Clearly it must have got through to the grey haired man, because later there was silence. Rei sighed in relief, glad that he was left to his own. Immdeiately he let the tears fall again.

He didn't like crying, not even for himself. It felt like such a great sign of weakness he wanted to puke. But he had endured the apathetic numbness of depression before, and he could easily state that the only thing he hated more than crying non-stop was not crying at all. For some reason, it felt like every tear held its own painful emotion. And as the salty driplets fell down onto the floor, perhaps a part of his troubles did as well.

At least he could hope.

And just like that, his security was swept away as the door was kicked in with a large bang. As air brushed in from the suddenly open doorway, Rei's eardrums threatened to explode. His head tried to piece the situation together ferociously, but it wasn't nearly fast enough because suddenly Boris gripped his arm tightly. The grasp was hurting him, but he didn't want to cry out. He wouldn't let himself. He was supposed to be too strong for that, too proud, too brave and all that crap.

But as Boris' eyes bored into him and the man's mere breath seemed cold like a winter wind, it felt obscenely harder. Breathing heavily, stinking of beer and even Vodka, Boris tossed Rei over his shoulder like a damsel in disteress. Without a word he carried the still fervently crying man out of the mutitalted and quite shocked bathroom, going out into the hallway.

Not bothering to tie his shoes, he shoved Rei's own boots onto the carried man's feet. With a firm grip of their jackets he stormed out of the apartment, the Chinese hanging limply over his shoulder. He had nothing to say, so he didn't scream and he was too shocked to even move. A part of him thought that Boris would hit him, but the fury from the Russian seemed distracted, like it was meant for someone else.

Sighing Rei just allowed himself to be carried off to wherever the other one intended to go. Feeling pretty content about this, Boris just gritted his teeth and sped up his steps. Above them the moon was illuminating, recklessly throwing speckles of light in random directions. The stars were barely noticeable and every corner that they passed just seemed to be a wrong turn.

Rei tried so hard to ignore the thoughts in his head but they were much too strong and he was much too tired. Growling, clenching his fists, he let them have their little party inside of his mind. Thoughts like; What if his father hated him even more? Where would the old man live? Why was he visiting? What could he possibly want with his shame for a son? Rei clearly doubted that they would sign an agreement of truce.

Boris steps swayed awkwardly, as if he had little control over what he was doing. Rei didn't really know how much the man had drunk, he could just smell from him that it had been a lot. Boris though, didn't seem to notice. Rei subconsciously buried his head into his own hair, wanting to vanish.

He had had enough of alcoholics to last a lifetime. It stood him up to his throat, threatening to choke him, and he didn't want shit to do with any sort of alcohol ever again. As if it wasn't bad enough that he had been raised by one, but he also lived with an alcoholic for the time being. An alcoholic he was fearing that he was growing quite fond of, too.

Why did the world have to give him the bad deal?

But he stopped his train of thoughts for a moment when he noticed Boris had taken them to a park. It was empty of people, the time being past midnight, and it was far from any house or apartment whatsoever. It was a great place to kill someone in, Rei thought. Perhaps that was Boris' plan, seeing the burning black hatred in his eyes.  
He dropped Rei to stand on his own two feet, and as the long haired man landed graciously on his feet, he stood to give his companion a very questioning look.

Boris just gave him a heart-chilling glare. But suddenly something inside of the grey sparked, as if he realized that he was not actually angry at Rei. Boris wondered if he really wanted to do what his mind was telling him to do, and whether it was worth it. Casting one look at the violently shaking and still crying Rei, he lost all doubts.  
Swaying slightly, Boris leaned closer, trying to keep his tongue in the right place as he formed his words.

''Who… was on the… phone?''

He spoke slowly, sluggishly and still lightly threateningly, the smell of his breath making Rei's stomach cringe worse than Titanic. He crinkled his nose and looked weirdly at Boris.

''Don't even dare lie to me.'' Boris snapped as he noticed the change of posture the Tiger went through.

Biting his lip slightly, making the skin redden under contact of the fangs, the Chinese sighed.

''It was my father.''

''Figures. What'd he want?''

The Tiger shrugged awkwardly. He did not feel comfortable at all, being questioned like that. He especially didn't like the piercing look Boris was drilling into him, making all of Rei's barriers fall.

''He… he said… he's…. coming to visit.''

Rei didn't dare look at the Russian by then. Not only was he ashamed of his own breakdown, but also for his father. No one ever respected a child of an alcoholic, and no one ever looked the same at you once they noticed how much your head was screwed. Rei hadn't really wanted to admit to anyone, not even himself, that he was indeed worse than he had at first let on.

All the emotions he had choked during the last years came crashing down at him. Anger, resentment, repulse, hatred, fury, hurt, sadness, confusion, fear, guilt, longing and shame all mixed into one giant bomb, leaving his head feeling like Hiroshima.

As he dared his amber eyes to look up at Boris again, the Russian was looking stern but sloppy at the same time. As if his face was both trying to fall off him and jump at Rei at the same time. He twisted his mouth and grunted.

''No fucking way in hell that man'll get into my fucking house.''

Rei hadn't thought about that. If Boris didn't want him to, then the elderly Kon would not get over that threshold alive. But still, he could still be out on town. Rei couldn't avoid going outside just for the sake of avoiding his father. It was much too silly and he didn't want to destroy his own life more than he had already done. Swallowing down the lump of emotions that had swelled up inside of him, Rei closed his eyes with a tense sigh.

Normally Boris would have enjoyed seeing him like that. Tears streaming down his face, leaving red skin in its tracks. His face pale and strained, his fists clenched and his body shaking. All the pain seemed to seep out of Rei's every pore. It was like a candy land for sadists like the Russian himself. And normally Boris would've dug into it, laughing his head off. But something that really annoyed him, was that he realized that he had no wish to do so at all.

To anyone else, yes, but to Rei, not a chance in hell. This realization hit him like a knife in the ribs, and he wondered just how mad he had become. What was that churning, bubbling, restless feeling in the pit of his stomach? It was so unlike anything he had ever felt before. Actually, he had never even experienced anything like it. But that feeling rose when Rei looked at him, and left a chilling, echoing pit of loneliness when the Chinese was not close by.

To be frank about it, it freaked Boris out. Even having an alien gnaw its way through his skin would be less frightening than that feeling. Actually he would've preferred the latter option, because then he could just rip the alien apart, scream angrily and then it would be over with. But that feeling, it wouldn't let him win.

Rei was confused too. He had expected the Russian to burst out into a choking fit of laughter by then, but all the man did was tand in his slightly drunken haze looking at him. It unnerved Rei, because that meant he did not have the faintest idea of where Boris stood in their 'relationship', if one could call it that.

He did not know if he was still hated and detested by the man, or if he made his blood boil with anger every time their gazes met. He didn't know if Boris was being a sarcastic bitch to him because of rivalry, or because it was just simply in his nature. He didn't even know what he felt about the Russian, and that alone was enough to make him bit his lip down so hard it burst.

Blood leaked down Rei's chin and the pain that pulsated through him was so chockingly real that it brought him out of his condition for a moment. As the pounding pain clawed at him, the blood feeling warm against his skin, he suddenly felt more awake.

Looking at Boris again, he waited for a reaction. Slowly something seemed to move inside the grey, like a movement under dark waves. As Boris raised his hand, Rei braced himself for a hit. But the hit never came, and when the Russians large, bony hand instead caressed the bloodied chin, his brain came to a halt.

As he with great shock stared wide eyed at Boris, the Russian wiped the blood away. Looking at the blood on his fingers, the Russian licked them clean. The metallic taste filled his mouth and he felt so utterly out of place. What was happening to him? And why? And how the hell could he make it stop?

Rei cried even harder then.

''Kon'' Boris spoke, his voice still slow but sharp as a blade now.

Rei didn't dare look up this time.

''Kon'' Boris said again ''If your father was here, what would you say to him?''

He got no answer at first, and his patience had never been that great to begin with. But then the Chinese twisted slightly, fumbling with his hands.

''What do you mean?'' Rei said dully, focusing his eyes on the ground.

''Pretend that I'm your father.''

The amber shimmered, from tears or from anger and confusion none of them could really tell. Slowly and mighty unwillingly, Rei met the grey glare. Straightening his back as much as he could, Rei suspiciously frowned.

''What?''

''Pretend that I am your father, and tell me what you'd tell him. If there were no risks, no dangers about it, and you could say whatever you wanted without him being able to do shit about it.''

Rei was confused. He didn't like what he was hearing, but then that little voice of reason popped up inside his head. When he thought about it, there was a boat load of things he wanted to tell his so called 'father'. Things he had wanted to say all his life, but never gotten the courage or strength to. Boris seemed to understand that quite well, and at once the idea seemed more tempting than ever. The voice of reason nudged Rei to follow it through, and suddenly with a look so black his eyes lost all their glow, Rei bared his fangs.

Right then he did not see the pale Russian in front of him, but the man he hated more than he had actually ever hated anyone in his life. For that instant, he saw the amber eyes of his pathetic father staring back at him. Suddenly a wave of anger coarsed through Rei, and his tongue worked on its own after that.

''Father'' Rei spoke with such a cold and determined voice that Boris actually raised his eyebrows slightly. ''I am so utterly and god damn sick of you!''

The Russian stood quiet, challenging the Chinese with his stare aned cold exterior. He pushed Rei to go on, and was very pleased when the Tiger obeyed. As twenty two years worth of emotional baggage fought to push its way out of Rei's heart, he trembled and cried even worse. Only now, it was because of pure, blinding rage.

''I'm sick and tired of hearing your fucking voice in my head! All that loathing, all the…. Fuck! So what if I'm a screw up?! So what if I'm a disgrace?! I don't care anymore! You know who's the pathetic fucking weakling in the family? _You _are! You never cared shit about mother, you never cared shit about my friends and you sure as hell never cared shit about me! All you ever loved was those god damn bottles, never even letting them go! I don't have one fucking memory of you without one. At my birthday, if you even showed your ugly face, a bottle in your hand. On my trainings, another one! On my graduation, another, and on my mother's god damn death bed you weren't even there! But I'm sure that if you had been, you'd have your fucking bottle with you!''

His breathing came out harshly forced and almost burning, like he was spitting fire at Boris. The Russian watched in fair interest, listening with bewilderment. He hadn't known that such a small man could hold so much inside, and for once he actually felt curious.

Rei clenched his fists so hard the nails dug into his skin.

''Fuck you! Just fuck you straight to Yanluo's courts and I hope you burn for the rest of eternity! Thanks to you I'll never be able to see my friends because I won't dare to step a foot inside the village again! Thanks to you Beyblade is over for me, because all I ever hear now is how you remark about what a useless sport it is! I can't do anything because I know you wouldn't think shit about it anyway, no matter the outcome.You're supposed to be proud of me! I'm your only damn son! How dare you call me selfish!? I took care of you for my whole youth, but where where you?! I'm twenty two years old, damn it! And I still feel like I'm five!''

The tears were leaking and leaking as if his eyes were dams that had burst. He shook so hard his knees couldn't take it anymore, and so he fell forward. Boris immediately caught him, holding him in his strong and firm grasp. Rei bowed his head tiredly, feeling completely drained.

''I hate you…'' he trembled, completely forgetting that Boris was even there he buried his face in the Russian's chest.

Boris felt out of this world uncomfortable, and if he wanted to he could have thrown Rei off of him. But he chose not too, and instead just let the man cry as long as he needed. Boris didn't really know why, and he sure as hell hoped no one was around to see the two of them. He guessed Rei wouldn't have been wrapping his arms fiercely around his neck like he did, completely drowning the Russian's shirt with tears, if he had been thinking clearly.

Rei probably wasn't aware of anything around him more than that there was comfort within arms reach. He probably had forgotten completely where he was, who he was with and what he was doing. All the Chinese could focus on was that there was a warm body there. A body that didn't push him away. So Rei cried harder, and he held Boris even tighter, shaking more furiously.

Boris didn't embrace him back, but neither did he push him away.

**X**

As Boris was downing the last of his Vodka, he could hear the Tiger snore loudly beside him. In some odd and very unexplainable way, they had gone back home and plunged straight into the comforting mattress of Boris' bed. Rei had fallen asleep immediately, and even though Boris had tried for half an hour he still hadn't been able to pry the black haired man's arms off him.

So basically, he was stuck. Muttering angrily, he drank the last drops of the liquor before he carelessly tossed the bottle aside not really giving a damn about what happened to it.

He would never have been able to guess a few months back that he would end up lying in a bed, with a soaked shirt and Rei fucking Kon hugging him closely in his sleep. He had tried to gain at least a small distance between them, but had only succeeded with a pathetic millimeter.

But Rei seemed to have relaxed though. His body was not as tense as before, but still something made his face twitch as he ran around in the land of dreams. The Russian tried so hard not to wonder what the other was dreaming about, that he too fell asleep from the exhaustion.

'_Rei knew he was dreaming. It was one of those lucid dreams that he had heard about. One where you knew you were dreaming and thus could manipulate the dream however you wanted._

_And right that moment, Rei wanted to wake up. The panic that ripped at him when he didn't succeed though, was enough to make him wish he'd never know it was all a dream. Silently he worried himself sick over the thought that he might never wake up. __It was a stupid thought, he knew that. Of course he would wake up, unless he was in a coma which he knew he wasn't. But the fear still clawed at him._

_As he looked around at his dreamland, his heart sank like an anchor. He found himself standing in a fallen living room, very old fashioned with Chinese decorations from floor to roof. The dread and despair that hung in the air was choking, almost pushing him to the ground by its weight._

_So it was going to be a nightmare then, he thought with a grunt._

_Only a few steps away there was a couch. It was old, tattered, torn and filthy. The entire room was in fact much like it. Apparently no one had laid a cleaning hand on it for a very long time. The stench of alcohol and cigarettes made that impression clear. A__ll around lay bottles, empty but for a last gulp at the bottom. Every bottle had those last centiliters in it, none entirely empty. Some old food lay splattered across the wall, as well as dirty piles of clothes across the florr. There was one thing that stood out mostly in the room though._

_Even though there were pictures of a family in the bookcase, not a single toy lay around as it usually did when a ten year old lived in a house._

_Actually, the only reason you would've know that someone lived there was the fact that the TV was on and that there came mumblings from the couch. Rei didn't have to go near it to see what was happening. But he knew exactly what scene it was, because he had lived it so many years ago._

_By the foot of the couch sat a ten year old version of himself. Small, skinny and pale. His hair was as black as always and put in a braid across his back, his clothes dirty and his eyes dull. It scared him to see such a look in his own eyes. He had had this dream many times before, but it shocked him still._

_On the couch lay a large lump which was supposed to be a man. A man with even dirtier clothes, covered in vomit and food spill. A two weeks stubble covered the man's face and his hair lay long and tousled in large knots across the armrest. His stomach was moving up and down as he breathed heavily, a half filled bottle tightly clutched in his hand, a cigarette between his dry lips._

_The tired, despising golden eyes of the father looked distractedly at nothing. The ten year old Rei looked anxiously at him, the dark bruise covering his right eye making it hard for him to see clearly._

_Slowly and hesitantly, the child touched his fathers arm lightly. _

''_What the fuck do you want, you shit?'' the father growled in drunken Chinese._

_The child arched back instinctively._

''_Father, you haven't eaten in days…'' he spoke, his voice so fragile it was scary._

_Rei remembered that time so clearly. He had been so afraid, so alone. But as he grew older, he had with a lot of help from Mariah, Lee, Gary and Kevin gotten enough. He had developed a pride, a battlelust, a competitive streak so ferocious that he made anything to prove himself._

_It was the only thing that kept him alive in his teens. He didn't want to be afraid anymore. He had always been stubborn, the only good thing he had gotten from his father, and he had used that stubbornness to survive. It hurt the older Rei to think about though. Because that moment he wished he could get that stubbornness and will to survive back. __Maybe it would all be easier then. If he could to it when he was ten, then why was it so damn hard now?_

_He watched silently, not sure if the memory could hear or see him. He wanted to shout out to the images, save his younger self. But he couldn't even move. _

_As the ten year old nudged his father once more, the older Rei's stomach cringed. __All his youth he had waited to be saved, until he had realized that no one was going to come. So he had saved himself as much as he could. And sure, he was broken and running and a mess, but as he got friends he started healing. Slowly, but still._

_Then they drifted apart, and he was alone again. He didn't like being alone, it killed him. __And it killed the child as well. The loneliness so clearly evident in the golden eyes it was hurting. The chid looked so broken it was hard for Rei to believe._

_The father grumbled and smashed the bottle out, missing the child by a centimeter. Thanks to his catlike reflexes, the child remained unharmed. His__ parent muttered and drank more of the liquor, swearing loudly. He took a deep drag of his cigarette, blowing the smoke in the child's face._

''_You are so god damn pathetic, Rei'' The father scoffed ''You are such a worthless little shit. I don't know how the fuck Ai Shu put up with you. Maybe it wasn't the disease that killed her, maybe it was you.''_

_The child cringed at the mentioning of his dead mother's name._

''_Father, you're drunk… you do not know what you are spea…''_

''_Shut the fuck up! You do not dare talk to me like that! Assuming you know better than me, huh?!''_

_In an instant the father rose from the couch, making the child back away. With large, threatening steps the man loomed over the boy, backing him up against the wall._

''_Do not dare speak to me like that! You have no fucking right ! You arte nothing, you hear that? You – are – nothing!''_

_As the first hit connected with the boy's body the adult Rei cried out in fear. He plunged at the images, trying to rip the father away. But his body would not move, and instead Rei wondered what kind of lucid dreaming it really was. He wanted so badly to save the screaming and crying boy, himself, from the father. He wanted to yell at them, hit the man unconscious and run as far away with the boy as he could._

_But all he could to was watch.''_

Boris slapped Rei several times before the Chinese woke up. The amber stared panicked into the brightness of the morning, darting around the room not sure of where he was. At first he was afraid because he didn't recognize his surroundings. He had never been in Boris' room before and thus panic kept ripping him apart.

But when he noticed Boris' face above him, the heavy body of the Russian pinning him down, he relaxed just a little. He was breathing heavily, squirming like a trapped animal. But the Russian stayed on top of him, determined to calm the other man down. Rei struggled out of instinct at frist, feeling panick rise in his chest again due to being trapped.

He wasn't sure if he was still dreaming or not, and if the Boris on top of him was his enemy or the one he had silently and secretly come to call friend.

Boris clenched his jaw with great force, breathing almost as heavily as the black haired man beneath him. Their hearts seemed to pound in synchronized rhythm, their adrenaline pumping like acid through their veins. Boris ignored that his body was getting warmer. Instead he breathed down harshly into Rei's face, fixating him with his grey stare.

Rei blinked at him, calming down.

''Take it easy, for fucks sake!'' Boris snarled and by the sound of the voice, the Chinese stopped shaking,.

He had a faint idea of where he was, but still wanted to know for sure.

''Boris?''

''Yes, it's me.''

''Where am I?''

''In shitty London.''

''What time is it?''

''I believe it is seven in the morning. You're not dreaming, you just woke up screaming your head off. Didn't I tell you to stop waking the entire damn house every time you have a fucking nightmare?''

Rei closed his eyes, his breathing relaxing. His heart was still raging, pumping blood like it had never pumped before, but it started to slowly calm down. Boris mentally groaned in irritation, but remained in the same position.

For some reason Rei felt more secure with the strong, warm body covering him. It felt safe and secure, like he had his own guardian.

Boris just wanted him to shut up. Or at least he tried to tell himself that. Having his hangover get the better of him, he fell down over Rei with a crushing force. It seemed that no matter how much the Russian drank or for how long, he never got used to the hangovers. They had lessened in force through the years though, but seven in the morning they did not make him a happy camper.

Too tired to really care that he was almost turning the Chinese into a puddle of mush, Boris lay still. The man weighed more than Rei did, due to the more muscles he had, and it was hard for Rei to breathe. But still, in some very odd way, he didn't mind. The two lay like that for a long while, just listening to the other breathing.

The room was comfortably warm and silent, the morning sun mild and innocently peeking through the blinders hanging across the window. The bed was messy but soft, if though a little worn out with a few springs pointing out here and there, and Rei hadn't minded if they would have stayed like that for the rest of the day.

Boris really tried not to admit it to himself, but he felt comfortable on top of the Chinese. The warmth of his skin radiating through the white t-shirt, the strong yet slender muscles underneath the skin itself and the beating of his heart, felt good to him. He closed his eyes and let the scent of Rei's t-shirt fill his nostrils, a much welcomed smell of sweat and washing powder.

What the hell is wrong with me? Boris thought angrily, suddenly wanting to slap himself.

But he didn't move, because no matter how much it angered him that he had gotten so soft towards his former nemesis, he wanted to lie like that. It seemed to dull his slight headache a bit, and it certainly relaxed his tense and aching body. Rei enjoyed it as well, welcoming the weight on top of him and the way that the grey hair tickled his throat and chin, which was still covered in blood from the previous night.

But their peace was soon disturbed as someone knocked on the front door.  
Now instead of wanting to hit himself, Boris wanted to hit the intruders that dared disturb the first non-alcohol induced peace he had had in, well, forever.

''You should answer it.'' Rei said after a swift moment of silence, trying hard to hide the bitterness in his voice.

He didn't want the Russian to leave, although he really had no idea why.

''Why?'' Boris grumbled like a stubborn child.

Rei smiled a small smile.

''It might be something important.''

''In this town? Fuck no. I am not moving without my morning beer.''

The Russian felt his human mattress sigh and shake his head.

''You need to lay off the drinking.''

''Why?''

He ignored the sincere worry in Rei's voice.

''It's going to kill you if you don't watch out.''

''Like I'm going to let a little puny bottle kill _me_''

''Confident, are we?''

Amusement in the Chinese's voice lingered like a soft touch in Boris' mind.

''I'm not going to open the door.''

Rei sighed.

''Fine'' he said, squirming to get up. ''Then I am!''

But it was futile. Boris was much too heavy and he was much too tired to even get a millimeter out from underneath him. Rei groaned and fell back against the pillows, Boris smirking triumphantly.

But the knockings appeared again, and they were more stubborn this time. The visitor seemed to have every intent of visiting and the knockings grew more determined. Finally Boris growled angrily, making himself get out of bed. Still swearing loudly in Russian, he strode out of the room and into the hall.

Since his door, to the Russian's clear annoyance, had no peeking-hole, he had to open the door and just hope for the best as the visitor appeared in the door step. Hopefully it would be someone without a gun or a product to sell. Although, it was no mere paper boy, girl scout or even a telephone salesman. Instead four pairs of eyes looked devilishly at him, accompanied by four familiar faces.

''Y'ello''


	8. Love Will Save Us

Wow. This was fast. And this chapter feeles very, very OOC. Damn me! Anyway, I figured I had to get something sadistic into this story, but that will have to wait for chapter nine. As well as the fluffiness. Man, they're really slow at realizing their love, aren't they?

Anyway. Tell me what you think. I'll go pray in a corner that there wasn't as many sloppy errors in this one as the last time.

Toodles!

* * *

**Chapter Eight  
****-  
****Love Will Save Us**

''Oh, hell no!''

''Is that a way to greet an old friend?''

Yuriy's eyebrows rose far up in his face, making him look dramatic in a very eerie way. His aqua blue eyes shone like ice covered ponds in the little corridor, making the temperature drop remarkably. Behind him stood the rest of the Blitzkriegs, like a pack of wolves. Kai stood stoic and expressionless like a stone tablet, while Ian grinned like a little devil behind the large, bored Spencer.

''Stop being such a drama queen and let us in.''

But Boris wouldn't have any of that. Instead of being happy to see his friends like most people would be, all he felt was the undeniable lust to rip them apart. Sure, deep down he did feel _something_ towards them. And yes, even though hell would freeze over before he admitted it, he had missed them. And that wasn't so odd, was it?

They had been the only ones he trusted in his whole life. It was only natural. But he couldn't think about that for the moment, it didn't matter because he was so angry. Sure, they had sent him to London for his own good, because they actually cared. But Boris didn't need taking care of, he could do that himself. So instead of letting them in, he shot Yuriy a glare that was about as friendly as a psychopath.

''You're dead.''

''And why is that?''

The Wolf didn't seem to understand quite why Boris was so angry. Or perhaps he did but pretended the opposite just to get back at him for being so hostile. One never really knew with Yuriy Ivanov. Crossing his arms he made a questioning face which only irritated the Falcon further.

''You are fucking dead!''

Before the others had time to react Boris had thrown himself at his friend like a madman. In an instant blood had been shed and hits had been delivered. The two Bladers rolled around on the floor, yelling and cursing. Those in the apartment building who hadn't woken up by then, certainly didn't have many minutes of sleep left.

Rei shifted slightly in the bed, hearing the ruckus he got nervous. Slowly he crept out of the comfortable fort of blankets, sneaking out into the hallway. As he peaked around the corner, his jaw dropped like a stone.

Seeing Boris and Yuriy having the fight of the year was shocking enough, but it was Kai who caught his eye the most.

Before he could figure out whether to plunge into the fight and separate the two or just simply hug Kai to death, the Phoenix made a move of his own. Like a father separating two fighting children, he stepped in between and pulled them apart. Yuriy was panting, looking angry and insulted. Boris looked like he was ready to go on a killing spree.

''Lay off, you two! You're acting like kids'' Kai grunted, shooting them warning looks.

But his crimson eyes scared no one and Boris leaped once more. Only this time Spencer grabbed a hold of him, Ian helping by grabbing his leg. The short man seemed to have a pretty hard time restraining the Falcon though. Kai sighed and mumbled something, grasping Yuriy's shoulder just to keep him still.

''What's the fucking deal?!'' Yuriy snarled, his teeth bared and forehead frowned in multiple layers.

Boris pointed a trembling fist at him. He was shaking of fury and not fear, the adrenaline threatening to make his heart burst.

''You fucking asshole! You sent me to this fucking shit hole!'' Boris roared, his face growing redder.

''Are you still fussing over that? Stop whining already! It was for your own good.''

''Oh, yeah? It hasn't done shit lately!''

''I can smell that, Mr. Vodka.''

''Fuck you!''

Now, Yuriy being a fairly collected person, hedid not always lash out at people. He preferred to take them down with style, striking them when theyleast expected it and where it hurt the most.But Boris was stomping on his last nerves and the tension in the air was almost chewable. Kai kept glaring at them with a posture of authority, while the other two kept struggling with restraining the grey haired man.

Rei took this as his cue to save the day.

''Hi Kai''

The four heads turned to him as if it was a ghost that stood in the doorway. Staring wide eyed, their gazes jumping from Rei and Boris repeatedly, they paled to a deathly shade of white. Rei smiled awkwardly, keeping his stare on Kai. His former teammate looked him over for a second, before nodding.

''Rei''

''What the hell is _he_ doing here?!'' Yuriy barked shrilly.

Boris looked torn for a moment, a flicker brushing past his deathly eyes. For a moment he considered whether he should tell his comrades the truth or not. But he quickly shook his head, sighing. Only cowards hid the truth.

''He's living here.''

The red head didn't even try to look unconcerned.

''What in the fucking hell do you mean by that?!''

''You have a problem with that?''

''Yeah! He's… he's Rei Kon!''

Boris was looking dangerously murderous by then. His eyes darkened like a stormy sky, his voicecoming out harsh and strained, as if it was soon to burst with fury. But something else lingered in it as well. Kai secretely wondered what, since he was the only one to notice. Could it be protectiveness? Or had he just imagined it? Kai thought about it, and he noticed that something about Boris had changed. It wasn't enough to be spotted by the untrained eye, but there was something. He didn't look so... alone anymore.

''That's very perspective of you.''

''He's your damn rival! You tried to kill him! You _hate_ him! Are you totally ins..? No, wait, you _are_ insane!''

Boris had never seen Yuriy lose his cool like that before. No matter what, the only way to get the red head worked up was by touching a very sore spot. He wasn't sensitive, so his reaction was pretty overboard even to his formerteammates. This alone made a grin of malicious pleasure form inThe Falcon'sface. Yuriy was the kind of person you could never toy with, and if you could he would sure make you pay. For short, the opportunity to mess with him was pure gold.

Boris didn't intend to let that slip away from him without a fight.

''Yuriy, Yuriy, little Yuriy. Don't you know love starts with war?''

The shock in Yuriy's eyes was priceless. Sure, his face was blank, emotionless and completely clean, just like a white wall. But the blue of his eyes was a complete turmoil, like a slumbering beast waiting to strike.

''What did you just say?''

''Don't tell me you're jealous? Obviously I can't hate him that much since I let him sleep in my bed last night. And yeah, I tried to kill him. But some people like it rough, right kitten?''

Boris turned his malicious grin towards Rei who was blushing like he had never blushed before. Kai shook his head tiredly, as if he knew just what was going on. Spencer looked dumbfounded, Ian double so. Something inside Boris immediately ticked.

''_Kitten?!_'' Yuiry spat as if the word was pure poison.

''Yes. Kitten. He's my little pussy cat.''

Rei didn't even notice when Boris crept up to him, like a shadow, and threw his arm comfortably around his slim shoulders. The looks Rei was receiving were enough to make him want to die. He was confused, scared and embarrassed at the same time. And yet there was another feeling, something he could not quite understand. As the strong grip squeezed him closer, he could feel the heat of the Russian against his back. The feeling kept tugging at his mind, as if trying to tell him something.

''You're just fucking with me.'' Yuriy spat, not wanting to believe the sham. His eyes pierced Boris right through, daring him to keep lying.

''No'' Boris smiled even wider. ''I'm fucking him.''

Silence fell in the hall, an awkward feeling bouncing between them like a bullet. Rei gritted his teeth uncomfortably, not sure if he should say something. Truth be told he didn't dare to, because Yuriy was looking more than just pissed. Kai closed his eyes, muttering something to himself. When he noticed how Yuiry was only staring, he put his hand on the man's shoulder.

Yuriy instantly flinched.

''Yuriy, let's go arrange our rooms.'' Kai said, and his voice indicated that it was not a question.

The Wolf's eyes growled and barked at the same time, but his mouth was just a very thin line. He had simply wanted to go over there, check on Boris a little.Because no matter how cold any of them looked, they actually did care. They never spoke about it, but they didn'tneed to. They knew what sort of bond they had, without forming any words.That was mostly the reason to why Yuriy was so mad.

He hated how that when heactually did do something nice for once, he got it thrown back into his face. So with a grunt, the Wolf left. Soon Kai followed him, taking it upon himself to save the outside world from whatever Yuriy could do to it in his angry state. The blonde Russian soon dragged the shorter one along, and they were gone in an instant. As if they had simply been ghosts, leaving destruction in their paths.

Rei stared at Boris like he was a lunatic.

''What the hell was that about?!''

Boris just grinned.

''Got to mess with them when you can, kitten.''

''Was that really necessary?''

Boris shrugged.

''Does it matter?''

Rei's mouth fell open, his arms flung out. He tried his hardest to keep his voice from getting shrill but didn't do that good of a job.

''Yeah it does! Yuriy looked like he was going to kill me!''

''Doesn't he always?''

''But now they think I'm… I'm…''

He couldn't even form the words. He was so messed up he didn't know what to think, about anything. The grey haired man seemed to enjoy the moment though. More than the Tiger liked.

''Yeeees?''

''Now they think I'm _sleeping _with you! With _you_! Boris!''

''You make it sound like a bad thing. I tell you, a lot of girls would love to be in your place.''

''I'm serious!''

''And I'm not?''

Rei pulled at his longhair feeling his sanity slipping further and further away. He knew he was freaking out, knew that it was bad but still he couldn't stop. Trying to win against Boris was nearly impossible. He knew that. And he felt so completely stupid because of it. He knew it was a bad idea to even get near the man, and still he did so. If he had been smart he would've run from the man when he still had the chance. But that wasn't an option anymore; he was trapped. And the thing that unsettled him the most was that he wasn't sure that he completely disliked it.

But he had won against the man before, hadn't he? Surely he could do it again. Or could he really? He had been such a different person back then, so angry.

''God damn it! You… I…'' Rei sighed, feeling defeated. ''Whatever. I'm going to the Insitute.''

''Have fun.''

As Rei put on his shoes and went out the door, he didnt even bother trying to get Boris to come with him.

**X**

The hour had crept by so unbelievingly slow. The session of the day was feeling pointless, stupid even. For a moment he wondered why he even went there. It hadn't helped him at all. But then again, he hadn't let it, had he? Maybe it was all his fault. Maybe he should give it a chance. And besides, the day had started out so weird, he didn't know where else to go.

In fact, the whole week had been so awkward he thought he would burst if he didn't let it out. And in the end, there really was no better place for him to go whine than at the Institute.

Amanda had been handing out assignmenst, interrogated them about the previous one and then started the usual therapy talk. They told her about what bothered them, what had went bad since last time, what had went well and what was going to happen in a near future and so on. After he had listened to the anorexic of the group, Rei felt even more depressed than before.

The world was such a cruel place sometimes. It's main purpose seemed to be to screw people around. He often found himself wondering what good it all was. What was it with life that made it worth all the bother? There was so much crap he wondered how people put up with it, how he put up with it. So he sat there, trying to listen but severely failing, andhe wondered why he hadn't just killed himself.

Because I'm waiting for something better, he reminded himself. And he was, too. Deep in his heart he had always believed that the only reason the world was full of so much evil was so that one could savor the good much easier that way. It was kind of like the movies, without the part where Brad Pitt gets the girl and an evil android tries to destroy Earth.

The only reason that the hero had to climb such a giant stair, was because the view from the top would bethe most breathtaking sight in the whole world.

Rei wanted to see that sight too. For him it felt like he had climbed that stair, slipped, fallen and climbed back up again over and over without really getting further to the top. There were times when he had reached a step which held treasured moments in them, happiness even. But they were all so far gone now. He sighed deeply. How did he slip so far? When did he go so wrong?

Rei was so deep in thought that he hadn't even noticed that the session was over. It was a hand on his shoulder that brought him back to the cruel reality once again. He flinched remarkably harsh, and for a moment he looked startled. It was a basic impulse of his. He had always been a little awkward with touching that he didn't expect. Unsettled he looked up to see who the assaulter was.

Amanda smiled kindly at him.

''Mr. Kon, the session was over five minutes ago.''

He looked blankly at her.

''Oh.''

His lack of response clearly concerned the psychologist who frowned her forehead extremely.

''Is there something wrong?''

''What? With me? Oh, no! Not at all!''

She tilted her head slightly, quirking her mouth. He obviously didn't fool her. But then again, how could he? She was educated in the psyche of mankind, he was just like an open book to her. And he didn't like that, he had never liked that. When people could see right through him it left him feeling vulnerable. He liked to be able to defend himself and when he couldn't he just got uncomfortable.

''You can tell me you know. We're alone now, and you were so quiet during the session.''

Her hand still lingered on him, unfamiliar and unwelcomed. But as he didn't move she took it as an invitation and sat down beside him, leaning closer.

''What's wrong?'' she said softly, almost whispering.

Your face, that's what's wrong, Rei thought.

''I uh…''

''Trouble at home?''

''Well I uh…''

''Anyone or anything bothering you? That Russian perhaps?''

Rei fidgeted slightly, not really liking how personal she was getting. How deep her words cut, like a scalpel through his mind.

''Well… I… it's just that…''

''Has he been cruel to you?''

He flinched, staring at her.

''What? Oh no! No! Not at all!'' Not more than usual, at least. ''It's just... I'm worried.''

Amanda looked completlely puzzled.

''About him?''

The way she spoke about Boris, the way she always spoke about him, was as if she didn'tconsider him to bea human at all. She knew she had to, it was her duty as a shrink. She had tried too, on numerous occasions. She tried to like them all, to empathize, to feel something for them. But she just couldn't. They were the same, all of them. Just problems with names attached to them. Names she didn't even remember by the end of the day.

''Well, yes, partially. He's… his drinking hasn't really improved lately.''

''Ah'' she sat back, as if understanding. But on a level, Rei knew she didn't. ''Is it getting worse?''

''Yes, kind of.''

''I see. And this is unsettling you because it reminds you of your father?''

He blinked at her. That was something he had been totally unprepared for. Suddenly a light went off in his mind. Could it be that he wasn't really starting to like the Russian? Was it just that he recognized his father in him? Did he feel like he had to stay with Boris, because he had to stay with his father for so many years? Was everything just a way for him to deal with his demons?Had all thatBoris ever was beenjust a substitute? A replica? Did he mean nothing more than that?

''Well… I… I don't know.''

''Yes, I believe you do, Rei.''

Amanda never used any of their first names, for some reason. Whether it was out of respect, formality or just lack of concern, she never did. And that just made him feel worse. He didn't like the way she said it, the way she looked when she did or the fact that she even did it at all.

Instantly he caught himself wishing Boris was there to scare her off.

''I…'' he averted his golden eyes to the floor, suddenly just wanting to leave.

''Yes?''

''My… My father is coming to visit me.''

''I see. And…'' she spoke so smoothly, so bewitchingly sneaky that he didn't even notice how close she had gotten. ''How does that make you feel?''

As her breath tickled his ear he jumped so high he almost fell off the chair. Amanda saw this weakness and in a second she had gotten nearly on top of him. She was looming like something bad and dark and scary over him. For a moment Rei wondered if he was still dreaming, if the entire day had just been one long nightmare.A long time ago hewouldn't havelet people scare him, but it was something aboud Amanda. Something that gave him a bad feeling and the instinct to run away. But he always ran nowadays. And what was the point of running if one never got anywhere?

''Dr. Grey, what are you… uh… what are you doing?''

''Oh, stop being so formal, Rei! I have seen the way you've looked at me.''

Her smile made his heart jump as if it tried to break out of his rib cage and run. He didn't blame it though, because that was the exact impulse he got. He didn't like being trapped, not in any situation. A cornered tiger always ended up bad.

''No I…''

Her finger across his lips silenced him.

''I have been looking at you too. You know…''

''Isn't this… against the rules? I mean… you're my psychologist?''

''No one is here, no one will know.''

The look in her eyes was just making his senses scream danger. This was bad, he felt it as clear as a cut. But still he couldn't move, he was too shocked. Everything, his father, the Russians, Boris, London, the loneliness, the nightmares, it was all too much to take in. And to add it all up, his psychologist was hitting on him, just an inch away from straddling him! Was he really the one who was insane? Because the world was seeming pretty crazy to him.

''Dr. Grey…''

''Amanda''

''Amanda, I... I have to g…''

Of all the ways that she could have cut him off with, she just had to do it with a kiss. It was so straight forward, so carnivorous, so blunt. He felt more trapped than before, her lips like acid against his own. Bile rose in his throat, threatening to form into vomit. As Rei's brain ceased to work, his instincts kicked in and he pushed the psychologist off him with such force that she fell to the floor.

Rei stood up as soon as he got free, staring at her. He felt traumatized, run over and shocked at the same time and his ears kept pounding, screaming and roaring at him to run. Amanda looked hurt, angry even. He was not going to waste another moment in that room.

Run! His brain screamed. Run for your life, Rei!

There were times when one should not listen to ones brain, but Rei felt this was not that sort of moment.  
Before the shrink even had the chance to get up he had left the room.

**X**

''Hey, Kon!''

When he got home it was Spencer who greeted him. The blonde sat flung up in the couch, Ian right beside him. On the table in front of the couch stood an evilly gleaming bottle of Vodka. Rei only stared at them. His brain was still null and numb from what had just occurred only half an hour ago. His senses had shut down, his whole body going on back-up energy. He could barely blink without falling into a trance.

A blonde eyebrow rose at him, and the big man looked confused.

''You look pretty flushed. Here, have a drink!''

Rei stared at him, only now coming back to reality.

''Huh?''

Spencer grunted, holding up the bottle and a glass gesturingly.

''You look bad. Have a drink.''

The Tiger stared a little longer, recieving even weirder looks. He looked at the bottle, then at the Russians, and then back at the bottle again. Suddenly realizing what the blonde meant, he shook his head.

''No thanks. I don't usuallydrink.''

''Silly man! Everybody drinks!''

''No, really, it's fine.''

The exceptionally taller man gave him a daring look.

''What are you? A pussy?''

Rei frowned. Insane or not, under no cirucmstances would he tolerate anyone calling him a coward. He was a lot of things, among them stubborn, and this stubbornes would not allow him to let people talk to him like that. And his mind was a such complete soup of things, that bottle actually looked a little alluring...

What the hell am I thinking?! Rei barked mentally at himself. He didn't drink, period. He knew what happened if one fell for the temptation of the bottle once too many. A little lead to more, and more lead to pure hell. He had seen it happen, hell, he had even lived it. He would not subject himself to that kind of torture, no matter what. That, if anything,was below him..

But Spencer, feeling his competitive streaks kick in,had always been good at convincing people.

**X**

Boris stumbled into the apartment, an angrygrimace worn like a second skin. When Rei had left for the session and Yuriy and Kai had gone to their hotel, he had been left alone to his boredom. And if there was one thing that spelled 'doom', that was Boris being bored. Most creepy things the man had ever done, he had done while being restless. Safe to say, it was not a very good combination. So he haddecided to occupy himself with something and strolled out, going to the Gods knew where.

That left Spencer and Ian to their own and since they didn't feel like dealing with a pissed of Yuriy and they too also were bored, they had decided to go shopping. Shopping for their part meant going to the liquor store.

After browsing for nearly forty minutes, they had decided on some really fine (and expensive) Vodka and headed back to the apartment, hoping Boris wouldbe there to let them in. Grumpily they had accepted defeat and merely sat down waiting. Since Boris didn't seem to be getting back in the near future though, Ian had simply picked the lock open. It was a speciality of his that not many knew about. And the fact that Boris would probably skin them alive later for it, was completely washed away after a few sips of Vodka.

Now, when Boris was back, he was furious out of his mind.

Glaring at the broken lock as if it would help anything, he kicked the door shut and turned around with murderous intent. When he heard voices form the living room, images of how to punish his victims flashed before his mind. Images that would make Ed Gein hide underneath his bed crying for mommy.As Boris stomped into the room, he was glaring daggers at whoever was there, not really caring if they were the guilty onesor not.

Although what he saw then sort of threw him off.

Rei was lying on the floor, looking like he had melted intoa puddle or was damn close to. Beside his head stood a glass of some transparent liquid and by sniffing the air mildly he immediately understood what it was. The bottle on the table also helped.

Spencer wasn't looking too sober himself, leaning over the arm rest of the couch like a dead seal. Ian was laughing at something only he knew about, and didn't seem to have noticed Boris at all. Among the Russians the least responsible one when it came to drinking was the Falcon himself. Ian and Spencer though did like to party every once in a while, but mostly they kept away from it. But when they didn't, things often got bad pretty quick. The only ones who didn't have a messed up relationship to alcohol was Kai and Yuriy, who often found themselves scolding the others when a certain night had gone too far.

His fury only growing, his veins throbbing with pain from the adrenaline that rushed through him, the Falcon let out a loud swarm of curses.

''What the fuck are you doing?!''

The three turned to look at him slowly, their eyes blank and dull, as if they were in a completely different dimension than the Falcon himself. He could feel the alcohol on their breath even though he was standing a few meters away from them. But he soon closed the distance, gripping a hold of Spencers throat. Even though the blonde was taller and more robust, he didn't even come close to Boris when it came to viciousness.

''Hi Boooooris!'' Rei giggled miserably from the floor.

''What – in – the – fucking – hell – have – you – done – to –Rei?''

The words were spoken with such malice it would have made the devil flinch, but Spencer only grinned stupidly.

'''E looked a lil' glum so' we tried tuh' cheerim' up!'' the words stumbled out of his mouth like mud.

The man didn't even seem to be able to keep his skin together, so drunk it was a miracle he could speak at all. Ian was only looking slightly worse, but Rei was what really made Boris' heart pump anger.

''Cheer him up?! Are you as fucking retarded as you look?! You gave _him_ alcohol?!''

He pointed at Rei accusingly as if it would mean something to the blonde. Spencer only looked confused.

''Izzat' baaaaaad?''

''Is it… is it… BAD?!''

Ian was feeling the danger in the air and tried to slid down the couch so gracefully as he could. Being drunk though, that was about as graceful as an elefant in a ballerina show. Boris grabbed the shorter man by the nose, his grip close to crushing bone. His gaze seemed like it was burning but with a cold, flickering flame that chilled the marrow of whoever looked into it.

Rei rolled over on his stomach, giggling.

''How the hell could you give him alcohol!?''

Boris voice cut through the rooms awkward silence about as gentle as a sledge hammer, leaving the other Russians slightly baffled.TheFalconwas so mad he didn't even notice that Yuriy and Kai was standing in the doorway, staring at Rei like he was something out of a bad splatter-movie.

''Boris, what's going on?'' Kai spoke and the grey haired man turned around with a snarl.

''Those fucking idiots have gotten Kon drunk!''

Yuriy grunted.

''And?''

''What the fuck do you mean 'and'?!'' Boris voice was loud enough to reach the above floor, but he couldn't havecared less.

All he could focus on was his anger. Why he was getting so worked up he didn't even care to stop to reflect over. He knew he wasn't supposed to care. After all, it was only Rei. But something inside of him kept exploding, throwing fits of anger through him like wild earthquakes. He was just so out of his mind mad, because he knew what drinking could do to the Chinese. He had the genes of an alcoholic. Not only was he more likely to get addicted easier than any of them, but also was it dangerous to his mental state.

The Falcon knew that, and it angried him further that he still cared. He who had never cared about anyone than himself, he who wouldn't only stand by and watch if someone got murdered in the back of an alley, but he would also laugh, enjoy the moment as sweet nectar. Savor it with every breath. So why in the world did he care now?

Yuriy seemed to think the exact same thing.

''Why do you care? It's just Kon.''

A loud thud was heard as Boris dropped Spencer and Ian to the floor, looking ready to rip the red head's throat out.

''Ivanov, just shut your stupid mouth before I rip it straight off!''

''Boris relax, we'll take care of it'' Kai turned his crimson stare to pin the Falcon down.

But it didn't work. He was just so angry he didn't know what to do with it all. He felt like he could go on a year long non-stop killing spree, and still he'd have anger left. But Kai wasn't a leader for nothing, and he knew when to step in and how. Giving the Falcon a look telling him to justpull himself together, he crossed his arms in authority like so many times before.

''Boris, you're not helping.''

''And you are?!''

''If you're so concerned about…''

''I'm _not_ concerned!''

''Whatever. This isn't the time. Rei needs to get to bed before he soils your floor.''

Boris looked like he was about to say something, before the words sunk in. He looked over his shoulder seeing Rei lie in a little giggling and coughing bundle on the floor. His face was red, his eyes in another world. Where his mind was wandering about was anybody's guess. Muttering, childishly stubborn, the Falcon bit his lip. He gave Kai a final murdering glare before he turned around and went over to Rei.

The golden eyes looked up at Boris, as if they saw something other than him.

''Rei''

''Hiiiiiii!''

''I am presuming you can't stand so I'm going to drag your sorry ass up now.''

''Huh' nice!''

''Yeah sure, whatever. Just shut up and don't move.''

He bent down and grabbed a firm hold of the lithe frame of the man and lifted him as easily as a feather. Rei cooed as he hung limply over Bori's shoulder, being carried away and out of the room.

''Weeee, I'm on the rollercoaster!'' he cheered.

While Boris dumped him onto his bed, Kai gave the remaining drunks a critizising look that would make potatoes peel.

''I'll deal with you two later, or so help you God Boris will.''

With that he left Yuriy with the two of them, knowing he was needed elsewhere. As he had suspected, Boris came rushing out of the bedroom looking twice as mad as before. Kai watched him paitently, knowing that confronting the man that moment would be dangerous and not to mention stupid.

''First my fucking lock is vandalized, then I come home to find this! What in the fucking hell?!''

Boris stood yelling and kicking at random objects for about ten minutes, getting more and more angry by the second. Kai waiteda ll the while watching him. The grey haired man's chest was moving like a tornado was roaming inside of it while giant tsunamis of fury continued to course through him. His eyes looked to be atthe point of pure insanity, his fists clenched so tight they looked close to crushing.

It wasn't until a fragile and almost broken voice croaked from the bedroom that he got quiet. Recognizing the voice as Rei's, still angry he stomped back into the bedroom. Kai waited in the doorway, watching them in silence as Boris knelt down by the bed, glaring at Rei.

Rei still looked half-digested, hiding his face in his hands. His giggling had turned into agonized groaning, his body arched in a tormented manner.

''Boooriiiis…''

The mentioned man had to grit his teeth hard not to kill something.

''Yes?''

''Stop yellin'. Yuh' hurten' my head''

The grey eyes watched him closely, as if unsure of how to react. He wanted to yell at Rei for being so stupid, and he wanted to laugh at him for being so pathetic. And yet there was a part of him which he tried his best to ignore. A part that wanted to stop the yelling, kill Spencer and Ian and… he didn't know, really. All he knew was that he didn't like that part of him. A part that seemed to have begun growing out ever since he met Rei.

''Do you know how stupid you are?''

''I'm… I… sorry. Bu' I juz…I juz…''

''Why the hell did you... why the… For fucks sake, Kon!''

Rei looked utterly miserable then. He was so completely out of his mind he didn't even know where he was or what was going on. The only thing he could really focus on was Boris' voice because somehow it felt safe. Like the tiniest shard of reality that he had to cling to in order to not lose it completely. He hated being drunk, and he hated himself so much for accepting the drink. He was stronger than that, he wasn't usually someone that was easy to persuade. But the stress, yes it was a bad excuse but it was the only one he had. The stress had been to much. He couldn't take it, he had to get away.

''I hate m'self'' he muttered into the mattress, wanting to disappear into it.

''And with good fucking reason too''

''You don'… understand''

''Then make me.''

A golden eye opened half way, staring at him. Normally it would have hit him like a punch in the face, but this time it only barely tugged at him.

''Aman… Amanda… kissed me.''

The Falcon blinked.

''What?''

''Kiiiiiissed meeee''

''Stop talking bullshit Kon.''

''Bu' she diiid! She really did! I … I felt so…''

''So what?''

''So… ewwwiieee!''

Boris closed his eyes. Another wave of emotions rushed through him and he wasn't sure he liked them. There was that black, tar-like emotion that tried to drown him, creep into his lungs and kill him. He knew that emotion, he had felt it a few times before. When he looked at all the families in the park, smiling, having a good time. When he saw all the things that he didn't have, that he never would have.

It was jealousy.

Kai felt the mood in the room,if possible, lowering further. Deciding to strike before it got too ugly, he cleared his throat. Boris glared up at him, but stood up, if yet a little reluctantly.

''I'm going to the bar.'' the Falcon grunted.

And just like that, he had left.

**X**

When Rei finally woke up, his head felt like Hiroshima. Nuzzling into the sheets, a very familiar smell blending into his senses, made him relax a little. He gritted his teeth and slowly opened his eyes, wondering what time it was. The clock radio on the floor told him that it was ten PM, close to midnight.

Had he been out of it for the whole day?

Sighing he drew hisfingers through his hair, strying not to wince. Whatever kind of Vodka that had been he would make sure to never drink it again. Disgust, resentment and disappointment suddenly filled him like a disease. Why on earth had he drunk that? He had promised himself since he was a kid that never, under any circumstances, would he become like his father.

Rei knew that heran a bigger risk of slipping, for growing addicted to the booze, than anyone he knew. Besides Boris then, but for him the damage was already done. And Rei didn't want that to happen to him. Sure, he was not happy, not in the least, but he didn't hate himself so much that he would ever succumb to such an addiction. Such a painful way to destroy not only his own life, but the lives of others as well.

And that was the worst thing a person could possibly do, Rei thought.

Destroying someone elses life just wasn't fair. It was cruel and selfish and should be considered a crime. A lot of things should. He could not understand for the life of it how someone could just do that. How someone could hurt another person and then just… maybe not feel good about it, but not feel bad about it either.

Boris name suddenly jumped into his mind.

The Falcon. He was so like his father in so many ways. The drinking, the hurting, the malice, the hatred, the fury. They had so many things in common, so many things that unsettled Rei and brought back so many memories. He had always heard people say that 'you always fall for a boy who reminds you of your dad'. He guessed it was the same way but with girls and mothers when it came to straight men, and gay women.

And it felt true, too. If he would ever tell anyone about what kind of person Boris was, then it would almost feel like he was talking about both men at the same time. And yet, it would not. In some way, a very odd one too, Boris was a completely different person. Because no matter what the Tiger had thought about the Russian before London, it was all changed now.

Years ago, if anyone would have asked what kind of person Boris Kuznetsov was, then Rei would have gritted his teeth and snarled out the answer. He would've said that Boris Kuznetsov was a cold hearted man, who enjoyed others pain and it wouldn't surprise him if he would ever kill someone. But stillhe hadn't been angry at him, not entirely at least. Sure, Rei had gotten hurt pretty bad in that game, he still had scars. But deep down he knew that this wasn't Boris fault. He didn't choose to become like that, he never had a say in anything.

So it was understandable that Boris tried so hard to have one. That he didn't like not having control, being looked down upon, feeling inferior. Of course he got into fights, drank all his money away and enjoyed seeing people suffer. Rei didn't know what life at the Abbey had been like, but from the look in Kai's eyes he knew it hadn't been a great one. For once in his life Boris had a life of his own. The men who controlled him, made him into a human machine, were gone.

Now it was his time to show the world what pain really meant.

He was the one who would hurt others and laugh at them. He was the one who was going to show them what cruelty and coldness was like. He was going to show them what happened when you made a beast of hatred and then opened the cage. It was his time now, his time alone. Rei guessed that the alcohol was just a way to forget those things he could not wash away with blood.

But then again, he would never really know. All he could do was guess, and he didn't really know why he bothered. Why did he care about Boris? What was it that had made him forget his anger, fear and hurt so much that he'd left his guard down? He even slept in the same room as himonce!

There was something forbidden, tempting, in the grey depths of his eyes. Rei knew that he could feel it so clearly. He just didn't know what it was, or if he really wanted to find out. Once getting entagled in it, he might not ever get out again. But then again, maybe it was worth it? Maybe it was worth to uncover the mysterious Kuznetsov? Rei sighed. It was not the right time for thinking. All he wanted to do was get up, drink an ocean of water and then go pass out again.

Murmuring he pushed himself off the bed with slight effort and stumbled out into the hallway. Yawning widely, scratching the back of his head, he made a vow to never drinkever again. As he was about to head for the kitchen though, the front door immediately swung open. Rei blinked, slightly unsettled at this sudden burst of commotion. But he didn't have time to think about it further, because the visitor was enough to strike his mind numb.

Everything inside of the Tiger screamed as he saw Boris, paled, sweating and panting, leaning against the door with a large, hellish grin, his eyes as dark as the sky outside.

''Boris… what's… what happened?'' Rei's voice barely reached over a whisper.

The grey eyes looked up at him, gleaming with that same old sadistic pleasure he had seen that day so many years before. It made him flinch slightly, as if he was preparing for a cutting gust of wind. But it didn't come and Rei realized, the stare was not intended at him. In fact, he wasn't sure if Boris was even looking at him.

All he saw was the blood.

It was everywhere; in his hair, on his clothes, on his hands and even in his face. His clothes were torn, his posture tense, his breath reeking of alcohol like so many other times. He always seemed to smell like that, to have that little spark of murderlust in his eyes.

This time it was different though, it was more intense. Rei couldn't understand any of it, the whole moment seemed so absurd.

''Boris… Boris what is..?'' but he didn't get further before the Russian collapsed on the floor.


	9. All That Matters

Ahem.What to say without going on a useless rant? This site is SCREWING UP my chapters. It took out all the questionmarks in some sentences and it's just.. Oh god I can't even bother with this. Anyway. I know poor Yuriy hasn't appeared too much in this, but I just can't deal with him right now. He'll join in shortly though, don't you pretties worry. Uh. And.. this chapter.. is... well. Fluffy. Almost as fluffy as Bakura.

**Keep your fangirly, high pitched ,squealing screams ready, darlings, this one's for you!  
**  
You know. I do have two more chapters that I've written after this. So if you review I'll update sooner. evil grin

* * *

**Chapter Nine  
****-  
****All That Matters**

_Can I touch you?_

Those were the words, the only words that would come to Rei's mind as he sat there at the hospital. His head was seemingly empty, but thick as if clogged with all his thoughts, desperate to come out. He shook his head tiredly, just staring through the window in the wall, the only thing between him and the Falcon. The Falcon who seemed to have gotten his wings clipped, torn off and ripped to shreds way too many times.

But he had always been like that, Rei knew that. He knew that no matter how tough and untouchable Boris tried to look, he was falling apart. He had always been falling apart, but it just wasn't possible to notice. Rei wondered if the man even noticed it himself. He probably guessed that was the way he was, the kind of person he was born to be. Or perhaps raised, sculptured even. 

But it didn't matter. Because the roaring shouts of anger inside of the Russian would never cease. Perhaps Rei was just silly and paranoid, but he feared that one day it would kill him, one way or another.

He shook his head again, sighing. He felt so drained, like he had just climbed out of the sewers with a bag of bricks on his back.

Boris would be alright. He knew that. That was just the kind of person he was. He never let people push him to the ground, and if he fell, he didn't acknowledge it but simply kept on going. Rei admired the Falcon for that. How he managed to, well not fly, but soar slightly, despite all the broken bones of his soul. If he could have only half of his strength Rei would be the luckiest man in England.

But for the moment, the Russian needed that strength himself. As he was laying there on a sterile, uncomfortable, cold operation table, several doctors looming around him, he needed all the strength he could muster. Even though he had watched ER a few times, the Tiger still had no idea what those machines around him were doing. He just kept staring, guessing they kept him alive.

And that was enough for him; he didn't need to know more than that.

Tugging at his hair, trying to pull himself together, Rei grit his teeth. He still wasn't sure of what was going on, what had happened. All he knew, all he had really registered, were barely visible shards of memories from only hours before. He had been in such shock and Boris… he had been so calm, satisfied even.

He had just stumbled into the apartment; making all of Rei's thoughts as of what kind of hangover food he felt like eating, disappear like dust in the wind. He had stumbled into the hallway, panting and limping and bleeding and _grinning_. Of all the things he could do, he had been grinning. It just didn't make any sense to Rei.

Of course, as soon as the man had collapsed on the floor, Rei had panicked. He couldn't remember the last time he had been so afraid. The last time hehad beencovered in so much blood. Oh God, the blood, Rei couldn't stand thinking about it. But he had to, he had to keep it together, understand what was going on. If one thing was sure it was that the damn doctors wouldn't tell him anything in the nearest hours. Not until they had stabilized the wounds.

As soon as the Russian had lost consciousness, Rei had tried hard not to loose it completely. Trying his hardest, meditating for all he was worth, he hadrun for the phone. It took him a while to remember the number, but soon enough he had called for both an ambulance and for Kai.

Kai. He had missed the blue haired man with the blood-red eyes. That dangerous shade of crimson that always knew exactly what you were thinking, feeling and wanting. He who could understand anyone, analyze any situation, but who chose to spend his expertise on Rei so many nights when they were a team. Every time Rei needed to talk, about anything other than what was actually bothering him, Kai had understood. He knew that there was always something Rei was not telling him, but he never stuck his nose where he felt that it didn't belong.

Kai was about the greatest friend he had ever had, besides Lee. But Lee was ignorant in a way. Whenever Rei had gotten a bruise or missed several important gatherings, whatever they may have been, Lee never questioned. He never understood; never saw that burning anger inside of the golden eyes. What he did sense was the stress, the strain, the unsettledness about Rei that seemed to make him vibrate. Lee tried, but mostly he was just ignorant.

There were times when people should just back out of it, and then there were times when they shouldn't. He guessed none of his friends that he had met across the globe were that bad. Perhaps they were more of acquaintances, when he thought about it. They were caring and loving, yes, but when it really came to it, they all left. 

Rei thought about that word for a while, tasting it, trying to decipher every bending of every letter. _Acquaintance._ Wasn't that what he had called Boris just days ago? He hadn't even dared think about what sort of relationship they had that closely. He had just settled for acquaintance and that had been it, because he didn't dare to do more.

But he wanted to dare so badly. He wished he could get back his old self, the one who was fueled by endlessdetermination. He wanted to stop running and start fighting. Because once he had been something, someone, but that someone had just slipped away. Or been ripped away, he never really saw the difference.

But if Boris was struggling, determined to survive for a life that wasn't even that great then… couldn't Rei too?

He didn't know how or why or even when, but in some twisted way, the mad Russian gave him confidence. Security. Power. But most of all, he made things not seem so dull anymore. He was like that burst of pain that woke you up from a bad dream. Not the sweetest of synonyms, no, but that was simply how it was to Rei.

And now Boris was fighting for his life, not even conscious. Rei didn't know anything, and it unsettled him to no end. He felt like he was trying to slowly crawl out of his skin, away from his bone marrow. The anxiety that prowled around the corners like a hunting animal made everything seemso slow. Only four hours had passed, but they had felt more like four years.

Rei grumbled and leaned his head against the wall. He was sure that he smelled, since he hadn't really showered in a while. He hadn't really had the time, had he? And sleep wasn't anything he was getting a fair share of either. Simply, just to make him more miserable his stomach growled in disappointment as well. He had forgotten all about that. Food seemed so trivial when someone's life was at stake.

''Hey'' a strong and burning, yet liquid voice spoke. 

It roared with authority and independency, and yet it had a slight touch of kindness to it. Rei almost smiled at the thought that maybe that kindness was directed to him. As he looked up he met Kai's eyes, the man holding two paper coffee cups from the machine further down the hall.

''Hi'' Rei croaked, more willing to fall asleep than drink caffeine and have to stay up longer, waiting for something to happen.

Waiting. He had always hated waiting. Sure, he had a lot of patience when he needed too. He could wait almost anyone out, and he knew that. But still, the waiting was so long, so boring, so tiresome, especially this waiting.

Without a word Kai sat down beside Rei giving him one of the cups. But he didn't mind, that was just how Kai was. He never used many words, kind of like Yuriy but still not. When Yuriy spoke he spoke to prove something, to himself maybe. But Kai already knew his powers, he always spoke without doubt. The Tiger didn't really know whether to be jealous of or admiringthat.

And right then, no comforting words could really feel as good as Kai's silence. Just then he realized how much he had really missed the man.

Silently choking on his own breath, Rei tried his hardest to keep his face together. He didn't want to cry, he didn't want to shiver and yell. Most of all, he didn't want to run. Or he did, because his instincts told him too. That fear, inside of him, the anxiety in his chest that made it hard to breathe and impossible to really think at all, demanded and begged to be let out. But he couldn't, he wouldn't let himself. Because the one he was so upset over, it was Boris Kuznetsov. It just made so little sense that he couldn't even grasp it.

And plus, Kai was sitting there. Kai Hiwatari, Boris' teammate. The Falcon's goddamn teammate was sitting right there, watching as he stared into the coffee Kai had given him. Wondering and perhaps even knowing what was going on inside of Rei's mind. Maybe that was a good thing, because Rei himself didn't have the faintest clue.

He took a large sip of the coffee, burning his tongue in the process. As the hot liquid flowed like fire through his throat and into his empty, growling stomach, Rei bit back a pout. Kai watched him from the corner of his eye, trying to decipher the Chinese. 

''Is he… will…'' Rei said slowly, but soon looked like he had regretted his words, without even have formed a proper sentence.

Wishing he could take them back, he looked Kai in the eyes. The Russian made no face of understanding or empathy or even kindness, he just sat there looking. He was tired, having to calm down Yuriy in the cafeteria and tell Spencer and Ian to stay home and sleep the alcohol off. It wasn't easy being the leader type, but he seemed to be the only one to manage it. Though deep down Kai wished he could just get to know what was really going on.

The plan had been to go to London to check up on Boris. They hadn't seen him in so long and they were curious as to what had changed. Plus, Kai hadn't spoken to Rei in a while either. Maybe he had even missed him. It was one of his only friends after all. But to find both men at the same place on the same day, now that was simply unexpected.

The Phoenix fire inside of Kai told him that he had to find out what was really going on between the two of them. But then his common sense kicked in and told him to leave it. It was their business, not his. If they wanted anything, they would have to ask and he would consider helping. That was the best thing it seemed, and the one he was most comfortable with too.

Kai drank of his coffee as well before turning his eyes to look at the window.

''He'll be fine.''

Rei tried his hardest to believe him.

**X**

When Boris came to his senses again, he didn't feel like opening his eyes. Mostly because his eyelids felt too heavy and partially because he had a feeling he would not like what he would see. He could smell the antiseptics, hear the beeping machines around him and feel the roughness of the sheets. If he wasn't in a hospital, then he was sure he was somewhere even worse.

Somehow it all reminded him strangely of the Abbey. They had a lot of strange machines there, and even more uncomfortable beds. It smelled cold and damp and lonely, the darkness seemed to crawl around the corners of every corridor. The worst part though, was the people who lived there. The way that you could see how their eyes died, bit by bit, the longer they stayed.

He grunted and chased those memories away. That wasn't important now. He was away from there, he was free. But still, even though he was gone from them and their brainwashing he was still the cold bastard they made him to. If the previous night wasn't proof of that, then he didn't know what was. He didn't remember much from the end of the night, but everything before that was as clear as a starry sky to him.

He remembered how angry he had been. How it had seared through him, threatening to burst his skin if he didn't keep a lid on himself. But Boris hadn't wanted to keep a lid on anything. So as soon as Rei had gotten to bed he had stormed out of there. First his intention was to head down to the bar, a drink being the first thing on his mind. Something to kill it all, dampen it. His body screamed so loud, making his every cell and nerve itch after the liquid.

But then he changed his mind, momentarily at least. He had somewhere to go before the bar. That somewhere proved to be the Institute. Not that he knew when who was there or how long their opening hours were, but he took a shot and it proved successful. It wasn't hard to find Amanda; she was in the room they always were occupying. Or the others at least, he himself didn't go to the meetings if Rei wasn't nagging himextra much.

As soon as Amanda saw him it was as if she knew. She understood what was going to happen; she could see it in his eyes. Maybe that was why she screamed before he even got into the room. But she silenced shortly, knowing that it wasn't going to help. Maybe the death threat he hissed to her helped to keep her mouth shut as well. One could never really know.

All he could really focus on was that he was mad. He was so mad in fact that he didn't care why he was mad. She had forced herself on Rei, touched him, kissed him even. She had gone into territory that was not hers, never was and never would be. He had seen her flirting; he had noticed it so well, but still he hadn't done anything. And now it had ended up with Rei lying completely smashed in his bed.

He wasn't sure if he was mad at her or at himself, really. But that didn't matter. As soon as she was lying on the floor, with several cracked or broken ribs and a bleeding face, he was satisfied. She was in pain, crying even. He had smashed her ugly glasses, threatened her, spat on her. She wouldn't dare tell anyone, they both knew it. They saw it in each other's eyes. 

He would've enjoyed it more if she would have fought back though. She did at first, of course she did. What kind of person would she be otherwise? Bu then she had just given up. She knew she couldn't win with him. It was nearly impossible. He was furious, thirsty for blood, and that was all there was to it.

Then he had left, feeling slightly better about everything. Enjoying the whole scene, smelling her blood, his mouth had twitched into a grin all the way down to the bar. It felt good for a change. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt that good.

But soon that feeling crumbled, as his sense was kicking in. Why did he do that? Sure, she was an annoying bitch and that was enough for her to deserve a beating. But why did he do it for the reason that he was trying to ignore?

He had done it for Rei. He knew that, he felt it deep in his stomach, even if he tried to drown those thoughts. But the truth was that he had. But why? Why did he care? Up until then he didn't even think he _could_ care. He didn't know because no one had ever told him and they weren't even planning to anyway, because no one dared getting close to him.

No one besides Rei, he would give everyone a chance as long as they kept on his good side. But after their game, that was when he too shied away. But they had gotten close these past months. He had slowly dared to let to know the Russian, to lure all those hidden things inside of him out. And maybe Boris had started… well he didn't know. Accepting the man? Was that really it? When had he ever accepted anyone but Yuriy or Kai?

Never, that was when.

Feeling his mood dropping he tried to remember the rest of the night. That was the best part of all, actually. He had gotten so worked up over the fact that he didn't know what he actually thought about Rei. He knew that he had, if yet subconsciously, protected him, given him a place to stay, _talked _to him. And he didn't even know why because it was so unlike him.

And he had gotten so mad again, the blood on his hands not satisfying anymore. Even at the bar when he had stared into a beer bottle for two hours, getting drunk as time went on, he still felt mad. The alcohol didn't do what it was supposed to do. It didn't numb him, it didn't turn everything into a happy La-La-Land. On the other hand, when did it ever? 

In the beginning it had. Back then it had been his comfort, his friend, his ally. It had made the world seem so less dull and shitty and ugly and worthless and utterly disgusting. It had made him invincible and everyone else, well, they just weren't as noticeable as they usually were. But by time that feeling washed away. The only reason he kept drinking as time went by was because he couldn't stand not doing it.

He had been without alcohol for a long period of time once in a while, and it had not been pretty.

So there he sat, getting even angrier. First at Rei, then Amanda, then the booze and the people in general. But mostly he was mad at himself, for letting things get so out of hand. He didn't like that, he wanted control, needed it. He refused to be anyone's guinea pig. He wouldn't, he had been there before and he just wouldn't take that crap again. He was grown up, on his own and most of all; alone.

With no one to boss him around there was no one to relax with either. But that didn't matter. He never could relax with anyone. Nothing ever seemed as giddy as the TV always said it was. The world simply wasn't what it pretended to be. But that was fine, really, he didn't care. He didn't want all those silly dreams and goals that everyone had. He never wanted a car or to be a pilot or to play with G.I Joe dolls all day. He never wanted to be a cop and he never put up posters of Pamela Anderson on his walls.

The American dream, the perfect life, it simply wasn't for him. He longed for nothing. Nothing other than blood and pain and agony in someone else. He wanted to look into someone's eyes and see them suffer. And he wanted to laugh at them. Only then he could feel truly alive.

But the previous night it had all backfired. The man he fought with, he was carrying a knife. Normally it wouldn't matter, because most people never knew how to handle the weapons they carried around. And if they did the training from the Abbey was to his advantage. At least something good came out of that place, Boris thought bitterly.

But that night, the man, he knew what he was doing. And Boris was so mad, so ruthless that he got reckless. He usually never got too reckless, not to the point where his life was at stake at least. But last night, the man had gotten in two deep cuts and a minor one as well. Boris had of course ended up beating the living crap out of the man. And as he watched his victim limp out of the area, screaming and bleeding, Boris had felt good. He had finally felt good again.

But his injuries were not to be ignored. He tried to at first, tried to make it home so he could wash himself off. He knew it was serious, knew it could even be fatal. But he was too stubborn to admit it. So he got through the vandalized door to his apartment, and he even saw Rei stand there. For some reason, this made him feel good too.

Then it had all started spinning around him. The floor had hit him in the head and everything was getting darker. He felt cold and hot at the same time, but abnormally calm. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the adrenaline. Maybe it was just Rei.

He was glad though that the last thing he heard before he passed out was Rei's panicked screams. The panic fitted him in some way, it sounded good in his voice. Boris wondered just how beautiful that voice could be, if you just added enough pain to it.

**X**

_Can I touch you?_

There were those thoughts again, running around freely like uncontrolled children in his head. He didn't want them there, they didn't belong there. They were supposed to be someone else's thoughts. Not his. Not never.

But still there they were and he wondered how they could be so persistent. Not that it mattered though. Nothing mattered as long as there was a wall between him and Boris and no one would tell him what was going on.

He didn't like to not know what was going on. And he tried to tell himself that he was just concerned because he cared, because he was just that kind of person. He worried about everyone. Hell, he even worried about Yuriy when he was in that coma those years ago. But this time, this time it was different. He didn't really know how it was different, but it was.

_Are you alright?_

He sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. They had been sitting there for another two hours, wasting all their money on coffee. Yuriy had come to the hallway where they sat and he had sat down beside Kai. Since then he hadn't spoken a word and only kept staring at the wall in front of him. Kai had leaned back against the wall, closed his eyes and kept silent. Rei appreciated it somewhat, it was better than if they had been panicking, like he was close to doing. The hospital was so stressed already that he could barely stand it as it was.

Keep calm Rei, he told himself. Everything will be fine. Everything will be fine. Boris will wake up, live, make a sarcastic comment and then they would have to wrestle him in order to keep him there. He would fight them off with no effort at all and go home, drink himself to bits and then sleep all the day through. And Rei would be able to breathe.

_Are you there?_ _Are you still left?_

He didn't really know how, but somehow he managed to start drifting to sleep. Feeling his head fall he leaned back against the wall, closed his eyes and sighed. All the sounds around him were as loud as a siren though. The crying children, the panicking mothers, the fathers demanding to know what was wrong with their loved ones, doctors spilling coffee and nurses excusing themselves as they rushed past. He could hear them; feel the vibrations through the floor and up his feet. It was all so scary.

_Don't leave me_.

And he was tired. Despite the coffee, he was so utterly tired. He was worried sick and actually happy that he hadn't eaten for a while. He was sure that if he would have, it wouldn't have stayed inside of him for long.

_Pull yourself together Rei. It'll be alright._

The sounds around him grew distant and weak. His heartbeat was calming but his breathing was still stressed. Silently he meditated, calming his nerves. This was not a time for him to lose it. He needed to stay firm, controlled. It wouldn't help anyone that he was afraid, especially not him. So he tried his hardest not to be a nuisance, to try to be able to help if someone asked him. If they would, could he do anything?

Suddenly a hand gripped his shoulder and he was forced to leave his thoughts and light sleep. He blinked away the lack of focus, and saw Kai stare contently at him. Something about his face told him that something was happening. Had something gone wrong? Was it bad? What was wrong? Were they losing him?

Kai immediately saw the panic returning to the gold and shook his head reassuringly.

''He's fine, Rei. The doctor was just here.''

''He was?''

He was? Howcould Rei not notice that? Had he been in deeper sleep than hethought? But the doctor had been there. Nothing was wrong. That was good, so good Rei allowed himself a decent breath. He looked at Kai who was standing up, motioning tothe elevatorsfurther down the hall.

''We can visit him if we like.''

If they liked? Of course they did! Why else would they have been sitting there all night, waiting and drinking the most disgusting coffee the world had to offer? Rei took a deep breath, trying to calm himself anew. He looked around, trying to see Yuriy. But the man had already gone inside.

**X**

Boris had expected Yuriy to be mad at him. In fact he knew it was going to happen, knew the red head was going to yell his head off. So he wasn't at all surprised when the man did so. Fortunately though, it was a quick scolding. It only lasted for about fifteen minutes or so. Boris hadn't even listened to half of it. In fact, he was still pretending to be asleep. But that didn't matter to Yuriy. He yelled anyway, not really caring if anyone listened, as long as the anger could leave his chest, if just for a while.

He tried to listen to who else could be in the room. He especially noticed that someone was standing in the doorway, almost hesitatingly. As if the person wasn't sure if he should go in at all. But he did at last, gently closing the door behind him. For some reason a sense of nervousness erode from the person and Boris wasn't sure of what to think of that. So far, he could only guess who it might be.

The silence lay in the room like needles for a while, before Kai suddenly spoke.

''The doctors said that he's stable. Critical, but stable. They'll keep him until they're sure anything important won't get injured. But it looks like he'll be fine.''

That was one thing about Kai, how he managed to be so composed. It was nice that at least someone in the room wasn't yelling. Especially since Boris was developing quite a headache. Although he couldn't help but feel resentment towards the Phoenix because he always seemed to be taking his place. Whenever the almighty Hiwatari decided to show up, Boris got to be the beloved bench warmer.

His eyebrow twitched at the thought, but he caught himself just in time. Remaining his cold and almost dead mask he continued fakingsleep. He wasn't in the mood for visitors, not even from his friends. They would just ask him annoying questions and all he wanted was to go home and sleep. Sleep in his own comfortable bed that didn't smell like chlorine.

He could talk to them in the morning when he wasn't so damn tired. Loosing blood could really put a strain on the body. Sometimes humankind was so fragile. It made Boris hate people even more.

''Sleeping Beauty doesn't seem to be much of a party. I'll be at the Hotel.'' Yuriy's voice, strained and tired. 

''I'll follow you.'' Kai's voice, still as collected but with a slight tiredness to it. ''Rei?''

There was no response for a moment, as if the Chinese was deep in thought.

''Hm? Oh! Uh… I... I'll wait and see if there are anypaper sheetsto fill. You know, home address or things like that.''

It was a complete lie; he could hear it in his voice. He bet Kai could too, and Yuriy would've if he hadn't been as tired as he sounded to be. But Kai let it go, and with a polite and quick goodbye the door opened. Slightly, not nearly detectable, Boris opened his eyes trying to see who was still there.

He saw only the silhouette of one person and assumed that the two Russians had left. For some reason it felt awkward but content at the same time, like it didn't matter if anyone was there at all. But he didn't really mind the extra breathing. It dampened the sounds of the beeping machines and somewhat eased his roaming head.

He listened to Rei breathe for a good long while, still not giving away the fact that he was still awake. He wondered what the man was going to do. Would he sit there like the stubborn fool he was, or just get bored and leave? If he stayed, for how long would he do so? What would he even do there?

He waited for the Chinese to act, to speak, to move. But the Tiger didn't even seem to flinch. His breathing was getting even and uneven every few minutes or so, like he himself was struggling with a hurting head. Perhaps it was hurting out of something else than a bad hangover, perhaps not. Boris was getting slightly amused though. For how long would the man stand there until he did something?

Rei stared and stared and stared. There was a chair next to the bed, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to sit down. Or, he wasn't sure if he should sit down, more accurately. Of course he wanted to sit down. He wanted to get a closer look at the bruised face, the bandages and needles. Most of all he wanted to just be able to think.

For once he was close to the Russian and he could voice every thought out loud because the man was sleeping. And people never noticed what you did when they were sleeping. It would be a perfect moment to get things off his chest. Things that he didn't stand at all and that would crush him if he didn't let them out.

So he made up his mind and took a hold of the chair, pushing it closer to the bed he sat down. He barely suppressed the act of touching the man. His face was paler than usual, the blood loss obviously affecting his body. He was dressed in a hospital robe that didn't fit him at all, the green-grey color crashing harshly with the grey and the white. The soft colors didn't melt into the cold andbold and it just looked ugly.

At least he was covered mostly by a blanket so it didn't matter that much. But the bandages with all their blood stood out like a cow in a church. The red cut through like bright lights, the wounds hiding underneath seemed almost lurking. He wondered if it hurt.

''You went after her, didn't you?''

He knew that Boris wouldn't answer, that he couldn't because he wasn't even awake. But he had to talk to him anyway, now that he had a chance without the other getting mad. He could say whatever he wanted, and he wouldn't let that opportunity slip away from him.

''Why did you?''

But it was rather pointless, really. After all, what was the point of asking questions that would never be answered? None at all. But the silence in the room was so odd. He didn't like the beeping machines. They were unnerving, bone chilling even. It made the whole thing seem more serious than Kai had said it was.

''At least you're okay. I don't know why but… you really scared me there. All the… blood and all''

Boris listened curiously. He wasn't sure if he thought it funny or not, the fact that Rei was basically talking to himself. He could as well have been, because the Falcon wouldn't answer. But still, he actually didn't mind hearing his voice. With closed eyes it was even easier to detect it, the smoothness of it as well as the sadness. Everything about Rei seemed to be like that; Delicate, beautiful but so tainted.

But Boris, he was simply just tainted. There weren't anything beautiful or soft or even tolerable about him. He was brutal, filthy and damaged. All the bruises didn't really help with that image either. But still Rei was there, talking to him, sitting with him when nobody else was. He had been afraid even. Afraid _for_ him or because of him? 

Somehow Boris didn't know if he regretted bleeding all over Rei or not.

Silence stretched out between them further, and it was beginning to grow awkward. But he kept his patience, concentrated on keeping his breath even so he wouldn't be detected. He concentrated on Rei, the sounds of his movements. Suddenly he felt the man lean closer, his breath tickling the bruised skin, almost caressing it.

''Can I… Can I...?''

Rei knew he shouldn't say it. What was the point anyway? Boris wouldn't even answer. But maybe that was for the best. Rei never really liked rejection. So maybe this was the time to ask, just for the sake of it. He could leave then, or stay. He didn't really know. He didn't bother thinking about it. All he could think about was how calm Boris looked and how hard it was to form the words.

''Can I touch you?''

As soon as he spoke the words he felt like a great weight had just lifted off his chest. He felt stupid, yes, but it was alright. He even thought he could see the other man's face twitch. As if he had heard him, subconsciously. And Rei was glad he had spoken, because he was tired. He was tired of running away from things. Maybe it was time that he started running towards them?

He smiled slightly, thinking that he was only going to live once and things had already gone straight to hell so he had nothing to lose anyway. Or, he did, when he thought about it. He could lose Boris. But why was he afraid of that? He knew he shouldn't be, but yet he was. Sighing he decided that he didn't need to think about that. He shouldn't and he wouldn't think about that.

He was so tired, and Boris chest looked so inviting. Slowly, without thinking much at all, Rei leaned closer and placed his head on Boris so that he could hear his heart beat. The body felt warm, much warmer than it looked. It was strong and tempting, safe even. As if the heart tried to tell him something, the beat fastened. Rei guessed Boris was just having a bad dream. So he reached out his hand to draw it through the grey hair, as if this would calm the man's dreaming.

The heartbeats grew louder and faster, the skin feeling hotter and hotter. So Rei kept stroking, hoping it amounted to anything. Soon enough he felt the tiredness overpower him and he was lulled to sleep by the muscle's constant drumming underneath the ribs.

It wasn't until after he had started to snore lightly that Boris opened his eyes.

The grey watched the sleeping Tiger for a moment. If it was brief or not he didn't really know. He didn't even care. But one thing he did do was nestle his hand into the soft raven locks, and stroke back.

**X**

Sunlight crept into the room, fighting its way across every dark corner, fighting off the darkness, the despair and the hurt. It was as if the sun had no other intentions, that this was solemnly why it shone on that hospital. It knew just where to look, just where to fight. Or perhaps it only shone because that's what suns do and there is nothing more to it.

But Rei thought it to be a nice thought as he slowly opened his eyes. His neck felt strained and hurting, as if he had slept in an awkward position all night. He wasn't even sure what he was doing at the hospital, at first. It took him a while to calm down when he had thought that maybe something had happened to him. Maybe he got into an accident or something like that.

But then he remembered everything, and that felt even worse. It had been a weird day and an even weirder night. He could remember how tired he was, as if it had spread to his every limb, trying to destroy him. He still felt a little tired, but it was better. He wondered if Boris was better, and better yet, where Boris was.

Looking around the room, Rei suddenly realized why his neck was in pain. He was, for some reason, lying on the hospital bed. But not on the bed itself, but on the occupant of it. Said occupant happened to be sleeping though, which he guessed was good. He didn't know how he had ended up on top of Boris; the only thing he remembered from the previous night was…

Oh God. Oh good lord, no!

He had been lying with his head on his chest. He had run his freaking fingers through Boris' freaking hair! And… he wasn't sure, but he thought that maybe… No that was insane. Or was it? Had the other man really stroked him back? Or was that just a dream? Yeah, that was probably it. It was all a dream. Boris had done nothing but sleep and Rei would have to get off of him before that changed.

But to Rei's surprise, he found that he didn't want to. He didn't want to get off the man, even though he didn't know how he got up there in the first place. But he didn't care. Why should he? That wasn't important at all. What was important though was that Boris was warm and safe and welcomed. He was good. Rei liked it,much morethan he wanted to, actually.

Was he starting to care for him? Was it maybe something more? He shook his head slightly with a small sigh. No, that was just sick. Boris was… well, _Boris_. It just couldn't be. It was impossible. He had slept too little, that was probably it. He just had to go home, get some sleep and then maybe the movements of the Russian's breathing and the way his hair gleamed like silver in the sunlight wouldn't be as perfect anymore. Maybe he'd go back to being the same oldRussian that he had always been.

But right that moment, Rei couldn't remember what the oldRussian had been like. He remembered something cold, cruel and hateful, even scary, yes. But that was Boris, how he was now. That hadn't changed. He was still a monster, a bastard, an asshole. The thing was, Rei didn't think so badly about it anymore. And why should he? When you came down to it, nothing really was Boris' fault. 

Rei had just blamed him because, well, he was afraid. Afraid and angry, angry because he let people hurt him. That he was away from his hell and still he let people hurt him. He couldn't deal with that, the guilt was unbearable. He couldn't possibly turn all that hatred towards himself. He'd suffocate. So he had to turn it against someone else. But that wasn't fair either, not in the slightest. 

So maybe, maybe it was time to let go of that. It was in the past and the past wasn't something to brood over. He should leave it behind, he had to. So he could move on, slow down his race and maybe he could even begin putting everything behind him. Could he start again? Was that even possible? Or was he just being naïve again?

He looked over at Boris, studying his face all the way from the strong yet delicate chin, the broken nose and soft lips, the bruised and reddened skin to the grey of his eyebrows and the black of his eyelashes. An impulse to touch it jumped at him, startling him. Rei couldn't for all the money in the world figure out just why those impulses weren't leaving him alone. He was sounding so silly, like a lovesick fan girl. And that was so stupid, because he wasn't.

He couldn't be. It just wasn't possible. It was unethical, morbid, abnormal and wrong in so many ways and on so many levels. It was the sort of thing that made society vomit and crinkle its nose, tsunamis fall down over Sri Lanka and tornados rip half of New Orleans to shreds. It just wasn't possible. The voice of common sense practically screamed it at him. There just was no denying about those facts.

But then again, when had he ever listened to that little voice anyway?

He didn't have much time to think about that though, because suddenly Boris stirred. Rei felt his breath get caught in his throat, his brain coming to a halt. Slowly and very reluctantly Boris' eyelids opened and revealed tired, hazy grey. It pierced him like a harpoon, and it was impossible to look away. Even though Rei knew he had to get off him and out of that room, out of that building, out of that_ town_, he just couldn't move.

Boris didn't really seem to notice him at first, yawning widely as he scratched his stubble-covered chin. He swallowed down a lump of saliva, yawning a little more until he rubbed some dust out of his eyes. Blinking to clear his view, he caught sight of the Chinese. First he was surprised and it looked like he was going to jump at the Tiger at first, but then he just frowned.

''Good morning. Are you here to be my personal fur-coat?''

Rei felt his cheeks burn up with a blush making his face feel like hot lava.

''I uh… eh… good morning?''

It was all he could think of saying. But with the Russian's breath on his face, he didn't really need to say anything. He was pleased where he was. In silence, the only thing audible was their breathing and heartbeats. Oh God their heartbeats. He could hear his own as clear as a drum in his head, as if the muscle wanted to burst. But burst in a way it had never wanted to burst before. Not because of pain or anger or the drive to prove himself. No, this time, it was different.

Neither of them moved and neither of them spoke. All they did was stare at each other, falling down the path of their thoughts. Boris studied the man on top of him not really sure of what to make of the situation. He should push the man away, it was the logic thing to do. But it wasn't the thing that he wanted to do. It may have been the right thing, but so what? He never did something because it was right or logic, he did it because he wanted to. And right that moment, he didn't want to.

He wanted to feel the other's warmth against his own clam, sweaty skin. He wanted to feel that the man was there, that he was real. That he was looking at Boris and Boris alone. He wanted to grab the man, show him that he belonged to no other than the Russian himself. No one would get to touch him, breathe him, smell him, see him, feel him. It wasn't fair, no, but he didn't care. It was what he wanted. And up until then, Boris had never really wanted anything. Not like this.

Maybe it was the hospital's drugs talking. But he didn't care. For just once in his life, Boris didn't care. Rei was there, and he wanted him to be. He wasn't angry, repulsed or irritated for this. He was just… fine with it. Fine. _He _was _fine _with something, some_one_. For that to happen even once in his lifetime, it had to be special. And Boris wanted special things, especially if they were pretty.

Like Rei.

Those golden eyes, that long and smooth hair that just felt like it melted into your skin. The pointy yet delicate features of his face, the quirked lips, the fangs, everything about him; It was so girly, so odd, so weird, so wild, so stupid, and still it was so alright. It was sick, far beyond sick in Boris' mind. He was supposed to hate Rei. But why? Because other people told him to?

Boris didn't want to be controlled by others anymore. He had enough of that in his childhood. It was his life, and if he wanted something, he would take it. And right that moment, even though he wasn't sure why, he wanted Rei to lean closer. But Rei seemed stiff, maybe even afraid. So instead of waiting for the Tiger to move, Boris just grabbed a rough hold of him and drew him closer.

Rei felt how the pale fingers hurt around his neck, how the nails dug into his skin. But he didn't care because it was alright. It was worth it because he was getting closer to Boris. He didn't know why that was such a great thing, but one never had to know why something was the way it was. Not if it was good. Then you just had to ride the wave, take it with a smile. And right that moment a shy and barely visible smile crept into the corner of his lips.

He could feel the heat of the Falcon's face as they drew nearer each other, blocking the world out. His eyes fixated on the grey, hypnotized and dazzled. His breath getting wilder and calmer at the same time, his heart thumped and his hands sweated. He didn't fight against the hold on his neck, in fact he gave in to it. He let himself get closer, no matter what would come of it. 

The inch between their faces was torture. Boris had stopped, not doing anything but looking at Rei. Looking into his eyes, through them and further deep beyond into his soul. It was scary and made him nervous, but it was interesting as well. No one had ever looked at him like that. No one had ever clung to him like that. And it had never hurt as much to be so close and yet so far apart from someone. It was as if the space between their faces was mocking him. Rei didn't like being mocked.

Time to use that feline brain of mine, he thought and with a deep breath he plunged in.

Boris wasn't really prepared for Rei to just dive at him like that, pressing his lips to his mouth like there was no tomorrow. But strangely though, he didn't mind. He liked it kind of rough. And that kiss was all but tender. It was harsh, brutal, longing and hurting as the fangs scraped up his lips. It was warm and it smelled just like Rei, felt just as smooth as his silky skin and felt like electricity through his body. It was even better when Boris opened his mouth, forcing his tongue into the kiss. The great part was when Rei did the same thing back.

Their hands were roaming and fumbling, clawing, hurting. Everything about their whole embrace hurt. Everything about them, their lives, their beings. It was as if they were representing two kinds of pain and they met in the middle. They met when the two forces collided, the result being a wasteland. A wasteland so good he would choose it over paradise on any given day.

Boris held Rei closer, as if he had been longing for this all his life. The only neck he had ever gripped so passionately was the ones on bottles. The only body he had clawed at so desperately belonged to beer cans and the only mouth he had craved so deeply, was the one of his drinking glass. And now he felt it again, did it again, but his hands did not feel the tingle of cold glass and his mouth did not burn from the bitter taste of alcohol. It burned from the warmth of another human being, from the sensation and explosions that they seemed to form together.

It was perfect in a defected, broken, shattered and defiled way. They were perfect for that moment, like a match made in hell.

Rei thought he was on fire, and he could see nothing as he shut his eyes so tight they hurt. But it all hurt, it always had been. He had been hurting, his body and soul and mind. Wherever he went he just hurt, and now Boris hurt him too. But he liked this hurt. He liked how this hurt was personal, intense and even passionate. Like it was a hurt only for him, and him alone. Like he was chosen, special, wanted even.

He couldn't remember the last time someone had wanted him so deeply. 

Their chests thumped at each other like fists, their bodies entwining like nooses of barbed wire. Rei tried to be tender, he really did, but his animal instincts took over and he nearly slammed Boris into the bed from the feelings that exploded inside of him. In the kisses they shared he could feel all his former pride and strength and battlelust come back to him. Like the strength of the whitetiger was once his to claim as his own.

Rei panted heavily, gasping for air that he really didn't want. He knew now, he saw it so clearly. How could he have been so stupid? He didn't want anything other than the Russian beneath him. He hadn't wanted anything else for months. This was what he needed, what he craved, what he longed for. His only regret was not finding out sooner and his only worry was whether Boris felt the same.

But he had to, didn't he? He was kissing him back and under no circumstances could someone kiss like that, with that much ferociousness and wanting, if it hadn't been real.

He wished it was real, hoped for it even. If it wasn't, then he would truly be alone. He couldn't stand rejection, not this time. It would be too much, he wouldn't be able to handle it.

So as he kissed the sweat covered skin of Boris' neck, he hoped to all the Gods there were that just once, this one time only, karma would do him a favor. Just this one time in his pathetic life, he wanted to not come out empty handed.

''Boris…'' Rei's voice was a mixture of a purr and a pant, his teeth lightly caressing the pale and tender skin.

The Russian felt a chill down his spine which was so like the ones at home. It was a chill so like the ones from cold, ice, snow and hatred and loneliness, only that it wasn't. At the same time, it was the opposite. This was all the good that he had been deprived, declined. The good he had enjoyed seeing other people lose, the good he had tried to destroy. If he couldn't have it, then why should anyone else?

It didn't matter that Rei was Rei. He could be whoever he fucking wanted to, as long as he was his. As long as Boris was the only one to hurt him, to damage him, to want him. To own him and hold him and kiss him. Rei was his, he had to be, he had got to be. 

Just for once, this one time, Boris hoped that good things actually could happen to bad people.

Rei panted, collapsing on top of the Russian. It was all too much, too overwhelming. He couldn't possibly take it all in at one time. But Boris didn't want him to stop. A firm grip on the Chinese's chin told him as much.

''Don't stop, kitten''

''Boris…''

The conquering brutality in the grey bored itself into the gold, and for a split moment Rei was scared. But as Boris shifted their positions and slammed Rei hard into the mattress, there was something else in the grey. Something unfamiliar, something weird, something different. Something tender.

At once all of the Tiger's fears and doubts got blown away and he felt harsh kisses bruise his collarbone.

''Boris…'' he hissed in pleasure. ''Your… wounds''

''Don't even go there. No way in hell will I let shit like that ruin this.''

Rei smiled then. And even though the other didn't smile back, even though crimson stains had started to travel across his hospital attire, it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered other than the fact that Boris was there, his lips touching Rei's own. Boris was there and refusing to leave. Refusing to turn his back and abandon him.

Boris was there, and that was all that he could ever ask for.


	10. Say My Name

**My apologies,** this chapter is going to be several pages shorter than the others. Plus it is not that good. Actually I pretty much hate it. But I need it. See it as a.. filler or whatever.  
Once again, I** HAVE edited and betad this, so if it is still weird, that's not my fault**. This website is having major problems. It is just bluntly screwing up my spaces, my questionmarks, quotationmarks, my placings of sentences.. Oh. Uh. And THANK YOU for reviews. Makes my day! If you want to, I can post the next chapter, as a compensation for the shortness of this?  
And oh, I'm going away tomorrow. So there won't be any action from me for a while. But I'll be back. Toooodles!  


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**Chapter Ten  
Say My Name**

Kai sat silent in the kitchen, his fingers crossing over the coffee cup with a distant look in his eyes. He often looked like that when he was thinking; when he had something on his mind that he could neither ignore nor figure out. It agitated him, irritated as well. He hated when things were left unsolved. And he hated even more that even though it wasn't his business he couldn't stay out of it. He just had to know because this time, well, it was about two friends. And Kai didn't have that many friends.

Something was going on between those two and he knew it. He could just feel it. The problem was to figure out what that thing could be and if it would leave someone broken. As cruel as people might think Kai was, he did care about things that really mattered. He had always been there for Rei, no questions asked and no demands spoken. When he was in the hospital, when he lost Driger, when the White Tigers kept calling him a traitor and Rei was so lost it was inhuman.

Kai had been there and this was no different. Kai had encouraged Rei to go to London, had encouraged him to seek help. Adviced him and listened. He had listened even though Rei didn't say anything. But he listened, just in case there was something, in case there would be a little sign of what was wrong. He had to help; he was a leader from bone to skin. And if a leader could do nothing for his team then what good was he?

Kai sighed. The sun was shining outside which he guessed was always a good sign. The streets were crowded with people as it always was in times like this one. The cars were passing by, not really giving a damn. As if they knew something was wrong with the place, and they knew that if they didn't get away they would be caught. Trapped forever in the…

He had to stop himself right there. There was no point in getting all covered in angst himself. Kai had it good and going for him. Sure, his past was about as close to hell as anyone could get, but that didn't matter now. He was free and he had to focus on that. His future was bright, he could do anything. And those things were not to be thrown away for the sake of being sad.

He knew Rei knew that too. And therefore he wondered even more what was so wrong. What could possibly destroy a person like that? A person like Rei. Maybe Boris could help that mystery. Yes, it was farfetched; he wasn't so stupid as to think otherwise. Boris, helping? Not in a million years. But not help in the way most people thought about help. Because Boris could never offer a hand to anyone, but what he could offer though, was a fist. Maybe he'd help just by existing, without knowing, without any intentions to make anything better.

Right now, that was as good as it could get.

The coffee had gone cold and Kai sighed. He stood up and put the cup in the sink, wondering how long it would take until Rei got home. One reason that Kai had gone to the apartment was to guard it because the lock had been so intelligently disposed from it. The other reason though was that he was hoping to be able to speak to Rei. If Kai's senses were right, which they always were, he might be able to drag something out of him.

The time was near noon when the door opened, creaking and squealing in its hinges. Rei felt pretty good to be home, away from the chlorine smell and stress. He had been reluctant to leave though; he missed the warmth of the Falcon as the coldness of the hallway struck him. But the man would soon be released from the hospital and then they could use each other as blankets all they wanted.

At least Rei hoped Boris wanted that. They hadn't spoken at all, and as their lips had parted Rei had just fallen asleep right on top of the man. He hadn't had the time to wonder or to ask. Had it all just been physical? Just because someone doesn't shove you away it doesn't necessarily mean that they want you. He knew that, but he tried not to think about it. He would have to deal with it when the Falcon came home. No matter how much it scared him, he would have to confront Boris.

''Rei?''

Kai's head emerged in the doorway to the living room, through which one had to walk in order to get to the kitchen. The blue hair was tousled and the face pale, as if Kai hadn't gotten much sleep as of late. A smile graced Rei's lips at the sight of him. They hadn't really had much time to talk to one another, so this opportunity seemed golden.

''Hi, Kai! What are you doing here?''

''Guarding your apartment.''

Rei cast a glance towards the door and then nodded understandingly.

''Right, the lock. Probably should get that fixed…''

He threw his coat onto the coat hanger, and without tripping at all he got off his shoes. That was always what the fans liked about Rei; how he was so gracious and never seemed to fall. Oh, if they only knew how hard he had fallen, Rei thought with a sigh. 

Clearly Kai noticed the change of mood in the man and crossed his arms at him. Rei gave him a curious look.

''What's wrong?''

''Kitchen.''

''Oh…''

Nervousness jumped at Rei. He knew this wasn't going to be good. Every time Kai wanted to talk about something serious, he always did that. Spoke shortly, crossed his arms and told the person to go to a secluded space. It was as scary every time, because one never really knew what Kai would do. Or worse; what he would think.

But Rei had faith in his friend so he obeyed with nothing more than a nod of his head. Heading through the still messy living room, barely suppressing the urge to clean every inch of it, he sat down by the kitchen table. Catching a glimpse of the coffee maker, he pointed towards it.

''Is it still warm?''

Kai nodded briefly. Quickly Rei got up, nervousness oozing out of his every move. He poured up a cup for himself, just to keep his mind distracted. He knew Kai could sense his emotions if he kept flaunting them like that. But it was hard not to be nervous around Kai. Not when he was wearing that look upon his face. The Chinese took a breath to compose himself and sat down by the table. Kai stood leaning against the wall, the same unreadable expression on his face.

Silence lay between them for a while and it was hard for Rei to keep himself from fidgeting.

''How was he?''

The question made Rei's nerves ease. He was just worried about Boris, that was all. He had no need to worry!

''Just… fine'' He grinned.

The grin had only been visible for a mere second but Kai had caught it no less. Now the crimson eyes even discovered something quite interesting. Rei's pale neck wasn't as pale as it had been the day before. In fact, an aggressive red mark peaked out underneath the sweater. Kai raised one eyebrow and bored his stare into Rei.

''_Just_ fine?''

''Well… Yeeaah. Fine, you know, they'll let him out soon.''

I bet that was not the only thing to be let out, Kai thought. Now he was even more determined as to find out what was going on. He knew Rei was competitive and determined to fight for himself. Breaking through his shields and getting him to spill was not easy, but a lot of time had passed. Now Rei was just a former shadow of who he used to be. He was more unstable now, easier to get through.

Kai decided to just be straight forward and spare Rei unnecessary discomfort.

''How do you feel about him?''

Rei barely kept himself from flinching. Kai couldn't know what had happened, could he? Rei had covered the love bites and marks and gotten his blush down. He had combed his hair and straightened out his clothes. But then again, Kai didn't need those signs to figure anything out. He just had to look at you and he'd know. Crap, Rei thought with alarm, he knows!

''I…''

''Don't lie.''

The Tiger growled slightly. But then he felt silly. He could trust Kai, he knew that. So why was it feeling so uncomfortable? Maybe it wasn't that he didn't trust Kai, but that he didn't trust himself.

''I… I don't know.''

A dark look pierced through him.

''No!'' Rei raised his hands in front of him. ''Honestly! I dont know!''

''Hn.''

Kai closed his eyes for a moment, before looking at Rei again. He wasn't mad at the Chinese. He couldn't really be because there was nothing to be mad about. Maybe he was concerned, yes, because Boris was a dangerous person to get close to. But more than that, he was a little relieved. If the two of them had found someone that could make them a little less lonely, then why not?

Because I don't want him to get hurt, Kai growled in is mind.

''Be careful Rei.''

''I am! I am careful. I mean, I know it's bad. This is wrong, I know, it's… He's not a nice person. He's a horrible person in fact…'' Rei started rambling, not really caring that he was badmouthing Kai's friend. 

But it didn't matter what he said, because he had to get it out. And Kai was willing to listen, he always was. 

''He's killed a man for God's sake! He's got drinking problems, and that... I hate that. He'd hurt anyone without regret and maybe he'd even hurt me. I… I know that, and this… Not only is he you know, a guy but… He's _Boris!_''

Kai watched in silence, letting Rei vent. He listened to the words, keeping the same old mask on his face. And as much as it worried Rei it made him feel easier about it all. Kai wouldn't interrupt, he wouldn't yell, he wouldn't do anything but listen. And right that moment it was what he needed the most.

''And you know, I don't even know what he wants. I mean, can he even like me? Can he do anything but hate me? He's supposed to be my rival but if so… why did he let me live here? Why did he listen to me when I had to talk? Why… why did he let me cling to him when I broke? Why… in a way I feel like he's protecting me. But maybe I'm just stupid, maybe I'm naïve. But… what if he really doesn't care? He could be using me for all I know! Maybe this is just a sick little sadistic experiment of his and I don't know… Maybe he just wants me for his sick little pleasures. But you know, I don't really care. I don't give a shit if I'm sounding like a lovesick school girl right now because…''

Rei was panting, his face strained. Everything he had bottled up for so long, everything that he had ignored, was finally showing. As large waves of emotion fought its way out of him, he shook. He was feeling so pathetic that moment that he just wanted someone to hold him. Tell him he was safe and alright and no one was judging him at all. He just wanted to be home. He wanted to _have_ a home. A place where he could be calm.

''Rei…'' Kai sighed and stepped up to the table where he could look down at Rei easier, like a parental figure lecturing his kid. ''I think you have to talk to him about this. As much as I find it hard to believe, maybe for once Boris isn't thinking only about himself.''

Rei blinked at him, fighting hard to keep himself together.

''What do you mean?''

''Maybe you've taught him to feel.''

Rei sat silent at first, afraid to take it all in. As he let his thoughts consume the words Kai had just spoken, he bit his lip and sighed.

''I don't know if I actually dare talk to him.''

The golden locked with crimson, burned its way into it. As if Rei was asking him to do something, his eyes mouthing the words the Chinese did not speak himself. Finally Kai muttered.

''I'll see what I can do. But the rest, you're on your own.''

Rei smiled weakly.

''Thanks, Kai.''

**X**

Rei lay lazily in the couch, just listening. The TV was on, some stupid re-run of Dr Phil airing, but he wasn't paying attention. He wasn't listening to the advices of the large, bear like man, nor did he register the crying woman beside the psychologist. He was listening more to the silence around him, the emptiness and solitude. Boris was still at the hospital, Kai was at the hotel with the rest of the Russians and other than that, Rei didn't know anyone.

It was late night and he hadn't left the place for days. Since he did not want to face Amanda he had just decided to stop showing up at the Institute. After all, what good was it? The only thing that came out of it really, was Boris. A small smile tugged at Rei's lip, as well as worry in his eyes.

He wondered what would happen, if things would be the same between them when he came back, or if it would be completely different. Frankly he didn't know which was worst. He wanted Boris to react towards him, show that he cared. He wanted to get a sign, something, anything. It didn't have to be words, as long as it stated clearly. If he had to leave or if he got to stay, whatever as long as the situation between them wasn't unclear.

But things were never unclear with the Falcon. He said what was on his mind when he wanted to, and when he got back he would do no different towards Rei. Whether there would be hatred, affection or the same mutual acceptance that they had shared during the past months, it was going to show. Rei was going to know and the waiting and anticipation was unsettling him.

Restlessly he groaned. There really was nothing much to do alone in an apartment, when one thought about it. 

Rei shifted to his side, casting a small and bored glance at the TV. For a brief moment he wished Dr. Phil would sit in his couch, give him good advice and tell him what to do. If the man could help so many others, then why not Rei as well? Rei knew he would have to go to a therapist sooner or later. It was inevitable. He had to sort out his thoughts, his feeling, his problems, so that one day he could feel that he was free.

He wanted to put his past behind him and embrace the future. Only when he was brave enough, if he was brave enough, he could make something out of it. He could be his old self again. Or, not completely, no one ever could after going through trouble like that. But at least he could be more than what he was now. Stronger, braver, more secure. And if he was lucky, Boris would be a part of it all as well.

But it was pointless to think about it anyway. Getting ideas before the man was even around was silly. It would only leave him disappointed in the end. Thoughts started twisting more fiercely inside his head then. What if Boris rejected him? What if all he ever wanted from Rei was bodily pleasures and that was it? Rei would have to leave, go out in the big dark world and be alone again. He didn't want to be alone. He hated it.

Maybe he could live with Kai then. But would that really help? Wouldn't he be reminded about the grey haired man over and over again? What if Boris moved back to Russia? And what really made Rei curious was; why hadn't he already? He was sure Boris wouldn't go to the meetings after this anyway. 

The mothering side in Rei awoke anew. If Boris wasn't going to seek any more counseling, then at least he should go to an AA meeting of sorts. That drinking would start affecting his body negatively sooner or later, that was not deniable. Rei sighed and shut the TV off. He wanted to go for a walk, sort his mind out. But he was stuck in the apartment thanks to Ian's oh so clever lock-picking. He would have to call for a new one before he could go anywhere.

Suddenly the door made a funny sound, as if someone was fiddling with it. It seemed like that someone didn't have much luck though, because the door didn't open. The person would have to be drunk or very much out of it, so Rei narrowed down his guesses as to who it could be. It had to be Boris, drunk from alcohol or from the meds the hospital shoved into him. Ignoring the leap his heart took, he got out of the couch and stumbled to the door in expectation.

He swung it open before he had time to restrain himself, not wanting to knock the Russian dead with welcoming. But it wasn't the Russian who stood there. It was none of them, actually, but still it wasn't a stranger. All of Rei's heart and mind screamed, roaring so loud he was afraid it would be heard. But no sounds erupted from him, not even the fear and the hate and the anger in his eyes.

In front of him golden, drowsy eyes glinted like shards of glass hidden in sand. An old smile gleamed at him, attached to a wrinkled, tattered and tired face. The man shared many familiar features with Rei, but still they differed. Alcohol was oozing its way out of the older visitor's breath, his hair lying tousled and unkempt over his back. Rei glared at his father, not allowing any of the fear to show.

''Hello Rei'' his father spoke in Chinese, his voice as raspy and musty as it had been on the phone.

He was so close, too close even. Only and arm's length between them and Rei was getting nervous. As much as he wanted to stand up for himself, had decided to do as well, he flinched. And that flinch was all his father needed. One sigh of weakness, and that was it.

The older Kon shoved his way into the apartment, throwing Rei to the floor. Jun Kon was beaming, looming and dark above him where he lay on the floor. All determination Rei had had the moment before to protect himself, the apartment, his pride, was as blown away and suddenly he felt like a ten year old boy again. He didn't want to shake, grit his teeth and breathe uncontrollably uneven. He didn't want to be afraid, he really didn't.

But it was so hard. Everything came flooding back to him. The pain, the hatred, the memories and shame and helplessness. In an instant he felt so alone. Like no one was out there, no one could protect him. No one would come for him or save him and take him away from there. He had thought he was safe in there, with his father miles and miles away. But he wasn't. Jun was everywhere now, it was so clear. How could he have been so stupid as to think he would get away?

''My my, you're even more pathetic. Aren't you even going to fight for yourself?'' Jun spat with so much venom it felt like the words corroded through Rei's skin.

He felt his father's stare rip at him, tear his skin apart. He was right. He was pathetic. He should stand up for himself, yell at the man to get the hell out. Out of the room, the building, the country, his life. He wanted to hit him and kick him and show him just how much he hated and detested him. Rei really wanted to defend himself this time. But he couldn't move. Last time, he had run away, but now he couldn't even do that. He could hardly even breathe.

A kick hit his ribcage and he thought he could hear something crack. Spitting and coughing Rei tried to capture the breath that escaped him. His vision blurred but he didn't dare close his eyes. Jun scoffed, kicked again and this time it hurt even more. Rei tried to shield himself, numb himself. He didn't want to be there, didn't want to be anywhere at all. He just wanted to disappear. But he couldn't, he knew so damn well that he just couldn't.

He was trapped like a tiger in a cage and left trembling like a little kitten.

He deserved to die. All logic told him that no, he had the right to live like anyone else. It wasn't his fault that his father was deranged, it wasn't his fault at all. What could he have done? His mother got a disease, she died, and the only barrier that had held his father back was gone. Rei had done all he could have. For crying out loud, he had only been a child! A child is never supposed to be subjected to that sort of life. No one is. All logic told him that, but Rei just couldn't believe anything but the opposite.

It was his fault. All and every part of it, he had no one else to blame but himself.

Rei coughed again, and his father gave him a scrutinizing look. Bending down, his stinking breath danced across Rei's face. Jun just sat there, hunched, staring and glaring and when Rei met his eyes he couldn't hold it back anymore. The anger made him act on nothing but instinct. He got up in one move and before Jun even had the time to think, a fist connected with his jaw and almost sent him flying.

The father crashed into a wall, screaming loudly. The neighbors probably heard everything, but Rei didn't care. Sounds like that often came from their apartment, Boris being Boris, so they probably thought it was just another night. But it wasn't, Rei was on his own this time. He knew that, and it sent his brain into a wild loop of uncontrolled rage. So he leaped at his father again, hitting him over and over again.

The golden pools were flaming, burning and the heat radiated from them like beams. Jun was so shocked, thrown back by this sudden action. His son had never fought back, not like this. And it made him angry, even though he should have been proud. But Jun could never be proud of his son. In his eyes the child would always be responsible for the mother's death, even though it was so illogic it was stupid.

Jun had enough and he grabbed a hold of Rei's throat, almost crushing the windpipe. Rei coughed, kicking wildly with his legs as he was lifted off his feet. The anger kept pounding inside his head, but his powers abandoned him. The fear once again ran through him like a cold shower and he shivered. Panic exploded in him when he realized that he couldn't move again. He couldn't move and his father looked like he was going to bring the end of the world upon him.

Rei yelped as a hit threw him recklessly to the floor once more, and as darkness and pain engulfed him he let out a silent cry.

**X**

The night was dark and cold, colder than he first would have thought. Above him the sky was so black it felt like he was going to get sucked into it if he stared too long. The stars twinkled brightly but sorrowful, as if they knew. As if they knew everything and he felt even more alone as he walked down the sidewalk with slow and remorseful steps.

His whole body ached at him. The pain was like furious claws ripping at his flesh, screaming in his ear. He knew he had bruises in his face, knew there was probably blood too as he could taste it on his tongue. But he couldn't care less. There were hardly any people outside anyway and it would be too dark to see. His hair had escaped most of its braid too so it hung over his face like a shielding curtain. No one would notice anything.

Rei just wished he had somewhere else to go. His father had finally left him alone, rummaged through the fridge and passed out on the couch. Boris' couch. Rei had felt so angry, so hateful, but he could barely move. Every wall and every piece of furniture seemed to laugh at him, mock him. He couldn't stand it and he had to get out, even if leaving his father alone in the apartment was about the stupidest thing he could have done.

What if someone broke in? What if the father stole something and left? But Rei didn't really care. It hurt just to breathe the air in there and if he didn't leave he would have dissolved. So he just ran for it. He didn't know how many blocks he actually ran until he stopped and began walking instead. It didn't matter anyway, he still couldn't run far enough. He never could.

The darkness was still inside of him, behind him, beside him, around him, watching his every move like a predator. He didn't even choke down the sobs that erupted, he didn't care anymore. As long as he could still feel because the only thing Rei feared more than himself that moment was going numb.

Nothing good ever came out of that. But still, it would be so easy to just shut down. But he tried hard not to, but alone it seemed so difficult. He had nowhere to go when he thought about it, so the only option left was the outside. Even if he was twice as vulnerable there, twice as lonely and twice as cold. He just couldn't face Kai, couldn't let Yuriy see him so weak. It was even worse with Boris because he still didn't know where he stood with the man.

So he kept walking, kept crying and kept fighting. He just hoped he would have enough strength to win.

**X**

Boris had always hated hospitals. He didn't need anyone to fuss over him like the nurses did. That was, until he scared them away of course. But still, it was so unbelievingly boring. No one visited him either, and if they had he would just have pretended to be asleep or yell at them. It was so much bother to be hurt, really.

And besides, they were just flesh wounds anyway. He had endured worse, so what was the point of staying there? None in his eyes, so he had just taken his things, changed into his own clothes and headed home without as much as a word to the receptionist. Walking fast he had every intention to get home, grab a bottle and go to sleep.

He knew Rei would be home too. He had to, or else Boris would give him a reason to go to the hospital. His stupid door was decapitated and needed every bit of guarding it could get. Yes, his apartment was a dump, but still, it was _his _dump and he dared anyone to do something to it. He protected his things with claws and fangs, no matter how shitty they were.

Boris growled. Rei. There was that silly man again, ruining everything. Their make out session had been hot, he admitted that. And he had actually liked it, and he had been angry when the man had left. But so many confusing things rose in his chest and he didn't quite like that. He had never felt anything other than hatred and anger towards anyone before, barely even trust. The Blitzkriegs were another thing, they were allies. Those he only felt half of his detest towards.

But Rei was so different. He was so pure and so bright and so good that it just angered him. He didn't hate Rei, he didn't detest Rei and what really scared him was that he didn't want to _hurt_ Rei. He always liked hurting people, so why not now? What was it with Rei? It surely couldn't be affection, could it? He wasn't even sure what that was. He had never felt all of the things that he was feeling, had never even experienced the tender touches the Chinese had given him.

Yes, he had had one night stands, but that was it. He hadn't even particularly liked those. But he had liked Rei, he even wanted to feel those things again. But how could he do that when he didn't even know what those things were? What would he do when he saw Rei anyway? Would he jump him, snog him, hit him or just ignore him? Boris didn't know and he hated that. He wanted to know, demanded to. 

But those problems quickly got thrown away when he reached his apartment. Rei was nowhere to be seen and what really confused Boris was that there was blood on the floor. He hadn't hurt anyone in the apartment lately, had he? No, and the blood he had spilled there himself had been washed away. Because the blood on his floor was new, it was fresh and it was of smaller amounts. It couldn't be his.

A flare of an emotion he didn't really recognize jumped at him. What if it was Rei's?

He ran quickly into the other rooms, trying to find his roommate. When he got to the living room he found someone sleeping on the couch. First it pleased him, but then he noticed that he didn't recognize the person. It was a Chinese man, unfit and wrinkly and torn. He looked like complete trash, spread out on the couch as if not even a nuclear explosion could wake him. The man looked familiar though. His pointy nose and curly lips and long, black hair.

Boris had dragged the man up in his oily hair, yelling him awake. The Chinese hadn't answered him, only looked at him as if it was some sort of dream. They had gotten into a fight with each other, Boris had won with margin. He had kicked him when he demanded answers about Rei, and the man had answered in coughs. Rei was out of there, Rei was hurt, Rei was alone.

Boris mind exploded and he didn't give a damn anymore. He didn't care shit if his apartment was unguarded, didn't care shit if the man would have died or not as he threw him down the stairs. He didn't give a shit about anything but finding Rei. So cursing loudly Boris had run out of there, his steps wild and broad, out into the night, screaming Rei's name.


	11. Promise Me

Okay, now I KNOW this website is screwing up. It's even ruining the titles of my chapters! NOW I'M MAD! GRRRRRRR!

Ah. Don't have much to tell you. Feels like this plot is living its own life. I had an idea first, which developed as I wrote, and changed itself and developed and now I … may have painted myself into a corner. I'll use my vacation to think this story out thoroughly. I hope you'll enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. I do like the next chapter too, lots of Russians in it. YUM! Ah. And I know nothing about anything. So. Yeah. Bear with me. And I hope you won't be disappointed... mrrrr.

And just because _someone_ here decided to bring the pandas into the situation, I just had to obey and update yet again. I am such a slut sometimes. But I love you anyway because you're nice. So this chap's for you!

Y'all have a great Easter or whatever. I'm gonna escape these bothersome celebrations. TIME TO GO ON A VACATION! YEAH! Now, R&R and take care until I get back with more chapters. Cuddles!

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**Chapter Eleven  
Promise Me**

The tears stung. And not the normal sting in your chest because the pain is too much, no, it was actual physical pain. As if the tears themselves clawed at his skin, as if needles instead of fluid crawled out of his eyes. He had never thought they could actually hurt. After all, it was just salty water. But there he was, snot, dried blood, drool and tears all over his red face, shivering in the middle of the cold and lonely night, hurting.

It is true what they say, he thought, no one's pretty when they cry.

No one had passed by the bench he was huddled upon during the two hours he had sat there. Sure, London was big, but it wasn't _that_ big. He would've thought that at least one person would be dumb enough to go out strolling in the night. There were bars open, so where were the drunks? Where were the muggers? The homeless? The insomniacs? Not even a jogger had run past him. Rei wasn't completely sure why, but for some reason it bothered him.

Maybe he just didn't want to be alone.

Although, he didn't want anyone to see him like that either. In his weakened state he bet he looked just like the child he felt like. It would have embarrassed him to no end if anyone would have come along. He didn't want people to know that he too could cry. He was supposed to be grown up, so why was it so hard to act like one? Why did he still want someone to hold him? He was supposed to be so much stronger than that!

Angry, Rei punched the bench he sat on. The anger that had suddenly overcome him felt strange. He didn't know what to feel anymore. He was such a mess he ceased feeling anything at all for a moment, but then it all came back to him, like a meteor of pain. Biting his lip he tried to choke the emotions and the tears back down, but they just wouldn't stop coming. So he punched the bench again and again until his knuckles bled, but still he wouldn't stop.

Why was it always so damn hard? The people on TV who had it rough always came out stronger and laughing from their misfortunes. But nothing in life was ever that easy. But why couldn't it? It wasn't too much to ask for, really. He didn't even ask to be happy. All Rei wanted was to be alive, instead of just surviving. Sometimes he wondered if he was even doing that. At the moment it felt more like he was clinging to a thin thread, dangling over a large, black pit.

Suddenly his senses tensed and he picked up the presence of something. His ears twitched, barely catching a calm breathing. The golden eyes darted around the area, their catlike vision trying desperately to spot something. It could be a threat, most possibly it even was. Rei bit down and readied himself for whoever it could be.

Soon a shadow entered in front of him, barely visible away from the dim street light. Rei recognized a familiarity in the silhouette, but still he didn't trust it. His mind could be playing tricks on him. Maybe the shadow wasn't even there.

But the shadow soon entered the yellow light, and a pale, emotionless face stared down at him. Boris' posture was stony and cold, nothing about him seemed emotional. Except for his eyes, which were almost burning a cold flame of anger, making him seem glowing in the darkness.

Rei looked away from him, curling up into an even smaller ball. As much as he was relieved to see a familiar face, he didn't want anything to do with him. Not him, it was too humiliating. Who knew how much the whole scene pleasured Boris? For all Rei knew, the man could have gone there only to yell at him. Without noticing it Rei let out a shaky breath, shuddering slightly.

Boris picked it up immediately, frowning deeply.

''So here you are''

The Chinese didn't answer the stoic voice, but simply kept his eyes on the ground. Boris snarled at the dullness of the amber, clenching his fists to keep himself from throwing a fit. He had been looking all over town for the man, only to find him sitting in a park. The mere sight of his roommate made him want to run back to the apartment and kill Rei's father for good. Another part of him wanted to slap Rei in the face.

''What? Can't speak now? What's the matter kitten, cat got your tongue?''

The black hair fell in his face as Rei curled further into his own embrace, making the Russian's face twitch. The grey haired man stepped closer, his agitation growing as Rei flinched at the movement. The Falcon didn't really know who he was angry at. Maybe he was angry at Rei for being so broken, or maybe at the ones who broke him. Maybe he was even mad at himself, because he couldn't do anything and because he actually cared.

Boris leaned down in front of Rei, daring him to make eye contact. But the Tiger wouldn't move. Snarling Boris grasped the Chinese's chin harshly, almost bending the face towards him. Rei's eyes were reluctant to look at him but when they did the Russian felt like he had just been hit by a truck. There was such an ocean of fear, anger, sadness and things he couldn't even recognize inside of the eyes that he almost felt like falling.

As they kept staring at each other, Rei suddenly let out another harsh breath and before Boris had the time to blink, the other man had thrown himself over him. The lithe form was shaking uncontrollably, like an avalanche of misery. Boris closed his eyes, feeling something wet crawl down his shirt. He muttered something under his breath. The stupid man was crying on him!

They sat there, one not knowing what to do and the other not really wanting to do anything, while silence pressed chokingly over them. Boris felt his shirt dampen, getting more soaked by each minute. Rei's shaking only got worse, and in a second he had entangled his arms around Boris' waist so hard it hurt. Boris sat expressionless without moving.

Rei didn't really care what he did though, as long as he was there. No matter how embarrassing, humiliating, infuriatingly scary it was to be so broken in front of the Russian, he was there and that was all that mattered. He was there and he didn't turn away, he didn't yell and he didn't flinch at the touch. He just sat there, letting Rei be how damn broken he wanted to be and he didn't even make one sarcastic comment.

''Why didn't you come to me?'' he couldn't believe what words were coming out of his mouth, but then again, he hadn't been able to believe anything those past months.

It seemed as if he just acted differently around Rei. He was certain whatever he was going to say to the man that night was going to be things he had never thought he'd say to anyone. He'd already acted so out of character. Boris never cared, he never moved a finger for anyone but himself. That was because no one ever mattered to him.

No one made a difference in his life. But Rei, he didn't just make a difference, he was one. For some reason he couldn't quite figure out, Rei meant something. Something nothing had never ever meant before. And it unsettled him, but yet it didn't. In some odd way, it felt like it was… acceptable.

''I… I couldn't…'' Rei hiccupped, barely audible where he had buried his face into Boris' neck. ''I tried... but... I...''

''I know, kitten, I know.''

''I really wanted to... but I...'' a harsh sob. ''I tried – I should've – I really… Oh, God!''

''He's gone now''

''He'll come back! He always comes back!''

Another wave of sobs and shivers came, and it amazed them both how someone could cry so much without getting dehydrated. Boris just growled, but remained still. He let Rei cry, waiting for him to finish. The sobs went on for another few minutes before Rei could fight back some words into his mouth.

''Boris… He'll be back… I… I'm scared!''

And then something so unexpected happened, Rei stopped crying for a second. Boris strong arms wrapped themselves around his shaking form, bringing him if possible, closer. He leaned his chin against Rei's head, taking in a deep breath. Rei sat silent for a moment, sniffling, before he burst out crying again. Fuck, Boris thought, how long will this continue?

''No he won't.''

''How can you… be so sure?''

''Because if he does I'll kill him.''

Rei turned his head to look at him, their eyes locking like hooks tangled into each other. The tears came less and slower, and soon they ceased altogether. Boris looked as emotionless as ever for a moment, burning the seriousness into Rei with his stare. The Tiger blushed slightly, wiping his face.

''You look like shit'' Boris stated, his wolf like grin faintly on his lips.

Rei looked at him in silence, without as much as making a face. His eyes glimmered like pure gold under the stars, and a slight shiver fell on his lip. As he took in every curve, every scar and every line of Boris' face, the uneasiness inside him started to settle down. He didn't know how, he didn't know why, but he was thankful the man was there. Even if it was the last person he would have ever thought that he would be happy to see.

''About last time…'' he started weakly, but Boris silenced him with a finger on his lips.

''It was wrong, fucked up, disgusting and completely insane.''

Hurt took a large chunk out of Rei's heart, and he averted his eyes feeling his expectations fall. What had he expected from the man of hate himself? Love? How stupid was he, really? How could he for a second even have considered that somehow they could have something? How could he have been so blind? How could…

But then he felt the other man's lips against his own, cold and strained. A hard kiss was planted on his mouth, warm breath brushing against his face. Rei blinked in shock as Boris leaned back.

''It was the last thing I would ever have thought would happen'' he said, his eyes glimmering ''But I won't take it back.''

Large cat like eyes stared at him, shock so evident in the Chinese's face that it blew every other emotion away. For a moment he just sat staring at the man, saying nothing. Boris raised his eyebrows at him, expecting a more talkative response. But soon he got an even better one as Rei threw himself over him again, pushing them both to the cold ground. Hugging him hard, Rei started crying again.

''You fucking bastard!'' Rei said hoarsely.

Boris sighed, but his grin only grew. He moved his hand to stroke the black hair, suddenly realizing Rei had stopped shaking. Holding him even closer in return, the Russian closed his eyes.

''I know Rei, I know.''

And like that they lay there, in a little heap of craziness, the only source of warmth in the dangerous, looming cold night. Suddenly it didn't feel as lonely anymore.

**X**

The apartment had been waiting in its solitude for a very long time. There just seemed to be so little noise when no one was near. If the walls could talk surely they would have spoken about the numerous fights and quarrels there had been. They would have spoken mostly about anger so fierce it made the wallpaper peal. There would be stories to tell, for anyone who cared to listen, about hurt and desperation. Drunken nights of depressed memories, early mornings of suppressed pain. But now, there was also another story to tell.

As Boris had scouted the apartment for a good long while, making sure that there was no one there who shouldn't be there and nothing was missing, he picked Rei up over his shoulder and claimed the apartment back as his home. Sure, Boris had only lived there a couple of months, and he hadn't particularly liked it, but still. It was his home, his fortress, his evil lair of impending doom. No one, be it the Queen of England or a beggar from the streets, no one was allowed to defile it.

But it had seemed to remain untouched. Jun Kon had understood that this was not a safe zone whatsoever, and after leaving trails of deep crimson in his footsteps he had scattered like the vermin he was. Boris gave his home an appreciating look, as if complimenting it on how good it had been at keeping unwanted visitors away. The lock sat broken and childishly refusing to collaborate, as a bittersweet reminder of all the ruckus the apartment had been through.

Yes, there had been a lot of misfortunes happening in that place. The mere amount of all the negative energy that seemed to surround the room sometimes was choking. But that night, after Rei had taken a long, long shower, that would come to change. As they clung to each other like beasts on their way to the slaughter, the walls would have to listen closely in order to pick up the most peculiar story they had ever encountered.

Rei's soaked, black hair laid spread along one side of the bed, placed upon a towel as if not to make the sheets wet. He was feeling slightly better, clean and rid of the filth. The hot water against his tense muscles had been like magic fingers performing a massage so great it was pure bliss. He took a pit-deep breath and sighed. Boris crept down beside him, sniffing his skin hungrily. The light touches were tickling the Chinese, and he playfully tried to pry the man off him. But Boris refused to be thrown away, and merely kept on sniffing, nibbling and kissing.

Rei felt the warm touches travel across his arm and further down his waist, stop at the line of the boxers and then continue traveling up to the neck. Rei had to bit his lip in order not to giggle at the tickling touch at first, and wouldn't stop squirming until Boris wrapped his arms around him and brought him into an almost spine-crushing embrace. Lying on top of the Russian once more, Rei let out a deep sigh. Closing his eyes he felt like the darkness of the corners could not really touch him anymore. And as Boris brought the covers over them the warmth of skin and closeness indulged them, taking away all the tirades of the day.

It wasn't long before light snoring could be heard from the little heap. And not a second to soon, exhaustion finally got the better of them. Holding the other as close as possible, their breath dancing across the other's skin, for once Rei knew that his dreams would be pleasant.

It was a night of silence, softness and a tad of fragility. The demons of yesterdays hid away for a while, feeling they were not needed. The shadows were soft and alluring for once, and the stars outside sparkled in an illuminating shade of white. Yes, it was a night that differed from so many others. It gave the walls something new to see and whisper about, something they had never quite seen before.

If the walls could talk they would have told you a story of possessiveness, protection, comfort and pain. But most of all, they would have told you a story of love.

**X**

Rei let his finger trail the patterns of Boris' stomach. It was pale, scarred and toned, heaving up and down as the man was still sound asleep. A bandage covered the Russian's waist, hiding a horrible and very nasty wound. The skin around it had dressed itself in a slight shade of pink, pulsating warmth under Rei's light touch. There was another wound, also covered by gauze, stationed a little further up the ribcage, like a gaping miniature mouth. Besides the nearly fatal wounds, which would have killed him if they had been continuously ignored, the otherwise so smooth skin was marked by bruises. Black and blue, mixed with a sickening yellow and burning red places like paint splatters across his body.

Rei bit down a sad sigh. How anyone could let that body suffer so much was beyond his guess. What saddened him most though, was not only the damage on the outside, but also the damage that he was certain could be found on the inside. Trailing his slim finger over the area where the liver was positioned, the Tiger leaned forward and planted a kiss on the warm skin. Boris stirred lightly in his sleep, murmuring something Russian in a blurry voice. The Chinese smiled, planting more kisses across the frame, like small flowers of tenderness.

He was careful not to hurt the man though. No matter how much of a sadistic creep Boris could be, Rei was not. He never liked pain, neither in others nor himself. It was something instinctual; it existed merely for the survival of the body. When your brain wanted to tell you that something was wrong, it made you hurt. Whether it be out of hunger, thirst, lack of sleep, a nasty injury or just emotional pain, it existed as signals and nothing more. Unnecessary pain was about as pointless as war.

When Rei's kisses threatened to leave their tenderness and go into something more animalistic, he had reached the Falcon's neck. The fangs gently scraped the skin, as tender steps across creaky floor boards. Nibbling playfully on the skin he made sure to leave at least one mark marking his territory. Sure, most animals merely urinated on wherever their kingdom was, but he did not really feel the urge to do such a thing to the Russian. He didn't know whether to scoff or frown at the mere thought of it. No, he was not a usual tiger, so he would simply keep to marking with touches. Surely the Falcon wouldn't mind.

Unbeknownst to him, Boris had started to awaken. His heavy feeling eyelids fluttered slightly, screaming at their owner for trying to open them. His body wanted to sleep more, years if it must, and did not take lightly upon the fact that they would not get as they wished. Boris merely grunted at his body's weak protests, opening his eyes fully. And just in time, too, because that moment he felt a pair of lips upon his own.

Boris slid one arm up to hold the body upon him, bringing it closer. Rei made a noise very similar to a purr and nestled himself into the curve of Boris' neck. The Russian blew strands of black hair out of his face, spitting slightly at the taste of it.

''You have too much damn hair'' he grunted, collecting a few of the raven locks in his hand.

Rei raised one eyebrow at him, slightly amused.

''And you complain too much''

''Oh, I wasn't complaining''

A grin planted itself across the Tiger's face. Boris liked to see him smile, it fit him like a fine suit. Just like it suited him to have his hair let out. He couldn't recollect if he had ever seen the man have his hair let out like that since they met. He always seemed to have it in some kind of restraint, whether it be ponytails or braids or the old familiar wrapping he had always had during his Beyblading career. But Boris liked it, even though it made him look kind of feminine. It seemed to fall across Rei's back like a black waterfall, drops of oil mixing perfectly with the pale skin and combined with the black eyelashes it only made the golden eyes glow even more.

''You look like a chick'' Boris stated, brushing a few strands out of Rei's face.

''And a damn fine chick, might I add!'' Rei said with a pout.

The grin spread itself to Boris as well, and he chuckled harshly and somewhat bitterly. It was so weird, everything. He hadn't felt as relaxed in years, if he ever even had. It was as if all the chaos of the universe had simply decided to leave him the hell alone. He didn't feel the urge to mock Rei, to hurt him, to yell at him. Lacking that biting anger, he would've thought it would leave him empty. But it didn't, and that above all things was the weirdest.

The last time he had seen the hair out like that, flowing as if it was living its own life, was years ago. It seemed to flee its restraint every few tournaments or so, a sign that Rei was giving his all in a battle of life and death. It was alluring, tempting and mildly arousing to see the Tiger so alive. He had always been slightly intrigued when the Tiger fought. Those moments there were no doubts why he had donned the name of the Tiger.

''Hey'' Rei said and ran his fingers over Boris' lips, stroking his chin ''Are we… what are we?''

''I don't know if you've noticed but you're a man. That little thing there in your boxers isn't just for show, you know…''

A naughty look gleamed in the Russian's eyes, almost making Rei blush. He smacked the man loosely on the shoulder, giving him a harsh look.

''I'm serious! I mean, are we like, going out or are we… dating or..?''

''If you're wondering whether or not I'm using you as my personal fuck-friend then leave that thought alone because I haven't even seen you naked… yet''

''That's not..! Just..! Ghaaaaa!''

Rei let out a frustrated snarl and hit Boris with a pillow. Rolling away from the Russian he found himself being immediately drawn back by strong arms. It amazed Rei how the man could be wounded and still move so fiercely, demandingly even. But he forgot all those thoughts as he felt warm lips against his neck, a tongue making wet tracks across his skin. Rei shuddered, sighing tiredly.

''I just can't win with you.''

''Payback's a bitch, kitten''

Rei shifted to fix his irritated but still humble stare at the half naked and dreamy hunk of man-candy wrapped around him. _Oh, stop that thinking right now!_ Rei's mind snapped at him, giving him a mental bitch-slap. Rei muttered. He really could be too girly at times.

''Payback for what?!''

But the Russian didn't answer, and instead wrestled Rei to the floor. With a loud thud and a shrill yelp the Chinese hit the dirty floor beneath, hissing at the pain it brought him. Boris pinned him down with surprising strength, not a sign of pain in his grey eyes. The stare he fixed upon the Tiger was like metal, cold and hard and impossible to penetrate and yet, they gleamed with emotion that had never before taken place within them. Rei closed his eyes with a childish pout, crossing his arms as a shield towards the man. But Boris wouldn't give up that easily, so instead he started attacking the man with harsh, wild and not that gentle kisses.

Rei couldn't hold himself much longer, and soon grabbed the man for all he was worth, crashing a kiss much like a bomb on to the pale lips. Their tongues met in a determined battle for dominance and almighty power of the mouth, and for a moment all other troubles seemed lost.

Rei didn't care about how wrong this was. In fact, he couldn't care less. Boris didn't pay it any attention either, it was trivial nonsense. He wanted the Tiger, he had got the Tiger and he'd be damned if he wouldn't keep him as well. It was his life, damn it, he could kiss whoever he wanted to.

_But what do you feel about him?_ That little annoying voice sang in his ear.

You shut the fuck up, Boris retorted with pure irritation. But the voice wouldn't give up that easily and instead kept pushing at him, demanding attention. _But what do you feel? You don't hate him, that much we know. If you did he would have been dead before he even had the chance to lay a breath on you. __You want him to touch you, don't you?_

Boris tried his hardest to ignore it. Deep down he knew the voice was right, knew it always had been. He wanted Rei, craved him, demanded and in some deep pit of his disrupted mind, he even needed him.

_Do you love him?_

Love. What a foolish word for such a transparent emotion. What was love anyway? Boris surely hadn't felt much of it through his life. Yes, he admitted it had been a short life, but one would have thought to experience at least a small amount of it anyway. He had never felt the tender love of a mother, or the proud protecting one of a father. His friends hadn't shown that dedicated will to always be by his side, and he had never in his entire life encountered someone who was willing to die for him.

_Would Rei die for you?_

You, Boris snarled mentally at the tiny voice of reason, better shut up in the next second or I will drink your imaginary ass to pieces. You don't even exist, so fuck the hell off and leave me alone!

_Come on Kuznetsov, don't be like that. __Just answer the question! Would he? Or more importantly, would you?_

The only one he had ever been willing to die for was himself. And was he to blame for it? No. That had been the sort of life he had always known. He wasn't familiar at all with other people. Some would go to the length of calling him asocial, and maybe he was. But he didn't want to change that, no matter how lonely and dark it could get. No matter how angry it made him.

Rei giggled when a hand accidentally tickled his side. The little smile that flickered across his face like candlelight made Boris come to a halt and simply stare at the Chinese. The amber eyes looked at him with kindness, and instead of kicking him senseless like the stare always did on some level, it felt more as a soft and kindred touch. He blinked slightly, not really prepared for that.

It was true that Boris did not know how he felt. Whenever Rei wasn't lying beside him, there was a cold space in his bed that he had never noticed before. And every time he felt like he should just go out and kill someone, a gentle smile from Rei could calm his infuriated sense a notch. The rusty old thing inside of him that was called a heart had suddenly started beating again. Yes, these were all new sensations and Boris didn't know quite what to make of them. He had never felt love, so how would he know? But he didn't hate Rei, and that was more than he had ever really felt for anyone.

_Don't you want him to stay in your life?_

In an instant he felt trapped. So trapped in fact he just wanted to throw the man off himself and run. He needed time to think, to put his mind together. He had to sort this out, had to understand what was happening. But he couldn't, and he really didn't want to. Because he only had to cast one glance at the purring man in his firm grasp to realize, that he was just precisely where he wanted to be.

A growl from the pit of Rei's stomach disturbed the Russian's thoughts.

''I'm huuuungryyy''

''So I figured''

''Do we have food?''

''Did you buy any?''

A slightly thoughtful expression laid itself across the Chinese's face, before he regretfully bit his lip.

''Nooo…''

''Then we have no food.''

''Aw, man!''

Boris sighed and leaned down to sniff the black hair.

''Then I suggest you go out and buy it.''

Rei's fingers started making circles of light, feather like touches around the Falcon's stomach again. He had to fight hard to suppress a shiver of comfort. Rei sighed and the hot breath tickled Boris' throat, making him bury his face deeper into the hair. It actually smelled rather nicely, kind of like honey.

''But then I have to get dressed!''

''Not necessarily. I am sure that the people at the store will be just as pleased as I am to see you prancing around in your underwear.''

Rei muttered something in Chinese.

''You filthy, filthy man'' he sighed and half-heartedly glared at the man on top of him.

Boris raised his eyebrows and got up on his feet, leaving the Tiger alone on the floor. Suddenly a chill roamed across Rei's body, leaving him with a feeling of being exposed and slightly vulnerable. With a loud and possessive snarl he grabbed a hold of the Russian's wrist, demanding him to get back in position. Boris just gave him a taunting grin.

''Oh, so now we fancy it, hmm?''

Rei was just about to hit him with a fancy retort, when his stomach growled again. Sighing in defeat, the Chinese merely decided that it was not the right time for mind games and simply went to find himself a pair of clean clothes. Boris let a corner of his mouth tilt upwards, while he himself went out to the kitchen.

He gave his fridge a very disappointed and angry stare when he found it to be completely empty. Not a single embodiment of alcohol revealed itself to him, and the look in his eyes resembled one of an old pervert who had just been dragged away from peeking into the girl's bathroom.

Rei appeared in the doorway, already dressed in a black sweater and spotless, slightly loose jeans. Boris gave him a look over, before turning his stare back to the fridge. Maybe if he glared at it long enough a six pack would jump out of its hiding place, screaming about how it was all a joke. Boris would then drink it in revenge for the cruel game it tried to play on him.

''Boris…'' Rei said, his mouth beginning to feel dry. ''About…''

For some reason all the liquid of his mouth had traveled to form a large lump in his throat. Some things were just too hard to perform for his own good. But he had been thinking about it for a long time, and it was best not to put things on hold. If there was one thing he had never been quite fond of, it was procrastinating.

''Hm?'' Boris gave him a bored look as if he wanted to get their whole conversation over with so he could continue his staring contest with the empty stomach of the fridge.

''About that drinking habit of yours…''

''Yeeees?''

Oh, snap, Rei thought. This was almost as hard as flirting. Well, here goes nothing.

''I think we should sign you up for an AA-meeting...''

Silence struck him, like the calm before the storm. Tensing subconsciously Rei prepared himself for an outburst. But Boris merely raised an eyebrow at him, shooting him an amused stare.

''AA? As in Alcoholics Anonymous?''

Rei nodded, slightly hestitantly.

''Uh-huuuh...''

What was the deal? Why hadn't Boris started yelling yet? Why was he only producing a very disturbing sound that sounded suspiciously like laughter?

The Chinese blinked, a bit taken aback. He took a deep breath, feeling the air become more stuffy by the second. Rei refused to tear his eyes away from the Russian, even though the man wasn't particularly interested in the conversation.

''You're funny sometimes''

Now Rei's eyebrow had started to twitch irritably.

''I'm being serious.''

The Russian stiffened slightly, something dark and foreboding beginning to form in his eyes. He slowly and bitterly straightened himself, giving Rei a challenging and burning glare.

''Really now?''

Rei nodded, more determined than ever to not let this argument slip away. Boris could get just how angry he wanted to, but he was not going to back down and let the man drink himself to pieces. He just simply refused to go through all of that again.

''Boris, you know you can't go on with this forever! You'll kill yourself!''

''And there's a problem with that?''

The color completely drained from Rei's face. The thought of the man dying and being completely indifferent to it, made him want to scream. Hugging himself very closely in order not to throw some hard, inanimate object at the Russian, Rei gave him a very harsh scowl.

''What the hell do you think?! Your damn liver will just give up from all of this… this… abuse! You'll lie there in a damn hospital bed, _again_ might I tell you, and then just wither away and… die!''

''What I do with my life is my business and I'd advice you to stay the hell out of it.''

The Tiger couldn't believe his ears. The uncertainty from before was as blown away, and instead there was only steadfast anger. Clenching his fists he stomped up to the Russian, standing on his toes so he could loom over him, with roaring, angry eyes.

''You won't go to the Institute, you won't talk to anyone, you won't stop this… fighting… I mean… Look at you!'' Rei gestured desperately towards the gauze pads. ''You nearly got yourself killed!''

''That's nothing I haven't been through before.''

''Exactly! No one ever asked you to go and get yourself thrown into a goddamn knife fight! Are you trying to deliberately kill yourself?!''

''What's it to you?!''

Their voices were getting louder and louder, rummaging through the apartment like wild herds of elephants. The situation was turning very nasty very fast, and Rei wasn't feeling all that certain anymore. He swallowed down the bad feeling in his gut and instead concentrated on being blindingly angry, but also concerned.

''What's it to me?! Are you as daft as you sound right now? Boris, you nearly _died!_ Ceased to be! Evaporated! Disappeared and dissolved! You could be lying six feet under, becoming a juicy smorgasbord to the worms right now!''

A cold and hateful fire erupted in the grey, and Boris bit his jaw so tightly it hurt. Rei was dancing on his last nerves, and all other emotion abandoned him, as if sucked into a black hole. With a loud roar he threw his fist at the Chinese, sending the man flying into the nearest kitchen counter. As all the objects placed upon the counter rained down on Rei, he cursed loudly where he was sprawled upon the floor. His face hurt from where the blow had hit him, his back hurt from where he had hit the counter, but most of all his inside hurt. As if a wound had etched itself into his heart, tearing open more and more by each second that Boris glared at him.

The man panted, loud and harsh, like broken glass instead of air was pressing its way into his lungs. He looked so wild, so ravaging and brutally insane that moment that it almost scared the Tiger. But he only fixated his soft glare at the man, daring him to run away. Boris didn't break the eye contact, and after a moment, he let out a harsh sigh and slammed the fridge shut.

Closing his eyes he ran his fingers through grey locks of hair, shaking his head.

''I…'' he tried to mouth an apology, but the words, the absolute horror that had never been there before when he hit someone, it wouldn't come out.

He always hit people. He hit Yuriy, Kai, Spencer, Ian, people on the streets, absolute strangers he had never seen before. He had even hit Rei on occasion, when his anger got the better of him like it always did. But this time, he felt ashamed. He wasn't sure why and it repulsed him. He had never had trouble with hitting someone before, so why was he so angry at himself that moment? Why did the disgusting touch of remorse defile his brain?

Rei looked away, not able to look at him any longer. He knew this would happen, he had expected it even. But still it hurt so unbelievingly much. Boris felt that hurt, he saw it in the golden eyes, and he wanted to get away from it. He couldn't even stand to be in the same room as it.

But as he got to the doorway, he stopped. Rei looked expectantly at him, tense and unprepared for whatever would be thrown at him.

''I did it… for you''

The voice was so mellow it threw Rei completely off guard. Staring with gaping mouth and wide eyes at the Russian, he was at a complete loss for words. Boris shook his head again.

''Fine, I'll go if it means that much to you.''

Rei stood up on legs that suddenly didn't seem too eager to support him. Feeling utter disgust over how pathetic he must look, he recomposed himself and donned the old expression of pride and invincibility that had been so evident in his soul those years ago. Boris gave him a look, the anger suddenly retreating.

They kept staring at each other, a mark beginning to form on Rei's cheek. Boris bit his tongue thoughtfully, before stepping closer to the man, placing his arm around the slim shoulder. Rei leaned into the harsh embrace, burying his head in Boris' chest.

''Thank you'' he whispered, silence dominating the room.

Until his stomach growled once more, that was.

Boris let a fickle grin grace his lips, before ruffling Rei's unkempt hair. The Tiger gave him a warning look, but soon softened into a smile.

''I'll get you some soda'' the Tiger said before reluctantly and not too eagerly detaching himself from the Russian.

Boris gave him a yeah-what-the-fuck-ever-look and before he knew it, the other had disappeared.

Growling loudly, the Falcon gave the fridge one last hateful glare before traveling to the bathroom. A good long shower was what he needed. Too bad he would have to spend it alone.

But there was always time to make up for that, he thought as evil plots of slight perversion began to form in his dark mind.

**X**

Grey eyes traveled across the sign doubtfully. Large, black letters which could have used a bit more discretion almost seem to scream at him to enter. The building itself was not very large and not that impressive, standing colorless and ordinary in the morning fog.

Mornings, why did all the annoying things have to take place in the damn morning? It was about the cruelest time of day to make people do anything. Half awake in a zombie-like haze, one could not withstand too much mental torture. He mentally winced at the thought of it, giving Rei a very disapproving and grumpy look.

''The sooner the better!'' Rei tried encouragingly, but Boris merely snorted.

''Yeah, right. This is about the stupidest idea…''

''Just go already!''

''I don't want to!''

''You're sounding like a kid. Come on!''

''And you're sounding like my mom''

''What can I say? It's in my nature.''

''Pushing me won't help. I'm too heavy for your weak little arms.''

''Oh, reaaaally?''

''Yeah, really – hey, what are you..?!''

''Suit yourself!''

''REI!''

The shouts the two men were producing reached through the door, causing the people inside the building to raise their heads in slight curiosity. As they heard the commotion and not so gentle ruckus outside, they wondered feverously what was going on. A small crowd gathered around the windows, trying to see who was there and what they we're doing.

As Boris and Rei stumbled in through the two doors, letting in grey light from the dampness of the outside, the occupants of the room turned to look at them in a second. The Russian looked bothered, making a face of utter disliking. The Chinese on the other hand, was glowing with satisfaction, a feeling of victory present in his eyes. He was currently entangled with the man, hands beneath Boris' t-shirt, nibbles and bite marks evident by the Russian's ear, his breath still ragged and excited.

''You'' Boris hissed in the Tiger's ear ''Are such a slut!''

Rei gave him an innocent smile and pushed him lightly forwards.

''Stop pouting! It got you inside, didn't it?''

Boris snarled, straightening out his clothes and trying to get rid of any sign that could tell anyone about how he had just let himself be seduced into doing something he was most reluctant to do. Rei slid his hand around the Falcon's own, giving him a reassuring squeeze. Boris only snarled, not really feeling any better about anything.

The people in the room gave them interested and fairly odd looks, as if they were not really sure as of what to make of the situation. Most of them were huddled up by a table covered with food and coffee, another part of them by the window, trying to look as if they had not just been trying to spy on the pair.

There was a man, scruffy looking with thick glasses and not too shabby looking clothing, who gave them an insecure smile. He scratched his neck unsurely, checking something on his small clipboard.

''May I help you?'' he asked timidly, not really striking Boris as the leader type.

Rei practically beamed at him.

''Yes! Hello…'' he narrowed his eyes to see the name-tag which sat somewhat crooked on the man's shirt. ''James! Is this the AA?''

''Of course it's the AA!'' Boris growled. ''It said so on the stupid sign!''

Rei chose to ignore him and instead kept smiling at James, who was looking more confused by the second.

''Uh… yes, this is the AA. Have you signed yourself up for it?''

Rei nodded.

''Well, not me, I'm just here for support, if that's alright?''

James fidgeted slightly, furrowing his forehead. He looked around at the group behind him who were all watching like two roaring hippopotamuses had just jumped in through the roof singing the national anthem.

''Well… it's not a regular custom of ours…''

Rei looked slightly shot down for a moment, nodding in disappointment. Boris gave James a very threatening look that told him to do as he was told if he was interested in keeping his genitals in place. The man blinked, blowing some strands of dirty blonde hair out of his tired face before he smiled nervously.

''I guess I can make an exception, as long as it doesn't spread too much. You know, Alcoholics _anonymous_.'' He put extra force into the last word, giving Rei a meaning glance.

Rei nodded in understanding.

''It's alright! I don't know anyone in this town anyway so who would I tell?''

''Well… that's… good I guess.'' James tore his brown eyes away from them, looking down at his clipboard once more. ''Name?''

Rei looked at Boris, who only looked defiantly away. Since he was being as refusing as he could possibly be, Rei sighed and decided to do the answering for him.

''Boris Kuznetsov''

''Kuznetsov… Kuznet… Ah! There it is! Well then, welcome I guess. Have a seat, there's some food over there. We'll start in ten minutes.''

''Thank you'' Rei smiled.

James only nodded, dedicated to get as far away from the odd pair as soon as possible. The Russian unnerved him as much as a naked woman would have, and even though the Chinese tried to be nice to him it didn't make James feel like his job was any easier. Every once in a while they got in people like Boris, and he never got used to them.

As soon as he disappeared out of sight, Boris turned towards the door.

Rei grabbed a firm hold of his arm, pressing his feet hard against the floor. The Russian gave him a questioning look.

''No you don't!'' Rei half-shouted, making the man snarl.

''They're morons!''

''You've only been here for five minutes!''

''And I've already had enough. You can be as slutty as you want, I'm not staying''

Rei pouted as much as what was physically possible.

''Please? For me?''

The Russian crossed his arms, giving him a bored and highly doubting look.

''And now why would I do that?''

''Because I'm so pretty?''

''I wouldn't go that far…''

Rei slapped the Falcon on the shoulder, Boris barely resisting the urge to hit him. He had just rid himself of the slight pang of guilt from the last time that happened. It irritated him that he could not, under no circumstances whatsoever, get himself to really hurt the Chinese. He tried to tell himself that it was because the man was in fact too pretty to inflict physical damage upon, but his common sense told him otherwise. Damn his common sense.

''Please?''

The golden seemed to almost sparkle in the light of the ceiling lamps, almost irresistible. Boris had to once again fight back impulses to molest the man right that moment.

''At least he can pronounce your name right? _And _there's coffee'' Rei continued, squeezing his hand harder as if such trivial facts made a life changing difference. ''And cookies! Cookies are good!''

The Russian growled, then sighed before running a hand through his hair. He was so not in the mood for this.

''You owe me.'' Was all he said, trying his hardest to ignore Rei's beaming smile as he let the Tiger lead him closer into the room.

**X**

''Alright, people. We have a new member as of today. His name is Boris and he's new in town.'' James said, looking at the circle before him.

There was silence, before a monotone chorus of ''_Hello Boris''_ greeted the Russian, who only glared back.

He did not appreciate this little get-together by the slightest. It reminded him far too much about the Institute, and the people around him seemed to be as lively as a collection of potatoes. So he took it upon himself to try to glare every last one of them to death before the meeting was over. Rei only rolled his eyes where he sat by the far wall of the room, out of sight and feeling somewhat as if they had tried to hide him.

''Boris, why don't you introduce yourself?''

Boris gave James a teeth filled snarl, not at all liking how he said his name. He never really liked anyone calling him by his first name. The only ones who got away with it were the other Russians and Rei. He did not like James the slightest, and he did not like the nametag that sat sneering at him. _'Hello, I'm James' _as if it was something important that everyone should know. As if it was so damn hard to just ask whatever god damn name he had, presuming anyone gave a shit in the first place.

Boris surely didn't, and he was very reluctant as to having a nametag of his own. Rei had refused to let him write something obscene or rude on it, and after a lot of effort it had ended with the Chinese himself scribbling down the Russian's name on it and by violence forcing it upon him.

He scoffed while James sighed. This was not his day.

From the back of the room Rei was glaring at Boris, who was quite nicely able to ignore the burning sensation it left in the back of his head.

''I… see'' the dirt blonde man mumbled and scratched his forehead. ''You know, Boris, it is one of the steps of getting out of this… addiction. You have to face it, sooner or later.''

''I don't have to face anything. I am perfectly fine.''

Oh boy, James thought, he's one of them, the ones in denial. How great.

''You know, it's alright. We're not here to judge you.''

A grey eyebrow twitched, fists clenching.

''And this is the part where I should care?''

Rei shot James an empathic look, telling him that he knew just how he felt. It wasn't easy tearing down Boris' defenses, especially if he didn't want you to. But James had been in his line of work for too many years to be defeated by some grumpy kid in denial. He was going to, by any means necessary, get the damn Russian to open up and spill everything. If it would cost him his life, James would get him to admit that he was indeed and alcoholic.

Yes, he might have become a little too enthusiastic about the whole thing, but once he set his mind on something James Butcher never, under no circumstances, ever gave up. It was part of what had kept him sober for ten years, and he was not going to let it all go to waste. There was a reason he believed, that people were born. His was to help people, no matter how unwilling they were to this.

Sighing once again, he took off his glasses and placed them on top of his head, which Boris thought looked really silly and not to mention stupid, and gave the Falcon a firm look.

''You know, Sebastian over here was in deep denial too, when we first got him. But he opened up eventually.''

The long haired man named Sebastian simply flipped his bleach blonde mane over his shoulder and shot off a dazzling smile. Boris immediately despised him.

''That's right'' Sebastian said, his voice sounded just like a rock star's would. ''I was ashamed, and maybe a little scared. You know cus' real men aren't scared. But that's alright, you know, cus' they are! It's okay. Nobody's perfect!''

That dazzling smile kept shining with a blinding light and the Falcon felt how he just wanted to rip it off the smug face. His stomach churned in disgust and it took a lot of glaring from Rei's part to keep the Russian from leaving his seat and leap at the blonde.

''You keep telling yourself that'' Boris snarled, hate oozing out of him like puss.

Sebastian's tattered but once in a distant past handsome face twitched. His mind, drugged senseless from a very unpromising career as a young man with a guitar and too farfetched dreams, frowned violently at this challenge. He saw the defiance in the grey eyes, felt how the man across the circle just beamed hostility towards him, questioning his manhood. Not only being competitive, but also extremely vain, Sebastian accepted the challenge with a heated glare.

''You insinuating something, _bub_?''

''Why insinuate something that is so clearly obvious?''

Sebastian rose in his seat, the uneasiness and nervousness of the room etching itself into its occupants. James, along with the others in the circle, gave the two quarreling men edgy looks.

''Hey, I was just trying to be helpful!''

''Go help yourself in the men's room. You'd do more good with your hand down your pants instead of that foot in your mouth!''

''Oh, that's fucking _it_ y– ''

''Enough!'' James' voice rung above them.

The two men kept glaring at each other, clearly no intentions of becoming friends forming in their minds. James sighed for what felt like the millionth time and scratched his neck. He gave them all a tired but stern look.

''Sebastian, calm down. Boris, if you don't feel ready just yet, that's fine. But you can't hide forever.''

''Who says I'm fucking hiding?''

Sebastian was just about to say something, but got silenced by a meaning look from James. The dirt blonde man looked tiredly at Boris, who was clenching his jaw so furiously they could hear it creak.

''Okay, group… let's go over today's schedule, shall we?''


	12. Flight of the Falcon

So vacation was great. Until I got sick and threw up all over the place. Really fun. So I dunno if there'll be much updating until I feel better in the head. There probably will. We'll see, I have so much other crap going on. Essays, other fictions, reading through tons of books I've gotten, my birthday (the 1st April, suck on that), surviving, buying home some of the YGO-manga, watching through stuff I haven't seen... the list goes on and on. Man I want a new vacation.

Anyway… I was reading this story through, to check a few things so I won't make embarrassing mistakes, and… I don't really like the early chapters. I have no idea how you bear with the typos, the shortness, the… Know what? I'll just stop badmouthing my own works and appreciate your support. THANK YOU ALL.

Now. This chapter is yummy. I dunno if it'll be OOC though… but… I like Yuriy this way. And I like Boris too. Because I like torturing Rei. And I like writing complicated romances. Mmmm, men with commitment issues. (_cough_)

Enjoy! (And review, because Yuriy is cute.) And this is a little short, but that's okay because the next one has a fighting scene! Ooooh!

* * *

**Chapter Twelve  
Flight of the Falcon**

Yuriy shifted lazily on the king sized bed which creaked unhappily underneath him. The hideous stripes of brown and orange which plagued the bed covers made his eyes hurt, but still he couldn't tear his eyes away. Dull voices from the TV buzzed, filling the silence with its artificial tragedies. Drama was unraveling on-screen but the red head could not have cared less, for he was concerned with much bigger and important things.

He cast a thin glance towards Kai who was currently reading a book. He seemed to do that a lot, not particularly interested in the driveling nonsense of the TV, nor very fond of socializing or participating in pointless, casual small-talk. That suited the Wolf just fine, most of the time, but now he was feeling utterly bored and not to mention restless. He had tried to figure out what was going on with his fellow teammate, the Falcon, ever since they met him in the hallway.

Yuriy did not like being preoccupied with thoughts like that. It was disturbing, to say the least, especially since his not being able to get that stupid grinning face of Boris out of his mind was disturbing his sleep. What was going on with the man? Why was he living with Rei of all people? Of all the hidden motives Yuriy could think of, none that came to his mind seemed sensible. Not that anything with Boris ever was sensible, but he wasn't so utterly out of it that he would succumb to profound and unfounded solutions.

It just wasn't making any sense. Why would the Falcon, Mr. I'm-too-short-and-pale-to-consider-the-feelings-of-anyone-except-my-bastard-self-would-it-been-I-had-any, live with Rei Kon of all people? Boris didn't even like living with people! He was barely putting up with living with the Blitzkrieg boys! And to top it all off, because this was merely the tip of the iceberg, he hadn't even visited them at their stupid hotel! That damn hotel which was so crappy and unkempt it angered Yuriy further. If Kai was so rich, how come he didn't even have the decency to give them a tad more exclusive room? Yuriy's mouth twisted into a grimace.

What was going on?

He growled, staring off into nowhere. Kai gave him a questioning look from over the top of his book. He had noticed the mood of his friend, it had been quite obvious even though he had been trying to hide it. But whenever Yuriy got really pissed off, it seemed to radiate from every pore of his body. Yes, Yuriy was supposed to be the calmer heir of the title as leader whenever Kai was absent, but from time to time he seemed to fail at not giving his inner turmoil away. Especially when he was growling loudly about it in the far corner of his bed.

Kai sighed and put the book down, bracing himself for the unavoidable confrontation that was going to take form.

Ian paid no attention to the drop of mood in the room whatsoever, too indulged in the soap opera taking place behind the glass of the TV. Spencer had passed out long ago behind him, a pack of chips on his stomach, snoring loudly. Or, he had been snoring until Ian had shoved a sock down his mouth.

''Yuriy'' Kai said, fixating the Wolf with his crimson eyes, like two fires burning timidly in the afternoon light. ''Would you stop your muttering and just spit it out already?''

The patience had been slipping off the Phoenix for each day, but he had forced himself to regain it once more. It was needed at times like this, and Yuriy was someone who could not be dealt with otherwise. When he was in such a bad mood he could often resemble the stubbornness of an angry child.

The aqua eyes gave him a heated glare.

''Just what the hell is going on between those two?!''

Kai pinched the bridge of his nose.

''Is _that_ what you have been growling about all week?''

Yuriy looked mildly insulted for a short moment, before regaining his snarling grimace.

''Yes! Don't you think it's weird?!''

''Don't I think _what_ is weird?''

''The two of them! Living together like… like…''

''Roommates?''

''_No!_ Well, yes, obviously they must since they're living tog… AGH! Something is going on between them and I know it!''

Yuriy shook a meaning fist at the blue-haired man, baring his teeth, thus donning more and more the resemblance of a wolf. His sharp chin was trembling out of irritation, his posture much like one of an animal ready to attack. Kai put the book away, guessing he wouldn't be spending it much attention for quite a while, and looked stoically at his friend.

''So what if it is?''

Yuriy's face twitched oddly.

''What?''

''What if it is? What's it to you what Boris does and whom he does it with?''

''Because, I don't know if you've notice this, he is Boris Kuznetsov! When was the last time he could tolerate another human being?''

Kai opened his mouth to speak, but got interrupted.

''An _alive_ human being, mind you!''

Kai sighed.

''Not in the entire time that I have known him.''

A triumphant, and slightly psychotic, look crept itself into the red head's face. He was getting too enthusiastic in his statement, as if convincing Kai something was wrong was going to solve everything. Kai only looked at him, raising an eyebrow every now and then.

''Don't you think that's a bit weird? He's changed all of a sudden? What did they _do_ to him at that Institute anyway? Electrocute him?''

''Yuriy, look. I know Rei. I've known him for many years now, and he is just the kind of person who brings a new perspective of things.''

The patience and eagerness in the Wolf were clearly making him impatient, not wanting to play riddles and mind-games. He wanted black on white, exactly how he wanted it and exactly when he wanted it, on the spot, no questions asked. It took a while to get used to it, but the respect Yuriy's whole being demanded sort of made up for it. You couldn't help but fear and admire him at the same time, which made it hard to approach him. Yuriy could warm up though, he was an intelligent young man. He just didn't like it that much.

''_Perspective?_''

''Yes. You know me, and how I used to be. When I first joined the Bladebreakers I wasn't much of a social person, but as time went on Rei taught me, if yet subconsciously, to accept the others. Slowly I planted just the slightest shard of trust in them.''

''He didn't seem to help that arrogance of yours, though.''

''Yuriy, I'm being serious.''

''So am I.''

Kai growled, shaking his head slightly.

''What I'm trying to say is that Rei taught me how to be more open, so maybe he's done the same thing to Boris as well.''

The clear blue eyes looked at him like he was completely insane. That's it, Yuriy growled mentally, I'm surrounded by morons. Lunatics, the lot of them. Didn't Kai understand what he was saying? Something was very, very wrong with all of it and he wanted to, no he _demanded_ to know what it was. No one was allowed to keep such important facts from him, not if that one person happened to be his childhood friend. They were supposed to look after each other, sharing the same troubled and mentally disturbing pasts as each other. They were supposed to be the only ones to understand each other and the feelings they could hold. Because believe it or not, they did have feelings. They just were damn good at hiding them.

''What? So Rei's taught _Boris_ how to _feel_? Are you mad?''

''Why don't you just ask Boris yourself instead of sitting here pouting about it?''

''First of all Hiwatari; I am not pouting! And second; I think I will!''

With a quick movement Yuriy had leaped up from the bed and gone towards the door. Quickly grabbing his fake-fur lined coat, he left the room with a proud and somewhat stubborn posture, leaving a cold draft in his trail. Kai watched the closed door for a moment, before picking up his book with a slightly amused tug of his lips.

Just about to start reading again though, there was a very loud and very violent knock on the door. This was followed by several impatient kicks, which clearly indicated that the visitor did not wish to be put on hold. Kai growled slightly, irritated placing the book back on the nightstand. As he walked over to the door, the knocking only grew more determined.

''Yuriy, if you forgot…'' he said, but as soon as he had opened the door it was not Yuriy who burst in.

Instead it was Boris, looking as rabid and wild and unsettled as ever. His grey stare darted around the room, taking in every piece of furniture and occupant in it, but not really registering anything. Kai raised one wondering eyebrow at him, but only received a very unfriendly glare in response.

''Boris, what's..?''

''What is he doing to me?''

The Falcon's voice came out as a harsh and painful hiss, as if his notorious gusts of winds were cutting through Kai's skin. He closed the door behind him, nodding towards Boris to have a seat. But the man had no intentions to, and instead simply stood glaring and panting at Ian. The large nosed man unwillingly tore his eyes off the TV and looked drowsily at Boris.

''What?''

Boris looked as if he was trying to execute the man right on the spot with his mere willpower. Ian only looked slightly unnerved, but not half as much as irritated.

''Get – the – hell – out''

''Why? This is _my_ room, you know.''

''GET THE HELL OUT!''

His voice rung loudly, ricocheting off the walls, hitting its occupants with maximum capacity. Ian blinked slightly at the ringing in his ears, before sighing. Kicking at Spencer, he got up and headed towards the door. Spencer blinked his eyes open, looking tiredly around.

''Wha' nah..?'' he slurred through the sock, not quite awake yet.

''Boris is having a fit – _again – _and he wants us to leave.''

Spencer spit out the sock in his mouth, making choking sounds. He glared at it shortly before crumpling it in his fist and throwing it away, looking at the visitor. Boris looked close to exploding, so the blonde simply grunted and got to his feet. Ian handed him his jacket and in a breath they were gone.

A deafening silence and pressure threatening to tear the room apart was left in their absence, Kai fixing his gaze at Boris. Had someone announced him to be the local Dr. Phil or something? With a mental sigh he crossed his arms, a firm expression on his face. Boris glared hatefully at him, having to take out his anger and frustration and pure, naked, utter and ravaging confusion on someone.

''Boris'' Kai spoke, shattering the tension as if it had been only glass.

''What the hell has he done to me?!'' Boris rumbled at him, making Kai feel as though he was getting pushed into the wall.

But he stood content still, not moving the slightest. Boris began pacing around the room, throwing random objects into the nearest wall every other second. This was going to be expensive, Kai pondered, before biting the inside of his cheek.

''What happened?''

''Rei! Rei is what fucking happened! What did he _do_?!''

''I don't know. What _did_ he do?''

''He... he... just came into my life, like the pathetic little bag of misery he is and just... pranced around in his stupid boxers and now I have these… these… feelings! Feelings, Kai, _feelings_! Why the hell do I have feelings?!''

Kai frowned.

''What are you talking about?''

''I'm saying'' Boris took a very deep breath to calm himself, but didn't even come close to succeeding. ''He's… I… Do… We… FUCK!''

''Oh, I see where this is going'' Kai nodded his head, like he already had figured it out.

Boris shot him glares like shots out of a flare-gun, hoping to burn the other man into the floor for his irritating behavior. How dared he speculate about Boris' situation?!

''Oh? Then tell me Kai, where is this going?!''

''You're in love with him.''

The grey eyes widened in what could only be anger, disgust and utter bafflement.

''What the hell?! Love him?! I _love_ him?! Are you retarded?!''

Calm crimson locked with obliterating silver, a spark sizzling in the red. Kai barely suppressed that wicked smile that all the fans loved and adored him for.

''Boris, just for a second calm down and think. What do you feel about him?''

''I don't know! That's why I came here! Of all the places I could have gone to – like the damn bar, which reminds me, do you have any alcohol?''

''No.''

''Yes you do! I can see the damn mini bar right there! It's buzzing, for fuck sake!''

''If you want something to drink buy it yourself. Now we're getting completely off subject. I repeat; what do you feel about him?''

''How the hell should I know?!''

Kai sighed, clenching his jaw. Speaking to Boris when he was in such a mood was nearly impossible. The odds of both the Wolf and the Falcon to freak out at the same day were high enough, but the mere exhaustion of trying to calm both of them down was simply bothersome. But Kai held it together, refusing to tear his stern gaze away from the other.

''Just think. How does it feel when you're near him?''

''How the hell would you know anything about love anyway? You're as cuddly as an ice-pick!''

''_Boris_''

''Don't you dare use that tone with me!''

Kai had enough. He headed to the door with large and angry steps, opening it and pointing towards the hallway. Boris glared at the door as if it had thrown his Beyblade into the toilet, stolen his underwear and killed his family.

''If you're not going to even be the slightest bit cooperative about this then I suggest you just leave.''

Boris growled. With a large pout he sat down on the ugly bed, glaring with pure disgust at the covers. Kai looked at him for a moment, before closing the door.

''Good'' he said and walked over to the bed, looking down at the other. ''Now, let's try again. What do you feel about him?''

A grey eyebrow twitched, the pale face of its owner looking more strained than that of one who had just endured a face lift and multiple Botox injections.

He glared at Kai out of the corner of his eyes, before standing up abruptly.

''Fuck this. Like I'm going to discuss this with you.''

''Isn't that why you came over?''

''No! Or… well, maybe… I… Fuck you!''

''Boris. We've known each other since we were children. I won't judge you.''

''I don't give shit about what you think of me!''

''Then what are you afraid of?''

It sounded so much like a challenge, one which he just simply couldn't refuse. Feeling the fury rotate inside of him, eating away at his very intestines, he turned around like a swirl of smoke and fire, bringing his strong fist to grab Kai's collar. Kai stared harshly at him, daring him to go any further. Boris panted heavily, white dots dancing before his eyes. He was shaking, like a volcano about to burst. They kept staring at each other for a moment, before Boris finally let go.

He slumped down on the bed, looking tired for a moment. Then he quickly regained his emotionless face and simply sat glaring at the TV. For some reason he found himself hating the actors within it.

He would much rather have talked to Yuriy. Kai was just like a bad eyesore to him. He always whored around with teams, jumping ships like another changed socks.

One minute he was an ally, the other he was an enemy. Regardless of that, they always trusted him whenever he decided to come back. No matter how many times he betrayed them, Yuriy always trusted Kai. And he always replaced Boris. He hated that fact, and it was enough to fuel his anger-engines anew. But Yuriy wasn't there right then, and besides, Kai knew Rei much better. Which was another thing to hate him for.

''I know Rei, more than anyone else does. And that's not saying very much, since I am guessing you know more about him than I do. But I know his personality, and that's what's important right now. But we won't get anywhere unless you stop being so damn stubborn.''

Boris snarled.

''I am not –''

''Boris''

The Falcon bit his lip down hard, nearly drawing blood. He could feel his wounds itching, as if the adrenaline pumping through him was tearing at his skin. He clenched his fists, glaring at nothing. He knew Kai was right and by god how he hated him for that.

''I feel like… I don't have to hate anymore.''

Kai nodded.

''And?''

''And like I don't want to... hurt him'' The words were coming out bit by bit, as if sticking to his throat and clinging to his teeth. ''I hate it when he's not around, and I hate when he's looking at someone else. Talking to someone else, smiling. He looks too good not to smile, and I really, really want to kill someone when I'm not the one to cause it.''

He very much hated opening up like that. But no matter how agitating it was, some things were far too complicated to be figured out by oneself. Sometimes one needed help, and the Russians were the only people in the world that he actually trusted. He had never loved anyone before, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to. If he actually dared to.

''I don't want to hurt him.''

Kai gave him a silent look, his face speaking nothing of what he was thinking. But he understood, he knew how Boris was and it didn't surprise the Phoenix the least that he was reacting the way he was. Of course he was angry, it was the only thing he knew how to be. He wasn't familiar with anything else, so how else could he react?

''Boris, do you want to lose him?''

He got no answer, the silver giving away nothing. But something in the way Boris' twitched his mouth told Kai, that no, Boris did not want to lose Rei. Not when he had finally gained something in his life that wasn't utter and complete shit. Something so good that wasn't intimidated by him, that didn't run away. Something that actually wanted to stay.

''Then'' Kai took a deep breath, that wicked smile appearing on his lips at last. ''I suggest you leap.''

The Falcon gave him an odd look, not really understanding what the man was trying to say.

''Boris, there is no way that you will be able to avoid hurting him. It's just the way life is. But if you want him to stay with you, then don't do something rash like pushing him away. If you've let him this close, then he's worth the risk. Whatever you are afraid of, if Rei is worth it, then give it a try. Do you want to live your life thinking 'what if'?''

There was no response at first, until Boris eventually shook his head dully.

''No.''

''Then, don't think about the fact that you may hurt him or even that he might hurt you. That's the thing with love. You just never really know.''

Boris muttered Russian curses under his breath, clenching and unclenching his fists almost therapeutically. Somehow he calmed down, if only by a bit, and let out a final snarl before standing up.

''Great. Now I have to figure out _if_ he's worth it.'' He growled at Kai, who only kept his small devilish smile.

''I think you already know.''

Boris scoffed, and without another word, he left. Kai watched the door close, before leaning back against the bed with a loud sigh. Sometimes it could be so stressful being a leader. Sometimes it made him wonder what they would ever do without him.

Deciding not to grace the others with any more thoughts, he reached out for his book and began to once again, peacefully read. Hopefully this time he wouldn't be disturbed.

**X**

They sat huddled up in the couch, which wasn't as much of a couch as it was sad, really. Its leather was torn and bleached by the sun, tearing at the edges. In some places a spring would poke madly underneath the cover, irritating for whoever was placed upon it. Rei seemed to be the unlucky one this time.

Boris lay somewhat stiffly beside him, looking lost in his own thoughts. But he seemed to relax somewhat as Rei's fingers circled around the fabric of his shirt. Doodling invisible drawings with his fingertips, it left a slight tingling sensation in the skin. Boris closed his eyes, exhaling deeply. The warmth of Rei making that etching headache of his back off.

Rei closed his eyes and crept nearer to the other man, taking comfort in his rising and falling chest. He nuzzled into the curve if his neck, the black hair tickling the Russian's chin slightly. There had been silence among them, but a comfortable one. The only thing to be heard had been the TV, which none of them had been paying much attention to anyway. It was just an excuse for lying there, doing nothing but drinking in the other.

Rei drew in a deep breath, the smell of Boris filling him with an intoxicating wave. He was feeling rather giddy at the moment, like a schoolgirl. But that was alright with him, because it felt damn good. Even though Boris looked cold, as if one would freeze to death just by touching him, he was in fact surprisingly warm. His hair was smooth, like water between Rei's fingers. Moving his free hand up from the man's chest he started running them over his face instead, like treading and precautious footsteps.

Boris was completely blown away by the sudden peace in his mind. He hadn't felt as calm in years, and it was a pure and unimaginable bliss. He had thought long and hard about Kai's words, but managed to become nothing than even more confused. And to add to that, his attempts at trying to lay off the bottle were not very successful. But Rei had confidence in him, and even though he could not understand why in the slightest, it felt good.

Allowing the small but gentle touch to caress him, he leaned closer. As if Rei was some sort of comfort, the only place in the universe that actually made sense. He wrapped one arm possessively around his slim waist, bringing him closer. Rei wrapped a leg around the other man, kissing his jawbone lightly. It was gentle and barely noticeable, but still the kiss sent sparks flying through his nerves.

So this was what affection was, he thought grimly and somewhat smugly. This was what all the people on TV spoke about so warmly. This was what he had been missing all his damn life. How could he have been so oblivious to something so untouchably undeniably good?

But if it was something more than that, something deeper, then it got dangerous. Affection was fickle, light and didn't expose the person so entirely. There was still an amount if dignity and caution. But in love one didn't seem to care too much about those things. It was as if loving someone meant to also unconditionally trust, believe in and protect the one who was the subject of this emotion. Boris mentally scoffed. Yes, love sure was the greatest of all security nets. But what if it backfired?

That was when it got nasty. When someone who had gotten so close to your heart suddenly decided to turn away, that one person could ruin your entire life.

But was that a problem? It seemed like such a small risk. His life was a complete mess anyway. And if Rei ever dared hurt him, what was to say that he couldn't hurt him back? That lone fact that he simply couldn't bring himself to, maybe. He just couldn't, no matter how much he wished for it, he just couldn't hurt him anymore. So why was he still hesitating? Why was he still so daft about it? What was there to think about?

Boris head started hurting again, and he sloppily tried to chase the headache away by drawing in the scent of Rei's hair. It still smelled sweet and soft, like honey or some sort of flower. Rei let out a pleased sigh. They lay so still, so confident, so perfect. For a moment it seemed like it was the most normal thing in the world. Like they were supposed to end up like that, together, on that pitiful couch.

Boris started to absentmindedly play with the strands of raven hair that lay within his reach. It seemed so soft between his fingers, like rays of black light. Rei gave him a curious look from beneath all that hair and piece of clothing that he had somehow gotten himself entangled into. He reminded the Falcon more of a kitten than ever before.

''Boris?''

''Hmm?''

The moment seamed so precious Rei almost didn't dare speak out of fear for ruining it. But he had to, he just couldn't lie there and pretend like the other man was not distracted. He was unsure of where they stood with each other, even though it looked so clear. They were practically glued to each other, for crying out loud! So why did it feel like there was still a large barrier between them, keeping them at distance?

He knew something was troubling the Russian, he just wasn't sure what it was.

''Do you...''

He trailed off, his words failing him.

''Do I what, kitten?''

Rei felt his heart jump right up in his throat, swelling over with a very peculiar feeling. That nickname, only months ago had he despised it so much. It had made him feel inferior in a humiliating way, while now it just made him blush. It was as if it made him special, as if the name was now draped in affection instead of mocking.

''What do you want to do? About us, I mean?''

Boris growled and abruptly sat up, making Rei fall slightly into the couch. Hiding his face in his hands, growling still, Boris let out a tired breath. Rei watched him in concern and worriedly placed a hand upon his shoulder. Boris flinched away from it, leaving Rei with a hurtful pang in the chest. His throat felt like it was shrinking, the anxiety bubbling inside of him like tar.

Boris leaned his arms to rest on his knees and gave the floor a very tired look.

''Don't go there, Rei, not now''

Rei? Boris thought venomously. Since when had he started calling him by his first name? And why did he feel like he just had to get out? Like he had to run out of there because the walls were closing in and they were laughing at him, mocking and taunting and gleefully harassing him. He had to get as far away as possible, to think. But he didn't want to. He wanted to stay but he couldn't let himself. How was he supposed to figure out whether or not he could take the risk of loving?

One look at Rei and the hurt that glimmered in his eyes, made Boris' stomach flip. To think that only months ago he would have loved that look, he would have loved the hurt and the pain that so clearly stormed in the gold. But now he didn't, and he hated that. He didn't want to budge, to give in. Because once you let other people in they never stopped coming and one of them was going to realize one day that you're as vulnerable as a puppy.

He wanted to stay so badly, but he had to get away. If he didn't know if he dared risk everything for one person, if it was worth it, then he had to figure it out before it was too late.

''Where are you going?''

Rei watched Boris as he stood up and in a minute he had thrown on his coat. The Tiger looked worried, but angered yet.

''Out.''

''Will you be back?''

It was clear that worry lingered in his voice, as well as suspicion. He had thought everything was fine. It had sure looked fine. They had been so warm and silent where they had lain, so what on earth was wrong now?

Suddenly anger flared up in his chest, like a clawing beast. Quickly he got up, grabbing a hold of Boris' wrist.

That strong and pale wrist that felt so flexible and demanding under his grip.

''Boris!''

He got no answer, not even a look. Soon the man had ripped his wrist free and gone out the door. Rei stood gaping for a while, before growling running after him. The man was fast, that much you could say. But Rei was too, and as long as he knew where the other was going he could catch up without breaking a sweat.

''Boris!''

But the Russian had already disappeared out of sight. Looking desperately around himself, Rei was starting to get scared. A few by passers gave him funny looks, but he couldn't care less. The sky was darkening bit by bit, getting purple and red in the edges, and cold winds blew past. He didn't want to be alone in this. He didn't want Boris to go.

But even though he ran up and down every road and alley that he thought the Russian could have gone to, it simply was no use. The man was gone without a trace and no matter how hard Rei screamed his name, he just wouldn't come back. Rei slumped down on his knees, drawing in knife sharp breaths. This wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening to him. Why was it happening to him?

''Boris you…. Fucking…'' he tried to choke down a sob, but found it hard to.

No matter how much it sickened him to be so weak, again, he couldn't help it. His security, warmth and courage was gone. The man he had grown to more than just like, had disappeared. And left was only he, in the darkness, in the cold and the bone-chilling emptiness. And it wouldn't matter how hard he screamed, because he was still completely and utterly alone.


	13. Return of the Tiger

Okay, so updates might be slow for a while after this,because I have run out of pre-written chaps. And I am SO TIRED, I fell asleep watching Naruto for Driger's sake! I will try my best to write so there can be a chap 14 up soon but I'm not promising anything.

Now, I'll get cake! YAY!

So you know the deal. I write, you review! I really like that, it makes me happy! So, what do I have for this chapter? Well... it's time for one of my favorite occupations;

PESTERING THE RUSSIANS, WOHOOO!

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen  
Return of the Tiger**

There was a rabid knocking on the door once more, and Kai was getting more than just irritated. Mumbling incoherent words underneath his pillow, he waited for the knockings to stop. But the person outside was more than just eager to get inside. From afar he could hear Yuriy curse in his sleep, supposedly waking up as well. The red head had stormed off to talk to Boris the previous night, but had seemed to return home empty handed.

Ian and Spencer were nearly impossible to wake unless a herd of buffalos stomped through the room. Ian hugged his pillow closer, as if it were a person, and let out a loud and pig-like snore. Kai sighed. Casting a glance at the clock-radio that was conveniently placed on the nightstand, he damned whoever was at their doorstep. Although he was a morning person, to be woken six in the morning was not that fancied by him.

Yuriy seemed to be fully awake, if yet a little sleepy still, and growled angrily from his fortress of blankets.

''Damn it, Kai! Open the fucking door!'' he growled, slightly muffled by the fabric.

The Phoenix muttered, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Since ignoring the knockings didn't seem to help in the slightest, he decided to get up and glare the intruder to death so he could return to a well deserved sleep. Sitting up, scratching his head, he quickly pulled on a pair of pants and got to the door.

As soon as he had opened it, the irritation he had previously felt faded. Rei stared at him, frightened and confused, almost to the brink of panicking. His pale face was marked by sleep depravation and his clothes dripped of rainwater. Kai raised his eyebrows at him, not really prepared for such a sight so early in the morning.

''Rei?''

''Kai, I'm sorry for disturbing you at this hour… what time is it?'' his eyes darted around as he fidgeted his feet.

Kai knew Rei was not the strong man he once was, but still it was a bit uncomfortable seeing him with that look upon his face. Rei was good at choking his emotions and thus pretending to be perfectly fine. But right that moment it seemed like he just couldn't. The fear kept pushing against the Chinese's blockades, desperate to break out. Kai had only seen that face on him twice before, which had been when he had lost Driger for the first time and when Boris had been in the hospital. Needless to say, this had to be something serious.

''It's six in the morning'' he stated flatly, still not fully awake.

''Six? Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry I... I really didn't…''

''Is this about Boris?''

Rei blinked rapidly, a little taken aback by the straightforwardness.

''Well… yeah, it is. He's... he...''

Kai watched him patiently, silently considering asking to go to a more separated area. But Rei seemed in no mood to move anywhere. Finally he swallowed down the thousands of lumps in his throat and shook his head with a sigh.

''Kai, he's gone''

Kai blinked, taking in the words. Gone? Suddenly all imaginable images flashed through his mind, but he bit down and pushed them aside. There was no use in jumping to conclusions quite yet.

''Gone?''

Rei was about to answer, when Yuriy peeked over Kai's shoulder. Rei saw only a bush of red, wild hair in the dark crack of the doorway, and gave it an odd look. Kai glared at his teammate, who only pushed his way closer.

''Is that Kon?'' he said, sounding not just slightly irritated.

Kai nodded, not tearing the glare away from him.

''What does he want?''

Crimson flashed like rubies in the light from the corridor, telling the Wolf to back off. But the red head ignored him graciously, sticking out his head to look suspiciously at Rei. The Tiger raised an eyebrow at him.

''That is none of your business, Yuriy'' Kai said.

''What the hell is he doing here at six in the morning?!''

Kai didn't dignify him with an answer, but simply tried to push the man back into the room. Yuriy had straightened himself to his normal, respected height and stood immobile. The blue clashed with the amber, daring Rei to stay.

''As I said, this is none of your business''

''Kai'' the tone was warning, but Kai simply shook his head.

Rei seemed to have dozed off slightly, not really looking at the Russians as much as he was looking through them. From somewhere inside the room Ian could be heard muttering something about chocolate in his sleep. Yuriy and Kai were throwing warning glares at each other, both waddling around on thin ice. Kai decided to leave it be, and instead fixated his eyes upon the Chinese.

''Rei?''

Said man snapped his head up, looking startled.

''Eh?''

''Rei, what's this about?''

Rei bit his lip slightly, not that fully comfortable with the blue eyes staring at him. Kai looked at the red head once more, telling him with just one look to go back inside. But Rei shook his head at them. This was as much their business as it was his own, after all, he was there because of their friend.

''No, it's alright. He'll probably need to hear this anyway'' he said, all energy drained from his voice.

''Damn right I will!'' Yuriy barked, hiding the fact that he was not really prepared for being let off so easily.

''He will?'' Kai frowned suspiciously. ''Rei, what is going on?''

The golden looked at them, like a kick in the stomach. The bitter grimace on his otherwise expressionless face told them this was nothing small.

''Boris is gone''

Blue and crimson looked questioningly at him, telling him to elaborate further. Rei shook his head and sighed, scratching his neck. He was tired, there was no denying it. He hadn't slept for a day, too busy looking for the Falcon who hadn't returned since the previous night. Looking all over town, through bars and stations and shops and even the AA, he had found nothing. His last resort was the very same hotel he was standing in that moment. Logic had told Rei to alert the Russians sooner, but he just hadn't listened. He had been too panicked. What in the world had he done to drive the man away like that?

''He… left yesterday night, just like that. No words, no explanations, no nothing. I have been looking all over but I haven't found him anywhere''

Yuriy donned a face of failed interest, as if this was something normal.

''That's just Boris. He gets mad, he leaves, no explanations whatsoever and then he shows up when he feels like it.''

Rei didn't feel too encouraged by this.

''But… what if he doesn't come back?''

The worry that had roamed inside of him for hours was taking place in his eyes. His biggest fear besides the thought of Boris being hurt, was that he might not come back. Angry or not, that look in his eyes, it had scared Rei. It looked so much like the one his mother had had, that day so far in the past when she had decided to leave. She was about to pack her bags and just go away, but eventually she had given up that thought, not daring to step a foot outside that house.

It was so similar, only this time the carrier of the look had actually left.

''Why wouldn't he? How badly did you piss him off anyway?''

''Yuriy'' Kai warned, but the Wolf only narrowed his eyes.

''It must have been something Kai! Boris may be a sensitive bastard but he doesn't just take off without a word unless something is really wrong.''

''Well…'' Rei suddenly looked guilty.

And that was when it struck Kai. The talk he had had with Boris before, about the two of them. Suddenly the Phoenix suspected it all had to do with that traitorous little four letter word.

''You asked him, didn't you?'' Kai said then, Rei looking at him as if he had just uncovered the world's greatest secret.

The Tiger stared for a moment, taking in the words. Did Kai know something that he himself didn't? That talk they had shared came back to his memory once more, and a faint blush bit its way onto his cheeks. Feeling his pulse rise, Rei clenched his fists tensely. Was this his fault?

''Asked what?'' Yuriy said, sensing there was something he didn't know.

''Well…'' Rei mumbled. ''I might've... it... could've mentioned something...''

''Mentioned? What are you blabbering about, Kon?''

''Ivanov'' Kai's voice was sounding dangerously close to a threat.

''No, _Hiwatari_, don't give me that! There is something here that I don't know!''

''Yes there is, and it's going to stay that way.''

The Wolf crossed his arms, baring his snarling teeth.

''I don't know if you've noticed, Kai, but Boris is my friend. I refuse to be kept in the dark about this, especially if his little disappearing act has something to do with it!''

Kai was just about to answer, when Rei put a gentle hand on his arm. Looking only faintly surprised, he raised an eyebrow at the raven haired man, who smiled weakly.

''Kai, it doesn't matter. If it helps…''

''Are you sure?''

Rei nodded. Kai closed his eyes, frowning slightly.

''Fine'' he growled, opening his eyes. ''Get dressed Yuriy, we're going for a walk.''

**X**

The aqua was looking suspiciously, and almost humoring, at the two men in front of them. Gleaming like a pond in an early winter morning, something was lurking behind them, like a sea monster. A slight twitching appeared in the corner of his lips and against the clouded sky, he looked somewhat like a messenger of doom.

The other two gave him cutting looks from across the table, two cups of coffee steaming in their hands. Behind them a few people sat half asleep, huddled over their breakfasts. The café was silent and not too crowded, the only occupants were people heading to work and waitresses locked on bitchy-mode. It had been hard to find a place open at that hour, but Kai did have a few tricks up his sleeves.

They had told Yuriy all that there was to tell. That the Falcon had started to develop feelings for Rei, without necessarily knowing it himself. Rei had told them about the whole visit in London, and what had happened meanwhile, leaving out small details like his father. Kai had in turn told them about how Boris had rushed into the hotel room, and after a good half hour of story-swapping they had sunk into silence.

The look in Yuriy's eyes looked very much like he was fighting very hard to maintain his sanity. Even though his expressionless mask was still on it seemed to be slipping in the edges. Kai watched him cautiously with dark eyes, while Rei only looked a bit awkward about the whole thing. The red head kept staring at them, that piercing blue color unsettling the Tiger.

Suddenly Yuriy started snickering, and they weren't sure if that was such a good sign.

''Boris? In love? With _you_?'' he brought his hand to cover his mouth, but the snickering only grew louder. ''Now that's rich!''

His snickering grew to a louder laugh, which was sounding as sane as if Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde had just performed a ballet right on their table. In fact, they would have preferred the latter much more than the odd display of the hiss-like laugh that bubbled from the pits of Yuriy's throat. When he was finally done he was looking at them as if it was all just a demented joke.

''Would you get yourself together?'' Kai said in a low tone, not looking nearly as amused. ''Believe it all you want but that's the situation at this moment.''

The Wolf's face took on a more somber tone all of a sudden, making him look like he was going straight to a funeral. The aqua darkened and reminded them somewhat of a stormy sea. Yuriy brushed something off his shirt before leaning forward, suspiciously eyeing them both.

''You're serious, aren't you?'' he said then, a dark tone lingering in his words.

Kai nodded.

''Hm'' the red head said, looking thoughtful for a moment, before taking a sip of his coffee. ''Alright then. Where do we look first?''

Rei blinked as if he couldn't believe this sudden change of attitude. One moment Yuriy had been looking like he was five seconds away from a straight-jacket, and the next he was looking as stern and cold as an ice-cube. Like this matter didn't touch him one bit and he was only interested in getting Boris back, perhaps so he could scold him.

''I figured you'd know him better and maybe have a faint idea of where he might've gone to…'' Rei said, fingering the edge of his cup distractedly.

Kai crossed his arms and leaned back into the chair, looking thoughtful.

''The question isn't where he is, but if he's coming back. If he is then we should maybe just leave him to his own. He'll need privacy.''

Yuriy waved Kai's flat statement away.

''No way! If we leave him alone he might do something stupid. I don't know about you but I'm not so sure we could trust his reappearance that much right now. At least we should seek him out and beat some sense into him.''

''Is that a volunteering I hear?''

Yuriy shot him a glare, but Kai looked untouched. Rei decided to keep silent, since he really had no clue to offer them anyway. The Wolf shook his head.

''Whatever. I'll go if it's such a bother'' he half spat out the words, still not too happy about being kept in the dark about all this. ''Any bright ideas as of where should I look?''

''Can you call him?'' Rei said then, as if this was some revolutionary idea.

But the Russians both shook their heads at him and immediately Rei's mood fell even lower.

''The idiot doesn't have a cell-phone'' Yuriy snarled. ''But I guess there's only a few places he would go when he's this upset. I'll just have to look around.''

The amber looked guilty, averted to the cooling coffee between Rei's palms. He made a grimace, not tearing his eyes away.

''Are you sure…?''

''Don't fuss about it. I'll do it.''

Rei bit his lip, not allowing himself to believe him. Yuriy sighed and gave him a bored look, forcing eye contact.

''Kon, I'm not doing it for you so don't even think about it. I'll go find Boris and kick his ass, then he's all yours.''

Kai gave him a look which the Wolf could not quite decipher, but after a second he recognized it as a very silent 'thank you'. He grinned deviously at the former team captain, slamming some coins onto the table.

''Leave it to me'' was all he said, before disappearing out the door.

Kai watched the space he had just a moment before occupied, thinking deeply. Rei gave him a small glance, not really sure if he should say something or not. Finally Kai took a sip of his own order, before looking at Rei.

''What do we do now?'' the Tiger said, not feeling any better about any of it.

''Trust Yuriy''

''And then what?''

The Phoenix looked out the window, watching the darkening clouds glide lazily by. A rumbling thunder could be heard in the distance, as the rain kept hitting against the glass like clawing rats. For a moment Rei didn't think he would answer, but he got surprised yet again.

''Then we wait.''

The Tiger sighed, not sure if he could do just that, but guessing he didn't have much of a choice.

**X**

If you live in a place long enough, eventually you will grow used to it. Be it a week, a month or a year, still it will start to grow on you. You will feel used to the dirt in the corners or the cracks in the walls. The way to navigate through the rooms in the dark will etch itself into your mind like a map and after a while you will start to think of it as home. And a thing that comes with homes is to recognize the atmosphere. If say, there was one sort of feeling in the air when a certain person was at home, you would begin to recognize it every time the person dropped by. But most of all, you would feel its absence when the person was not at all around.

Rei was very used to this sort of thing. His whole childhood had basically depended on him knowing when to leave the dark of his room. Whenever the air was light to breathe and only half as suffocating as usual, it was a sign that his father was not home. This was a sign of safety, and it allowed him to move around more freely. If there was a warmth and security to the air, then it was a sure sign that his mother was home. And so he had learned to trust his instincts, most of the time it had ended up alright.

But for the moment, he hated this sort of ability. Standing in the apartment he was overpowered by an absolute feeling of dread. It was abnormally quiet when Boris was not around, and so every other sound seemed amplified by a million. He could hear the creaking of the floor and the snapping of the walls, the humming of the empty fridge as well as the buzzing of the TV. Outside the cars went by carelessly, like they were free from troubles and remorse. For a fleeting moment, Rei wished he could be just like them.

Would it have been different if he had still had Beyblading? Could Driger still have provided him with comfort and strength? Or was this simply how it was meant to be? Maybe he would've ended up the same, no matter the circumstances. After all, bad luck just seemed to like some people better than others.

Rei sighed, not able to stand it anymore he took off. There had been days already, and he had just had time to replace the lock. A slight worry slept inside of him about the fact that if Boris came back he would not be able to enter the apartment.

It was an amusing thought though, that the man would probably just kick the door in and they would have to buy a new one, again. But if he wasn't coming back at all, then what? Was Rei supposed to just stay there and wait? How long would he be able to do that? It would all have been much easier if he had simply not cared for the man. But it was too late for that now, wasn't it?

That's what I get for being gay, Rei mused bitterly, as he sat in the park.

The whole of London town seemed to be completely ignorant of his misery. People walked around as if life was great, the birds singing and the sun faintly shining behind grey clouds. The wind was playing with his hair and children where climbing trees in all their joy. It was all so very ironic.

It had been days and not a word had been heard. Yuriy hadn't called Kai, so the Phoenix had nothing to tell in return. Even Ian and Spencer had joined the search for a while, before just deciding to leave it to Yuriy. Kai had done his own searching as well, but it seemed like they had no luck whatsoever. Rei growled, clenching his fist around the swing he had occupied.

Why did life insist on being so bothersome? Was his karma really that bad? Could he have angered the Gods unintentionally and now he was suffering the consequences? Consequences of something he had not even done on purpose? When did it all go so wrong? Why couldn't he stop it? How did one stop it anyway? Was there some secret switch to flip in order to get everything to stop and take a different turn? He sighed. There just was no use in thinking about it. No answers seemed to have the intention of surprising him with their presence any time soon.

Rei looked up at the sky, a mix of blue and grey sprawled up above him like a large cloak. Clouds were calmly drifting by, some birds flying past. If he could just have been one of them, it would all have been so easy. To just soar away on strong wings, forgetting and leaving everything behind.

But he didn't want to do that anymore. He was so damn tired of running. He didn't even ignore his emotions on purpose anymore, it just sort of happened, like a reflex. If he could just pick up all the pieces and rebuild himself, he could be so much more than that. He could do so much better. He didn't want to spend his time sulking, so why was it so hard to stop? Why saw he no options where there had to be? He wanted to fight. He was born to fight. Tigers never ran, they just took a swipe with their paw and roared the threat away. He would too one day, he just didn't know which one.

If he could just forget his past, without necessarily disowning the memory of his mother. If he could just get his father out of the picture for good. Why was the man even visiting him? They hadn't had contact in forever and suddenly he was just showing up? There had to be some ulterior motive behind all of it. But what? What could he possibly have to offer? If he was such a disgrace, why was his father still pestering him?

''Mum! Can I have an ice-cream? Pleaaaase?'' the voice of a child cut through his barrier of thoughts, slightly startling him.

Turning his head he saw a small girl, stubbornly dragging at her mother's skirt, pointing towards an ice-cream cart. The mother didn't look too eager to spend money on such a thing, but after a whole serenade of pleads and whining she budged. Happily the little girl skipped off with her mother and ice-cream cone, making Rei feel somewhat jealous.

Then again, there were a lot of children like him out there. If he could take all of their burden, he would. But sadly, that was as impossible as picking the moon down from the sky. There was always bound to be some unhappy family, as sad as it was. Hopefully those other kids would do better than he did.

''I want an ice-cream too…'' he muttered dully, glaring at the rocks underneath his feet.

Deciding nothing good was coming out of his visit at the park anyway, Rei stood up. Sighing sadly, he shoved his hands into his pockets and left the park. Strolling around town for a while to clear his head, time seemed to fly by. The crowd was thinning, and as the sun sunk into the horizon and left a blood-like streak of color after itself, not many people were left outside. In the light of the setting sun, London wasn't such a bad town after all. One just had to squint to see the good things hiding in all the dust.

Walking past an alley, Rei suddenly froze. If it was his extra keen senses or just a bad feeling in the air, he wasn't sure. But something was wrong, and he knew it. Just like when he was younger and his father entered the room. The same feeling of how the very air fell apart snuck up behind him, making his skin crawl. Looking suspiciously around, fully on guard, he tried to spot something unfamiliar.

''Who's there?'' he hissed, waiting for something to happen.

There was a moment of complete silence at first, before the whole world seemed to stop. Out of the shadows came a sad and pathetic looking creature, shoulders hunched and face scrunched. There was a hateful flicker between the two of them at first, before the nearly healed bruises in Rei's face started to itch.

''Father'' he stated coldly, and Jun answered him with a disgusted sneer.

''Finally got rid of your bodyguard, I see''

Jun's posture was shrunken, as if the pride in him was battling with physical pain. His broken nose accompanied by the cut-covered, bruised face made him look even more threatening. His eyes having lost all their former warmth, no trace of humanity left, looked more like bronze against the orange sky. Rei bit back a tremble, and gave him a hateful glare.

''What do you want from me?''

''Why, a man can't come to visit his son now?''

''We both know that's not what this is about. You never wanted much to do with me, so why now? Why go all the way here?''

The father's dry skin seemed to twist in a grimace of anger. Something was wrong and it was evident in his old face, but he was much too stubborn to admit it. But being fairly honest in all his actions, Jun knew he had little choice. If his trip to London was not to be in vain, then he couldn't slip his way through it. Slither yes, he was rather good at that, like an eel he had gone through many troublesome situations. But desperate times called for desperate methods.

Jun crossed his arms and nodded to his side, as if gesturing for something.

''Let's go have a drink and we'll talk.''

**X**

The bar was crowded, the air almost warm from all the bodies squeezed around the tables. Chatter thundered around them like disrupted cattle, dim lights making the room feel somewhat cozy. People were smiling, talking and enjoying themselves. Some girls were playing hard to get in a corner while a young man was about to get thrown out. It wasn't all that bad a place to be, if one only had the right company.

And Rei didn't exactly have that. It had taken a lot, but finally his father had been able to drag him into the place. The son was feeling very on edge, and every feeling he had told him to just run for it. But he was frozen to the spot, not able to move from the chair he was placed upon even if someone shot him off of it. It seemed to be a bad effect which his father had on him, and it wasn't looking any better as the man ordered a round of drinks.

Rei eyed Jun suspiciously, hoping he didn't look just as scared as he felt. The older Kon took a large gulp of his beer, leaning backwards into the chair. Around them people seemed blissfully ignorant of the tension between the two of them. To any outsider they would have looked like a regular pair of customers, father and son going out for a good time. But it was all but a good time. In fact, Rei thought even hell would have a better time to offer than this.

''Amanda says hello'' Jun said from behind his glass, giving Rei a cold and almost dead look.

Rei twitched.

''So that's how you found me?''

''Yes. It was almost too easy.''

Rei shot his father a glare. Keeping up his brave façade was about the best thing he could think of. He knew that if he broke like before, it would be over with. If his father would become violent in a bar or not, he didn't want to find out.

''What did you tell her?''

''I told her I was your uncle and that I had news about your father. Easy as that.''

Rei snorted, biting his lip. He hadn't even touched his own glass, refusing to sink to the same level as his father. He was sure the man wasn't drinking his first beer that day. Rei's temper rose like a fire, licking at the walls of his mind. The only thing other than fear keeping him there was the drive to get answers. Maybe if he found out what his father wanted, he could get rid of him. And this time, for good.

''What do you want?''

''What have I told you? You don't use that tone with me.''

The air between them suddenly changed from tense to threatening, danger lying like a lurking snake around them, waiting to swallow Rei whole.

''Answer me!''

''No need to get brusque about it.''

''What – do – you – want?''

Jun snarled, slamming his drink down with a loud ringing noise. He bit the inside of his cheek angrily, before leaning across the table. His foul breath was like a gash across Rei's face, making him feel sick. His father eyed him, despise and disappointment evident in his features. Snorting, he leaned back.

''I am in a sort of difficult… situation at the moment.''

''What? Money?''

''It seems like I've run low on funding as of late. Just getting here took about the last of my savings.''

''_Your _savings? You mean mother's''

''I wouldn't speak of Ai Shu like that if I were you. After all, if you hadn't been such a bratty little shit maybe she'd be alive by now.''

Rei swallowed hard. Tears were scratching at his eyes, wanting to come out. But he pushed them back, not wanting to crack again. His mother was a touchy subject for him, mostly because he blamed himself. Even though he knew he probably shouldn't, he just couldn't help it. After all, what if he would have done more? Would things have been different? Could he have changed anything?

''Stop acting so fucking tough'' Jun growled. ''After all you've put our family through, it's only fair you lend your father a helping hand.''

''What I've put it through? What about you?!''

''I don't know what profanities this country has put in your stupid little head, but in our village you should treat your elders with respect!''

''I would if you deserved it'' Rei spat, his words like acid on his tongue.

He couldn't stand being in the same room as the man. After all the years, no matter how grown up he claimed to be, his father still stomped on him. He didn't know how much longer he could take it. If he didn't get far away from there, his mask might slip. The anger might no longer provide a shield for him, and he might just give in. If his father smelled even the smallest whim of fear, then it would be over with. He'd stand no chance.

''You shut your foul mouth!'' Jun half rose in his seat, clawing his eyes into his sons. ''While I am talking you say nothing. Don't even open your stupid little mouth, you got that?''

Rei glared at him, but finally nodded meekly.

''Good'' his father sat back again, drinking more of his beer. ''As I said, I am in a difficult situation. My money is low, and I could no longer keep the house.''

''Drank your job away?''

Rei knew he shouldn't have spoken, but he couldn't help it. He was just so furious. And if he did as he was told, then he wouldn't be much better than his father, would he?

But as Jun quickly reached over the table and slapped his son harshly in the face, the small confidence Rei had formerly had slipped away. The stinging in his cheek bringing up memories from cold and painful nights overwhelmed him, and he shrunk back into his seat. Not yet tearing his eyes away, Rei despised all that he had become. He couldn't even stand up for himself, how pathetic was he?

''I don't have a place to live, and I don't have any income. So as my sad excuse for an offspring, you are all I have. As sad as I am to admit, I have no other choice than to live with you.''

Rei's eyes widened remarkably, shock and flashing through his head. Hoping for his life that his father had not just said what he had said, he opened his mouth to speak. But he had no words to say, and his voice seemed to have disappeared completely. So simply staring, Rei tried hard not to choke on his own breath.

''Drop that fucking face, you look like a fish''

Rei closed his mouth, still staring.

''Look'' Jun said, waving his hand in the air. ''I am not fond of this idea. After all, if I could choose I would never have to see your damn face ever again, but there are simply no other options.''

Rei kept staring, his mind refusing to work. As if all nerve ends in his brain had been severed, his thoughts collided with each other like trains out of control. Suddenly the room seemed to spin, and his stomach rotated so many laps it was as if it was trying to eat its way out of his body. Rei drew in a harsh breath, closing his eyes.

Silence stretched between them. Jun watched his son impatiently. This wasn't happening, Rei thought. This couldn't be happening. After all these years, he was still not free? Was he simply going to let his father march into his life like he owned it? Was he going to go back to that hell once more? Twenty two years old and he was going to go back to being a child? And he would have no say in it?

All systems seemed to start working again, ad Rei opened his eyes and glared so heatedly at his father as he possibly could. Ignoring the anxiety, the fear and the hesitation inside of him, Rei clenched his jaw.

''No'' he finally said.

Jun raised an eyebrow, not looking pleased in the slightest.

''_No?_''

''No. No way in hell are you living with me! I've finally gotten away from you, I've finally gotten my own life! Things were looking bright for a change, and now you think you can come back like some shadow from the past and just ruing everything? I won't let you!''

Jun rose completely form his seat then, glaring down at Rei as if he had never hated anyone so passionately. Rei rose as well, working solemnly on anger and nothing else. As if the tiger within had awoken anew, a roar went through him like an earthquake.

''I've had enough, father! I won't stand this anymore!''

Even though the two were talking in Chinese, some heads in the bar were turning towards their direction. As their voices grew louder, the interest of the customers grew. It looked to them as if a fight was forming, and they did not want to miss such entertainment. After all, bar fights were quite common around there, and no one even detected the grudge that the two Kons held.

''You'll stand just what I tell you to stand! You're nothing, and don't even spend one moment thinking otherwise!'' Jun roared with all his might, as if the tiger sleeping within him had awoken too.

Only his tiger wasn't what it once was. Its white fur tainted like his soul, black and rotten and decaying. Slit, dead eyes glimmered in the light of the lamps, and he bared his yellow fangs in a loud hiss. Rei bared his own, a deep and dark growl emerging form the depths of his throat.

''I've had enough of you! Say what you want, but I won't let you do this to me!''

''You think your opinion matters? You think you amount to anything? You're nothing but a burden! A murderer! Our family would still be respected if only yo – ''

''_That's IT!''_

Roaring loudly, Rei leaped across the table, tipping it over in the process. With all his lifelong hate and anger exploding inside him, like it had waited to do in such a long time, he jumped at his father with nothing but pure and blinding rage in his mind. As his heart pounded like it had never pounded before, almost hurting, he swung out a tightly clenched fist. Jung felt it against his nose, backing away from the pain. Feeling the blood trickle over his wrinkled face, the father growled just as loud.

Grabbing a chair, he swung it at his son, sending him to the ground. Stars shone in front of Rei's eyes and it was with very big effort that he could hear the people around them cheer. Some were excited for the fights and kept roaring and screaming and hollering. Others where just concerned, and he thought he could hear the words 'ambulance' and 'bar-tosser'.

But he had little time to think of that as Jun leaped at him again, hitting and screaming. It seemed to be the clash down of the tigers, all the hatred and anger and locked up feelings they had had were left free. Their mute and unspoken words of disliking were finally uttered, but in actions and not in words. There was a broken nose speaking about broken trust. Then there was a dislocated jaw talking about ruined lives. A kick hit Rei in the ribs, and he fell flat on his back into a table. Coughing and panting, Jun took a hold of his long hair, dragging him up.

Finally glaring his son in the eyes, Jun's rotten breath hit Rei in the face like no punch ever could. He had had enough, he would not take shit like that anymore. He had enough of the beatings and the mental abuse, he had enough of that foul breath only getting worse by each year. He had enough of those vicious, dead eyes and he'd be damned if he couldn't, twenty two years old and world-known Blader, stand up for himself. It was time for all that he had been waiting for. It was time to take matters into his own hands and be his own hero.

Rei grabbed a hold of his father's neck, squeezing it like a little sponge.

''I am _sick_ of you'' he snarled into the elder's face, gritting his teeth so beastlike it was almost scaring those who watched. ''I want you out of my life and this time for good! Don't treat me like this and then expect me to welcome you every time your life takes a downturn! Just get as far away from me as possible and _never ever_ contact me again!''

Jun snarled and spat his son in the face, silence exploding in the room. The audience stood silent, waiting for something to happen. Tension ripped at the walls, the bartender momentarily stopping in getting his gun. The only thing that seemed audible then were the Kon's angry, wild breathing, while they had the staring contest of the year.

And then Rei struck his fist in a loud and forceful roar, and punched his father into the nearest wall. Pain shooting out from the man's every nerve all breath was knocked out of him. As he fell to the floor, a strand of blood trickled past his eye, leaving a tickling sensation after itself. The roaring ruckus of cheers filled the room and almost seemed to make it cringe. Rei let out a deep breath and fell to the floor, around him his vision was blurring.

''Hey, where's that ambulance?'' someone shouted.

And the last thing Rei could remember before falling unconscious, was his father's disgusted, gash-like eyes.

**X**

''So here you are''

Boris let out a loud grunt at the sound of Yuriy's voice, sitting hunched over a drink. The red head gave him a slightly offended glare, before sitting down by the bar counter. Smiling kindly at the newcomer, the bartender nodded in greeting. Yuriy merely grunted, and leaned casually to study the other Russian. Boris kept glaring at his drink, like his eyes etched through the glass and wood and down to the deepest core of hell. With all his muscles strained and a mute expression upon his face, the only sign of life from him was a tightly clutched fist. Yuriy waved towards the smiling bartender.

''Jägermeister, cold and clean!''

''Sure thing'' he replied in his laughing voice, disappearing behind the counter.

Yuriy raised and eyebrow at him, but chose to ignore him. He sat down and leaned back against the counter, his arms crossed as a somewhat strained grimace fell upon his face. The aqua studied the immobile man beside him, before he let out a grunt.

''You're not even going to say anything?''

There was no answer, and even though he had expected as much it still made him feel a bit grumpy. Yuriy kept glaring at him, waiting for a reaction. But none came, and what broke the stony silence was the bartender who had returned with a glass in his hand. He graciously tossed it to Yuriy, who caught it mid-air, and moved further away to take a new order. Taking a sip from the drink, the Wolf muttered incoherent words and curses.

''Stop pouting, already! Do you know how hard it was to find you? I've been looking through every bar I could find.''

But Boris didn't even show signs of noticing his presence. Feeling his patience slipping further and further away from him, he tried his best to keep it. But as he continued glaring this proved to be a very much harder task than he first had thought. Slamming his fist down against the counter, making several people jump, he hissed loudly.

''It's been a week! You're being a drama queen!''

But he was only met with yet more silence. Growling, his face twitching in some very odd places, Yuriy downed his drink and had soon ordered a new one. Boris on the other hand didn't even seem to touch his own which the Wolf found to be very strange. The man looked like he had hardly even noticed it. Throwing a suspicious glare towards the bartender, Yuriy decided the Falcon was not worth his attention for the moment.

''You'' he said and the bartender turned to look at him. ''What's your name?''

''Micheil'' he answered with an insecure smile, leaning over the counter with a wondering look in his green eyes.

Yuriy tasted the name on his tongue, deciding he did not like it.

''Micheil, how long has this man'' Yuriy nodded towards Boris. ''been here?''

''Well'' Micheil thought for a moment, furrowing his moustache. ''He's been here since we opened nearly ten hours ago.''

This did not seem to be such an abnormality for the man, who had customers like Boris every other day. But even though he was used to it, he didn't quite fancy it. It was always a bit unsettling to have them sitting there, drinking away their money and not uttering a single word. Sometimes they spent hours just crying, and as much as Micheil liked having conversations, being a hobby-psychologist never had been his thing.

''I see. And how much has he drunk these ten hours?''

Micheil thought for yet another moment, before he started counting on his fingers.

''Let's see… there was Vodka, Jägermeister, Guinness… some Tequila… gin and these last two hours he's been staring at that beer.''

Yuriy sighed. Looking Boris over he guessed the man hadn't spent his week doing much other than bar-jumping. His hair was dirty and plastered against his skin, his eyes surrounded by dark circles, his skin pale and his clothes stained. The man's very essence seemed to radiate fatigue and Yuriy had little doubt that the man hadn't eaten that much either. He had seen this scene a lot of times. Whenever something angered the man more than usual, he would take his (or Yuriy's) wallet and go through every bar in the area, picking fights and getting into trouble. Then a few days later he would be back, take a shower and a good long nap before going back to his normal self. But this time it looked different, this time Yuriy feared it was something worse.

If Kai had been right, and Boris actually was growing more attached to Rei, then it had to be serious. Just the bruised face and broken nose spoke for itself. But Boris looked so deep in thought that Yuriy wasn't sure he even wanted to know what was going on inside his mind. He knew love was a touchy subject for the Falcon, hell, it was a touchy subject for all of them. They weren't that good with handling feelings since they since their birth had been taught to ignore, conceal and deny them. Anything but rage or hate or just indifference would hinder them in battle, and therefore was deemed as unnecessary waste. Away from Biovolt's brainwash and control, they had learned to open up more. They had learned that not all people were bad, and trust wasn't longer such a hard issue.

Sure, they were still not that good with emotions, but at least they had gotten better. Boris was still the one who was refusing to change. If it was out of stubbornness or perhaps even fear, the Wolf didn't know. But he did know that this situation had never occurred in their lives before. Which made it even more difficult since none of them knew how to handle it. Boris had simply gone by his instincts, and downing beer after beer might not have been the best of solutions, but it was the only one he could think of.

His mind had been plagued by thoughts ever since he left Rei in their apartment. A part of him didn't want to leave, but that was a part that was so new and unfamiliar he didn't want to listen to it. Was it really possible that he could love? He didn't even know what love was! How could he, out of all the people, feel such a thing? And for Rei? It just seemed so unlikely. Like something out of a bad movie.

But what if it was love then? Assuming it was and that he wasn't just fooling himself, what was he supposed to do? What did one do? Did it mean he had to put trust into another human being? A human he didn't even know that well? But he did know Rei. He knew Rei better than anyone. And maybe a part of him did trust the Tiger, because why else would he have let him live with him? And if he did trust Rei, what was to say that it wouldn't come back and bite him in the ass?

Was he afraid? But for what? Hurting him? Or getting hurt himself? He didn't know, and he hated not knowing. It hurt his head like someone had just decided to drill a hole right through it and he just couldn't stand it. He had to get away and sort it all out. But all it had really led to was him getting even more confused.

''What the hell am I supposed to do?''

The words had been spoken so suddenly, Yuriy almost couldn't believe he had just heard them. Giving Boris a surprised look, he searched for any sign that the man was even consciously with them. Seeing the strained grimace on his face, the Wolf gave a crooked sneer.

''Don't think about it.''

The grey eyes darted up suspiciously towards him, as if asking him what the hell he knew. What did he have to say about anything? Yuriy had never loved anyone in his life. He was past twenty and still he had barely even kissed anyone. In short, he was as qualified to be a love doctor as a lamppost. At least lamppost had more of a social life than he would ever have.

But Yuriy didn't care about that. He was good at analyzing situations, coming up with ideas based on judgment. And right that moment his observations were simple.

''It's obvious you care for him, Boris. The evidence is clear and wasting time thinking about it will only confuse you. I know emotion isn't your strong point, but this time it's better to just leap.''

They sat in silence for a long, tense moment, simply throwing glares. Micheil felt the tension, but still did not shy away. Watching them curiously, wondering who would move first. The Falcon bit his teeth as if to say something, but then he only gulped his drink down and growled. As much as he hated to admit it, maybe this time Yuriy was right.

He wanted Rei. What more did he have to know?

''Your life can't suck more than it already does. And for once you actually have something good going on. Don't piss it away just because you're being stubborn.''

Boris snorted.

''And you care why?''

The Wolf shrugged.

''You're a comrade, we stick up for each other.''

''Oh yeah, I'll keep that in mind the next time you have love trouble.''

The tone was mocking, but Yuriy just grinned.

''Yeah, as if I'd ever take that sort of advice from _you_''

Boris raised an eyebrow at him.

''Are you insinuating I'm bad at love?''

''Well you're sitting here right now, aren't you?''

Boris didn't answer, but only stared again. Swallowing down the other's words, suddenly his mind started moving in a different direction. As if it had just been fueled by new, fresh oil instead of the old, sticky one he always used. Yuriy was right. Rei did, for some reason he did not know and probably would never find out, matter to him. And nothing other than victory had ever mattered to him before. If something like that was to happen, it had to be worth it. And if it wasn't, well, as Yuriy had said; his life already sucked so bad that it could hardly get any worse. He didn't really need to have a reason for anything. If it felt good, then it had to be good as well.

A great pang of irritation hit him in the back. He didn't like when other people were right. It was a nearly fatal blow to his pride, and he never let people get away with that. Giving his friend a very dark and steely look, Boris stood up. Drinking the last of his beer he stormed out of there, as if energy had filled him anew. He had wasted too much time being dense already, there was no point in wasting any more.

Yuriy watched him leave, feeling pretty good about himself. Drinking the last of his drink as well, he slammed down some coins onto the counter. Just about to leave, Micheil put a hand on his arm. Yuriy raised his eyebrows and gave him a very impatient look.

''What?''

Micheil smiled apologetically.

''Your friend didn't leave any money, so I guess you'll have to pay his drinks.''

The angered scream that roared through the bar could only be described as a very furious howling.


	14. Cutting Edge

_Pizda_ means 'pussy', _Unbju_ means 'I'll kill you' and _zhopa _means 'asshole'.

So, negative things? I have PMS. I hate my moodswings. They'll be the death of me (or someone else) one day. On the bright side? I got my YGO-manga that I ordered! FINALLY! Wooho! And it is awesome! I usually don't like manga, or anime, but there are always exceptions, I guess.

Uh... I know I said I probably wouldn't write anything for a while, but guess what I did right after that? I wrote like, three chapters. Yeaaah... So, if you want a double-update, you tell me. If not, I'll bide my time.. luuurking... And oh, I know I'm a bitch towards Ian but... what can I say? I hate him.

In other words, even though this chapter isn't much to cheer for, please do review!

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen  
Cutting Edge**

He knew the lights were going to be blinding even before he opened his eyes. This was one reason that made him keep them closed, a very solid one too. The others were the constant yelling he had been hearing from the hall all morning. Or day, he didn't really know. For all he knew it could as well have been night. How long had he slept? A day? A month? A decade? It felt like a lifetime, and still his body just wanted to sleep more.

Everything hurt. His muscles, his joints, his tissue and meat and even his blood seemed to rustle and cringe with agony. The skin was covered in so many bruises he didn't even have to move to feel them there. To top that off, a very familiar taste of blood was covering the warmth of his mouth. Breathing itself took its toll on him, as if someone had shoved hands of metal chunks down his lungs. Every time he swallowed a thick lump of saliva made his stomach cramp as if something tried to stab its way out of it with a large knife.

Frankly put, Rei had been better.

The yelling outside was not improving his drilling, burning, excruciating headache the least. Pounding like the pant of death in his ear, echoing through his head, the pain made it nearly impossible to listen. But he did have a very acute hearing, and it would be a waste to let it slip. But it was of little use, since he heard little more than four faint voices. One of them belonged to Yuriy, irritated but calm. The second seemed to be a stranger, a doctor perhaps, who didn't do much but excuse himself. Kai only offered a few words now and then. Then there was the third voice…

Boris. He was raging mad and he made no efforts of hiding those feelings. Throwing things around him he had wrecked almost the entire corridor, being threatened to get security guards thrown at him. Rei's interest peeked, and that moment he would have given his left arm just to be able to hear them, to understand what all the belligerency was about. Said arm jabbing him with a punch of pain, the offer seemed more tempting by the minute.

Gritting his teeth, Rei sighed and remained where he was. It was all a blur, but he thought he could remember most of it; the fight, the bar, his father, Boris' disappearance. By the Gods, was anything ever simple in his life? What happened to the easy times when his biggest dilemma was whether to have curry or pepper on his lunch? Had he ever had days like that? He must have. Life couldn't be _that_ unfair, could it?

He wasn't really sure anymore. Everything had seemed so simple. Boris and he, they had seemed to be getting along. And then he had pressed the subject further, talked about that forbidden word. Those four letters that spelled doom for some, and redemption for others. He should have known Boris would react that way. After all, mute acceptance and kissing was one thing, but taking it one step further, admitting to actually _feeling_ something towards someone… he should have known. Feeling an enormous amount of dread just squeezing itself on top of him, he let out a troubled sigh. What was he supposed to do now? Would Boris come back? Should he wait? Would his father come back? What about London?

Well, _what about_ London?

Beats me, Rei thought. There was no point in moving just yet, was there? If his father was able to locate him that easily, then there was really no other place to hide. And besides, what if Boris actually got something into his thick, stubborn skull and came around? He was there at the hospital, wasn't he? Because Rei knew he himself was there. He had to be. The smells told him all about it. The sounds were giving it all away pretty good too; running people, beeping machines, crying strangers, antiseptics, anesthetics, chlorine. He knew the scenery all too well. After all, he had been to hospitals all too many times for someone his age.

Deciding there was no point in opening his eyes just yet, Rei slid back into a slightly uncomfortable but much welcomed sleep.

**X**

The alley smelt weird, like a mix of urine and despair. Murky shadows kept sneaking about, preparing for something he didn't quite understand. He didn't know how many alleys he had been to, or how many bars. But the sun was sinking into a bed of red in the sky, the evening falling upon him. He had stormed out of the hospital several hours ago, and yet his attempts at finding the man were fruitless.

No one had even seen a hair of Jun, and that little voice inside of Boris told him to just give up. But he couldn't, not after something like this. As soon as he had gotten back he had found out that Rei was in the hospital, and it all had to do with his father. That damn man who, much like the shadows snuck, into their lives and just tried to tear it apart from the inside out. Like an infectious disease or a monster under your bed. It was a terrible insult, not only to Rei but to Boris as well. Their home, their life, their momentary peace had been disrupted. They had finally started to settle and then along came the supposed king of the Kons.

Yes, he was referring to it as _their_ life now. Because that was what it was. Boris had every intention to grab Rei and never let him slip away ever, as soon as he had taken care of a few things. Those few things were fairly simple, as well; find Jun, make sure he'd never contact Rei again, take a shower and buy new beer.

It was a small, average agenda. Surely he could have it done before lunch.

Or, that was what he had thought before. But as the sky only grew into a darker shade of red, like it was bleeding, he started to doubt this plan. Perhaps if they were lucky, or unlucky since he really looked forward to killing someone, the man was already gone. Maybe he had scattered, gone without a trace, and would never come back. Boris sneered. It sounded like a nice fairytale, didn't it?

But he knew better than that. Nothing in life was ever that simple.

But he didn't have more time to think about that, before suddenly, _finally_, something moved. It was a small movement at first, as the calm before the storm, but then it evolved. The previous ruffling erupted into loud bangs and a dark, rotten yell filled the alley. There was the unmistaken sound of someone falling to the ground, yelling and a door slamming angrily shut. Boris recognized it as the sound of someone being tossed out of a bar. He had endured that far too many times to not recognize it.

And much correct, as he went further in, there was someone crawling on the ground. Someone with suspiciously recognizable features. The darkness immediately seemed to exchange places, disappearing from the corners of the stone walls and instead seeping into the grey of Boris' eyes. With a clenching, shaking fist he grit his teeth and let a grin worthy of Charles Manson roll out across his lips.

This was going to be fun.

**X**

_It was a warm summer day, so much like the ones in books. It was a paradise, for those who cared to stop their hectic lives and just look around. If one cared to drink in the soft smell of corn and flowers in the warm breeze, the caressing touches of the golden orb that shone brightly against a pastel blue sky, one would find a moment of complete peace. Some birds were chirping playfully in the green, majestic crowns of the trees and the grass was feeling awfully soft against bare feet._

_It was days like this one that made China so perfect._

_Rei closed his eyes and felt the wind play with some loose strands of his dark hair, a small smile shyly tugging at his lips. Arms outstretched, feet firmly on the ground and his heart in the sky. He wanted to enjoy this moment, savor it, because he was more than certain that it would be needed. In dark times one had good use of memories like these, to remind oneself that the world is not always as dark and pitiful as it may want to fool you._

_Beside him a fairly short woman stood, every feature screaming of grace and a gentle, almost fragile kindness. Her lips were soft and her hair long, her hips shapely and her fingers slender. Thick eyelashes framed the pure, glistening gold of her warm eyes and it seemed so awfully disturbing to see a black bruise crawling around her eye. It was so misplaced, like a stain on a perfectly clean sheet, or a crack in a mirror. The beauty was not supposed to be touched that way, and yet it was._

_But she was smiling, even though a wrinkle of worry, so small it was almost impossible to notice, lingered in her face. But Rei noticed it. How could he not? He knew why it was there, he even had it himself. It stood out like a cow in a subway station to him. Not that he had been to many stations, after all, he had lived eleven years inside of a small and almost unknown village. For all the world cared he didn't even exist. If he was to die, or if his mother was, no one would notice._

_Or that was not entirely true. His friends would. But he was sure there was a way for his father to fool them as well. After all, he deceived the world into believing he was kind, tricked the villagers he was kind and gentle, a hard working father. But the worst part, the thing Rei would never forgive his father for, was that he had tricked his mother, Ai Shu, that he was human. At first he must have been, at least that was what his mother said. She would don that dreamy, sad expression at times, days when she was lost in her memories. The good memories, perhaps the only ones that made life able to withstand. Perhaps she was hoping that one day the man she had fallen in love with would come back. Perhaps she knew he never would, but held on to that dream because after all, it was all she had._

_Except Rei then, of course. She would always have him. But Rei wondered if that was ever enough._

_He opened his eyes and looked at his mother, whose gaze was fixated at the sky above. Clouds drew past, skipping above the world like sheep. In a way he envied them. They were free and seeming careless, as if the disasters of the world did not concern them one bit. Like they had their own little paradise, enjoying the sun much like they did. But they were always so much closer to it, so they had to be happier. Rei guessed he was just unlucky, he who had been born in the shadow of cruelty. Or perhaps, he was the black sheep of the family. Maybe he even deserved it?_

''_What do you think they look like, Rei?'' Ai Shu spoke softly, almost as gentle as the summer wind._

_Today was not a day to think about the troubles at home. Jun was out of the village, some business trip he claimed. Rei thought otherwise, knew he had the right to suspect something different. Ai Shu did too, but she was a polite young woman and so she chose not to speak about it._

_Rei tilted his head and studied the clouds._

''_That one looks like a tiger!'' he pointed towards a large cloud, which did not resemble anything in particular, other than to him._

_Ai Shu smiled._

''_Indeed it does.''_

''_What do you think, mother?''_

_She thought for a moment, chewing at her bottom lip in consideration._

''_That one looks like two kittens playing'' she said and pointed at another cloud, but Rei shook his head._

''_It looks like two tigers fighting!''_

_His mother raised her eyebrows slightly, curiously smiling at him._

''_Why do you think they are fighting?''_

_Rei shrugged._

''_Maybe one of them said something bad. But I think they should talk about it, before fighting.''_

''_Really?''_

''_Yes, why jump to conclusions? Talk first, fight later. It's unnecessary to hurt someone for the sake of a misunderstanding!''_

_Ai Shu smiled and brought her son into a warm hug. He nuzzled into her shoulder, her long hair tickling him. Hugging her back, he knew it was a moment he would have to savor especially. It was long ago since they had time for themselves, long ago since she had held him like that. It was long ago since they had even been outside._

''_That's my boy'' she smiled, stroking him over the head._

_Rei looked up at her then, brows determinedly furrowed and pain bursting in his eyes. She looked at him worriedly, concerned that she might have said something wrong. But Rei just looked at her firmly, resembling a warrior, as if he had come to a decision. A decision he would hold closely at heart and try his hardest not to fail. She was certain that whatever it was, he would go through with it, because that was the son she had raised. Once he set his mind on something he believed was right, Rei never backed off._

''_I promise, mother, that I will get us out of here. I'll give you a life of peace, a life you deserve. You're good mother, and I want you to live good too.''_

_His voice was serious, and it made something inside of her quiver. Feeling her eyes water up, she hugged him again, harder this time. He was the only treasure she had left in the world, and she would not let anyone take him away from her. She knew she should have left Jun years ago, taken her son and just left. She knew it was cruel to subject him to everything, but tiger or not, when it came down to it, Ai Shu simply did not dare. And oh, how she hated herself for that._

''_I'm so sorry, Rei'' she sobbed suddenly, biting her finger to keep the tears at bay. ''I should never have let it go this far.''_

''_Don't be sorry, mother! You've done all you can!''_

_She shook her head, breaking the embrace. Rei gave her a worried look, biting his lip. He reached out to touch her shoulder, but she simply stood up. Shaking her head, the hair fell in front of her face, covering the tears that ran like silver shots fired into a black sky._

''_Rei, I should have done more. I always should have. But I didn't. I failed to act and now… I'm so sorry!''_

_The slender hands were brought to her face, her back shaking violently. He often saw her like that, but that was often because of his father. When he had hurt her, stumbled out of there drunk like a fish, reeking of sweat and blood, she would cry. She always cried so silently, it was nearly inaudible. But Rei always heard it. The teardrops to the floor were like bombs in an empty room to his ears. Sometimes the echoes seemed to linger, even though the crying had stopped long before._

''_Don't worry, mom'' he said and closed his thin arms around her waist. ''It's going to be alright, I'll make sure of it.''_

_Ai Shu looked at her son, wiping her face from any trace of sadness. It was good, she thought, that even though their home was a personal pit of hell, her child had not been corrupted. Even though she had failed her own son, she could die peacefully knowing at least there would be some good in the world. Feeling a stabbing pang from her diseased heart, she flinched._

''_Mother?''_

''_It's nothing Rei'' she smiled painfully, her sight dimming._

_Yes, she was going to die and soon. But that was between her and her doctor, for now at least. Feeling the worried glances Rei was piercing her with, she composed herself, biting down at the pain and the tightening of her chest. The tar-like feeling creeping in her veins, making everything seem so slow and thick, like she was living in a haze, a fog of fatigue, she smiled reassuringly._

''_Let's go home and I'll cook something nice''_

_Rei looked at her for a moment longer, sensing there was something she was not telling him. But he decided to let it go for another day, because this one was not to be wasted on trying to fish something out of his stubborn mother. If she did not want to tell him, it would be futile to even try to make her. So he simply grinned a Cheshire-grin, and nodded._

''_Only if I can help!''_

_Ai Shu laughed softly, ruffling her son's hair._

''_Of course you can, kitten''_

_And so they began walking, and just like he had promised his mother to save her, he promised himself to remember this for the rest of his life. One day he would save her, get her out of the house and rid of their father. He would find them a nice home in which they could live, in peace and comfort, until the far away day that they would die._

_Yes, Rei thought, that was a great plan. He and his mother, and no evil would ever touch them again._

Rei sat up, sweating like mad. There was a tight feeling clutching at his chest, refusing to let any air in or out of his lungs. Still panting, almost hissing, he looked desperately around. Feeling something burn in the corner of his eyes, Rei tried to blink it furiously away. But the burning only increased, and soon tears began falling.

''What the hell..?'' he mumbled, wiping them away.

Looking around, he found himself still in a hospital bed. The evening sun was shining through the blinders, making the room fall into a deep, wine-red rain of light. Soft shadows peeked at him, the bed creaking underneath his movements. Rei sunk back into the bed and let out a rusty, brittle sigh.

''It was just a dream…''

A sudden knocking startled him and as he turned towards the doorway the room wobbled around him. His head bit back at him in a furious snarl, telling him to take it easy or it would explode. Seeing Kai standing in the doorway, the pain dimmed, if only by a fragment.

''Can we come in?'' Kai said, not really having any special tone in his voice.

Rei nodded with a weak smile.

''Sure''

Kai nodded back, waving out towards the corridor, as if motioning for someone to follow him. The Tiger pondered slightly about the 'we' in his question, and wondered who the other visitor could be. As Kai had sat down on a chair beside the bed, Yuriy, Ian and Spencer casually but still seriously strolled into the room. Ian looked curiously and a bit distastefully at the machines of the room, as if they reminded him about the Abbey. He decided at once that he didn't like hospitals, and that he would not trust a doctor further than he could throw one.

Spencer gave a small smile, which looked more like an odd twitch of his lips. He stood tall and leisurely by the foot of the bed, arms crossed and face unmoved. Yuriy gave the room a skeptical look, and stood beside Kai. He nodded towards Rei, who looked questioningly at them. Ian made a salute with his hand, looking a bit like he had just come there to buy furniture.

Kai sat calm, about as lively as a stone, in the chair and looked Rei's injuries over. It was a bit creepy, but he kept silent and decided to let the Russians speak first.

''You have two broken ribs, one fractured, a broken nose, they had to re-adjust your jaw _and_ shoulder, stitch your head and your eyebrow.'' The phoenix said grimly and Rei was feeling somewhat reprimanded. ''They'll let you out as soon as your ribs heal.''

''Oh…'' was all the Tiger could really think of saying.

''That must have been some fight!'' Ian exclaimed, grinning at the thought of it. ''Who won?''

''Uh… I don't really know…'' Rei looked sheepishly at him. ''I lost consciousness but… I think I didn't lose at least.''

''So who did you fight?''

''Uh…''

Kai glared warningly at the short man.

''_Ian_''

''What?!'' said man squeaked irritably. ''I'm just asking!''

''Then don't.''

''It's just that he looks pretty beat up, is all! A guy gets curious!''

Rei smiled at the big-nosed man.

''It's alright. I just ran into a person I didn't really want to see.''

''So you beat down all people you don't like or just this one?''

''_Ian_!'' Kai snarled again, and Ian stuck his lip out at him.

''Don't be such a sourpuss!''

''Be useful or be quiet!''

''Hey, don't order me around like that! We're not a team anymore!''

The looks they were giving each other could have murdered an army, and it was making the tension in the room larger. Spencer shook his head.

''Guys'' he said and placed a hand on the short one's shoulder.

''He started it!'' Ian pointed at Kai.

''Remember this is a hospital? I'm sure Rei doesn't like you shouting.''

''Aw, come on! Whose side are you on?!''

But one look was all the blonde had to give him, and Ian silenced, muttering. He crossed his arms and gave Kai one last, murdering look.

''I'll go get some soda'' he spat, and soon he had left the room.

Spencer gave them a shrug before he followed the other. Yuriy cast a sideway glance after them, his mouth twisted.

Rei raised his eyebrows, not really prepared for the fast pace things were happening in. He looked at Kai for enlightenment, and the crimson eyed man just shook his head like this was normal behavior in their group.

''We found Boris'' he said then, and Rei's eyes seemed to take on the size of planets.

''You did?''

There was a nod.

''Yes. Yuriy brought him here this morning.''

''I told him to go and take a shower before showing his smelling face around, but he just stormed off again'' Yuriy snarled.

Worry seized control of the Chinese's body, and Kai spotted it like a headlight at the end of one very dark tunnel.

''He's not gone, he's just… handling some business. I'm sure he'll be back soon.''

A black eyebrow rose.

''Handling some business?''

''Yes'' Yuriy said, looking indifferent like a doctor who had told people their loved one was dead so many times already it was like turning on the TV. ''He heard you had been in a fight with some Chinese guy and went out muttering something about murdering.''

Rei's heart sank like it had been shot with a bazooka, groaning he slid further down the covers. If Boris had figured out who the other fighter had been, this was not going to be pretty. One of them was going to get seriously hurt, and he doubted it was going to be Boris. Not that he cared too much about what happened to his father, but the Falcon could get into serious trouble. He didn't want to lose him so soon after he had finally gotten him back! That would be so unfair he didn't know how he would take it.

''You should consider keeping him on a leash'' Rei groaned, his tired mind overused.

''Hm, that's an idea for the bedroom'' Yuriy said, earning a glare from Kai. ''What?''

Rei instantly blushed, while the red head was looking like he could not understand what had been so wrong with what he said. Or perhaps he did understand and was just trying to annoy Kai. Either way, he was succeeding with doing just that.

''Should you go outside as well?'' the blue haired Russian snarled, as if speaking to an unruly dog.

''I'm just saying!'' the Wolf defended himself, hands raised protectively but still mockingly in the air, that sickening gleam in the corner of his eyes.

Kai shook his head and decided to ignore him. Rei was feeling rather uneasy with the situation, and subconsciously bit his lip. He wondered what would happen when Boris got back, though. Where would the two of them stand? Gritting his teeth, he shook his head, forgetting for a moment that he had visitors. The Russians watched him cautiously, reading his every move.

''I kiss him and he's all over me, but hint the slightest about a little word called 'love' and he speeds off like a pack of lunatic fangirls are at his butt!'' the Chinese growled more to himself, but they picked it up with ease.

But before anyone had the chance to say anything, Ian and Spencer had stuck their heads into the doorway. They were back with what could pass as an entire stock of soda in their arms, like they had just gotten back from a raid. Kai wouldn't have been surprised if they had emptied every machine on that floor. Yuriy raised his eyebrows at them.

''Boris has _fangirls_?!'' Ian blurted out, only having picked up the end of the sentence.

''At least one'' Yuriy said, staring at Rei who would have jumped out of his body and fled if only he had known how.

''_Yuriy_'' he hissed, but the Wolf only smiled a wolf-like smile.

''Don't whine about it. I seem to have talked some sense into him. If that doesn't work I'll just have to beat it into him instead.''

Rei stared, mouth open but no words at his disposal. Then he closed it, smiling slightly.

''Thank you'' he said, but Yuriy just growled and waved his hand at him.

''I didn't do it for you''

''No'' Rei tilted his head back and forth considerately. ''But still. Thank you.''

The hand kept waving, now accompanied by a second. Rei began wondering then, could it be that the Wolf was actually getting flustered? But he didn't look anything other than bored and perhaps a bit annoyed, so he dismissed this thought rather immediate.

But there was just something in the way he looked at Rei. Whatever it was, it was eerie.

''Why does he get all the fans? I certainly don't get any!'' Ian whined, opening his soda which made a hissing sound.

Soda shot out of the can like a beam, but Ian nicely avoided it, like he was used to this sort if thing. He took a loud sip from it, looking at the droplets slipping of the wall, pretending they were not his fault at all.

''Does it matter? It's not like you're in any tournaments anymore'' Spencer grunted.

Ian snorted, like this was unimportant.

''Of course it matters! I'm way more talented than Boris, and he gets all the fans?''

''So?''

''So it's unfair!''

''I don't have any fans either.''

''See! I mean, even Kai and Yuriy have fans!''

''Would you two just shut up?'' Yuriy barked at them, drawing Russian mutterings from Ian.

But he silenced anyway, before he began whispering to Spencer. The blonde didn't look too intrigued by the conversation, but as long as they kept their trivial bickering away from him, the Wolf was satisfied. He turned to look at Kai and Rei, his hand on his hip.

''What time is it?'' he said.

Kai brought up his arm, shaking away the sleeve of his shirt, studying his shiny, expensive wrist watch.

''Seven'' he said, looking up at his friend. ''Boris is a little late, isn't he?''

The red head nodded, looking thoughtfully out the window with a strained face and narrow eyes.

''Yeah… What's taking him so long?''

**X**

Jun ran like crazy. His legs felt like they were pumping battery acid, hurting for every chased step. But he had no time to stop, even though his body was clearly against the clumsy running. His ribs hurt, his face hurt, in fact, he didn't think there actually was a part of him that _didn't _hurt. But he had no time to stop, because if he did, it would certainly mean his death.

The murderous intent radiating from Boris' very presence was knocking every by-passer off their feet. He was growling, panting after having chased the other through so many winding alleys. But he was smiling still, or perhaps grinning was a more fitting description. His face was glowing in the purple evening, bloodlust the only thing visible in his eyes. He was very much enjoying this, like a hunter just playing with its prey. Being a fast runner there wouldn't be much time before he finally got the other man.

Lady Luck seemed to have smiled greatly towards him for a change. Seeing Jun get tossed out of a bar was about the luckiest streak he had had in months. Jun had not immediately recognized Boris, but when he did, oh how he ran. They had been running for quite some time, and the Russian was getting bored. It was time for some beloved violence.

Kids, he scoffed mentally before he took that last leap which would ensure the capture, don't try this at home.

Jun yelped as the shadow of the Falcon came flying over him, pinning him to the ground with such force it knocked the very breath out of him. His chest tight, hard as rock, he could not do anything other than wheeze. He could hear a dull laugh above him, something that very much indicated his final doom. A hot breath panted in his ear, and for a moment it felt just like a large animal had captured him with its claws, instead of the savage it really was.

''Got you now, bitch'' the Russian hissed, the intoxication of the moment making his tongue slip on the momentarily much harsher accent.

Jun felt himself getting yanked up by the hair, a strong arm around his throat, making it even more impossible to breathe. Panic was flooding his eyes, the dams of his mind finally bursting. He wanted to scream and he would have too, if only he had the chance. The windpipe in his throat creaked unhappily, the pressure making all the blood rush to his head and stop there, burning.

Then there was a kick in the back, and he fell handless through the darkness. He tried to fight back at first, but it was an attempt destined to fail. The alcohol in his blood, the injuries from before, the fear of the moment, it all had taken over his body. He simply could not move.

There was a kick to his stomach, which sent his intestines churning in provoked madness. Something threatened to crawl up the back of his throat, and it was all so very dreadful. Why was this happening to him? Did he deserve this? What crime could he ever have possibly done to be treated in such a way? He had been a good man to his name, he had tried to bring his bloodline onwards, to continue the legacy of the tiger. His life had simply taken a wrong turn, so what was all of this? Why was he currently in the mercy of a madman? Why was the Russian so angry?

''Why…'' Jun coughed, the English feeling worse than bile on his tongue, which itself was twisted out of pain. ''Why… are you…?''

But his voice failed him, his throat so harsh it would have been more comfortable to sandpaper it. Boris raised his eyebrows, bending down to glare at the fallen man. His face was emotionless, then disrupted, as if this question was not comprehendible. Then he just gritted his teeth, looking so disgusted it even made Jun nauseous.

''Why am I doing this?'' he hissed, and a shiver cut through the Chinese. ''You can't even get that?''

''I do not know you, I have no grudge against you'' the Kon continued coughing, forcing the words out of his mouth. ''I have done you no wrong!''

The Falcon's fist hit him in the face so harshly the world seemed to cringe around him. Pain was biting down at him so pugnacious he had to fight hard not to cry out.

''_No reason?!_ You broke into my home! You violated my territory and then you dare pester Rei?! And you dare ask _why _and _what_?!''

There was another hit, then a few more, and then a serenade of kicks found themselves to Jun's body. He knew then, that there was no use in crying out for help. This was his moment. He would die in the back of that filthy, forgotten and fallen down alley. He would just vanish like a spot of dirt, no one would even know about his demise until they found his decapitated body in the dirty corners of that place. It was such an abomination his mind couldn't even grasp it. And that was what sickened him most, more than the pain and the fear, the fact that he was going to die by the hands of a foreigner in a country that was not even his own. And he could not even defend himself.

The assaults went on and on, bones breaking, muscles thrashing, blood escaping and skin tearing. As the seconds went on the pain numbed his entire body, his vision darkening. Or perhaps it was the sky that darkened before him. He did not really know. It was as if he was sunk into a blurry haze, he wasn't sure where he was anymore. All he felt was his body, tearing apart, and his mind spinning and hurling around in loops and circles.

But then the violence stopped, as Boris heard voices. He looked around, hearing people approaching. What was he doing? If he was to kill this man, he might not get out of jail this time. That wouldn't have been so bad, if it wasn't for the fact that Rei would not follow him. He hadn't gone through this stupid mess to get to Rei, and then get ripped away from him again.

But he couldn't help himself. He was just so blood-boiling, heart-throbbing, mind-blowing mad. All the hatred he had ever felt could not sum up to what he was feeling that moment. He was shaking, the adrenaline so wild it was getting out of hand. He had to kill this man, he wanted to, needed to. He knew nothing but blood could still his anger, nothing but broken limbs in his hands. But was it really worth the consequences? Worth the risk? His mind did not want to think about it, it simply wanted to hurt, kill and destroy.

The voices came nearer, and soon three men had appeared. They had just planned to spend the night at some local bar, and then as luck would have it, they found themselves in the middle of a slaughter. The tallest one stared, first at Boris who was dripping of sweat and blood, then at the man lying in a heap of agony on the dirty, wet ground.

''What the hell are you doing?!'' the stranger yelled, running forwards to Jun, checking his pulse.

Jun panted, gasping for air. He was in so much pain he couldn't even notice the other man's touch. All he felt was the throbbing, cutting, nauseating pain that tore at his entire being. Boris leaped to assault them both, but the other two men held him back fiercely.

''Hey, man! Stop it! You're going out of line!'' the shortest, but surprisingly strong one shouted.

But Boris did not want to calm down. He wanted to tear Jun apart. Now when he was so close, just a blow away from stealing his life away, wallowing in the other's pain and blood, it was like euphoria. When was the last time Boris had ever felt this good?

When Rei had kissed him, the little voice of reason cooed.

Shut up! Boris growled at it, fighting against the restrain. The other men held him back with all the effort they could muster, and the tallest was typing away on his cell phone like the world depended on it. He was calling for an ambulance, and every part of the instinctual part of Boris' brain shouted in protest.

''No!'' he roared. ''What the hell are you doing, you _zhopa_?!''

''I'm saving his bloody life, you arse!'' the man yelled back, fear so evident in his eyes Boris almost noticed it.

''Why the fuck are you doing that?! I'll finish him!''

He kept struggling harder, and now the third man had to help restraining him. With all their combined strength they forced him onto the ground, and Boris entire soul kept roaring in growing anger. It was as if it was going to blow his entire mind away. How dared they even touch him?! He was going to kill them all, if only he could get up.

But he didn't get up, his powers were draining. It took them a good long twenty minutes before he stopped struggling, and by that time the ambulance had already arrived.

''You fucking bastard! You just wait until the cops get a load if this!''

But Boris didn't listen to the man. All he could think of was how this precious opportunity had slipped away from him. How he had not succeeded in bringing the end to the man, the man who had tormented Rei. He had hurt _his _kitten. The only one who was allowed to do that was Boris himself. His territory, possession, the very thing he was fighting for in the first place, had been violated. Jun had to pay, someone had to make him, and Boris had failed at doing just this.

''Rei…'' he whispered harshly under his strained breath.

The three men only stared at him.

''What?''

''Let go of me, you _pizda_s! _Unbju!_''

Then he began yelling only in Russian, so angry he went merely on instincts. As Boris' roars echoed through the night, accompanied with police sirens, the sky dressed into a sickening shade of despairing black. As if the moon itself was frightened, it hid behind ominous looking clouds. Its disappearance leaving them in complete darkness, a sinister feeling crept its way through the town.

That night, no one in London slept peacefully.


	15. Wasting Time

I feel like I'm making Rei somewhat slutty. Hmmm...

You know, for once, I don't have much to say. Not more than that I'm very grateful for your reviews. They keep my spirit up and well, make me feel less non-talented. Thank you and well, enjoy. And the titles of my chapters never make any sense but, oh well…

This is rather pointless and silly but well, every story has its fillers. **And before you go 'OMG did they do it?!' - **I dunno if they did. I'll leave that up to your imagination.

And remember; the curry sauce is your friend!

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen  
Wasting Time**

Rei left the hospital some time afterwards, blissfully oblivious to the fact that his very father was residing in the same building. He hadn't seen much of the Russians, especially not Yuriy, during that time and had the feeling something was very wrong. But he was free from the evil clutches of the hospital at least, so Rei decided to go back to the apartment. He needed a good long shower and a decent meal consisting of real food, and not the compressed junk the nurses claimed to be nutritious.

The only problem with that plan was, he noticed, that there was no food in the house to speak of. Sure, there was some moldy can of jam in the back of a cabinet, but Rei had never much fancied moldy food to begin with. Call him picky all you want, but that was just the way it was. So, taking a shower, brushing his hair and changing clothes he had three hours later gotten out on town. It felt good to be out and about for a change, staying crammed up in a hospital bed was not good for his active personality.

Rei wanted to move around a lot. He wanted to be in a place where he could jump around as he wanted t, take in some fresh gusts of air and feel free. Now a hospital bed was not a very idealistic place for such things, so staying there had been a strain in itself. And even though he couldn't move much, his ribcage still hurting but not being threatening to his health anymore, it felt nice to be able to at least take a walk.

But still, he hadn't heard a word from Boris, and Kai hadn't said much when he had visited. There was something going on, and he wanted to find out what. Fishing up his phone as he entered a nearby convenience store, Rei dialed Kai's number and absentmindedly began browsing through the bread shelf. Being hungry and going shopping is never a good combination, and so he quickly found himself drawing nearer and nearer the cookie section.

''_Hiwatari_'' the Phoenix's somewhat irritated voice answered as the line finally went through.

''Hi, it's Rei'' Rei said, almost drooling over a package of chocolate chip cookies, a girl a few steps away from him giving him weird looks.

''_Hi, Rei._ _Why are you calling?_''

That's Kai for you, the Chinese thought. Straight to the point, no formal chit-chat. Not the nicest way of conversation, but he guessed there had to be a way for everyone.

''I just got out of the hospital, thought I should call''

''_Oh._'' Something in Kai's voice indicated that he was not fully convinced. ''_Is that all?''_

''Well… I was kind of wondering…''

''_Yes?_''

''Three pounds?! Are they kidding me?!'' he shrieked as he saw the price tag, quickly tossing the expensive cookies away as if they had just bit him.

The girl, currently looming over a package of lemon cream cookies, looked more frightened the longer she looked at him. When Rei thought about it, she was looking kind of familiar too…

''_Rei?_'' Kai's voice brought him back to reality.

''Huh? What? Oh! Well, you know how you've been acting all weird lately?''

''_I'm not fully getting your point, no._''

''Well…'' Rei chewed at his lower lip, scratching his head. ''Is something going on? I mean, I've barely seen you four for the past days.''

''_No, we're… fine_''

That moment of hesitation, which was not ever there usually, made Rei flinch. Now he knew something was wrong, even though Kai's voice indicated no such thing. In fact, Kai was sounding just as emotionless as the voice in the subway-speakers. It would have fooled most people, but Rei knew Kai. He could feel there was something the Russian was not telling him.

''Kai'' he said, his tone clear and determined.

He could hear a small sigh on the other end, Kai knowing there was really no use in keeping Rei in the dark. Especially since in a way, the matter did concern him as well.

''_Boris has been at the police station.''_

''What?!'' Rei's voice rung high and loud across the store, several people staring at him. ''The police?!''

''_Yes. But there were no charges pressed, so he was released. Yuriy is keeping an eye on him._''

''The police?!'' Rei hissed, crouching as if trying to hide himself and the entire conversation from curious eaves-droppers. ''Why in the flaming hell was he at the police station?!''

''_He got into a fight. It went too far, the man didn't dare press any charges and so the police couldn't do anything._''

Rei took in the words, tasting them. It sounded sensible enough and it was highly unlikely to be a lie. But still, there was just something about all of it that didn't feel right. Was Kai holding something back? And why? What was going on now?

''There's something you're not telling me.'' Rei stated.

''_Don't worry. Boris will be at the apartment soon. __Don't get into any trouble._''

''But Kai..!''

''_There is nothing more to tell you. If you need anything, just call me._''

Rei sighed. It was no use. He was much too tired to start arguing with Kai and frankly, he didn't even want to. He decided to put it on hold and ask questions later. The important thing was that Boris was in no sort of trouble and that he was coming home. Plus, that woman was still staring at him, a weird grimace on her face. Honestly it was sort of creeping Rei out.

''Fine. I'll talk to you later.'' He sighed, not too happy about the situation.

''_You're alright then?''_

''Yeah, I'm fine'' the Chinese nodded even though the Russian could not see it. ''Are you alright?''

''_I'm perfectly fine._''

''Okay then. I'll talk to you later.''

''_Later. Good bye, Rei''_

''Bye, Kai''

Then there was a click, and the line went dead. Rei muttered quietly, tucking the phone back into his jacket. Glaring at the cookies, suddenly not so hungry anymore, he sighed. This was proving to be a weird morning, and he was sure it wasn't going to get any better.

''Rei?'' a female, and oddly familiar, voice spoke then, somewhat precautious.

Rei turned to his side, finding the woman who had been staring at him to be only a step away. He looked at her, somewhat startled, until it hit him. The horn-rimmed glasses, the auburn hair and the intelligent eyes. Amanda Grey was staring at him, looking somewhat mellow and uncomfortable, like she had just been violently placed in a world where she did not belong without a fairly decent explanation.

''Dr. Grey?''

''Please, we're out of the Institute. You can call me Amanda.''

Rei didn't feel all too sure about it, and he didn't like it that much, but he nodded anyway.

''Well, okay, Amanda''

''You stopped coming to the sessions?'' she said then, like she wasn't certain about what to say.

Rei wondered why she said anything to begin with. The moment was all too awkward, and he couldn't help but blushing in embarrassment as her serious eyes looked him over. His face must have looked like it had been rammed into a truck. The whole kissing-thing was not a good ingredient to add to the soup, either.

''Well, you did kiss me''

She nodded, as if she had forgotten.

''Ah, right. My sincerest apologies about that.''

''It's… alright I guess.'' His eyes stopped to stare at her crooked nose, which looked like it had been beaten out of place.

Rei really hoped that Boris wasn't to blame for that. Even though inside, he knew there was no other sensible explanation.

''How are you getting along? You look hurt?''

She made a worried face, reaching out her hand to touch him. As it made contact with his cheek, he couldn't help but take a step back, as if it had scorched him. He eyed the hand warily, not really liking it.

''I got into a… uh, fight''

She frowned at him.

''Oh? That Russian seems to be having quite an influence on you…'' the last was not really mentioned to be heard by anyone but herself, but Rei picked it up easily.

''No, that was an act on my own accord.''

Amanda did not look convinced. She scoffed disbelievingly at him, crossing her arms.

''I still think it would be wise of you to stay away from him. I'm actually quite glad he stopped coming to the meetings, he unsettled the others. And I noticed he affected you too…''

Something inside of Rei flared, and he looked dangerously at her.

''Don't speak of someone you don't know, Dr. Grey.''

''I'm just saying'' she flipped her hand out gesturing in the air. ''You are such a gentle man, Rei, and he… that brute…''

''If you're going to keep spewing out unfounded insults, I see no use in continuing this conversation.''

The psychiatrist eyed him for a moment, before she sighed and shook her head. Rei was clenching his fist, feeling the urge to defend the Russian. It was somewhat stupid in the back of his mind, but he didn't care. No one ever offended anyone he cared for and got away with it, it was as simple as that.

Amanda cringed slightly, uncertain and feeling very lost. She had taken a liking to Rei, more than to any patient. She knew it was against the rules, unethical and on some level it was even stupid. But she couldn't help it. She had been working in her line of work for so many years. People like Boris were tiresome for her. Everyday, they entered the room with their personal demons, and when they left she always felt they had left some of the monsters with her. Plagued by the eternal moaning of tormented ghosts, images of the past, it stuck to her.

She had been trained not to let it affect her, of course, but after so many years she just couldn't numb herself. To keep up her own shields and still connect with the patients, it was exhausting. And Rei, he had been so different. Like a light in the dark, someone who didn't overpower her with a wave of pain and misery. His depression hadn't touched her, but his beauty had. And after all, Amanda was only a human. Like a firefly drawn to a light or a bird drawn to a golden ring, she knew she shouldn't but she couldn't resist trying to grasp it. In the end, she was just as lost, ashamed and sad as the rest of them. Looking at Rei she tried to tell him this, and on some level, he understood.

''Look, I can forgive you for the kiss. I won't tell anyone, but I won't come back either. I appreciate your help, Dr. Grey, but that's all there is too it.'' He said, a mellow smile scratching his mouth.

Amanda nodded, smiling sadly. Flipping some hair over her shoulder, she gave him a longing, but accepting look.

''You really care about him, don't you?''

''Huh?''

''The Russian. I can tell you do, you always run to his rescue.''

''Dr. Grey…''

She put her hands up in the air, shaking her head slightly.

''No, I know it's none of my business. But just think about it, is he really worth it?''

They looked at each other in a moment of disliking silence, the cookies since long forgotten on their shelf. Around them people went oblivious, buying their groceries and disappearing out the doors to take care of their own lives. Rei wondered if they had the same problems as he did, and what they did to solve them. Smiling for real now, his eyes shining faintly under the ceiling lamps, he let out a small, soft and gentle laugh.

''Trust me'' he said and the shrink quirked and eyebrow. ''He's worth it.''

''Hm…'' Amanda's gaze fell to the sticky floor, her face unmoving.

Then she looked up again, like a deer about to get shot, her intelligent eyes seeming almost liquidized by the somber emotions in them. She hugged her bag of groceries tightly then, like it was an object of security, before smiling one final time. Rei wondered if she really meant it.

''Alright then. Take care Rei.''

Without expecting a reply, the psychologist left for the register. Rei watched her lean frame as she paid for the products and left, leaving the store in silence. The Chinese stared at the door for a moment longer, before his stomach gave a nasty growl. He sighed then, patting it reassuringly.

''Alright'' he said. ''I'll get you something to eat.''

**X**

The sun was falling across the corners of the room like water, showing off every speckle of dust and dirt there was. Before, in the past, Boris wouldn't have noticed this. He was used to living in a dump, no one around in the mood for cleaning. It would take more than hell on earth to ever get him to pick up a mop. But ever since Rei moved in, it had looked quite nice in there, hadn't it?

Well, he really wasn't the right person to ask. All he knew was that he wanted his kitchen orderly, then it couldn't matter less how the rest of the apartment looked. But there was something off alright. If it was the sticky spots on the floor or the stains on the carpet, or perhaps even the grime underneath the sink, he didn't know. But it felt odd, for some reason.

Growling in irritation, the Russian scratched the red marks around his wrists. The handcuffs had left some bad bruising, especially since he had struggled with getting them off. A thin, delicate cut could be seen, as well as swollen, pink, sensitive skin around it. He didn't like the police, he never had. They were just a pack of pigs trying to boss him around. They never did any good either, but wore their badges like it made them superior. He had to think hard to find anyone in a lower position, and still it would be difficult to find one.

Boris' stomach roared loudly, demanding to be fed. He glared at it, and the roar descended to a slightly muffled growling. It just seemed like everything was against him. His stomach, the police, people in general, the apartment. He sighed. When would things just back off and leave him the hell alone? Couldn't the world sense that he did not like to be around people? Socializing was about as fancied by him as getting a torpedo shoved up his colon.

There was a rustling coming from the hall then, the sound of someone trying to lock up the door. Boris listened tensely, only knowing one person who had the key besides for him.

It had to be Rei. Fucking hell, what was he supposed to do when the Tiger came home? He had run away like an idiot, like a _coward_. If anything, he should get his ass kicked for it. Would Rei be mad at him? Or worse, would he be sad? He just hated that. It got so quiet, and not the normal kind of quiet that he actually liked, but that tense silence which just screamed one thing; _I am disappointed in you._ Who the hell was he to expect anything from Boris? He didn't deserve those pitiful, nauseating golden eyes looking at him like large ponds of gold, just swelling over with sadness.

But in a way, it looked good on Rei. He was pretty when he was in pain. The heart thumping agony in his entire being, the essence of torment, it was like electricity to his own heart. The only thing which looked better though, was when Rei was angry. How he bared his feral fangs and slit his dangerous looking eyes. His body tense, his hands as if he was ready to claw someone's spine out. Indeed, it was a sight for sore eyes.

But that didn't mean Boris liked getting whined at. Most certainly the Chinese would bring the whole running-away thing up. There would be crying, he was sure of it, as well as fighting. And for the moment, the Russian didn't trust himself in such situations. He might go too far this time, much too far. And that would defeat the whole purpose of actually coming back, wouldn't it?

The Falcon snarled.

''We're happy, I see.'' Rei's voice rang from the door.

Boris slowly turned his head to glare at the man, trying to decipher his state of emotion. But the dark haired man only smiled nicely at him, holding a brown bag in his arms. He looked like he had lived there for ages, like a father coming home to his nest to tend to the family. A grey eyebrow rose at the thought. Boris wasn't sure if it was creepy or just funny.

''You like noodles?'' Rei asked humbly, holding up a pack in question.

Boris took on a face of cold indifference and answered the man with a grunt. Rei just sighed and walked through the room, but stopped in the process. He gave his surroundings a nasty, disliking look and with the mission to clean it all up he proceeded into the kitchen to cook some food. Meanwhile, Boris lay stubbornly staring at the ceiling in the pitiful old couch, wondering what on earth he was supposed to do. He had never been good at handling people at all, and Rei was even worse. Deciding not to do a single thing, letting Rei make the first move, not giving a damn about whatever would come of it, he closed his eyes.

He listened in silence to the sounds coming from the other room, Rei slamming utensils and pots, rummaging through cabinets and stuffing the fridge full. It was like a little symphony of harmony in some way, like he was home and he knew every inch of it. And Rei actually did, he would be able to navigate through the apartment with his eyes closed. It was easy for him to accommodate to a place, and this time was no exception. And finally getting use of his, without bragging, pretty great cooking skills he had soon composed a meal worthy of a hungry stomach.

Setting out plates, a smile graced his lips. When he was done he gave his work an approving look, before he headed back out into the living room. Boris was still placed on the couch, in the very same position as the last time. If one hadn't heard his breathing, he could have passed as dead. Nothing in his face gave away the slightest hint of emotion, and still the sunlight made him look so incredibly handsome.

The sunlight made his hair look even more silvery, and his face even paler. The dark, bruised skin didn't degrade this effect either. In fact, it made him look somewhat like a bad-boy. Rei knocked on the doorframe cautiously, not sure if the man was in a good mood or not. Not that he ever really was, but there were some moods worse than others.

A grey eye opened, and soon both were staring at Rei somewhat absentmindedly. The Russian grunted, straightening up on his arms. Rei tilted his head, leaning against the doorframe, simply taking in the sight.

''Food is ready.''

''Is it good?'' Boris drew his hand through his hair, only for it to fall back into its ruffled place again.

''Why don't you decide that yourself?'

A sigh escaped the Russian, who got up.

''Fine'' He muttered and Rei went back into the kitchen.

Just a moment afterwards, the other man followed him, his whole posture looking like there was nothing wrong between them at all. The scene looked like they were just two roommates living together, going on with their perfectly normal life without having any troubles worth mentioning. Boris never made a hiss of pain whenever he strained a bruise, and Rei never made a face when his eyes landed on them. But the air between them, there was just something untouchable lingering in it. Like a trace of peril, but not enough to put your finger on it.

Ignoring it, Boris sat down by the table, which he had no idea when it had gotten there, and gave the steaming noodles a very doubtful look. The grimace he was making could have been on the face of someone who had just seen a porcupine crawl up on their table and die. Rei rolled his eyes and put down the final dish of pork wok on the table, sitting down on the opposite of Boris.

Boris kept staring, one of his eyebrows traveling far up from its usual position. After a twitch if his upper lip, Rei sighed.

''It's noodles and pork, Boris, it won't bite you''

''That thing there looks like it might'' he said, nodding towards the wok.

''That's called curry sauce, it's perfectly harmless''

Now the other grey eyebrow accompanied its comrade high up in the face.

''Is that so?''

Rei nodded, scooping up some noodles onto his plate. As he poured up milk in his glass, Boris watched him with a peculiar and almost wanting look. Moving to stand up, he got interrupted by a hand on his wrist. Instantly the small cut burned, and he gave the hand a glare.

''Where are you going?'' Rei said, fixating his stern eyes on the Falcon.

''I'm going to the fridge to get me a beer. What is your hand doing on my wrist?''

Now it was Rei's lip's turn to twitch.

''I didn't buy any beer.''

''You didn't buy any beer?''

''No''

Darkness formed inside the grey, and anger was starting to amplify within the Russian's body. He glared in spite at the other, throwing the hand off him.

''Why the hell not?''

''Because you're quitting, remember?''

''Says who?''

''Said we! Said you! Why else are you going to the AA?''

The anger started to explode, making the Russian shake slightly, tremors assaulting his body. He bit his teeth down hard in order to restrain himself, but didn't seem to succeed remarkably well. Rei watched him still, refusing to let him go. He was going to stand his ground and Boris could be just how angry he wanted to. Rei was not backing down.

''Because it was the only way to shut you up!''

''Well that's nice''

''You know what?'' Boris grabbed the end of the table, his knuckles fiercly white, standing up with hate in his eyes. ''I'll just go get my own fucking beer!''

When he moved to storm out of there, Rei got up in one move and grabbed Boris' strong arm almost weightlessly fast. The Russian half stared, half glared at him, feeling how he was losing control. He didn't like losing control. This was not going to end up pretty.

''You're just going to keep on drinking yourself to bits and then get into some other damn fight?! Going to kill someone again?! This time the police might not let you go!''

Boris snarled.

''So you heard.''

Rei nodded, biting his lip down hard. He grabbed Boris' wrist, bringing it up in the light. The cut from the cuffs was almost shining a dangerous shade of red, like it was leering at them. Boris glared, but Rei glared back.

''What's this?'' he said, determined to keep his voice from shaking. ''Are you trying to get yourself killed?! I promise you Boris, one of these days you're not going to be this lucky!''

''_Shut up!_'' the Falcon roared, slamming his captured arm out into the air, making Rei stumbled back into the table.

Hissing at the pain it brought his spine, he tried to steady his surprised body again. Amber eyes looked through black curtains of hair, piercing the other man, freezing him on the spot. He fought hard against these restraints, but couldn't move. The moment itself was filled with such thick tension it was hard for either of them to even think.

''What the hell do you want from me, anyway?!'' Boris barked, almost making Rei flinch.

The Chinese looked at him, gaze steady but legs shaking. He brushed some hair back behind his ear, baring his teeth. Boris leaned in threateningly, fists ready to strike. Both men were challenging each other, and none had any intention to back away. It was the clash down of the century.

''I want you to stop being such an asshole for once and just be frank with me!'' Rei half shouted, their voices ringing through the room like an echo of doom.

''Be frank about what? That I don't _want_ to go to those fucking meetings? That I don't _care_ about the pussies of the police force? Or that right now I am _very_ close to snapping you in half?''

There was hatred in his voice, a dark poisonous tone that crept its way into Rei's very bone. But he tried to look past it, boring his stare into the grey glare of Boris' own. He snorted, crossing his arms, looking as alive and determined as he had done in his teens. It only made the fire inside of the Falcon burn hotter, but in what way he was not certain.

''I want you to stop wasting your time running around me, and instead run towards me.''

''What the hell are you blabbering about?''

''Boris, be honest with me. Did you run away because you still, after all this time, for unfounded reasons hate me?''

The Falcon stared, slightly taken aback by this sudden approach. His mind came to an abrupt halt, before it went completely wild. His thoughts were stumbling, crashing around his head, just yelling at him to focus. His heart thumped louder, and for a moment, his fists clenched even tighter. Looking at Rei, he really didn't know what to answer the man. Did he hate him?

_I don't hate him. __Why don't I hate him? _

Rei caught the small, brief and almost undetectable change of emotion in the otherwise cold and harsh grey eyes. Instantly, his breathing calmed.

''I…'' Boris said, biting his tongue in his attempt to find the right words.

But that was the problem. He had never been good with words, just like he had never been good with emotions. He didn't hate Rei, for the moment he wanted to beat the man into the next floor, but still, he didn't _hate_ him. Not anymore. He wanted to… well he didn't know. He wanted to molest those soft lips and that slender form right on that floor. He wanted to hold the man till he nearly crushed him, and kill anyone who dared touch him. He wanted to claim Rei, wanted to own Rei, wanted to _have_ him in any way possible. But what did that mean?

But then, Rei surprised him with a smile. It was confident, to the brink of arrogance, and so very young and burning. Still with a stern gaze in the amber, Rei took a step closer, grasping Boris fist. The fist shook slightly at the touch, but remained closed. Rei looked him directly in the eyes, and Boris knew he was not going to be let free so easily. Staring down into the also bruised face of the Tiger, he closed his eyes and growled.

''Stay with me'' Rei said so quietly Boris almost didn't hear him.

It was not a question, not a demand, not even a statement. It was just three simple words, and still they left Boris feeling so hollow. They echoed through his brain, leaving coldness in their trail, and he tried fervently to decipher their meaning. Stay with Rei? Stay? What did that even mean?

He opened his eyes as he felt a hand touch his cheek, and found his face drawing closer to Rei's on its own accord. Dangerously close now, almost life threateningly near, his breath tickled the Tiger's face. Boris face was still tense, his back feeling like rock and his fist shaking in anger, an anger that was neither retreating nor growing. It was just there, waiting, questioning the situation. Boris didn't blame it, he questioned it too.

''Stay with me'' Rei said again then, and Boris sighed.

Stay with Rei. Of course, what else? How could he have been so stupid? There was no other place to go, no other shadows to embrace and nothing more confusing to accept. He didn't need any reasons, he didn't need any motives, he didn't need any explanations or answers or anything of the sort. All he actually really wanted was to stay at the only place in the entire world where things felt alright. Usually they never felt alright, and when they finally did, it had to be the right decision, didn't it?

His fist unclenched then and grasped Rei's own hand so hard it hurt. Pain shooting through the nerve cells of Rei's body, he shivered lightly. And in that shiver, that one sign of weakness, Boris leaned forward and claimed the other's lips as his property. Crushing a painful kiss onto the Chinese's lips, he felt a slim arm hug his waist tightly.

It was a moment of complete nothingness, and yet it was a moment filled with exploding breathtaking ferociousness. Rei answered the kiss, deepening it, clawing subconsciously at the other. It was a small gesture of claiming on his part, not that he knew of it. But Boris took it as a good sign, and slammed the man onto the nearest kitchen counter. Pain once more stabbed Rei's spine, but he merely grunted at it. Getting pushed into the wall, he could feel hands digging themselves into his hair.

Once more he clawed at the strong back above him, his other arm traveling around on its own across the body. He could feel a slightly sour breath across his face, a fierce tongue battling for dominance. He didn't give in to it without a fight of course, and in a way it excited the Russian, because the kiss only rose in wildness. Sharp hips crushed against his own, a heavy chest pushing him down. It was painful, disastrous, frightening.

And so very perfect.

Boris broke away, panting into the curve of Rei's neck, giving it an occasional nibble. Rei sighed, relaxed, holding the other man close. Boris drew in the scent of his neck, just listening to the silence. Smooth fingers played through his silvery hair, leaving shivers after themselves. He turned to look at the other then, sensing the mischievous look in the amber even before their eyes met. He gave Rei a questioning, slightly irritated look, but only received a devious smile in return.

''So'' Rei said, smirk growing wider. ''When do I move into the bedroom?''

Boris quirked his mouth, before a grin of his own fell into place. In the spur of the moment, it was looking rather frightening.

''How about now?''

And before Rei had the time to react, the Russian scooped him up, carrying him over the shoulder out of the room. Hanging over the shoulder, he let himself be indulged by the darkness of the somewhat damp smelling bedroom. Boris tossed him onto the bed, attacking him with his lips almost instantly, tearing at the sheets.

While the Tiger was feeling a bit kidnapped, the noodles, and the evil curry sauce, stood forgotten and slightly glum on the table.


	16. Cats in the Belfry

Ahahaha, I'm very much liking the title for this chapter. Oh man my humor is the worst. Take it as something from a Batman-nerd, neh?

This chapter... is... uhm... This is a little tiny bit slutty too. Maaaaan, I'm ruining Rei's life, ain't I?  
Oh well. The relevancy of this one is.. well... I figured the guys had so much angst coming towards them so I figured I should give them all a break before the real shit hits the fan. Poor Rei.

(I am an evil genius. Moahahahaa. An evil genius who likes reviews, and who really likes the reviewers. --_winkwinkhinthint--_)

I'm updating early because I went bowling and I came in SECOND PLACE; AND THE OTHER'S WEREN'T EVEN HURT! YEAAAAAAH! (Yes, I suck at sports.)

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen  
****Cats in the Belfry**

''Did you just..?''

''What?''

''Did you just hear _purring_?''

''No''

Ian gave Yuriy a very decisive look, and pressed his ear against the door.

''Since when did Boris get a cat?''

Yuriy sighed, leaning against the rail of the stairs beside him.

''He doesn't have a cat. You're imagining things.''

''But I could swear I heard..!''

''Then don't. It's impolite to swear.''

The shorter Russian glared, but it didn't even touch the red head.

''Are you picking a fight?''

Kai snarled at them to lay off, and knocked once more on the door. And unmistakably, there was another purr. Ian immediately looked at them with a told-you-so-look, pointing at the door with unstoppable energy, determined to prove himself right. Spencer scratched his head, looking weirdly at the wooden object.

Kai knocked again, and this time there were sounds or muffled voices and a loud thud on the other side. As if someone had just fallen out of something, and was then rushing out into the hall. Kai glared at the door, daring it to stay closed any longer. But to his satisfaction, the door started making clicking noises, and it wasn't long before it opened.

Standing on the other side of it, Rei yawned loudly. His hair was kept in a very sloppy, rushed ponytail, his clothes looking like they had been put on in mere seconds. A faint blush was laid across his cheeks, a stupid smile plastered in his face. What caught Kai's eyes though, were the large and poorly concealed love-bite on the Chinese's neck.

He raised an eyebrow at it, before meeting Rei's eyes.

''Did we interrupt something?''

''Hm? Oh no!'' Rei fidgeted, his smile lookig even more stupid than before. ''Not at all!''

Ian looked suspiciously at him, constantly spying for a cat through the open door. Rei looked slightly puzzled at that, before he noticed the other Russians. A peak of interest became evident in his voice as he spoke next.

''What are you doing here, all of you?''

''We're bored'' Yuriy said, still leaning against the banister.

Rei nodded, not fully understanding what that had to do with anything, but he nodded anyway just because it seemed to be that sort of moment.

''So we thought, since we haven't really hung out properly, we should take you out in the sunlight'' Kai filled in, Ian sticking his head further through the doorway.

Rei stepped aside, allowing them entrance.

''Well, welcome to our humble fort, then! I'll need a moment to freshen up.''

They nodded at him in unison, Ian leaping into the apartment without a second to waste. Immediately he started to, not too casually, look for any trace of a feline creature living in there. Spencer followed, and after him came Yuriy and Kai, the latter stopping to look at Rei as the man closed the door.

The others had already gotten their shoes and jackets off, heading out to wait in the living room. Kai looked curiously at the love-bite on Rei's neck, before mentioned man feeling somewhat exposed. He waved his hand in front of Kai, gaining the other's attention.

''What's wrong?'' he said worriedly.

Kai pointed at the mark.

''You have something there.''

''Hm?'' Rei glanced down, and spotted it at once. ''Oh!''

He wiped madly at it, his blush only deepening. Kai frowned, but kept quiet.

''Is it gone?'' Rei looked hopefully at him.

Kai opened his mouth, considered the situation, and closed it again. Nodding, he said nothing. Rei let out an embarrassed sigh.

''Good! Since you're all here, I'll go wake Boris''

In a blink the Chinese had sped off with amazing speed, disappearing into the bedroom. Kai snorted at that, and went into the kitchen. Whatever the two of them had been doing, he was sure he didn't want to know. If the others would have seen the mark, there would have been a commotion worthy a paparazzi. Note to self; Kai thought; Teach Rei how to cover his tracks more properly.

When Rei had closed the bedroom door behind him, he barely spotted something curdled up under the bedcovers. Boris was nearly dozing off to sleep again, making interesting, sighing sounds. Rei silently walked up to the bed, crawling down beneath the covers. Boris felt the shift in the mattress, instantly pulling out an arm, possessively bringing Rei closer. If it was on his own accord or not, Rei didn't know, but it made him laugh no less.

He poked at the man's shoulder, causing a grey eye to crack open.

''What?'' a morning-grumpy Boris mumbled through the fog of sleepiness.

''The others are here.''

A growl.

''What do the bastards want in the middle off the morning?''

''Actually, it's eleven o'clock.''

Boris closed his eyes with a disdainful grimace.

''So?''

Rei sighed.

''They want to socialize with us.''

''Mhmm''

''And that's gonna be pretty hard if we're not with them?''

The grey eyes opened fully now, then narrowed slightly.

''What's your point?''

Rei gave him a firm, meaning look. Honestly, sometimes it felt like speaking to a child. A sinister, sadistic, savage, slightly psychopathic one, too.

''You have to get dressed in order to do that.''

''What's wrong with the way I am now?''

Rei raised his eyebrows, glancing down at the covers, resting his head in his hand.

''Well'' he said a-matter-of-factly. ''You're naked''

Boris still refused to leave the warmth of his bed, the stubbornness as evident as ever in his eyes.

''And?'' he grumbled, turning to get a better look at Rei.

''Well, I don't think they'd like that''

''You like it''

The Tiger blushed.

''Yeah but… that's beside the point''

Boris brought an arm to cover his face, muttering and growling. Rei watched him patiently, stroking his fingers across the Falcon's collar bone. Boris made a grimace, sighed and instead put his arm under his head. He glared at the ceiling, very much enjoying the touches that were given to him. Leaving the bed now only seemed even less tempting, especially since the outside world wasn't as warm and comfortable. He held the other man a little tighter, as if he thought someone would steal him.

''Alright'' Boris finally snarled. ''I'll be out in a minute.''

Rei smiled at him, kissing his cheek.

''Thank you'' he said, and moved to get up.

But Boris' arm still held him back, and this made Rei pretty much immobile. The amber gave Boris a sideway glance, and the Russian frowned at him.

''What now?''

''I can't get up if you keep your arm there.''

''I can move it lower if you'd like?''

Rei groaned.

''_Boris!_ We have guests!''

The Russian muttered and retracted the arm, putting it behind his head as well.

''_Fine_'' he muttered unsatisfied.

Rei smiled at him, once again attempting to get up. This time he succeeded, and as he walked out of the room he tried not to look too red. He wasn't sure how Boris felt about him going around flaunting their relationship. Or, whatever one should call it. Relationship was a very odd word to describe the Russian with so he refrained from using it too much, even if it was only in his own head. They weren't exactly what one could call boyfriends, no, that was much too strange for Boris. They weren't really a pair, together or 'going steady' as the kids used to call it, either. They simply just were. And that was fine with Rei. He didn't care if anyone found out, it was Boris' opinion that mattered in this situation.

So he straightened his hair and clothes, tried to force the blush back into oblivion and with a steady breath and sparkling eyes he entered the living room. The Russians had occupied the couch, squeezed together as well as they could manage in the two-man furniture. Kai was leaning against a wall though, as he always seemed to do. But it suited him, the Tiger thought, in some oddly arrogant and frightening way.

''Did you get his lazy ass up?'' Yuriy said, looking impatient.

Rei nodded.

''He said he'd be a minute''

Yuriy scoffed.

''That means an hour in Boris-language.''

Rei watched him with a pout, before shrugging this information off. There weren't much to do about it, anyway.

''Well, in that case'' he said then ''I better go make some coffee''

**X**

The sun was brilliantly and cheerfully glowing at them, the rays dancing around like little ballerinas. The streets were dusty and crowded, but it was nice even so. People stood chatting, eating ice-cream, looking through shop windows and just enjoying the finest day London had had to offer in a very long time. Everything seemed peaceful, and all was swell. It was the kind of day you only read about in magazines, where nothing can go wrong. Everyone outside felt this too, and it filled them with the swelling emotion of joy.

That was, of course, until the Russians arrived.

Really, Rei had thought it was a nice idea. The five of them, out on town, enjoying their abnormally carefree day together like any other normal group of people. It was a simple idea, but a good one at least. They hadn't, as Kai said, properly hung out in all the time the Russians had been in the country. Rei had planned on buying something nice for the apartment, maybe an ice-cream too and perhaps even get to know the others better. Just spending a quiet day out in the fresh air, not being plagued by his everyday problems which had seemed to gather quite licentiously around him with the most harmful intentions, sounded very tempting.

But oh, how wrong he had been.

It took five minutes for Ian to start picking a fight with a little kid his height, and ten minutes to get them apart from each other. Then they had to run down endless streets with the child's mother chasing them, handbag ready to strike. After that they had spent fifteen minutes listening to Yuriy yell the crap out of Ian, and then ten minutes to pry the two apart. By lunch time, the bruises were many and people around kept quite a good distance from them. When it had finally calmed down they had gone to a small Italian restaurant just a stone-throw away from the Piccadilly Circus, and the food had been great.

Or, at least Rei had imagined it to be before the manager threw them out due to offending behavior. This was all Boris' doing and he deserved every bit of acknowledgement that he got for it. In other words, he started chasing the manager around the street, insane, sociopath-smile on his lips. London had to suffer something very much like a holocaust before the day was even half through, and Rei was starting to doubt this little idea of an outing. Kai had just gotten so sick of the whole scene that he had left, like a vampire in a puff of smoke, and finding him took another good twenty minutes.

It was safe to say that a day out on town with the Blitzkrieg Boys was not a very safe idea at all. By the end of their little adventure Rei felt like an exhausted hen trying to keep track of all her chicks. Spencer gave him an encouraging shrug, which failed somewhere in the middle and instead evolved into a weird hunching. The Chinese slapped his hand against his face, groaning in frustration.

''Are you always like this?'' he said to no one in particular.

Yuriy, who was busy browsing through a book in the store they had, in some extremely unexplainable way, found their way into without breaking anything, or anyone, gave Rei an indifferent nod.

''Pretty much. You get used to it after a while.''

''I'm not too sure about that…'' the Tiger looked hopeless and terribly lost, looking at an 'All Around the World Recipes' book.

It quickly killed his interest, and he started to look restlessly around. Every part of Rei wanted to do something fun, like take a walk in the park. Alright, so it didn't sound that fun, but he was starting to feel trapped in the awfully small, crammed book store with all the customers glaring warily at them. Boris glared distrustfully at the self-help section, feeling the urge to tear it to shreds and use as toilet paper just because he thought it looked threateningly at him. He resisted this sudden urge though, and to his surprise, started to flip through a book with great lack of interest. He grated his teeth and lazily began reading.

''_So you fell into the bottle and are unable to climb your way back out? Have you fallen into the adverse disease, or addiction if you may, of alcoholism? Do you need an eye opener to see the errors of Eye-Openers? Then you've found the right book.''_

Boris raised an eyebrow, his first thought being to snap the book shut and throw it all the way back to hell where it belonged, but his hand wouldn't obey this impulse. Instead, he found his eyes still glued to the text, his finger ready at the corner of the page, ready to flip whenever he gave the command. Boris cast a suspicious look around, before he continued reading, all the while snarling distastefully, as if the book would crumble under his glare and die. Sadly, it didn't.

''_Alcoholism is known in the common tongue as a filthy addiction, and the users are often looked down on. But I'm going to make you look deeper into the subject. In this book you will be able to read about alcoholism in general, the history of alcoholism, symptoms, treatments, hazards and the effect the addiction has on the user as well as his or her surroundings. Mind you though, this is not really a self-help book to salvation, or even recovery. It is merely a self-help book towards enlightenment, information and knowledge. Perhaps as you learn more about this, for yourself or a close one, you will find the path away from the bottle easier. The monster inside you won't go away, but perhaps it will quiet for a while. Good luck to you, and may you find this helpful. If not as a source of information, then as expensive fire wood._''

The Russian snarled, feeling annoyed. The obnoxiousness of the words made him furious, and so his lust to destroy it returned. In a moment the book found itself getting thrown violently across the room, only to hit a very surprised Rei in the head. The Chinese felt the numbing pain drill into the back of his skull and he grunted displeased at it. Rubbing his sore head, the dark haired man looked down to see what had just assaulted him. His eyes caught the cover of the book, interest born in his mind like a Phoenix out of its ashes.

Boris stood pouting and muttering by the self-help section still, considering burning the book shop down. But Rei noticed none of this, completely focused on the book. As if it was calling to him, begging him to pick it up, he reached out his hand and did so. Flipping through the pages, it was as if every word jumped at him. Immediately he found himself stitched to the text, not able to let the book go. His amber eyes read obsessively.

''_There are many risks with drinking. Not only for your social life, but that is for another chapter. Here I will speak of the physical problems alcoholism, or simply heavy drinking, will bring;_

_Cirrhosis of the liver, pancreatitis, epilepsy, polyneuropathy, alcoholic dementia, heart disease, increased chance of cancer, nutritional deficiencies, sexual dysfunction and death. These are the facts you have to face before it is too late.''_

As if the book had burned him, Rei stopped reading, his eyes wide. Fear began overriding his systems, sending his thoughts into kamikaze-loops. He looked desperately around the room and caught Boris, running over to him, flaunting the book like it was the essence of truth. He nearly shoved it into the Russian's face, and Boris had to basically punch it out of his sight. He gave Rei a very burning glare, silently asking what the hell was wrong with him now and how he should make it stop. Rei pointed harshly at the page that was open, tapping his finger against the words.

''Boris! Have you seen this?!'' he croaked.

''Seen what?''

''This! Listen; _'Cirrhosis of the liver, pancreatitis, epilepsy, polyneuropathy, alcoholic dementia, heart disease, increased chance of cancer, nutritional deficiencies, sexual dysfunction and death.'_'' He quoted.

Boris looked untouched and even mildly bored. Angered that the man was not getting the importance of his point, Rei flipped through the pages to find another terrifying example of how important it was to get Boris sober. He had been trying so hard, the Tiger, and he knew getting Boris to even admit or care that he had a drinking problem was going to be one of the hardest things he had ever set his mind on. But he never backed down for a challenge before, and this was not going to be any different. Devil may care whatever happened to Boris, but Rei was _not_ going to watch him die.

'''_Withdrawal from alcohol is one of the most risk filled withdrawals of all. Not only is it straining on the mind, but it can also be fatal.'_'' He quoted the book once more, boring his fear filled eyes into the grey, somewhat distracted glance.

Boris was only half paying attention, and was more interested with counting the cracks in the ceiling. It was a wonder that he had never discovered this fascinating occupation before. Perhaps one could make a living out of it.

''Boris!'' Rei hissed. ''Am I getting through to you?''

The other fell back into reality, raising a quizzical eyebrow.

''Huh?''

Rei snarled, shaking his head. Then, with extreme determination in his eyes, he slammed the book shut and waved it triumphantly in the air.

''I'm buying this and you're going to read it!''

Before Boris had much time to realize what the Tiger had just said, the Chinese had stormed off to the register, steps large and decisive. Another grey eyebrow rose, and there was a deep sigh. Shoving his rough hands into his pockets, Boris muttered. People, there never really came any good from them. If they weren't annoying, they were confusing instead. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered how he even put up with Rei. But then there was another part of him that immediately kicked him, accusing him of the horrific crime of stupidity. Rei was the only person he could put up with for long, and that was all there was to it. Not being allowed by his brain to think about it any further, the Russian resigned to his usual occupation of standing immobile and threatening in a corner, scaring whoever dared look at him.

Kai walked over to Yuriy, a bag looking like it could weigh tons in his hand. The Wolf gave him a wondering look, curiously trying to sneak a peek into the bag's contents. Kai looked at him stonily, not even raising his eyebrows. Deciding it was nothing interesting, the red head sneaked a sideway glance towards Boris instead. The other catching him red handed, gave him a very nasty leer. Yuriy snorted at him and turned to stare at Kai, a look without a fitting name haunting the blue iris. The Phoenix crossed his arms.

''What?'' he said, like it really didn't matter and that he only asked because he could.

''Do you think we did the right thing?''

''Well, I'd say London is more traumatized by our little trip than we are, so it is a matter of morals.''

Yuriy shook his head, a very brief and not very noticeable dejected frown in his face. Kai wasn't sure if he had imagined it or not, after all, the dim lights might be playing a trick on him. But he patiently studied his friend, waiting for him to speak.

''I don't mean that. I mean London in general. He's not even going to the Institute like he's supposed to. Do you think we just made things worse?''

Kai spoke no words at first, simply looking at the Wolf. The blue eyes watched him in bitter frustration, Yuriy's features scrunched in elegant irritation. It was an odd grimace, but only he seemed able to pull it off. The flaming red hair looked almost vibrant in the dark local. He was serious, almost to a point of life and death, and in a way Kai guessed he had all the reasons.

''He didn't really come here to change, after all.'' Kai said then, and Yuriy was angered at the lack of usefulness in the words.

''No, but if he doesn't stop drinking, things might turn ugly.''

''He's trying, isn't he?''

''Well…''

The Wolf wasn't satisfied, he was still unsure, still doubting. Deep, deep, deep, very deep down in the black pit of his heart, you could say he was a little worried. None of it showed in his eyes of course, but that look on his face, like he had just tasted something very sour, told Kai all he needed to know. One thing with the Russians was that even though they often found they didn't understand each other, when it really mattered they all got the point. It was like switching on and off on your language, more often than so you found yourself not understanding a single word of what the other was saying, but when the shit hit the fan, you were as fluent as if you had created the language yourself.

''I'd say that'' Kai nodded towards the subject of their conversation, who was currently standing immobile and about as lively as a tomato, trying to ignore whatever Rei was reading to him out of the book. ''is quite an improvement.''

Yuriy looked at the pair, not moving a muscle in his face. His eyes seemed to cut through time and space, dissecting the moment and piecing it back together in a form that even a moron would get. But you didn't need to be Yuriy to see that for once, Boris actually didn't mind having someone near him, even if the person was currently reading so enthusiastically it was scaring some of the customers.

And for a very traitorous moment, the madman-sneer on Boris' lips actually looked a little bit like a sort of mutated smile.

Yuriy blinked and shook his head, trying to get this appalling abomination of a sight out of his eyes. Kai watched him in fair interest, amusement hiding beneath the red of his own. Yuriy pointed somewhat awkwardly towards the Falcon, doubting, and not for the first time, his very own sanity.

''Is it just me, or did he just..? Are the lights playing a trick on me?''

Kai shrugged.

''I was just wondering that myself.''

Yuriy was too caught up in his own thoughts to catch the point in Kai's words, but it didn't matter anyway. For as Ian and Spencer created a commotion, knocking over a large bookshelf in what could have been an accident, and despite all the shocked personnel and the nasty smell from the books and the unusually pale tone on Yuriy's face, Kai felt that maybe, this once, everything was going to turn out alright. Maybe not by much, but it was good enough for him.

**X**

''It says here that you can…''

''Die? Yeah, you already read that.''

Rei looked strictly at him, crinkling his nose.

''That was chapter three, this is chapter five.''

Boris couldn't have cared less.

''How nice for you.''

''Are you even listening to what I'm reading?''

''No, but at least you get use of the book.''

''And you could too!''

''Yes, I was torn between the option to use it as toilet paper or fire wood. Maybe stuffing for that hole in the wall…''

Rei rolled over on his stomach, burying his face in his arms. He let out a whiny groan, cursing the other for being so damn stubborn. But he guessed it was a part of Boris, and he liked Boris. One just had to take the bad with the good and be brave, through thick and thin. Boris at least stayed in the same room as him and that damn book, so he guessed he would have to put up with Boris unwillingness to commit in return. But he was not going to give up in the first lifetime. He was going to get the seriousness of the subject into Boris' head even if it meant he would have to shove the book up his renal.

''Withdrawal sounds nasty enough, but there are medications. I'm not supportive of them, but in this case… I don't know.''

''I'll go to the stupid AA meetings if you just burn that book!''

Rei tried to glare at the man, but failed shamefully. The Falcon looked ready to fall asleep, getting more bored by the conversation than he had been by anything in his entire life. Suddenly the softness of the pillows and the warmth of Rei's body next to him were making him a little drowsy.

''Boris, it may not be enough! At least you should seek out a doctor…''

A grey eye opened with amazing speed, alarming the Tiger somewhat.

''Why?'' Boris spat out nastily, like the men in white coats had personally offended him.

He had had enough of them already. Getting him to willingly seek up a doctor would take more than just brave effort. He wasn't even sure he would agree to it even if someone threatened to shoot him in the crotch. On the other hand, that might come in handy if Rei kept that shamelessly alluring, handsome pout on his face. Boris gave him a playful look, and Rei immediately shied away.

''Don't look at me like that! I'm trying to be serious here!''

''Oh, come on kitten, don't be like that!'' the Falcon said in a low, but still so very frightening voice, inching closer.

Rei moved further and further away the closer he got, but soon felt the head throbbing pain of hitting the floor rise in him. Boris snickered maliciously at him, not sparing a second to grab the Chinese and hoist him back up on the bed. Rei tried to fight against him, but it was futile and he quickly gave up. Plus, he kind of enjoyed it.

The Tiger sighed, leaning into the crushing embrace. Underneath him Boris had begun attacking his skin with sharp, bruising kisses and the tickling as well as paining sensation it left made Rei shiver. He waved frantically with the book, as a last attempt to get his point across.

''Hel_lo_? Mission Saving Boris' Life is still going, you know!'' he remarked, earning a scowl from the grey haired man.

''I thought kitten's were supposed to be playful?''

''Yeah, and I thought Falcon's were supposed to be sharp''

'_'Watch it_'' came a warning voice, and Rei sighed.

''It's just… how much harm can it do?'' Rei turned around so their chests touched, looking Boris straight in the eyes. ''You just have to go there once and then I'll back off!''

The other man looked coldly at him, like his face had gone completely numb. Pondering, faintly considering the words for the smallest fraction of a second, Boris never tore his gaze away. Watching the amber carefully, every emotion was so evident Rei could as well just have torn out his own heart and worn it on his sleeve. Boris didn't want to go to a doctor and he didn't want to sit in a room with a bunch of idiots who claimed he had a drinking problem. He didn't think he had a problem. He liked the alcohol and the alcohol liked him, where was the problem?

But there was just something with Rei, something that in the end, always managed to stick to him. Like he was glue, or a disease, boring its fangs into him and refusing to let go. If it was willingly or not didn't matter, Rei just seemed to have absolute power in his bright eyes. Boris still didn't want to, in fact he couldn't think of anything else he'd want to do less than going to a doctor.

Rei realized his Stare of Doom wasn't really helping, and a dirty idea grew in his mind like an evil flower. Totally changing the look in his eyes, Rei's fingers began playing with strands of grey hair.

''You know…'' he purred in that way that made brutal, raw and naked lust take complete control over Boris' body ''… if you do this for me, I might do something for you.''

Boris looked hungrily, but yet defiantly at him. He was not going to be tricked by those eyes, he was not going to be tricked by those eyes, he was _not_ going to…

A finger brushing feather light touches across his neck, tingling tracks dancing across his jawbone, collarbone, throat and further down towards his…

_No_. He was not going to go to the doctor. If he wanted Rei's body he would have taken it long ago. The man could do whatever he wanted to, Boris was _not _going to…

Light, burning hot kisses, like thunder on his lips, touching and caressing and roaming, raiding his mind from every rational thought there was. It left his mind empty, except for the undeniable feeling of how damn good it felt when Rei touched him like that. His animalistic instincts demanded control over the body, but Boris kept pushing against them.

He would not let anyone win, no one but he would decide what to do. He was not going to the doctor. The AA was one thing, he could always laugh at them there, but the doctor? Doctors were creeps. Nasty, foul creatures that seemed to have crawled out of the bottom of the city sewers. They were low, almost as low as police officers, deserving nothing but…

_Oh god, that tongue_. It was almost hypnotic the way it licked the tightly closed lips, so timidly asking for entrance. Boris could not grant it, he must not grant it, he refused to...

There was another purr, and with that his mental barriers broke. Flooding out into his entire body came the wicked, wild and uncontrolled rash floods of lust, nothing but feral instincts moving him. He tipped Rei over as he plunged forward, pushing the man into the mattress so violently the springs squeaked. He fired kisses against those soft, forgiving lips, claiming them as his own. Rei was his, and no one, not any bastard in the entire world entitled to touch him. Boris owned Rei, and he'd defend that with all the might he had. No one was ever allowed to feel the moment of redemption that the Chinese's touches offered. No other living man would get to drink the softness of his skin, the intoxicating smell of his hair or the delicate curve of his neck, his seemingly fragile torso, his eyes, his kisses, his voice…

If it was a dream, Boris was going to kill whoever dared wake him up.

Rei smiled into the kiss, feeling very, very proud of himself. He snuck a hand underneath Boris' t-shirt, brushing past the scars from the knife wounds, traveling freely. It was like the Russian's entire body just radiated cold, hatred, a foul tainted rotten feeling of damnation, and in a way it was so very amazing. Yes, on some levels Boris frightened him. He always had and he guessed the man always would, but it was a good kind of fear. In a possessive way, Rei felt accepted, appreciated, maybe even… liked.

Leaving scratch marks worthy an aggressive house cat across Boris' back, Rei indulged himself entirely into the moment. That warm breath against his lips, the emotionless skin against his own, the strong hands touching and ruling and wanting. No matter how messed up the two of them ever were, or no matter how out of this world wrong what they were doing was, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but the fact that they were actually doing it. They were there, together and Rei wouldn't let anything change that.

Yes, he could have ended up with someone else. A gentle man who would be kind to him, caring and always putting him in the first room. Someone who didn't drink or fight or who wasn't an insensitive prick. He could have gotten a mother's dream, but why? To what good? He didn't want that. It might have been perfect, but Rei didn't need perfect. Actually, it didn't even seem tempting.

He wanted the imperfect, fucked up mess that was Boris. Insane or not, his heart told him to go for it, and if there was one thing Rei never disobeyed, it was his heart. It had never fooled him before, and he trusted it with all his soul this time as well. For better or for worse, Rei had no regrets.

''Do we have a deal?'' Rei whispered against Boris' face when they broke the kiss for unwanted air, panting heavily.

The other man closed his eyes, looking very reluctant. But then he sighed a what-the-fuck-ever-sort of sigh and kissed Rei again.

''Deal'' he muttered, feeling like he had just sold his soul for a crappy dollar.

But if he had, it was worth every dime.


	17. Underneath the Skin

This text (from a WASP-song, although I can't remember which one at the moment…) reminded me somewhat about my favorite couple;

''_Oh yeah, here I go again  
Trading my soul to the night –  
but it's alright, I got no pain tonight  
My demon alcohol's alive  
Oh no I can't stand  
Trading nine lives for tonight  
But it don't matter much  
Cause I don't give a fuck  
Hell on wheels I wanna ride_''

Anyway, _yes_, I did name the doctor in this chapter after my favorite actor. Guess who? (man my spell check sucks butt...) Tell me what you think about my pretty little doctor, eh? Updating early because some people have sticks so far shoved up their butts you'd need a bloodhound to find it and that makes me pissed.

**And bear in mind** that even though my relatives are a bunch of stealing, selfish, near alcoholic bastards whose only reason to come to family dinner is to get free food, I have no real idea of withdrawal from, and alcoholism in general, more than the facts that I have researched.

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen  
****Underneath the Skin**

Ah, the hospital. That wondrously distasteful place which Rei had not grown particularly fond of. And despite that, he still found himself in it more times than he found himself at the local hamburger bar. Was that even normal? He guessed it didn't matter, and his right to whine was nearly non-existent seeing how it was his idea in the first place. And Boris was tagging along, the slightest hint of Rei regretting being there would send the man speeding out of there with gleeful satisfaction. No, Rei would get Boris' ass into that cold examination room even if he would have to bleed for it.

As they had trudged along the overly lit hall they had reached the information counter, which was maneuvered by a very familiar nurse. As Rei looked at her properly, he recognized her as the one who had been the nicest to him when he had been at the hospital last time. Embarrassment laughed evilly at him as he could not remember her name. She smiled at him and Rei was feeling slightly panicked. But he soon caught a glimpse of her nurse dress, a nametag shining with the name '_Olivia_', almost silvery in the white, sickening room.

Thank the Gods for those! Rei thought with relief.

''May I help you?'' she said sweetly, blonde hair falling in curvy locks over her shoulders.

''Yes, I have an appointment here. Or, he has'' Rei nodded towards Boris who was dealing out his daily dose of death glares to humanity.

''Alright, what's the gentleman's name?''

Rei barely choked down a laugh at the word 'gentleman'.

''Boris Kuznetsov''

She nodded, showing she got the name, and started flipping through a binder filled to its limit with papers. Chewing distractedly on a pencil, she soon found the name, pointing victoriously at it with a pink nail.

''Here it is!'' her eyes practically beamed blindingly at him with friendliness. ''Boris Kuznetsov, twelve o'clock! You've got Dr. Dafoe, the waiting room is down the hall and to the left.''

Rei nodded in gratitude, turning towards Boris. The Russian looked with narrow eyes at Olivia, looking like he had already come up with a hundred ways to torture her. Rei gently took his arm, indicating they should get a move on. Boris grunted and began walking, Rei following beside him. Olivia cast sugary sweet looks after them which would give any person the worst kind of diabetes, snickering slightly to herself. Love was always a nice thing to see in a place of death as this one. She only hoped they weren't going to receive any bad news.

The two former Bladers walked down the neatly cleaned corridor, sometimes a green scrub or a white, fancy coat brushing past them. It was sort of like getting into a hit and run with ghosts, phantoms that really had no special shape. The floor was shining, spotless except for by the vending machine which had small puddles of soda beneath it. Rei tried to keep his mood up, but it was impossible to keep the nervousness out of his heart. He was scared to death, actually. One never knew what atrocities and horrors the doctor might find.

But Boris looked like this was just a walk in the park. Whatever he felt on the inside Rei didn't know, but to penetrate his mask of disgust was not a thing he would try. Not now, it was exhausting enough just to keep his own face of content up. In a way he guessed he envied the Russian who seemed delightfully oblivious to the fact that he might have something terrible inside of him, without even knowing it. Whoever that Dr. Dafoe was, he held the judgment of their lives in his clean, magic hands.

Reaching the waiting room, the two sat down in a white, leather couch and Rei could swear he thought he actually heard it laughing at them. As if it knew something he didn't, thinking how poor they were, not knowing what doom was upon them. He shook his head and leaned back against the wall, trying not to think too much. How come everything in that hospital seemed to be white, anyway? Were they that stereotypical?

Time went by, and no one had spoken a word since they came. But it was fine for both of them. Boris just wanted to get the matter over with so he could return home and claim his bribe and forget all about it. It was the only thing to shut Rei up after all, and the prize he would get was not something an intelligent person would say no to. At least the Falcon tried to tell himself that, even though his brain snickered about how he had let himself get talked into something he didn't want to do, _again_. This affection thing was pretty inconvenient in a way, he mused bitterly.

Hopefully it was worth it.

When an unfairly large amount of time had strolled by without a care in the world, Rei had begun snoring. Boris looked at him from the corner of his eye, taking in the odd sight. The Tiger's mouth was wide open, the man curled into a small ball on the sofa. His long braid lay like a long, black tail and it was all a very amusing sight. Boris wondered if the man would meow if he scratched him under the chin. Could this be considered as zoophilia?

''Mr. Kuznetsov, I presume?'' a strong, yet raspy, confident and educated voice said.

Boris looked up and spotted a tall man in a white coat, sharp cheekbones and a square face with narrowed, almost evil eyes. The doctor looked strong and sly, and Boris didn't feel like he could even entrust the man with his shoes. The doctor swayed slightly on his heels, looking expectantly at him. Boris nudged Rei roughly, and the man murmured sleepily.

Boris nudged him again, making the man wake up fully. He stretched out lazily, rubbing his eyes he sat up. As his mouth opened to release a large, cat-like yawn, Rei spotted the doctor who he had not noticed before. Slightly startled, he looked suspiciously at him, as if the doctor was out to harm them. Then he realized where he was, and immediately relaxed.

''Are you Dr. Dafoe?'' he asked and the doctor nodded.

''That would be me. Do any of you happen to be Mr. Kuznetsov?''

Boris grunted uninterested and unfriendly.

''I'll take that as a yes'' Dafoe said not even the tiniest bit discouraged. ''Come with me, please''

The man walked with long, gracious and proud steps, like he knew he was bad ass and was damn proud of it. Rei took a liking to him, getting the feeling that this man knew what he was doing. Boris remained glaring at the white-dressed back, hoping to strike the man dead with pure hatred before they reached the room. But he had no such luck, and soon found himself on an insufferably cold table. Sometimes it felt very much like the hospital was just a very evil corporation only out to harm him and wreak havoc upon the world. Then on the other hand, didn't everything?

Dr. Dafoe looked lazily through his clipboard, like he had done this much too many times before. When he looked up he struck them with the fiercest and most powerful look they had ever seen a doctor wear. This man knew what he was doing, and he knew he was the best there was to offer in the entire city of London too. Sending chills down Rei's spine with those planning, cunning, sharp eyes, the doctor smiled a thin, teeth-showing, eerie smile.

''Well then, Mr. Kuznetsov, what ails you?''

**X**

Since the test results were going to take a little while, Dr. Dafoe had sent them home with the advice for Boris to stay away from salt and eat more protein. They were told that they would get a call as soon as they could come back for the next appointment, and Rei thanked the doctor politely. So it wasn't the most eventful or giving waste of time, but Boris was just glad to get it over with. What he was really looking forward to though, was to get his little reward.

For the moment he was trying to catch the Tiger's attention and had been doing so for quite a while. But Rei was not even listening, too caught up in reading the self-help book he had bought, his eyes devouring the words in rapid, almost frightening speed. If it was only scaring him, putting more crazy ideas into his little head or if it was simply harmless reading, Boris didn't know. But it was having an impact on his sex life, and that he could not tolerate.

He bit his lip in boredom, staring intensely at Rei, his eyes like steely fists of metal punching through the air. But the Chinese obliviously kept on reading, his facial expression changing more rapidly than that of a hormone ruled teenager. The book had enlightened him and only made him even more convinced as of how serious it was to get Boris to quit drinking. So far it had been a struggle, to say the least, and Rei feared how far it would go before the worst was over. If it ever would be over.

Rei was actually very proud of him, if yet unhealthily worried. The Russian hadn't drunk for one day, at least what Rei knew of. He knew the man could as well be sneaking around, drinking whenever Rei didn't see. But that was so unlike Boris. He never did anything in hiding. If he wanted to do something, he did it, and if anyone had a problem with that he didn't care. But alcoholism changed a person so much. Just the chapter of mental effects had scared Rei nearly shitless. A person could become so changed, so unpredictable, impossible to really understand. But that was like Boris too. Had he always been like that, and how big of a part did the alcohol really play?

Could Rei really manage this on his own? Could Boris?

''I hope you haven't forgotten what you promised me, kitten'' Boris' voice cut through Rei's thought-marathon, bored grey eyes seeming to etch their way into him.

''Promised?'' Rei looked clueless at him, totally having forgotten whatever he had said to get the Falcon to go to the doctor in the first place.

Somehow he felt like he was going to regret it.

''Yes'' Boris stated firmly, not going to let the Tiger get away that easily. ''I didn't just let a guy steal my blood for nothing, you know''

Rei snorted quietly.

''You nearly ripped his arm off!''

''He was coming at me with a needle, what did you expect?''

The Chinese shook his head and put the book aside, crossing his legs as he sat up. Knowing this discussion wouldn't lead anywhere and that no matter what he said Boris would still consider himself the winner, he mentally prepared himself as the scene from the hospital replayed in his mind.

''It looked like the two of you were going to tear down the entire room!''

''The man was a lunatic, I had to defend myself''

''Breaking his nose is not '_defending_' yourself!''

The Russian wasn't convinced one bit, and stubbornly frowned. Disgust creeping into his face, he gave the other a very sickened, condemning look as if what he was going to say next was the most preposterous thing that Rei would ever hear in his entire life.

''He wanted my _urine_''

''Because he's a doctor!'' Rei defended, hands flung out.

''That's sick behavior you know! They have a name for that!''

The Chinese growled and buried his head in the mattress, sighing deeply.

''Boris, there's a reason they call it a _urine sample_.'' His voice was muffled, but Boris would have ignored his point anyway.

No one asked him to pee in a little cup, _no _one. It was sick enough that he had gotten a needle shoved up his arm, like the man was some fucking vampire, but he did not need some weird doctor with stupid fetishes to go poking around in his urine. Dr. Dafoe may have gotten his blood, and some stupid ex-ray, but that was all. No, Boris Kuznetsov's pee stayed in Boris Kuznetsov's bladder.

''What's it called? Coprophilia?'' he said, distaste in his voice.

Rei sighed.

''That's for feces. Urolagnia is for urine.''

The Russian frowned.

''I bet he's both.''

''I really do feel sorry for that doctor''

''Then why don't you pee in his fucking cup? Maybe you could have kinky Uroligna sex together!'' Boris snarled, that unmistakable dark anger flaring up in his eyes.

But Rei refused to be scared.

''Uro_lagnia_, mind you. And no, Dr. Dafoe is not my type.''

The anger curled, stilling for a moment to leave room for a crumble of interest. Boris eyed him scrutinizing, looking dangerously much like a bird of prey about to rip Rei to shreds. The Russian leaned closer, examining his every feature, trying to see some hint of what he was inclining, but he found nothing to his great disliking.

Rei smiled sweetly and yet mischievously.

''Oh, really?'' Boris said, looking dark and foreboding.

In a very odd way, it was rather attractive. Rei leaned closer challengingly, his eyes gleaming, pupils beginning to slit in what way he did not know. What was that peculiar, funny feeling in the pit of his stomach? That tickling, rising, powerful feeling that seemed to suck every rational thought away from him? Was it… lust?

''Really''

''Hm…'' Boris leaned closer as well, his voice nearly a hiss, his warm breath clawing at Rei's ear. ''Then tell me, what is your type?''

''Well… there is this man I've met''

Did Boris detect a slight playfulness in his voice? Was the kitty willing to finally play? He grinned, although Rei could not see it, but he could sense it was there. He decided to participate in the teasing as well, and whispered in Boris' own ear, breath warm and lips so close they tickled the sensitive skin ever so slightly. It was horrible, actually, because the Tiger was so close, within his very reach, and yet so very far away. Boris did not like this, and he doubted he would be able to restrain himself any longer, unless, he could draw out the same feeling in Rei as well.

Yes, that sounded good, too good in fact. Make the hunter become the prey. At the thought, his grey eyes almost laughed evilly, like this was his best plan in ages.

''Ah? What sort of man is this?''

He breathed down Rei's neck sending shivers down the Tiger's spine. This made the Falcon grin smugly, enticing him to move closer. He started running his fingers down slender arms, earning more chills, sweet tremblings under his grip.

''He…'' Rei breathed out harshly ''is very handsome, that much I can tell you''

The Russian slithered a traitorous arm around the Chinese, sliding it into his shirt, while still breathing him in the neck.

''What does he look like?''

The voice was commanding, wicked, sadistic even. Rei didn't know if this was good, but the touches sure felt great. Suddenly Rei realized just what he had promised the man, like it had just dropped down from the sky and hit him in the head. He wasn't quite sure how smart of a move that had been on his account. But for the moment, as that hand traveled to his chest, making his heart pound harder and harder and harder, it seemed like a fairly good idea.

''He's got these… cold, hateful, dangerous grey eyes… like silver ice, possessing looks that could actually kill.''

''And?''

A nibble here, a bite there, another breath somewhere. And then, Rei stopped breathing entirely, as a tongue danced across his skin, leaving it chilly and wet. Boris blew his breath across the wet marks, which caused Rei to bit his teeth down harshly in order not to whimper.

''And…'' he breathed out again, not knowing he had actually held his breath at all. ''… soft, smooth, grey hair. Like moonlight-grey. The weirdest I've ever seen.''

Boris stopped then, not giving away if he was offended or just intrigued by this comment.

''Weird?''

Rei turned his head towards him, the black hair stroking the Russian's jaw.

''Yes'' Rei purred. ''In a good way.''

''Hmm… well that does sound rather good''

Rei smiled, amused, and Boris could feel it against his skin. His blood went high wire crazy, and for a moment it was as if it was going to explode. He couldn't remember any one night stand ever having this effect on him. They had been merely bodily pleasure, bodies he could hurt, people he could fuck senseless, own and defile, stealing their purity. It had been so cold, so brutal and inhuman but now… What was this? Why was his head so warm?

Rei straddled him then, being dangerously near now, he could feel the heat from Boris' face like it was a fire licking the air around him. He bent forwards, nibbling at the Falcon's earlobe. Boris gritted his teeth, not allowing himself to make any noise that could indicate Rei was actually making him feel good. This was supposed to be his little teasing game, and he refused to lose. So he pushed Rei harshly down on his back, leaning over him, his eyes so intense it sent goose bumps across the Chinese's skin.

''Should I kill him?'' Boris whispered into Rei's ear, and the golden eyes stared at him.

''Kill who?'' For a moment, there was fear.

This only made Boris smirk in pleasure.

''That grey haired son of a bitch who has caught your eye. You're mine, I can't let people touch you however they want to.''

The amber relaxed then, and Rei almost laughed in bitter relief. He didn't have time though, because another attack of touches sent his back arching upwards in a bowlike manner, his lips parting with a moan.

''Jealous?'' he barely managed to croak out.

Strong fingers unbuttoned his shirt teasingly, tormenting, painfully slow.

''I think of it more as… possessive.''

Smooth hands ran through silver hair, stroking Boris' neck and there were those nails again, almost drawing blood from his skin. He wondered just how violent Rei could really get. If he could rip his t-shirt to shreds, if those fangs would feel good against his flesh… He wondered just how high he could make Rei scream, to which levels of ecstasy he could bring him.

With a final forceful look in his eyes, he leaned forward, licking at Rei's lips. Rei closed his eyes, forfeiting the game. The Falcon was covered in a feeling of superiority, and maybe a bit of slyness, and that mean glint shone dark in his eyes. But there was something else hidden in it all, something longing in his fiery touches, something that told Rei it was okay. He didn't have to worry about a thing.

''Don't worry, kitten'' Boris whispered in his ear. ''Master's gonna take good care of you.''

**X**

He was awoken from his peaceful sleep by something horrible. He didn't know what it was, but he could sense it long before he had even opened his eyes. As Rei turned to his side, sensing it came from beside him, he opened his eyes to try to spot what this new danger could be. Every sense he had told him to be on his very alert, but nothing could prepare him for what he was waking up to.

Boris was lying on the floor, sheets entangled around his fiercely shaking body, which was almost shining with cold sweat. It looked as if he was going to fall apart, implode and explode at the same time, and a thickness stuck in Rei's throat, almost stopping his breathing altogether. A scream of pain brought him out of his momentarily paralyze, making him leap out of the bed as if it was on fire. He quickly kneeled down beside Boris, who was writhing and twisting in what could only be skin-tearing cramps. His eyes were closely shut, his skin so pale it even made Rei sick, and he was almost surprised when he wasn't able to see right through it.

The Russian cried out loud and raw once more, his head throbbing and his stomach lurching, twisting, looping, spinning so fast he couldn't keep track of it. He couldn't keep track of anything. He didn't even feel the gentle hands upon his chest, he couldn't know there was golden eyes looking worriedly, terrified at him. All he could focus on was the pain, the sickness, as if something was crawling out his throat, clawing out of his chest, eating through his head. He screamed again and again, roaring as if it would scare the pain away. But it didn't go away, if anything, it only got more intense.

''Boris? Boris, what's happening?!'' Rei called out, his voice brittle, weak.

He could feel his vision clouding, but by what? Tears? The fear itself? It didn't matter. He had to get Boris to calm down, to stop screaming. It was hurting, all so very hurting. His head, his chest, his lungs were tightening and he could barely move. The Russian, who always was so strong, so untouched… what could ever cause him to be in such unbearable pain? He who seemed to be able to endure anything? He always looked so invincible, so untouchable but now… Something was terribly, gut-wrenchingly wrong.

What was he supposed to do?

Kai, he had to call Kai. Kai would know what to do, he always knew what to do. Without wasting any time, Rei ran as fast as he could out into the kitchen, almost tearing the entire place apart in his search for the phone. Then he found it, the small object sitting peacefully in its cradle in the window, just waiting for him. When he dialed the number his fingers shook so much he had to re-dial it three times just to get it right, and as the signal was reaching through he hoped he would still have a voice to speak with.

''_Hiwatari_'' that calming, familiar and so very welcomed voice answered.

Rei breathed out in a sob-like manner, pulling his hair in panic.

''Kai! Something is wrong!''

''_Rei?_ _What's wrong?_''

He sounded tired, and Rei dully wondered what time it was. He didn't know, and for the moment he didn't even know how to find out. He couldn't think about anything, his mind had turned into a one-way track train going violently out of control. In the background he could hear Boris, somehow stumbling out into the bathroom only to be followed by the sound of his stomach's contents plunging into the toilet.

''It's Boris! I don't know what's – he's… What the hell am I supposed to do?!''

''_Rei, calm down. Take a deep breath. I can't help you if you can't even master a simple sentence._''

Rei bit his lip, tried to take in a deep breath but it was like breathing ash. He hid his face in his free hand, cursing loudly. He was so afraid, and he hated being afraid. Why the hell was he panicking? He was the white tiger for crying out loud! He wasn't supposed to be afraid! Why wasn't he doing anything? Why wasn't he doing anything that mattered? Anything that helped? Why was it always like this? Why was he always so useless?

''Kai, I'm so fucking scared!''

''_Rei, what's going on?_''

''He's screaming and twisting and sweating! Right now he's in the bathroom throwing up and I don't know why!''

There was silence on the line for a moment, a silence which felt like the worst kind of torture Rei could ever endure.

Come on Kai, he begged in his mind, speak! Tell me what to do!

''I have no idea what to do! What's going on, Kai?'' he whispered, his voice cracking up like a brittle old statue.

''_Has he drunk any alcohol in the last few days?''_

''What? Why do you ask?''

He couldn't understand this out of the blue sort of question, what relevance did it contain? But then, like a fist from the sky, it hit Rei. Of course, how could he have been so stupid?! He had read it in the book, damn it! What was going on right that moment, it was signs of withdrawal symptoms, so damn obvious it was even silly. Cramps, headaches, nausea, sweating, _hallucinations_. All the horrors of the book ran through his mind, wild and unforgiving, mercilessly ravaging his mind. What was going on in the bathroom was pure and utter hell, and Rei felt even more lost than before.

''Oh, hell! What should I do?'' he said, voice drained from all emotion but exhaustion and that damn fear that just refused to leave him alone.

He should have known. Alcohol always did this to his life, it always left him fearing, scared, vulnerable. Rei didn't want to be vulnerable. He wasn't that sort of person, he was strong, he knew he was. At least, at one time, he had believed himself to be. So why was he feeling so small right now? Why couldn't he help?

''_Talk to him, make sure he knows you're there. Give him something in reality to cling to, make sure he doesn't hurt himself and just try to wait it out._''

''Will that work..?''

''_Just do it. I'm coming over. If it gets worse, call the hospital_.''

''Okay…'' Rei took a sharp intake of breath, trying to calm himself, but once again he failed. ''Thank you, Kai, thank you so much''

''_Don't mention it. I won't be long. Goodbye._''

''Goodbye…''

Kai hung up, and Rei stood left, shaking, phone so tightly clutched in his hand it hurt. He shook his head then, forcing all the pieces of his courage to piece themselves back together. Not even noticing that he put the phone down on the kitchen table, he sped off like a bullet into the bathroom. As he had expected, Boris sat hunched over the toilet seat, looking like he was going to tear apart at any second. His muscular back still shook, pale as snow now, his hair plastered in torrents of sweat.

There was another emptying of his stomach, repulsed he spat the remains of the acids and partially digested pieces of food out into the depths of the toilet. Rei watched him silently, not sure if he should actually move. If he even could move at all. Boris arched in another cramp, gritting his teeth not wanting to let out another sign of weakness. If he wouldn't have been so close to having a heart attack, Rei would actually have found it cute that the man was still so damn stubborn, even in a situation like this.

The Chinese composed himself as well as he could, and fell to his knees beside the Russian, reaching out a hesitating hand. The man didn't flinch at his touch, which he took as a good sign, so he moved closer, hugging him with both arms, Boris' still writhing, sweaty back against his chest. He sighed into the man's neck, leaning his chin to rest on the Falcon's shoulder. If Boris noticed him or not, Rei didn't know. But he didn't move, and only sat there, whispering soft and what he hoped was reassuring words into Boris' ear. What the hell reassuring words even were he didn't know, but he said what his mother had told him those dark and cold, lonely nights.

''No one can see you, it's alright. No one's here. It's alright.'' He said, remembering the words as if they were tattooed on his brain.

If they helped or not was an enigma to him, for all Rei knew it could just be making matters worse. But he was told to remind Boris that there was a reality, that he wasn't completely lost in whatever place he was in at the moment. Through the blurry fog of his skull-cracking painful mind, Boris thought he could feel warmth against his back. At first his instinct had been to harm it, but he recognized that warmth on some subconscious level. And there was a voice too, a voice he also remembered… Whose it was, he didn't know. It all hurt so much. His entire head screamed at him, every muscle he had threatening to tear him to pieces. He struggled fiercely against it all, but it was so much. It was like the entire world had just decided to fall down and crush him.

But there was that voice. Whatever it was saying, he didn't know. He didn't care either.

He bent over in cramps once again, like something was eating its way out of his stomach, bursting his insides. Even though his stomach was empty, more bile wanted to come up. He could feel it drip out of his mouth, with the metallic taste of blood, but he wasn't sure he had hit the toilet. Was he even in the bathroom?

Coldness bit his skin, corroding his very mind. It was so cold, so much colder than Russia. He had never actually been so cold before, and yet, he was burning. What the fuck was going on? Who did he have to beat up to make it stop?

Then, the warmth left him, that voice, it quieted. There was a faint knocking somewhere, distant, as if thousands of miles away. Where did the warmth go? He was going to freeze to death! Where the hell was it?! Why didn't it come back? How dared it leave?! He swung out his arm, at least he hoped it was his arm, grabbing furiously after whatever that warmth was. He caught something alright, something feeling like… like skin, slender fingers… a hand?

''I'll be right back'' that familiar voice said, and then the hand was gone.

Boris growled in frustration, hitting whatever came in his path. It happened to be the toilet bowl, and new pain corroded his senses. His hand was bleeding, he was sure of it. The blood was like scorching, boiling hot water against his cold and clammy skin. It hurt to move, but it was a sense of reality. Flexing his fingers, irritating the wound he fought the best he could to get out of that haze which darkened his consciousness. Pull yourself together, Kuznetsov! He barked mentally at himself, gritting his teeth until it hurt.

Then there was a new voice, this also familiar. But he didn't like it, not as much as the other. Like it? Did he like voices? Could he like? Could he feel? Where was he?

Russian curses escaped his lips and he was sure there was another language he knew, because the voice he _liked_ (whatever the hell that meant) had spoken something other, something rounder, not as harsh or cold. But he couldn't remember what language it was.

The second voice – whose was it? – spoke to him, in Russian this time, but Boris still couldn't catch the meaning of the words. It sounded like gibberish, total nonsense that was like a box of screws falling onto a floor in an echoing, empty room. It hurt, and he hissed at the pain. Why didn't it go away?

Rei looked worriedly at Kai, who looked stern, cold and tired. Like this was just like dealing with an unruly dog who was tearing up the furniture. But it wasn't anything like it. Dogs didn't sit shaking and muttering, hissing and throwing up blood. At least not the dogs he had met. Not that he had met that many, they always seemed to dislike him rather passionately.

''You should get him back to bed. He seems to be calming down now.'' Kai stated, and indeed, he was right.

Boris still looked like he had been through hell and back, but it was getting better. The shaking was becoming smaller, the cramps came with longer intervals and at least he seemed to hear them. Rei sighed in relief, like a large rock left his chest. Suddenly the air in the room was much easier to breathe, not as thick with despair as it had been just a moment before. Kai took this as his cue to leave, knowing there was not much he could do and that it was best to leave it at that.

''Thanks Kai… If you hadn't come over, I don't know what I…''

''As I said; don't mention it.''

Rei drew a hand through sweaty strands of black hair, shaking his head.

''But I want to. You're always there for me, and I don't know how to ever repay you…''

''Then don't. Just call me if it gets worse again.''

Rei looked at him for a very long moment, his eyes such a turmoil even Kai had difficulties figuring out what he was feeling. But then the Tiger nodded, and bent down beside Boris, putting his hands on his cold shoulders. The Russian twitched, sensing the other man again.

''Boris'' he said, not sure if there was any point to it but it felt better talking to him than being left to the swallowing, truncating silence. ''Can you stand up?''

The Russian mumbled something incoherent, but certainly nasty. Kai sighed, and repeated what Rei had just said but in Russian. The Falcon looked up with narrow, cloudy eyes. It was like looking into the eyes of a ghost, someone who saw right through you, not really a part of your astral plane. The grey haired man growled, but with an air of independency straightened himself on shaky legs, refusing to support himself on anything, determined to make it on his own. Whoever was in the room, he wanted to have at least his dignity. Or what was left of it.

''There's a threshold here'' Rei said, and this time Boris seemed to actually understand him.

He lifted his tense leg clumsily over it, Rei having to hold a fast grip of him for the man not to tip over. It was lucky Rei had trained most part of his life, otherwise he didn't know how he would be able to lift Boris' heavy form. But in some very clumsy and bruising way, they made it to the bedroom and soon limplessly slumped down onto the bed. Exhaustion claimed its right to the throne of their bodies once more, and Rei fought very hard not to fall asleep.

Kai stood in the doorway, and they shared a look of mutual respect, before Kai nodded his goodbye and left. Since Boris had one key and Rei had one too, Kai grabbed the one that hung in the key box on the wall, locking the door behind him as he left, soundlessly, as if he had never been there to begin with.

Left in the silence were the Tiger and The Falcon, both feeling very drained and estranged. Rei felt the other man shiver again, and reached over him to grab the covers from the floor. He soon pulled them over the two of them, snuggling closer to the Russian. His skin was still cold and clammy from drying sweat, his muscles so tense it hurt just to look at. But he was breathing calmer, and even though his breath tasted foul, tainted by vomit and blood, Rei crept even closer, draping his arm around the other's waist.

''It'll be alright'' he whispered into the Falcon's ear, but perhaps the words were more for himself than for the already half-asleep Russian.

Either way, Rei knew this was merely the calm before the storm.


	18. Take a Bullet

Hot damn, I _love_ Dr. Dafoe. (And I should get a reward for all the horrifying research I did for this chapter.)

And the title has nothing to do with gun wounds. It is a play with the sentence ''I'd take a bullet for you'', because this chapter is very much about those who would take bullets for you. The ones who will catch you when you fall and never leave you hanging… sort of… kind of. It sounds better in my head.

Updating early because yesterday was Bonfire night and it was wiiiiild so I'm in a good mood.

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen  
****Take a Bullet**

He felt horrible. If there had been a time, some point in his uneven and blurry life when he had ever felt so disgustingly horrible, it had completely fled his mind. A savage pain was declaring total war on him and he had no idea why. Why did his own body hate him so much? He remembered nothing of the previous night, uncertain of where he even was. If he was lying in a bed, it was unbeknownst to his skin. If someone was there with him, it completely failed to catch his attention.

But why would anyone be with him? He knew no one, he tolerated even fewer. In fact, it was only good if no one was there. He wasn't sure just how good of a mask he was actually putting on at the moment. If it was his usual one, ruled by destroying anger, as if his very breath was a whisper of death itself, he would have to give himself a damn good reward. Through some waves of discomfort, Boris wondered if his head was even still screwed on.

Open your eyes. Open your damn eyes! He shouted in his mind, but his eyelids were so damn heavy all of a sudden. Like his body had transformed to lead during the night and his blood had been exchanged for oil. But he had to make it work, he had to see, had to know. If his grip of reality didn't alter soon, someone was going to lose it, and for the moment, he feared the worst. His mind was slipping, obliterated, only weak threads wanting to collaborate. If he had ever been worse than this he was eternally thankful that he didn't remember it.

When he finally opened his eyes, dark spots covered his sight and it took him long, too long, to adjust to the scenery. As he saw clearly again, a poorly lit room greeted him with a mourning sense of desperation. It was as if the atmosphere and the feelings in it smelled, reeked, a foul and nasty odor. Like something inside had died.

His face stayed impassive though, and as he was coming to his senses he could pick up a voice. It sounded far and distant, as if wrapped in thick foil. But he could hear that it was Rei, talking to someone. Was someone else there?

He raised himself on unsteady, unwilling arms, a bothersome task at the least. Ignoring his disastrous headache the best he could, the Falcon sat up fully. His stomach made a complaining noise at that, but he was too tired to bother with it. If it even was his stomach, Boris wasn't sure. Every intestine he had felt like it had melted into another, churned into a sore mix of blood. He took in a deep breath, steadying himself, recomposing his face, making sure no emotion could slip through, whatever emotion that would be.

After all, his storage wasn't too much to brag about. Perhaps that was good in a way. If Boris could have felt more, he was sure the situation would have been even more burdening. Trying to tell himself, lying his very own being right in the face, that he had endured worse and survived, the Falcon got up. If his legs would carry him or not he didn't know, but if not he would just have to make them. This proved to be a tad more difficult in reality than it had been in theory, but there was always use for improvisation.

Swaggering, wobbling, wavering and stumbling out of the room, his only sense of direction was Rei's voice. But he didn't get further than to the living room before his stomach shouted violently, stopping every movement as abruptly as if armed with a large axe. The feeling one gets when the alarm sets off in a nuclear factory, warning you that a nuclear explosion is about to take its toll and vaporize you from existense, washed over him like a large, cold wave. A sickness plunged vengefully inside of his messed up body, and something very much like bile tickled his throat.

''Okay, thank you. I very much appreciate it. Uh, how is the nose, by the way? I'm so sorr… No, I really..! Sure it's alright?'' the Tiger's voice came from the kitchen, reminding Boris of his goal.

He scrunched his face vehemently, swallowing down the nausea and continuing his trip. Slowly, very slowly, he got closer, and as he did the conversation in the other room came clearer, ringing in his ears.

''Thank you, again. Yes. Alright, I'll see you on Friday then. Thank you! Goodbye!''

The click of Rei hanging up the phone came muffled through the doorway, followed by the creaking of a moving chair. Boris leaned almost casually against the doorframe, as if he was fine and dandy, healthier than ever. Rei turned around in the chair he had previously attended to leave, and looked at Boris with a very diffuse look. He looked pale, more than usual, his face resembling quite a mess. Had he slept?

''Who was that?'' Boris forced his tongue to move, glaring heatedly at the phone.

Neither his eyes, face or posture gave his true, pestered emotions away. But his voice was trying to betray him, and it did not slip Rei by unnoticed. He picked it up with irritating ease, like he had developed a sixth sense over night. The Chinese frowned in worry, looking confused for a moment.

''Who?'' he said, as if he honestly had no idea.

Boris was not going to swallow that though, no matter if it really was the truth. He didn't know why it angered him, but the thought of Rei setting up dates over the phone with another person just… got to him. He was _not _jealous, mind you, he was simply just possessive. Really, he was!

Oh, who was he kidding, anyway?

''Your _date_'' the words were spat out like they were venom, or perhaps bullets meant for Rei.

Whatever it was, it hurt, you could see it in the amber eyes. The Falcon couldn't help but smirk at that.

''It was Dr. Dafoe, calling to tell us the when the results would be ready.''

''Yeah, sounded just like it''

Boris was not convinced. Maybe it was childish of him, but he was simply not in the best of moods. How dared that obnoxious, cocky, arrogant, self-centered bastard of a doctor call his home? He didn't want anything to do with them! They got his damn blood, wasn't that enough? The suckers wanted more? What more could he have to give them, anyway? And why did Rei speak so nicely to the man? Maybe Boris was just imagining it, but he had not liked the tone in Rei's voice. It was suspicious, at least in his own deranged mind.

''Jealous, are we now?'' Rei stood his ground, his voice even and unmoved.

The Falcon scoffed.

''Of what? His ass licking skills or yours?''

The golden eyes narrowed noticeably, the pale face not taking the insult lightly. But he was too tired, too concerned, to make much of a deal about it. Instead he sighed tiredly, and maybe even a bit hopelessly. Rei hadn't allowed himself to feel much, the shock still lingering like a collar across his neck, pulling whenever he tried to move. But now it was showing through and exhaustion made itself known once again, like an unwanted visitor. An old relative he didn't particularly like and was not very fond of meeting.

''How are you feeling?'' he said, almost a bit timidly through all the tiredness.

Boris shrugged.  
Oh, Rei thought. So we're going to play _that _game, are we?

''Do you remember what happened?''

''No, but then again, that's not unusual.''

The Tiger's face seemed to curl into itself, making a twisted mask, enlarging his worry more than he thought possible.

''Blackout often?''

Another shrug. Rei sighed again, rubbing his forehead.

''Are you aware of how serious this has become? You can't even be without alcohol without… well… complications.''

''Complications?''

He raised a grey eyebrow, what complications? He had just drunk too much and passed out, that was all! It wasn't the first time Rei had witnessed something like that, so why did he look so traumatized? How sensitive could a person really be? Boris looked almost mockingly at him, like he was disappointed. Was the great white tiger really just a vulnerable kitten after all? It was almost too ironic.

Rei analyzed the Russian's features, but they gave away little more than scorn. Then, something lit in his mind. Maybe, most likely, the grey haired man did not remember anything of the night at all. He wasn't even trying to take it seriously, and now even though this wasn't unusual, it was not something he'd expect after something like what had happened. Sure, he had expected sarcasm, mockery and most of all; fury, but this? It seemed too ignorant, even for Boris.

''Boris, I seriously thought you were dying! You were screaming, vomiting and shaking! Do you know how scared I was?''

Rei kept his voice low and almost emotionless, just like Boris' face.

''No. How scared, kitten?''

Boris on the other hand, looked mildly interested. Like he was actually enjoying watching Rei suffer like that. The old sadistic parts of him that had been powerless against Rei seemed to be returning, and with more power this time. If it was the alcohol, mental or physical stress that had to do with it, he had no idea. Maybe it was something entirely different, maybe Boris really, after all… didn't care?

The Russian watched him curiously, predator like, hungry for a response. Be it pain or frustration, he didn't care. He just needed something, anything. Someone else to suffer so he could laugh and maybe, he wouldn't feel so damn weak and disgustingly pathetic anymore. Whatever had happened, just that fear Rei was displaying was more than enough to make Boris feel like he was not having the upper hand anymore. Like he had exposed a side of himself that he never intended to show anyone, not even his own mirror.

Rei was really worked up, it had to be something. But what?

''Dr. Dafoe said he would do more tests when we got there'' Rei said, ignoring the question. ''He said he thought you may need to try medication, in case your withdrawal symptoms get worse. Which he was certain it would.''

It took a while for the words to even reach Boris, and when they did he found them hard to accept. Actually, he found it mpossible to. Medication? What the hell was Rei talking about? Was something going on behind his back? The lurking, hiding, sneaking rage suddenly jumped out from its hiding, roaring and clawing so furiously at his eyes that it felt like they would burst. Rei saw that little movement behind the grey, but remained steadfast, determined to get his opinion spoken out loud.

It had all gone too far already. It was like he was living his childhood all over again. He was feraing, had been all night, unable to sleep his thoughts had had plenty of time to grow. They whispered about danger, true and terrible, raw and beast like. Like he was getting in too deep, and soon he would not be able to get out. It would be too late, that moment that it could all go wrong. What if Boris became even more violent? What if the Russian lost control? Rei could be in danger, his life, his mental state, his everything.

But that wasn't really important to him. He was scared out of his wits of the fact, the memories it all brought back, things he had tried to forget, that Boris was slowly but brutally becoming more and more like… like his father. Could Rei really handle this? And more importantly, was he prepared to see someone he loved die? Powerless to do anything, he felt so incredibly worthless.

But it wouldn't have to matter if he was strong enough or not, would it? After all, Boris was all he had and Rei never turned his back on his loved ones. And Boris, despite everything, was one of those people. It would have to make no difference whether Rei got through it or not, as long as Boris did. He tried to tell himself that he was prepared, ready for the worst case scenario but… his heart just wouldn't fall for it.

''I'm not going to give up'' he said then, silently, more to himself as if speaking the words out loud would convince him.

''That's good for you, Whiskers. But whatever you're doing, I don't want to be dragged into it.''

''But you have to!''

''No, I don't. That's the sweet thing about it.''

Boris had not ever seen the look on a person's face that Rei was having, not once in the years he had lived. There had been some much like it, people who were begging him to stop hurting them, to step away and leave them be. There had been those who looked like they wanted to tear his very flesh apart and dance on his grave, and those who were simply just shutting themselves off to whatever disaster he was subjecting them to. But the one in Rei's eyes, it was similar, close to identical with those three, and yet it was the exact opposite. He couldn't quite place it, name it or give it a form, and it disturbed him.

''Do I have to beg? Pay you? Beat you unconscious and drag you over there?!''

The Chinese's voice was almost a whisper, rising occasionally to a shrill shout, but Boris kept his mask on. He was giving the phrase 'like talking to a brick wall' a whole new meaning and had no more patience to offer any longer, but Rei just simply refused to get the message. Maybe he wasn't able to, or maybe he didn't want to. Whatever it was, Boris was sure going to make him taste the aftermath.

''Sounds tempting, but useless. But if you feel like wasting more time, you could try it.''

''Are you even listening to me?!''

''Rei, I'm only going to say this one more time, okay? _I don't care_.''

His voice was cold, almost to an arctic level, the temperature in the room dropping drastically. Chills traveled across Rei's skin, but he paid no attention to them. Even if he wanted to, the absolute desperation, the mess of feelings he did not understand, it completely drowned everything else out. Everything else but that look in the grey eyes, that tone in the Russian's voice. The absolute lack of humanity in Boris' face, it was insufferable. He had never noticed before just how insufferable it really was. Before it had only been unsettling and well, frightening, but now… Boris was taking it to a whole new level.

Rei stood up, dizzy from all the action in one room. He shook his head, sighing, massaging one of his temples. Breaking their eyecontact, the Tiger looked momentarily drained of every emotion he had. Like he had just gone numb, shut down in order to protect himself. Without looking at Boris, he turned towards the door.

''I'm going for a walk.'' He said, and left the room, leaving the Russian's mood even fouler than before.

He turned snarling, almost barking after him.

''Don't forget your book! Most people would prefer porn but I guess we all have our kinks!'' He spat, but Rei made no indications of even hearing him.

There was a ruffling of jackets, then a door slamming shut weakly. He waited for a long, slow, breathless moment, in which no sound whatsoever seemed to make itself known. Then, as if a bomb was dropped on his head, every sound came crashing down at once. All the small things that one never usually noticed was as if connected to the world's greatest speakers. Pipes, walls, wood, electronics, the cars outside the window, it all boomed so violently at him he almost made a face.

Since when was silence ever this loud?

He drew a hissing, painful breath, and with one raging roar he hit his fist against the doorframe, all his anger and power focused on that one punch. The fist hit the wood, the skin tearing open, revealing soft, vulnerable flesh and bitter, burning hot blood. The pain throbbed and tossed inside the hand, pulsating, like a little ticking bomb. He hit once more, then another one, and another and another until the doorframe was covered in red stains. He glared hatefully at them, breathing so heavily it was almost deafening.

But still the fury would not go away, and he attacked the kitchen in pure, blind madness. Tearing everything down, ripping out every object from every shelf, he had in mere moments turned the room into a hellhole. But it was still not enough, not even close. He kicked at the already ruined objects, fist-shaped bloodstains covering almost everything around. His foot hurt from kicking, his muscles hurt from strain but most of all his head hurt from the storm raging inside of him. He did not know what he was really feeling, the only thing he didn't doubt was that he had to make it go away.

It wasn't long until exhaustion finally overpowered him, bringing him to a sitting position on the floor. He was panting, like he had just run a marathon across the globe, sweating cold and hot at the same time. Everything was spinning, his head, his mind, his inside, the room, the world. See, he thought, this is what you get for letting people into your life. They get one foot inside your door and the next thing you know they'll be dictating your life like they own it. That was a very good reason he had for not wanting anything to do with anyone. His only social interaction was when he was punching someone in the face.

And now he had made the fatal mistake of letting someone closer than just a fist's length. He had let someone underneath his bruised skin, someone who had seemed so harmless but in fact was just another asshole with too sharp claws. He let the monster in and now it was tearing his world down. Everything he had built around himself just to not have to deal with shit like this. He didn't like people, and for a reason. Why had he been so fucking stupid? What the hell was Rei doing there?

And why was Boris angry that he had left?

**X**

When something bad happens, major or small, the atmosphere always gets thick with negative energy. Depending on the occasion, that thickness can come close to choking, while sometimes it is only mildly disorientating. The thicker it gets, the worse you feel in that room. Like something is pulling you apart, one piece at a time, swallowing you whole. That dread makes you uncomfortable, longing for the whole moment to be over. And that is the most stupid mistake, because it leaves you even more taken apart than before.

You think the dread of the moment will disappear at the dawn of a new day, but you're wrong. It still lingers. It's still sneaking around the corners, waiting to jump out on you when you think it to be gone for good. It's like throwing an already cracked stone to the floor. It looks fine at first, but then it crumbles into nothing from a simple movement. Rei was feeling very much like this and it was filling him with the thought that life had just screwed him over.

One thing that people always said would make him suffer greatly throughout life, was that he cared. Caring isn't necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes, when placed in the wrong situation, it can be quite harmful. Like this one, for example. He had put his very soul into getting through to Boris, getting beneath his defenses and then his whole energy had gone to stay there. And now he was constantly being pushed away, and it seemed as the harder he fought the harder he fell. The sensible thing to do when going through something like that is to simply swallow your pride and run.

But he couldn't, even if he had wanted to, because he was in too deep. He had gotten a foot inside Boris' threshold, and now a part of him would forever be inside. He knew, because his mind was repeating it constantly like a broken record, that no matter where he went he would always have that piece missing. It would stay with the Russian, whether he wanted it to or not, and the further apart they came the more hollow he would feel where that piece had been before. Love was resentful that way.

If it even was love, that was. Who knew? Was anyone ever sure what love really was? Maybe he was just… fond of the man. Maybe he just enjoyed the other's company, no matter how stupid that would sound. And if it really was more than that, then how had they gone from enemies to well, lovers, just like that anyway? It was as if it had been lurking, biding its time like a disease. Each day the infection had spread without Rei knowing it, and then one day it just decided to make the final strike and bloom. Ending with him stuck with emotional cancer and no idea how the hell it got there in the first place.

He wasn't sure if the worst part was that there was no one else to blame for it, or that there was no cure. If there had been, would he have taken it? What would life have been like without it? He had to admit, life had just seemed more safe as of late. Like it didn't matter as much if the world detested and rejected him or if he failed in every try because when he came home, there would be someone there who didn't give a shit about how much of a loser he was. That person just saw through him with raw, savage, cutting intensity and for some reason he liked what he saw and that was that.

Boris didn't need Rei to be perfect. He didn't need him to have a sane mind or a beautiful face or great cooking skills. All Boris really wanted was… Well, Rei actually had no idea and it was starting to look like the man had no idea himself, either. Which was just making the whole thing twice as complicated because Rei honestly had no idea himself. All he knew was what he _didn't _want, and what he didn't need. He didn't want someone who judged him or felt ashamed of him or who actually cared about the little details which he never noticed himself.

Boris just saw him as the failure he was and asked for nothing else. And Rei liked that. For once he felt like he could be himself, without getting judged because Boris would always be worse. He would always be a hundred times more rotten, messed up and ruthless. So why was the Russian staying? Because Rei had asked him? No, that couldn't be it. If the Russian did something, it was because _he _wanted to, not because anyone else wanted to. But still, that was pretty contradicting to itself, because Rei had asked Boris to go to the doctor. And the Falcon had acted like he had rather had a chainsaw shoved up his ass than going there. It had been Rei who had wanted to, and after much persuading, Boris had agreed to it.

It didn't make any sense. But then, did it have to? Nothing with them ever seemed to make sense and nothing with love sure as hell ever did. Perhaps they didn't need to, either? Perhaps they were just fine the way they were. Failing in communication, violent, labile and confusing. Maybe, that was the way they were supposed to be. Their order was the chaos, their chaos completed each other. Like Yin and Yang. It was a balance in the disruption, good luck in the bad. Russian roulette with blank shots.

He sighed, giving up on logic. He was just going to have to get back to that apartment and show Boris with everything he had that he was not going to give up. They had come this far and he was not going to stop quite yet. The other could protest as much as he wanted to, he could fight back with everything in his might, but Rei just wouldn't give up. He wasn't born a quitter, he had just turned into one. And after all, it was time to change that, wasn't it?

So he turned his steps around and begun walking back towards his home. _Their _home, because they weren't a 'you' and 'I' anymore, they were a 'we'. If Boris couldn't accept that, fine, Rei would just have to do it for the both of them. Because he had finally found something in life that he liked, and even though if it was out of a place he had never thought there would ever come any good of, it was enough. In fact, it was more than enough. Rei wasn't the kind of person who let a good thing slip away without fighting for it.

Because, despite everything, they did have a good thing, in their own dysfunctional way. You just had to squint very hard to see it. But it was there, that good thing. Buried underneath all the blood and the tears and the hate and the fear. They liked each other, and that was about as close to a miracle as he guessed he would ever get. And miracles didn't happen that often, so they were not to be wasted on petty little things like doubt. He had spent his whole life doubting and running. Now it was time to actually do something. If he wanted to ever be able to look himself in the eyes again, Rei would not let this go.

He sighed and looked up at the peach-colored sky, furrowing his forehead in deep thought and worry. The ache of sleep depravation was unraveling inside of him, making his stomach twist into a sinister little knot. He felt dry and swaying, like everything around him happened in slowmotion. Rei needed his beautysleep to work properly, so it was no wonder he was feeling like a pile of dog crap right that moment. He shook his head, deciding he would need coffee before he went anywhere else.

Now, finding a coffee shop in the morning is not as easy as may sound. With Kai it had been, of course, that man seemed like he could do almost anything. But Rei was not a rich and seemingly flawless master of masks, so finding a place and getting into it was proving to be slightly difficult. It seemed as if the effort of getting the coffee was more straining and exhausting than pushing through the day without the caffeine. But it was too late now, he guessed, and instead trudged on.

Finally, there was one that was open and allowed stray cats like him entrance. Happy about this, he quickly ordered an enormously large size of their blac coffee and sat down by a table to pout. He stared into his drink, drifting further and further away from the shores of consciousness. It took a good long while for him to even notice that something was flapping in front of his face. This something, he noticed, proved to be a hand.

Disgruntled he looked up to scowl at the offender, feeling somewhat like an adolescent child. He met the eyes of Kai, who was looking collected as usual. He gestured with his hand towards the other chair by the table, neither in question nor in statement. Rei nodded without a moment of deliberation, and Kai sat down. They spoke no words for a good moment, and merely sat in a contemplative silence. A slightly tingling sensation laid secretly in the air between them, a small feeling of understanding. It was as if Kai knew something, and perhaps even what was wrong just by meeting Rei's eyes.

The Russian ordered a coffee, but other than that they still said nothing. When he had gotten the coffee, he began to absentmindedly stir it around. Not that he needed to, since the coffee was black and plain, but he did anyway. Rei gave his own cup a pained, evasive stare before finally sighing. The Russian looked up pensively, almost as if he was waiting for Rei to do something. What that something was supposed to be, the Tiger had no clue. But he could trust Kai, he always had. And often he found that just sitting in a comfortable silence with the Phoenix was enough to get his mind off things for a while but now that simply wouldn't do.

''Kai'' Rei swayed a little with his voice, as if carefully choosing his words.

Kai looked at him, expressionless, the only hint that he was listening was the patient look in his eyes. The Tiger rested his head in his hand, looking thoughtful and a tad melancholic. He stirred the bubbles in his drink slowly, not even paying it any attention.

''Am I trying too much?'' he pressed out then, hoping Kai would get his point.

And of course, he did.

''That's a double-edged question.'' He said, taking a sip of coffee.

Rei sighed, as if he had seen the answer coming. He kept stirring his drink, frowning. Maybe Kai did not hold all the answers, but he really didn't need that. He just wanted someone to shed a little light on his problem, and perhaps give him the courage to solve it himself. Maybe, like everyone else, Rei just wanted someone to talk to without necessarily saying that much.

''Considering that if Boris doesn't stop drinking, he's going to die, then you're not going far enough. But, Boris being Boris, perhaps you expect too much.'' The Phoenix continued, his voice even and together.

The golden shimmered for a small moment, but when Kai blinked, it was gone. The amber was disturbed, and yet it was so plain it was as if Rei was drowning all the emotions that came leaping at him. Like he was fighting off monsters but now they were closing in on him with freshly sharpened teeth. He looked at Kai with an almost hopeless look then, feeling like he was alone in an ocean with only a life-west to go by.

''How did you go through with this?''

The answers came naturally and easily to Kai's mind, like they were obvious and blunt. And yet, they worked slowly on his tongue, like shoes he had not gotten used to yet. It could be because he never thought much about it, or it could be that no one ever cared enough to ask him. It had just become natural. Like losing a leg and then learning how to live without it.

''Honestly I think Yuriy takes it the hardest.''

''He seems pretty… collected?''

Kai nodded.

''He was raised wearing a mask. You're never quite sure what he really feels.''

Rei though about it, and then sunk lower over his drink. Maybe this talking thing had been a bad idea. It only got him more depressed, and he really didn't need that for the moment. But Kai was the only one he could confide in, the only one who had all those answers. And the answers he didn't have Rei would just have to find out for himself, wouldn't he?

''I'm not sure how to make this through, or even what to do…'' he grumbled, traces of heartbreaking defeat in his voice. He gave Kai a sore look. ''Kai, I… I'm scared…''

The Phoenix looked untouched, and the Tiger wondered what was going on inside of the Russian. They were such enigmas the five of them, he often found he just wanted to tear his hair out at the frustration they brought. But still, there was a charm to the Blitzkrieg boys as well.

''Rei, I know you can be brave. Deep down, you are one of the bravest people I've ever seen. And Boris, despite what it may look like, he lets you deeper than anyone else. He might not trust you and maybe never will, but if he'll let anyone do this for him… it'll be you.''

Kai's eyes had no doubt or insincerity in them, and they bored their way into Rei with undeniable intensity. He didn't feel encouraged and he didn't feel brave, and he certainly didn't feel strong. But at least he didn't feel alone.

''Boris…'' he sighed dejectedly. ''Boris is like muesli.''

Kai raised an eyebrow, not really expecting that.

''Muesli?''

Rei nodded, now a faint look of irritation on his face. He waved tiredly with one hand, gesturing morosely.

''Yes! There are these fabulous chunks of papaya, but also a lot of crap like grain and wheat and puffed rice and crap. But you have to chew your way through that boring, bitter stuff in order for the papaya to taste as good.''

Kai still wasn't too convinced of the point, and only gave him a slight interrogating, disbelieving sort of glance.

''Muesli?'' he said, with a sort of _why-the-hell-did-you-choose-muesli?-_sort of voice.

It was an odd comparison, but Rei looked like it was the best comparison that anyone had ever thought of in the entire history of idiotic comparisons. His eyes were intense, immovable and steadfast.

''Yes! Muesli! You get through a lot of crap just because there's something great in the end, you get my point? I've stood up with a lot from his side, because I know it's worth it. Underneath that shell, there is a man that…'' he silenced then, not finding the appropriate words.

Because really, what was there to say? How could he describe the feeling? That underneath it all, there was something Boris had only showed him. In every part of his hateful self, there was something tempting. Boris was like that unpolished diamond you always mistook as a rock and thus kept kicking down the street. Boris had been kicked down a lot of streets and so the diamond core had been forgotten, vanishing bit by bit, never brought out to anyone. Anyone but Rei. He had seen things, sides of Boris he had never noticed before. They were hard to detect, but they were there. Even when the man was furious there was something in that fury that was worth withstanding the cold, malevolent wrath.

Just like his mother had loved his father, Rei clung to Boris because…well, his heart told him to. And whatever it would bring him, no matter the consequences, Rei would plunge headfirst into that dark, deep pit and take whatever got in his way. At times, many times, he felt this was idiotic and stupid, imbecile. But then again, it was love. Or at least something very much like it.

''Do you think he really likes me?'' Rei said then, feeling childish.

Kai's eyes grinned faintly and almost unnoticeably. He drank the last of his coffee, crossing his arms.

''Do you think he'd let you this close to him if he didn't?''

The Chinese stared, mouth open as if to say something. But he was quiet, his brain not really sure how to process the information it was given. Closing his mind then, Rei leaned back and if Kai wasn't mistaken, he thought he could see a very tiny smile. The Tiger wanted to thank the other, but with just one crimson look thrown his way he knew that there was no need. Kai understood, he always did, without needing any words or explanations or revealing of the past.

And for that, Rei was eternally grateful.

**X**

They hadn't spoken much, but there wasn't any pressure to, either. Rei decided to let it wait, that their talk that would unavoidably lead to another of countless fights, could be put on hold for another day. Right now, it only mattered that Boris didn't throw those rancid looking glares his way, or that he didn't stiffen whenever the Chinese tried to touch him. Sullen maybe, but he was not aggressive and that made the feeling of distress leave Rei alone. At least for a while.

Sitting in Dr. Dafoe's room, he looked nervously around, wondering why the doctor took so long and thinking that this could surely not be a good sign. Boris just sat immobile on the table, looking more like he was sitting on a subway train, just waiting for his station to show up so he could leave. The Chinese looked discretely at him, trying to seek out any emotion, any trace or hint about what Boris what feeling, but he was met with nothingness.

Feeling the stares nudge at him, Boris glared heatedly towards the other. He raised one eyebrow in question, clearly inflamed. The golden pools kept on pushing at his mental barriers, and the tension kept growing. At some point he thought he could even feel the walls of the room vibrate.

''What?'' Boris snarled, his fists tightening.

Rei looked innocently at him, casually even.

''It's just…''

''_What?_''

Rei moved closer to him, looking slightly shot down. He let out a disheartened sigh, but forcefully composed himself. Looking like the shadow of what he once was, like that old ferocious, brave battle lust still hid somewhere inside of him. The pride he had lost bit by bit, still in there somewhere, waiting to be found. His spirit may have gotten garbled, but from time to time, it showed through. Boris looked at him with light derision.

''I…'' the black haired man didn't really know what to say, a blank look in his eyes.

Well, Rei mused bitterly, this is awkward.

Boris raised a scorning eyebrow, but then let his face fall in an empty manner. He shook his head, mostly to himself, and instead began glaring at the door. The sooner Dr. Dafoe came back, the sooner he could leave. The heavens knew he had enough of them a long, long time ago already. Besides, Rei's nervousness was annoying. And, as on cue, the door opened and Dr. Dafoe, fashionably late as always, entered the room nicely. His eyes were mysterious, not giving anything away but still not hiding the fact that he knew something that they didn't. Almost taunting, he flipped through his papers, protruding his mouth in a moment of thoughtfulness.

''Well…'' he said, not too surprised about what he had read on the clipboard. ''Honestly, Mr. Kuznetsov, if I were your mother I would right about spank you this very moment.''

The Russian's glare intensified, his hostility impossible to miss. But the doctor went on as if he had not noticed it at all, no trace of fear intruding his stubble covered, slightly creepy looking face. There was just something about the man that Boris didn't like. If it was that he reminded him slightly of an eagle, just waiting to strike you with its talons, or those evil, murky eyes, he did not know. Maybe, but this he would of course never admit, it was the way the doctor acted towards Rei. It seemed too friendly. Maybe Boris was just being paranoid, especially since the doctor was wearing a wedding ring, but he still didn't like it.

''Why?'' Rei's voice scattered his thoughts immediately, the worry in it only increasing.

''For starters, Mr. Kuznetsov, your liver is not a happy camper right now.''

Dafoe's voices was calm, like he was counting up today's specials at a restaurant, it was almost close to being nonchalant. But yet, the inconsiderate manner in which he reported the news to them, made the whole thing seem even worse and the seriousness of what the doctor said rung more bizarre in Rei's ears. Somehow he doubted he would have gotten the message as good if the doctor wouldn't have informed them the way he did. It was odd, the Tiger thought.

''A _happy camper_? Are you mocking me?'' the Russian growled implacably.

''I assure you, Mr. Kuznetsov, I am not. This is just how it is. I'm afraid your body has taken a lot more damage than you think. And considering the serious withdrawal symptoms you got earlier…''

''Withdrawal symptoms?'' Boris looked dangerous now. ''What the hell are you talking about?''

Dafoe looked a bit amused now, like the grey haired man had just said something very interesting that just demanded to be poked and prodded. Boris on the other hand, was not as pleased. He had no idea what withdrawal symptoms were being referred to. All he knew was that he had laid off the bottle for a day or two and when he had woken up later he had not felt at his best. Rei clenched his jaw, as if readying himself, for what the Falcon had no clue and it angered him.

A shapely eyebrow rose in the doctor's face, and he made a slick face.

''Yes, a few days back I called to tell Mr. Kon the results were done and he sounded very distressed. Apparently you had suffered a very bad case of abstinence and he was very much fearing your own safety. Judging by that and these results, I do think we ought to try out a medicine.''

The Falcon rumbled. For the moment he wanted nothing more than to splatter the room with the doctor's conceited face. Stabbing one of those scalpels into his throat seemed tempting as well.

''That's all nice and pretty'' he growled, nothing but wicked spite permeating his words like poison. ''But I won't take no fucking pills. I'm – ''

''Fine?'' Dafoe ended the sentence for him, which was like punching Boris in the face.

It was decided. The Falcon _would_ hurt that man. He would hurt him so badly he wouldn't get out of his damn hospital in a very long time. Rei glanced at Boris, sensing the tension and the resentfulness in him. Turning his head towards the doctor, who he found was actually fairly nice and trustable; he gave the white-clad man a questioning look.

''I assure you, these tests tell me you are but fine. In fact, a Hiroshima-victim would be more fine than you are now. Your body is close to giving up, I'm even surprised it has lasted this long. If you don't do something quick, you probably won't last past twenty-eight.''

Rei made a choking sound, and Boris turned his glare towards him. They looked at each other in pleading and refusing silence for a long, tense moment, not needing to say anything because they both knew the look in the other's eyes. Rei recognized that defiant stubbornness in the grey, and Boris in turn recognized that almost pleading, worried caring in the amber. The Falcon did not, under no circumstances, want to take any medicine. He didn't care about his stupid liver, he didn't care about how his relation to alcohol was harmful or not. Actually, if he didn't live to be more than twenty-eight years old, didn't even touch him. But there was one little detail that prevented him from just throwing all those warnings away.

Rei was still there. Rei was with him, he wanted to be there and no matter how much Boris hurt him Rei didn't run away. This was odd, he thought, because Rei seemed to run from many things as of late. But he wasn't giving up on Boris, he wanted the man to be alive. But why? What had Boris ever done for the man to try so hard to save him? Why did Rei care?

The Chinese surprised him by taking his hand, squeezing it almost harshly. And yet, he was so gentle. Like black and white combined into one, dark and light, bad and good, leaving the perfect balance. Rei held the hand so protectively, so wanting in his own, that something inside of Boris snapped. He turned towards the doctor, and like some invisible force that he had never felt before was maneuvering his brain he growled.

''What sort of drug is it?'' he said, coldly, oddly, as if someone was strumming on his vocal cords.

Dafoe looked surprised for a moment, before he took on that same old confident mask of skill.

''The one I think would suit you most, is an anticovulsant drug.''

''Anticonwhat?'' Rei said, confused.

The doctor monotonously nodded, as if explaining medicinal terms was breakfast for him.

''It is mostly used for epileptic patients, and lately also bipolar disorder because it's a mood stabilizer. Lately we've been trying it on bulimia nervosa patients and also alcoholics, and I think it will suit you best. We could try it, and if it doesn't work there are a handful of others to try.''

It sounded good in the Tiger's ears, but the Falcon didn't look too charmed about it. That little force inside of him just told him to try, and thus he kept quiet, not caring much about what he got as long as it got him away from the hospital and even further away from that stupid voice inside of him.

''What are the side effects?'' Rei said, realizing Boris wouldn't participate in the conversation.

''Yeah, those...'' Dafoe muttered. ''Well, the most common and most likely are change in taste, discomfort and sleepiness.''

The Chinese tried not to be too alarmed, but he was getting more and more suspicious. He never liked medication that much, thinking that you could solve problems much easier with other solutions that weren't as harmful and distressing to the body. But sometimes even he had to admit that there were not many other options. Still, he was not going to let Boris take something that was possible to do more harm than good. Yes, so maybe he was protective, so what?

''And?'' he urged, the doctor looking a bit discomforted.

He looked like he was trying to sell a car without having to mention the serious flaws the vehicle had. And yet he knew he had to, because if something went wrong he was the one who would take the consequences and the wrath of his superiors. Muttering, Dafoe decided to be honest and quick.

''The other, less common but possible side effects are cognitive deficiency, grogginess, lethargy, renal stones, impairment of motor skills, vision abnormality, transient or permanent vision loss, weight loss, breat pain, abdominal pain, intense sweating, taste changes, pharyngitis, sinusitis, diplopia, rash, leucopenia, fatigue, dizziness, insomnia, anxiety, depression, paresthesia, diarrhea, nausea, dyspepepsia, constipation, dryness of the mout and dysmenorrhea.''

Rei was completely taken aback, all words blown from his mind. Silence placed itself among them, like that awkward commercial jingle no one really liked but people always sang it anyway just for the heck of it. Rei blinked, Boris snorted and Dr. Dafoe felt that this car might stay in the garage for a very long time.

''Also there is menstrual disorder, but I don't think you have to worry about that.'' he finished, a tad bit too light spirited.

Rei just looked utterly and completely appalled. He looked aversively at the doctor, shaking his head somewhat stiffly.

''I… don't think we'll take your offer, doctor. Isn't there anything else less… life-destroying?''

Dafoe thought for a moment, not that he had to, he just thought it would add a good effect to the slightly dramatic scene.

''The thing with this medication is that it is reported to have had quite the effect of abstinence on alcoholics. The amount of drinking has severely lowered.''

Rei shook his head, uninterested now.

''No?'' Dafoe said. ''Then, there are a few alternatives. One of them has the side effects of numbness in the legs and shortness of breath, but that is a fair prize I think considering the drug itself. It is, simply put, making the patient feel a rather nasty hangover and discomfort when drinking alcohol. There will be nausea, vomiting and other things that come with hangovers. Drinking will become something unpleasant, and it's rather effective.''

Boris gave a distasteful sound at this.

''You think I'd want to walk around feeling like shit all the time?'' he spat, making the doctor sigh.

''It is safer than the other.''

But Boris wouldn't budge. He crossed his arms angrily, trying to glare the doctor to death. Dafoe gave him a bored look, and instead turned to look at Rei. The Tiger shrugged dejectedly, like it was just better to drop that subject and move onto the next one.

''Then, there is one which is injected into the muscles.'' Dafoe said, ignoring the twitching of disgust in Boris' face. ''This is supposed to decrease the opiates and has been shown effective when preventing relapses and combined with therapy, it is likely you will recover better with it. There are two types of this treatment; one reverses the endorphin conditioning that causes your addiction. The other decreases your cravings and encourages abstinence.''

The Chinese looked at Boris, who wouldn't tear his eyes away from the doctor. He was not liking this the slightest bit and made a note to find a way to kill that blasted voice of reason that somehow had survived inside of him. How the hell it had managed to do that, he had no clue. But he suspected it all had to do with Rei.

''I am not letting you shitheads near me with a needle _again_'' he growled.

Rei gave the doctor a look which told him it was best to move on.

''Lastly, we have a medicine that is stabilizing the chemical balance which alcoholism disrupts. This works only with the combination of therapy and you staying the hell away from alcohol.'' He looked harshly and almost lecturing at Boris now.

Seeing how the Russian was about to throw something nasty at him, he was quick to interrupt.

''It is regarded to be very effective. I think you should try it.''

''Like hell I will.''

''Since you rejected all my other suggestions, this is the only one left.''

Rei squeezed the hand still in his own reassuringly, but this didn't help the Russian much. He was not feeling like letting someone inject complicated drugs into him, and he did not want to walk around with a damn hangover. He absolutely refused to let anyone stab him with needles again and the whole therapy thing did not seem all too tempting either. But seeing how Rei had quite the talent of dragging him to those meetings anyway, perhaps it was the only option left. Still, he didn't like it and was sure to make the doctor's life a living hell.

''Are there side effects to this one? That injection thing didn't seem to have any?'' Rei asked, feeling hopeless.

''Yes, this one does have side effects. Like allergic reactions, irregular heartbeats, low or high blood pressure, headaches, insomnia and of course, impotence. You don' have kidney problems, luckily, so you can take it.''

''What the fuck are you trying to do? Poison me? Liver failure sounds very tempting compared to this shit'!' Boris words were harsh and sharp, like knives flew out of his mouth instead of words.

''Personally I don't find it tempting, but if you fancy throwing up blood, forgetting your name, kidney failure, cancer, unbearable pain, coma and if you're lucky, death, then be my guest and go have a drink right now.''

The way Dafoe said it, made the raw seriousness of his words etch itself into their brains. Rei had to bit his lip down hard in order not to yelp, the worry he had felt before being pitifully small compared to what he felt that moment. Boris mind churned and worked with all the effort it could master, trying to come to a conclusion. He glanced at Rei, who was looking rather unsettled. The Russian clenched his fists, causing the one in Rei's grip to almost crush the Chinese's hand. This was a rather difficult situation, he thought. Whatever he did it seemed like he would end up fucked either way.

''The question'' Dr. Dafoe said matter-of-factly and disturbingly unbothered. ''is not what you are ready to endure, but what you are willing to lose.''

They looked at him, Rei questioning and Boris just hating. The doctor's eyes seemed to chuckle, while his face looked mischievous and unruly. This was one peculiar man. Rei wondered if he had ever met anyone quite like him. Boris just felt that evil pang of jealousy and possessiveness overcome him, and snatched Rei's arm towards himself rather roughly. Dafoe's lips quirked in a not so nice smirk.

Rei looked oddly at him.

''Obviously, Mr. Kuznetsov, you have someone who cares greatly for you. And my guess is that if you didn't at least think somewhat good about him, you wouldn't be here in the first place. The only reason you're not in some bar right now, is probably because of him.'' The doctor nodded towards Rei, who felt very awkward.

He was not sure of what to make of the situation, but in a way he felt like the doctor was hitting just the right nerves to make Boris come around. Although he wouldn't come around quietly and peacefully, but at least it was something. The Russian just snarled, growled and hissed at the same time, wondering just how much trouble he would get into if he killed the doctor.

Finally, Boris sighed, irritation wreaking havoc inside his mind.

''What the fuck ever. I won't take that first lethal shit, and I won't take the hangover or injection-crap either.'' He barked, not believing he was actually agreeing.

Rei tried very hard to hide the relieved smile that wanted to ravage his lips. Dafoe on the other hand, smiled his sensual devil smile and brought out a pen from the chest-pocket in his coat.

''Then it is alternative four.''


	19. Shooting Stars

I think Peony is some sort of healing flower... or something along those lines. And Xue means snow. I like snow. (What? Name Nerd? _Me?_ What ever gave you that idea?)

And I mean no disrespect with the twelve-step program bashing in this. It is simply what I imagine Boris would think. My intentions were not to offend anyone. Take it with a bit of salt or go cry somewhere else, because I don't want to hear it. If you're a Christian, good for you, but remember, this is Boris Kuznetsov we're talking about.

And oh, I'm sick. I can't believe this. I never get sick and now I feel like I'm dying. Cheer me up with reviews?

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen  
Shooting Stars**

To say that Rei was nervous was more than just an understatement. He rarely got nervous, in fact challenges excited him. They would make him leap with all his effort and power and hopefully he would end up on the winning side in the end. If he didn't, well, then he would just cherish the ride itself and then go try later on. This was still evident in him. He didn't back down from challenges, dedicated to actually prove that he was not someone to step on. But more often than so, Rei found himself feeling well… unsure. He often contemplated what was waiting for him on the other end of the abyss.

One thing that made Rei doubt his own abilities, was women. In some way they always seemed to come up with a way to make things crumble for him. He didn't think women were evil, not at all, it was just that some one them were very unpleasant beings. He had met many women who always complicated things, bossed and trampled around like unruly buffalos. And right this moment he was not feeling very content as the marbled eyes looked at him from across a clean table.

The really fishy thing about it all was that he had only had female psychologists. There was Dr. Xue whom he had gone to in China and who had sent him to London in the first place. Then, there was Dr. Grey at the Institute and now he sat in the room of Dr. Peony. Unlike Dr. Xue she was not old, but unlike Dr. Grey she was not that young either. Rei didn't really know in which age category to place her, and this bewildered him slightly. Her hair was long and red-brown, her face mild but brusque at the same time. Honestly, Rei didn't know what to think of her more than the fact that she made him nervous. It was just something with that prodding stare of hers which wasn't as much of a stare as it was a lobotomy.

But he was willing to hear her out. It hadn't been easy getting an appointment, the town seemed to be full of people with issues. At last though, he had finally succeeded and probably not a moment too soon either. Boris had started on his medication and well, things were just a little hectic. Releasing some mental stress might help that headache of his go away. So he gave her a befriending smile and waited for her to make the first move.

''Welcome to my office then, Mr. Kon. Could I call you Rei?'' she said, her voice coaxing and somewhat spurring.

He didn't know how, but just by speaking she got him to feel like he wanted to entrust her. Like he could actually talk to her and she wouldn't turn it against him, and most important of all, she wouldn't try to kiss him.

''Sure'' he said. ''And well, thanks.''

''How are you feeling today?''

''Uh… well… I was hoping you could tell me.''

She looked at him, momentarily perplexed by what he had said. Then she smiled humorously, leaning more comfortably into her chair. Dr. Peony thought she might come to like her new patient. He was polite, friendly and charming. And the best part was that he wasn't trying to work against her. She liked patients like him, they seemed to drop by very rarely.

''Perhaps I should get to know you better before doing that?''

He nodded.

''Perhaps. What do you want to know?''

''Well, what do you want to tell me? We could chit chat about random and everyday things, or we could go straight to what lead you here.''

Rei thought about it for a moment. He wasn't all too sure if he wanted to jump right into the my-father-is-a-lunatic-ocean quite yet, seeing how he was already feeling stressed enough. Chit chatting seemed nice though, but he hadn't gone through the ridiculously hard effort of getting a psychologist for something he could do with… well, a wall. Seeing how the Russians weren't always too talkative and if they were they weren't saying the most pleasant of things. Rei sighed, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling.

''Well, I'm trying to help Boris recover from his drinking and it isn't going too carefree.'' He said then, deciding to say whatever wanted to jump off his chest during the moment.

Dr. Peony looked like she was considering what she should say, and what to make of what Rei had just told her. She scribbled something neatly onto her little note pad, using a purple inked ball-point pen which looked like it had been through a lot of rough years.

''And Boris is a friend?''

Rei's face scrunched up in the most peculiar, pondering look.

''I don't know what to call him, really.''

''Why is that?''

''It's… complicated. The first time I met Boris he actually tried to kill me.''

He looked reviewing at her, a bit on the defensive side. Her look was the most stunned one, and her brain bravely tried to come to an assumption. Since it was inadequate to do this, she merely nodded at him to explain further.

''It's complicated, as I said. I try not to think of it that much, seeing how we… Well, I was sent here to go to the Institution.''

''Institution?''

''The Institution Of Mental Health.''

He could almost see the light bulb light above her head.

''Oooh!'' she said in realization. ''That crazy house. If you don't mind me saying, I feel for you.''

He raised un unsure eyebrow at her.

''Why's that?''

''Well, I wouldn't want to badmouth anyone…'' Dr. Peony said in a way that indicated the straight opposite. ''But that place is just sad. The people who work there… Oh, lord. A few co-workers of mine have told me all about it.''

The Tiger made a nervous sound, and bitterly looked at her.

''Well, I guess that's why I'm here.''

She smiled at him then, a warm smile which gave him a sense of security. Like he was among a friend now, and the whole scene was feeling more like a tea party than a session. The usual pressure of telling a stranger his deepest thoughts and fears was not present, and he was feeling like this had been his best move in a very long time.

''Which doctor did you have?'' Peony sounded curious, her eyes hungry for gossip, though this she tried to hide.

''Dr. Grey''

Rei still felt awkward talking about the woman. The last time they met hadn't been all too comfortable and he really hoped he wouldn't have to meet her anytime soon. It wasn't just the kissing thing, it was like she was mad at him because of the whole Boris-thing as well. He didn't really know exactly what the 'Boris-thing' was or how much Amanda knew about it, but he was sure it was the main villain in the drama.

''Oh my, you poor soul'' Peony sighed before she could stop herself.

Quickly clasping a hand across her mouth, she looked at him apologetically. Rei chuckled softly, and she eased at once.

''I assume you don't hold the highest regards of her?''

Peony shook her head.

''No, no, no. That woman is not too clear in the head. I swear, one of my patients had her too and he claimed she was flirting with him!''

Rei muttered slightly at that, remembering the kiss as something unpleasant that he had tried to forget but which just wouldn't die.

''Yes, that I have endured.'' He said in resentment.

A curious look wandered across the table to poke him, and two set of painted eyebrows rose in interest.

''Oh, really?''

''Yeah… She… uh, well… she kissed me.''

Dr. Peony was looking like this was the juiciest thing she had heard all year. Strikingly like a young girl who had just picked up a rumor about a rival, the shrink leaned closer to the desk, excitedly eyeing Rei. The Chinese himself didn't feel too comfortable badmouthing anyone, regardless of what that person had done.

''Oh, my! I never thought Amanda would go _that_ far!'' the shrink almost chirped.

Rei made a face of discomfort, and Peony quickly took the hint and composed herself. Leaning back into her chair like the professional she was, she gave Rei another apologetic smile.

''Well then, you were speaking of this… Boris?'' that carnivorous joy in her eyes hadn't subsided completely.

In fact, it was awfully similar to glee. See, Rei thought, this is exactly why women make me uncomfortable. He didn't know what it was but something with him seemed to attract all the members of the opposite sex who enjoyed playing dirty with each other. He didn't understand the glee or the rivalry or the badmouthing, and he wondered where all the women who didn't act like that were and why they were hiding from him. His mother had never been one of them, but on the other hand, his mother didn't have any lady friends. The ones Rei had had himself had either been backstabbers or just very violent and rash. Maybe he was a crazy-magnet?

''Yeah, we met at the Institute. And well, things developed and eventually I had to move in with him because I couldn't afford living in a hotel…''

''Oh, so you're from out of town?''

Rei tilted his head back and forth.

''I guess you could say that.''

He never really had that much of a home. He didn't regard China as one, and after he had left there he had been jumping around the world like a leaf in the wind. The times he had come back to China hadn't been pleasant and he had never stayed for very long, and so he felt somewhat like a nomad. Actually, the only time he ever felt at home was in the apartment he shared with Boris. Which was a rather odd realization.

''But… if he tried to kill you why did you move in with him?''

He didn't blame her for that puzzled look on her face. Actually he often found it on his own face when he looked into the mirror. It hadn't made sense months ago, and it still didn't. In a way it was all very unreal to him, and yet it was the most natural thing in the world.

''Well, we met in the early teens. This was when he tried to kill me. Later on, years later in fact, we found each other at the same session at the Institute. Things… well, I don't know, changed I guess.''

''Interesting'' she said. ''Why do you think they changed?''

He shrugged helplessly, because he actually had no clue.

''I don't know. It's like we found something in one another that we had never noticed before.''

''Like two lost dogs seeing a reflection of themselves in the other's eyes?''

''Uh…''

He didn't know what to make of that. But to some extent he guessed it was true. He had recognized the pain and the hurt in Boris, and security had lulled itself into their aquintance and grown into them. As time went by they had just bonded more and more, grown to each other. He wasn't sure how, he wasn't sure when and he wasn't sure why, but that didn't really matter anymore.

''So, what sort of relationship do the two of you have now?''

''I….'' Rei started, but there was no good way to end that sentence.

''Are you friends or…'' Peony tried to lend him a helping hand. ''are you something else?''

''I… I guess… something else.''

''Oh, so he's your boyfriend?''

She looked warmly at him, but he only felt confused. There really wasn't a good way to define the two of them and the more he thought about it the more confused he felt.

''I wouldn't call him my boyfriend. He's… well, he's just Boris. There's no better way to describe him, and no folder to place him in. Boris is never a title, he's simply… well, him.''

Peony smiled and at that, Rei couldn't help but smile a little too.

''You sound like you like him. Are you confused over your relationship?''

''Yeah…'' he admitted, looking around the room for a distraction of sorts. ''I wonder how hate turned to love but most of all…''

His eyes fell on a large framed diploma which hung on the wall. Below it a bookshelf was placed which was packed with various photographs and odd objects he didn't really recognize. The thing that caught his eye the most though, was the one of a younger looking Peony and a small child.

''You're afraid he'll leave you if you push too hard?'' her voice spoke, but it was sounding distant.

They looked so happy in the picture, sun shining behind their backs and smiles broad and wide. For a moment it felt like he was standing in that picture himself, with his mother at his side instead of his shrink. It was so similar he thought, bringing up old memories he didn't want to reconcile to.

Peony caught his momentary source of interest and glanced at the picture herself.

''Ah'' she said, like she had forgotten it was even there, or at least tried to. ''That's Hunter.''

He looked at her, and a momentary look of regret, or perhaps even resentment, he didn't really know, took place in her eyes. Like the very name itself was a dark part of the past which she couldn't get rid of, but didn't want to keep. Like that old, tattered, smelly coat in the back of your closet which is simply dreadful to look at but you don't have the heart to throw it away because once it meant something dearly to you.

The little child, blonde and round-faced with the same marbled eyes as Peony herself, smiled so bright that for a moment Rei thought he could almost hear the picture laugh. In a way it was a bit spooky. Something inside of Rei told him that this picture held more past secrets to it than Dr. Peony would let on. But she merely smiled a fake but convincing smile and Rei decided to let the subject go.

''How long have the two of you been together?'' she said, and Rei thought for a moment.

''You know, that's a tricky question. I don't know where it began or how it evolved, really…''

''But if you guess?''

He shrugged helplessly clueless.

''I don't know, doctor.''

''Well, how long have you lived together then?''

''Oh... uhm… A few months?''

He really had no clue about anything and this left Rei feeling fairly stupid. He had no idea what month it really was, and time seemed to flow by as it wished without any special pace at all. Things had just melted into each other and he had no real appreciation of how long he had stayed in London. He made an awkward smile, and Dr. Peony let out a soft laugh.

''You seem to be a very sweet, charming young man, Rei. I doubt any sane person would leave you.''

''I don't think Boris is what one would call sane''

''But think about it this way; If he would leave you, wouldn't he have done it already?''

Rei shrugged.

''It's difficult. You just never know with Boris. He isn't really… reliable. You can never really count on his emotions.''

''Some of them are more consistent than others, are they not?''

''But Boris… is different. He's never felt anything remotely good towards anyone before. He's… it's like the only thing he can feel is hate and now for the first time there's something else. How do you know that is an emotion you can really trust to be persistent?''

Peony thought about it, piecing the words together like they were parts of some puzzle or broken toy. Rei watched her all the while, not feeling too certain. If the Russian's emotions could be trusted to really last, he didn't know. Did he dare gamble? In a way, he didn't have anything to lose, so why not? Why was he still a little afraid?

''Rei, there is always something at stake when you wager with love. You have to trust the other, and then take whatever comes your way. Boris may be a virgin in the field of affection, but then again, aren't we all?''

He shrugged at her, nodding slightly.

''I guess.''

''Do you want to lose him?''

His eyes widened, like he had just been accused of something horrible. The psychologist watched him carefully while Rei violently shook his head.

''No! Why would you think that?'' he said protectively.

There was another smile from the woman, a much more reassuring this time.

''Then don't worry. Let things go as they may. If you love him and believe in helping him with his drinking, then don't give up in fear of him leaving. Would you rather see him perish?''

''What?! No! Of course not!''

''Then, Rei, don't think about it. Do what you can and let Boris act thereafter. If he leaves, then I guess you didn't have much going on between you anyway. If he stays, then you're one lucky man.''

He said nothing, not really having any words to speak. He weighed her advice in his mind, tasting it carefully. Letting out a small sigh, he smiled sadly. In a way, she made sense. If it came down to it, if Boris lived then it didn't matter if he left Rei. Staying by his side just to see him die would be even worse. And he was determined to help the Russian, even if the man wanted it to or not. Whatever happened, he guessed he would just have to take Dr. Peony's advice and take the risk.

''Ooops!'' Peony said a bit startled, looking at the clock on the wall. ''Look at the time, we've chit chatted away one hour already!''

She stood up, stretching her hand out for Rei to shake. He stood up and did so, and the shrink smiled friendly, for the thousandth time, at him.

''Welcome back next week, Rei, if you're still up for it?''

''Next week, Dr. Peony.'' He nodded, smiling politely.

She chuckled benevolently, waving her hand in slight embarrassment.

''Please, call me Mathilda.''

**X**

They were sitting outside in the cold, fresh night. The silence was soft and the sky dark, like a cloak or a veil, decorated with small, glistening jewels in the far distance. The moon stood round and proud and high on the sky, casting silver light over the moving city. The grass was cool against his skin and Rei felt rather peaceful for the moment. The park was empty of people and it seemed to have been a good idea to take a midnight walk. Boris on the other hand, didn't look too happy about it. Then again, when did he ever?

''Why are we sitting outside?'' he snarled bitterly.

Rei smiled discretely, arms crossed behind his head and eyes set on the beautiful, brilliant sky.

''You can stand a little cold, can't you?''

The Russian snorted, looking very quarrelsome, a settled look on his face. It wasn't the cold that bothered him, he could withstand extraordinary temperatures without complaining. It was just that the whole idea seemed stupid. He never was the outdoor-kind of person and taking a walk in the middle of the night just for the sake of sitting in a park looking at the sky sounded gruesomely boring to him.

''Oh, look at that one!'' Rei said before he could complain further, pointing at the numerous stars and constellations spread out above them

It was like looking at a black ocean of diamonds, each of them resembling an icon, a picture of something fable-like. Rei looked at them with vivid fascination. He loved nights like this one. The calm and gentle ones which spoke no words of harm during which he could just sit back for a moment and relax. England really wasn't that bad, especially not at this night when all the monsters of London seemed to be hiding someplace else. The moonlight reflected gracefully in his golden eyes and made them glow, like a smaller set of stars much closer to the ground, shot down from the sky but still shining. Boris muttered something, scratched his chin and glared distastefully at the sky. Why he had even followed Rei he didn't really know. Perhaps he just go caught up in the moment, perhaps it was something alluring in Rei's voice that coaxed him into it. Or perhaps, Boris simply didn't have anything better to do.

''It looks like a bird!'' the Chinese said, almost childishly.

Boris raised his eyebrows at the image above him, not seeing any special form or shape at all. Mostly it just looked like an assembling of dots. Scarce lights who had escaped their lanterns. He never really got why people were so fascinated by the sky. It was just an empty void, after all.

''Where in the hell do you see the resemblance of a bird in that blur?''

''There! See the beak is there, and those stars are the talons and those are the wings…'' Rei pointed enthusiastically, leaning closer towards Boris who still failed to see this so called bird. ''It sort of looks like a falcon, doesn't it?''

''It doesn't look like anything.'' Boris muttered, his disliking for the sky just growing.

Rei looked meaning at him, Boris' eyes dressing in a coat of menace. The Chinese sighed then, letting the subject go, leaning back against the grass. They sat in more silence, wondering, pondering, waiting for something they were not sure exactly what it was. Still, Rei thought the moment was a comfortable one. The most comfortable they had had in days.

Suddenly, one of the bright lights in the sky seemed to flare up, before hastily falling down the skyline. Like a silver tear of light, a crack in the black, it fell further and further down into oblivion. Rei blinked, wondering if he had just seen what he thought he had seen.

''Was that a shooting star?''

The look on Boris' face couldn't have lacked more interest than what it already did.

''Hn'' he muttered gruffly.

''We should make a wish!''

Rei sat up now, energetically pointing towards the spot where the star had sat. Silently he wondered whether it had had a nice life before it died and if anyone would ever notice that it was gone. And in that case he wondered if anyone would miss it. Perhaps the other stars would, or maybe they were all too far apart to even know each other. What did the world look like to a star? Was it far and distant, impossible to touch? Were the stars gazing down in smugness at the world, or perhaps in envy?

Boris frowned, looking at Rei like he was an idiot.

''Why?''

''Because that's what you do when you see a falling star. You make a wish.''

''And what would I possibly have to wish for?''

Rei shrugged thoughtfully.

''I don't know. What do you want?''

''I want you to stop jabbing about balls of gas in the middle of nowhere.''

It was a cruel remark, but it just bounced off Rei like a rubber ball. He smiled to himself, then turned his smile towards Boris who was glaring passionately at him from the grass. It was not a bad sight, the Chinese thought. The Russian's hair was shimmering in the lights of the night, his eyes glistening every now and then. Against the darkly green grass and the black abyss that surrounded them, he looked strong and threatening. A look of seriousness donned Rei's features then, and he sunk back towards the grass again.

''Come on, Boris'' he said softly, and yet a bit lamenting ''Make a wish''

The Falcon sighed. He glared one last time at the sky, before he closed his eyes and made a wish. Rei looked curiously at him, grass tickling him in the face.

''What did you wish for?'' he asked, and grey eyes met his.

''Tsk'' Boris snorted. ''Like I'd tell you.''

The Tiger growled sullenly, and with a very childish pout he crept closer, his face finally hovering above the Russian's own. Rei gave him an indicating stare, strands of black hair falling over Boris' cold, pale skin. Their breaths were hot against their skin, almost enough to draw pain. Boris closed his eyes again, grinning maliciously.

''What if I tell you mine?'' Rei tried but the Flacon would have none of it.

''Nope.''

The dark haired man sighed then, and in a lump of defeat he fell down on the Russian, leaning his head against the strong chest. Feeling the added weight and warmth against his body, Boris raised one very questioning eyebrow. The tiger took no notice of this, though, and simply snuggled into the fabric of his jacket. Fighting the urge to reach out his hand and touch the Chinese, Boris clenched his jaw in refusal. It didn't help for long though, soon his hand seemed to act on its own accord. Mentally shouting angrily at it, ordering it to stay the hell in its place, the hand disobeyed rebelliously and soon had found its way into Rei's hair. The really disturbing thing with it all was when the man had started making that very weird sound which sounded suspiciously identical to a purr.

''Thank you'' Rei said suddenly, not moving from his comfortable position.

''Be careful or I might charge you for massage.''

''I didn't mean that. I meant tomorrow.''

Boris raised his head to look at him, a straining task for his neck but it was worth it just for the condescending look he was able to shoot off. Rei ignored it though, smiling at him, his lift looking soft and pearly in the night. It was odd, because the thoughts playing around with the Russian's sanity (or lack thereof) had never been there before. Or had they, but under lock and key? Was this new part of him not so new but in fact an ancient piece which had been hidden away? Rei's eyes held starlight, but no answers could be found hiding behind them. Perhaps it wasn't important, or maybe it would drive him mad. Either way, he guessed it wouldn't make any difference.

''Tomorrow?''

''The AA?''

''Oh, that.''

''You're still going, aren't you?'' Rei sounded worried again, which he seemed to have done a lot lately, and Boris always failed to comprehend why.

''Have you heard the ludicrous crap they're trying to brainwash people with?''

''What?''

''That twelve step program! Have you read it?''

Rei guiltily looked away.

''Ah... well... no.''

''Ah-_ha!'' _the Russian called out in triumph, pointing a victorious finger at him. ''Then I can gladly tell you with the greatest indignation that it is the most stupid thing I have ever read.''

''Oh...'' Rei bit his lip. ''How come?''

''Huh?''

''How come it's stupid? Because it helps people?''

Boris snorted.

''What on earth do you think of me, kitten?'' he said in feigned insult.

''Then what's so stupid with it?''

''Kitten, kitten, kitten'' Boris muttered. ''Look''

He arched his back to be able to reach his back pocket, digging around in it not looking the slightest bit strained by the effort of doing this and holding up Rei's entire weight. The Tiger looked mildly surprised, and even more so when Boris found the little paper he had been looking for and tossed it into the other man's face. Rei glared at him before picking the little note up, unfolding it with a mask of curiosity. His eyes rested upon the words, and slowly there was a slight raising of black eyebrows.

'''_One; We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable'_'' he quoted an excerpt of the text, frowning. ''What's so stupid about this?''

The Russian sighed in irritation, snapping the paper harshly out of the Tiger's hands. Rei hissed at the papercut that formed between his thumb and index finger, the pain invading the flesh like a pack of parasites. He sucked bitterly on it, an accusing look finding it's way out of his eyes. Boris ignored it though, and with a face of mockery held the paper so he could read it.

'''_Two; Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves _– would you listen to this? Can you hear the – '' he spit, but Rei only nudged him to continue. ''Hasty, aren't we?''

''Just read it!''

'''_A power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity._' Sanity! Just listen to it! It's fucking ridiculous! And this one, oh this one is juicy; '_Six; Were entirely ready to have God – _'' he paused to swallow down some bile '' '– _remove all these defects of character'_. Do you hear this Rei? They think I'm defected!''

Rei took the paper back into his own hand, skeptically eyeing it once more. Then a little demon of mischief pulled his mouth upwards in a subtle smile, which only made the growling in the depths of Boris' throat grow louder. He looked darkly at the paper, then at the Chinese, trying to figure out who he wanted to kick the most but came to no satisfactory conclusion.

'''_Eight; Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all._' Well, that doesn't sound bad at all, except – ''

''Except'' Boris voice was practically one massive avalanche of disgust by now ''I'd rather die than do a fucking amending list. Don't look at me like that!''

Rei didn't even try to hide his smile, the starlight in his eyes only increasing.

'''_Nine;_ _Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others'_ I think this is a very nice step.''

''Well I _don't_''

''I know you don't, but this list is not stupid.''

''They're not a support group, they're a fucking cult!''

Rei sighed hopelessly, leaning forward to plant a gentle kiss upon the grumpy Russian's creased forehead. Said man reached to snatch the list back, with intentions of destroying it in the most painful way he could think of if papers were to have emotions, but Rei held it out of his reach.

''What are you doing?''

The grey looked at him like it was obvious and that he was stupid to not realize these incredibly clear motives.

''I'm going to kill it'' he said simply, reaching out once more.

Rei shook his head and tucked the paper into his own back pocket, where he hoped it would be safe from the Falcon's sadistic plans. But he didn't count in the small trifle that there was no such thing as being 'safe' from Boris. This he realized when said man's hand traveled through the dark and practically molested Rei's back pocket, gripping after the note with a vengeance from hell. Rei squirmed away from him, falling back first onto the cold, dew covered ground. The Tiger looked meaning at him, eyes narrowed.

''Don't be so crude!''

''You like it.''

''I do?''

''Yes'' Boris nodded definitely with a light air of confidence. ''You do.''

He wasn't completely prepared for the kiss that intruded the skin of his cheek, and for a moment it left him speechless. Not that Boris was an overly talkative person otherwise, but still. He brusquely rubbed his cheek, the back of his hand not succeeding in getting the wet, annoyingly tingling feeling away.

''You know what I'd like even more?'' Rei's voice carried softly through the night.

''No, but I'm certain I don't care.''

''I'd be delighted'' Rei ignored him ''if you'd go to the AA tomorrow.''

Boris looked suspiciously at him. Maybe the world was plotting an evil conspiracy against him. Perhaps their secret plan was to brainwash him into strictly orthodox Christianity, whoever '_they_' were. Or maybe it was just the new medicine that made his brain all squiggly.

''We've been over this''

''Yes, but since you're still on the nay-side I think we could run it by one more time.''

''Well, no one's stopping you from going to the AA. Obviously you're overly excited about getting _me_ there. Maybe it's just so you can go there without seeming suspicious. Do you have a fetish for alcoholics?''

This theory was not all too fancied by the Tiger. Maybe it was the dark, but for a moment Boris almost thought he looked slightly carnivorous, like that sly cat who spent its day lying on top of the TV, plotting on how to bring forth your undoubtedly nasty demise.

''I'm not the one with a drinking problem, here''

Boris had to hand it to him; he had some balls to say something like that.

''My only drinking problem is that I can't have a simple drink without someone sniffing up my ass about it!'' his voice rose angrily, scratching on the border of fury.

Rei simply shook his head, sitting up.

''Whatever, Boris''

The answer wasn't satisfying, and so the Falcon snarled hatefully in response. His grey eyes seemed almost fiery with contempt and loathing, like supernovas in the dark vast space. Rei could've lost himself forever into those pits of raw, uncontrolled, rampaging anger. Sometimes it felt like just one look into those eyes would choke him, crush him with all the dark, rotten hostility that ruled them. Some days a simple breath was enough to knock him speechless. But he shrugged that off this time, a planning aura surrounding him.

''How about we make a deal?'' Rei said, but Boris looked bored at him.

''Bargaining with sex will only work so many times.''

''I'm sorry to disappoint you then, I was thinking of something else.''

A small spark of interest ignited in the Russian's unclothing, peeling stare.

''Oh?''

''I'll let you hit Sebastian as much as you want?''

''And what makes you think I wouldn't hit him simply because you won't let me?''

Rei sighed, shaking his head. There just was no way of winning this fight, it seemed. But drastic times calls for drastic measures, so Rei used the most drastic one he knew of; The Stare.

The Stare is most efficiently and correctly described as the nuclear weapon of the body. Simply put, you stare at your victim with the most chaotic mixture of lust, demanding, asking and tempting spiced with a little hint of cunning aggression, and in some extreme cases a pinch of kindness. This tornado like blur of contradictions will end up, hopefully, in an explosion of ferociousness, coaxing your victim into relenting just for the pure shock of it.

Of course, this only works if the victim isn't a callous bastard.

''What the hell are you on?'' Boris so crudely barked, breaking The Stare into obliterated speckles of debris.

''Come on! It's not like you have anything better to do!''

''Oh, I wouldn't be so sure of that.'' A smirk fell upon the Falcon's lips forming a perverted, twisted madman grin.

Rei raised his eyebrows, warily eyeing him.

''Enlighten me.''

''Well, there's you and a shower to my disposal. You do the math.''

''That's it!'' Rei snarled, standing up. ''I'm going home!''

''Aww, kitten doesn't want to play?''

''You sit here with your twisted fantasies, I'll be in bed – _sleeping,_ mind you – come back when you're not a rabid animal!''

Boris glared after the retreating form of the Chinese, not too cheerful about losing his favorite toy.

''What am I supposed to play with if you're not here?''

''I don't know! Yourself, a tree – there's plenty to pick from!''

''_Rei!_''

''Don't catch a cold.''

He was just about to throw back some fancy insult at him, but Rei had disappeared into the shadows in the last second. Growling furiously at his wake, Boris hit the ground hard. The old healing wounds on his knuckles burst open anew, spewing out blood like there was no tomorrow. He glared at the damage to his hand, as if his mere hatred alone would make it crouch in fear and run away. But to his bitter disappointment and growing anger, it didn't, and he was left alone with the mocking, leering old moon. He shot his best murder glare at it, almost seeing the scornful smile upon the pale piece of rock hanging in the far away distance.

''What the fuck are _you_ laughing about?''


	20. Wilted Flowers

Sometimes it feels like the pace of the plot is too slow, and then it's too fast and I just never know with this story. Ah. And Boris reminds me depressingly much about a guy I've been ogling since… well, last summer… neh.

Oh. I am _so_ evil. You should see me grinning maliciously when I think about the plot and how evil it is. Angst, baby, angst!

* * *

**Chapter Twenty  
****Wilted Flowers**

Some days he just hated his job. He knew he shouldn't, because in his line of work one had to be actively involved with whatever task would be planted on one's hands. He knew that if he gave up on them, they would do the same. No, he wasn't as conceited as to believe that they couldn't live without him and that he would save the whole world from misery just by showing up. But he knew that he was one of the very few things in the world that actually tried to help them and if he quit then what would that tell them about life? No. James might have hated his job from time to time, but he was resolute. Even though it was a Monday and even though they were out of cream for the coffee and the members were growing cranky quicker than he liked, he had to take it like a man.

Everybody hates Mondays, he hummed silently to himself, everybody does so just get it going.

The room was filled with chatter, arguments, insults and a throat cutting blur of indifference and rage. Rei was hid away in a corner as per usual, curiously watching them while trying to not draw too much attention to himself. James was looking through some of his papers, the circle of chairs occupied with snarling addicts, all feeling the very same hatred for the day. Boris was looking bored, clenching and unclenching is jaw trying to convince his squirming mind that it would soon all be over and he was not growing soft just because he had come there. He could leave whenever he wanted to, he was not being a pussy. He simply had nothing to do and that wild, arousing golden stare had nothing to do with it, _nothing!_

A sardonic smile crept its way onto James' lips and died, degrading into a very false and strained _thing_ that they couldn't really recognize.

''Hello, everyone!'' he cheered bravely.

'_Hello_'s and '_hrn'_s greeted him in return. Some of them just sat in silence. He noticed clearly when someone didn't want to be there, and often this made him wonder why they even bothered. But it made him glad as well because just with them being there he actually had a chance to try to help them. It could work out either way, but as long as there was a possibility, however slim, there was hope. And James liked hope very much, almost as much as he liked the beach and documentaries.

''Before we begin, let's start with a prayer''

At the words Boris eyes roared so heatedly with refusal the very air between him and James seemed to fall apart. The dirt blonde man looked nervously at him, and yet his tired face was scrunched in irritation.

''What is it, Boris?''

''I'm not saying a prayer.''

''Because?''

''Because it's stupid.''

A gasp seemed to leap through the room, behind it a weak chorus of poorly hid snickers following. Some in the room glared at him in annoyance, others in dismay and the rest with indifference or amusement. James was, as always, very used to this, but it always irritated him beyond limits. He muttered, shaking his head. He knew there really was no use trying to persuade the grey haired man into anything. How the hell the Chinese had gotten him to go to the AA in the first place was beyond him. Perhaps he would have to ask Rei for a little advice later on.

''Boris, I would appreciate it if you didn't talk in such a manner about it. Some of us are actually wanting to.''

''Say whatever fucking prayer you want, shrimp, I'm not doing it.''

The brown eyes closed, a sigh escaping James' lips. He shook his head, defeat clawing through him at once. The group watched the two tensely, the very air itself growing sticky and like glue hard to push down the throat. But then, just when James was about to let it go and continue, Sebastian stood up.

''Hey man, don't be such a fucking dickhead! Say the prayer or piss off!'' his voice, even when angry, seemed like a perfectly tuned rock song.

Boris hated the man even more as he met the washed out eyes. He turned around to drill this feeling into the blonde's head with the most brutal force he could summon, teeth showing, ready to rip his throat up. But Sebastian only glared back, rebellious and reckless.

''Why don't you go find yourself some herpes infected groupies?''

''Hey, I do _not_ have herpes!''

''No right, that would require actually having a dick.''

''What the hell did you just say?!''

Sebastian rose furiously from his seat, the Falcon immediately doing the same. The two men stood growling, almost barking with a rabid look of blood thirst and boiling anger in their eyes, resembling two alpha males fighting over territory. Maybe in a way, they were. Sebastian did not like this newcomer to just barge into his realm and wreck everything that he had fought so long to gain. It wasn't an easy life and he had found trust and family in the group, and he did not want an outsider to throw that in the dirt. Sebastian had gotten so much thrown in the dirt through his meager life, this time he would defend what was dear to him.

''What? Did you stand too close to your speakers?''

''I'll kill you!'' the blonde yelled hoarsely, leaping at the man with no second of hesitation.

Boris only scoffed patronizingly, throwing one well aimed punch at the man instantly sending him to the floor. Blood rushed evilly out of the blonde's nose, making him almost faint. He was terrified of blood, and the thought of someone harming his face was just unbearable. James quickly stood up and rushed over to Sebastian, waving the other's who wanted to do the same away. Rei looked uncomfortable, shaking his head sadly. He knew this would happen, sooner or later it was bound to. It was inevitable after all, the hostility in Boris' eyes had been impossible to miss. Rei sighed, readying himself before he got up and very carefully walked over to the Russian.

Boris was only mildly shaking in anger, his face harsh and his eyes murdering. Rei carefully reached out a hand, unsure if he really dared touch the man when he was in such a foul mood. The Falcon looked like he was just about ready to kill everyone in the room and when he felt the hand on his shoulder, he raised his hand to rip it off. But when he met Rei's scowling stare, the hand hindered itself.

''Boris, it's a waste of time'' he said, trying to sound calm.

''He's asking for it''

''I know but that doesn't matter. If you want to kill him, fine. But do it after the meeting, okay?''

The grey glared disliking at him, churning and roaring restlessly, his fists twitching as if a magic force drew them towards Sebastian's whining form, aching to hurt him. James helped Sebastian stand up, a girl running for some napkins to stop the bleeding of the thin nose.

''Why not now?'' Boris growled, glancing hatefully towards them.

Rei brought a hand to Boris' face, forcing him to look at him.

''Please? After the meeting?''

They stared at each other for a while, Rei's stomach jumping in anxiety as the malevolent look on the Russian's face diminished, leaving room for simple bitter resent.

''Whatever.''

Rei smiled.

''Thank you'' he said and placed his arms around the man's strong neck, hugging him warmly.

James had no idea whatever it was that Rei did to get the Russian to calm down, but he was thankful no less. The others in the group seemed to think the same thing, sitting back in their chairs, waiting for the meeting to get back on track. But Sebastian was far from done, his anger only growing.

''Hey, your problem is me!'' he snarled at him, but pointed accusingly at Rei. ''Get that fag away!''

There was a moment of complete, absolute, heart-stopping silence. The kind of silence that occurs before a wild tornado, or the end of the world. It's when everyone knows all deals have been dealt and there is no turning back, nothing to do to stop the oncoming doom. They all knew this was going to be ugly, macabre in monstruous amounts, and all they could do was stare at the scene, their voices in hiding. Boris' eyes flamed up, erupting like volcanos, oncoming meteors ready to strike Sebastian into itsy bitsy bits of dust in the air, ramming him to the ground until every trace of his existence was drowned in blood. Rei tensed immediately, partially hurt of the comment and partially in fear because he knew that look. He knew it like the back of his hand, he had seen it and the effect that followed in its wake.

Sebastian gulped, but remained stubborn and settled. He crossed his arms defiantly, glaring at Boris, daring him to make a move. Boris took this challenge, letting go of Rei he stepped closer to the blonde, the essence of his being reeking of black, looming, ominous destruction.

''What – did – you – say?'' his voice hissed, like knives through their minds.

Sebastian forced down a tremble, the anger trying to run away from him to save its own neck, but he clung desperately to it because he knew it was the only thing that would help him stand his ground. Although, running away seemed to be a very good idea at the moment.

''Boris'' Rei said, reaching out a hand to place on his shoulder but Boris shoved it away.

''No, Rei. I'm interested'' he snarled, drilling his glare deeper into Sebastian. ''What the fuck did you say?''

The blonde was not going to stutter. He refused to be kicked around, getting his _face_ hurt and not defending himself. No one hurt his face, no one in the entire universe was allowed to even breathe on it. He was going to get his revenge and it was going to be sweet, almost as sweet as his eyes.

''I said; get that fucking _fag_ away''

Boris restraints broke, and the moment he leaped at the blonde was the moment that Sebastian regretted ever coming to that meeting in the first place. Sweet revenge was nothing compared to his own life, and it had all seemed like an awfully stupid idea as furious, savage fists pummeled his face in.

''Boris, for the love of..! Calm down!'' Rei shouted, grabbing the Falcon's arm in mid air.

His fists were covered in blood, the same red liquid oozing out of Sebastian's broken face as if it was natural. Boris eyes were glazed over with the atrocious, cruel hearted wrath and he couldn't see anything but the blood and the lust it filled him with. He wanted to see more of it, wanted to hear that delicate face break beneath his hands. The adrenaline rushed through him unlike any rush he had ever felt and he heard nothing, saw nothing, felt nothing other than the sweet, sweet pain coming from the blonde. A sadistic grin cracked open on the Falcon's face, like his very own face was splitting in the seams. Rei gritted his teeth, clinging to the arm like it was his last hope.

''Boris, calm down! It's okay!'' his voice cut through the room, but went to deaf ears. ''Boris, let it go!''

Sebastian coughed, the others looked appalled and James wondered exactly why God hated him. Boris shook in tremors worthy an earthquake, hitting the blonde once more. Rei roared in frustration, grabbing the Falcon's face with his hands and with all the strength Rei had, his eyes as well as his nails cut into the man, his heart beating so loud it was painful.

Boris looked up at him then, as if realizing for the first time that he was there.

''Let me go, Rei! He's fucking dead!''

''Boris, stop it! Leave it!''

''Did you fucking hear him?!''

''Yes and it doesn't matter! Just don't do it, don't! I'm begging you, Boris, goddamn it I am _begging _you to leave it be!''

Boris panted, retracting his arm ever so slightly as he searched those golden eyes for something, anything. Rei just looked at him, loosening the grip on the face, red and angry marks after his nails forming on the pale skin. The Falcon snarled.

''It hurt'' he said, his voice cold.

Rei frowned.

''Hurt?''

''Yes'' Boris eyes looked mad, outraged and frantic. ''It hurt, didn't it? What he said hurt you.''

''Well…'' Rei was speechless, looking at the blood covered and whimpering form on the floor.

''Answer me Rei!'' Boris barked and Rei snapped his head back to look at him.

''It… yes of course it hurt, Boris. What did you expect?''

Instults were silly things to get worked up over, he knew that. But there were just things that pushed the right buttons and hurt the right spots. Rei's mind was flooded with all the hate and disgust people had shown towards him for something as simple as his sexuality. He hated those insults and those looks that he had been given and a part of him was angry at Sebastian for even insulting him in that way because Rei knew he didn't deserve that. He himself wanted to punch the man in the face, but there was a limit that even revenge had to obey. It had gone too far already.

''It doesn't matter. I don't care about him.''

But that didn't satisfy the Russian, it didn't even touch him. His muscles screamed at him to quit stalling and just finish it already, spasms indicating how badly he just wanted to move. But Rei clung onto him with all he had, like he always seemed to do and whatever happened it always came down to this. He always had to be the one true line between the right and wrong, he always had to put an end where one was needed.

''Let me go'' Boris warned darkly one last time before his raging mind took over completely, making him indifferent as to whoever he hurt just to get to Sebastian.

''Boris, I told you, I don't care about him! But I care about you so stop this, it's enough, he got the message!''

But the Falcon just wouldn't listen, wouldn't care and he wouldn't stop and it was getting dangerous now. James stood up in question, wondering if he would have to step in or if that would just complicate everything further. The heavens knew how much he hated commotions and fights and everything that required something more from him, he was afraid he could never grant it. There were not many ways in which he was useful, and the ones where he was weren't often requested. He looked helplessly at the others, who looked as lost as he did. Sebastian sat up, pain radiating from his every pore. He whined loudly, backing away quickly from the Russian whose only reason for not tackling him and finishing the whole thing was because those hands that held his face had snuck into his hair, gently playing with it.

Those light touches shut him down momentarily, no other feelings present but the ones of how extremely comfortable it felt. It was like scratching a raging monster under the chin, making it relax from its current killing spree. Rei smiled at the thought, his eyes sparkling now. As the Falcon's breathing relaxed as well, he withdrew his hands from the hair only to be stopped by a fierce grip on his wrist, making the skin pale remarkably as white clouds of pain. He winced slightly at it, Boris' cold, cold eyes staring right through him, leaving Rei with the feeling of being naked.

Then the grip loosened, and Boris let out a long, harsh and annoyed sigh.

''Kitten, you suck all the fun out of everything.'' He growled morosely in bitter disappointment.

Rei chuckled, his fangs peeking through, making that something inside of the other tick. He always wondered what the hell it was and why it was there, but he didn't mind much. Instead he leaned forward to raid those lips and feel those teeth against his skin, to grab a hold of that body and smell that skin. But Rei put up a hand against his chest, shaking his head.

''No, no, no! Meeting first, then you can have your fun.''

The grey eyes narrowed, demanding their pleasure and promising great disasters to whoever denied him it. But Rei took no notice of it and simply retracted his hand, the smile still evident. Boris snarled for the billionth time, hating the whole meeting even more for depriving him of his pleasures. But then, a mysterious, suspicious, brusque look darkly mixed in his eyes with brutal, raw disobedience and Rei knew that look. He knew he would probably have to get away before that callous grin spread any further, and the others who didn't even look at him felt that there was something very ugly around.

The Falcon swept down like he was nothing but a clawing bird, a fierce grip locked Rei's head where it was, tilting it up to meet the hungry, ruthless lips that crashed and burned against them. Rei resigned, allowing the kiss to sweep him off his feet because that was the thing with Boris; it didn't matter how much disasters unfolded around him, Rei would always, always lose himself in those lips, harsh, insensitive and plundering.

Then Boris would let go, departing and with him he always seemed to take a part of Rei with him. Like there was a price for participating in the wonders of life. Every time a small, small, dull part of his heart would twist into a funny knot and then it would stay like that, thickening his throat and weakening his legs. And only when Boris got close again would that part return. Rei didn't understand what it was, he had never felt it that much before. Sure, through his years there had been an occasional crush, bit this time he suspected it might have grown bigger than that. The beast that lurked within their hearts, growling and spitting, grew for each kiss, for each touch and look and fight and reunion. The beast of what exactly, he had no idea. But it was there alright, waiting.

His lips ached irritably, his cheeks burning with a wild blush as Rei stared shocked into nothing. Boris smirked a very smug smirk, stepping away from that soft and breathing source of warmth. It was an odd thing, that warmth, but it was pleasant and he guessed he could use a little of it now and then. Sitting down on his chair though, he really wished he could just grab the Tiger by the ponytail and demand he stayed with him so Boris could have something to play with. But he didn't, and Rei returned back to the seat in the distant corner of the room, James giving them one final sigh.

''There, are we done now?''

''I'm not!''

''I know that, Sebastian, I can _see_. But you're breathing so keep quiet.''

The blonde looked very offended at first, but like an unruly mutt, he decided to keep to himself and slightly growling sunk back into his chair. Boris could barely feel something tickle his skin, twitching around a little like a small mosquito bite. But he took no more notice of it and never realized that Sebastian sat throwing death glares at him worthy… well, not really worthy anyone.

''Alright'' James said, looking at them with a weak, hardworking smile. '' I notice some faces that have been absent decided to show up today, so I though I should just check up on things. How have you been since last time, group?''

That was what Rei liked and respected about James. How the man seemed timid and coy at first, but when he really had to he could be a kind yet firm leader. He always seemed to handle the meetings smoothly, gaining the trust and respect from the others but most importantly he made them feel like they were among friends who would never judge them. Boris was of course, as he always was, an exception, but Rei could ignore that. As long as Boris was there he could be how unpleasant he desired.

A short, angry looking girl raised a small hand, her face bored but her sea blue eyes couldn't help smiling. James gave her a nod.

''Robin, yes?''

''Guess how long it was since my last drink?'' she said smugly, a smile beginning to form.

James smiled back att her, which one couldn't help but doing around her. She was that sort of person who could, in the right mood, turn everything into a joke and often just by laughing herself she brought others with her. But there was also a very vicious side of her, one that had gotten more room to play with since the alcohol got too much control of her. James liked her in some odd way, just as much as he found her weird.

''I don't know Robin, how long?''

''Three months!'' she cheered, holding up four fingers gesturing. ''Three months!''

James smiled at her, not mentioning the incorrect hand gesture. As he began clapping his hands at her, the others (Boris not included) joined in as well and when the girl leaned back into her chair again, she was feeling very proud.

''That's great!'' James looked around at the rest of them. ''Anyone else?''

''Well, I got offered a drink yesterday and I said no'' a dark haired man in his mid years mumbled, blushing under the attention he received.

''I am very glad, Isaac, you should be proud of yourself!''

The man laughed a short, light laugh, scratching the back of his head in nervousness. They continued that way for a while, each person having something to tell and the group always having encouraging support to offer. When they had nearly gone the circle round, James was feeling a little better about his Monday. In the spur of the moment, only Sebastian was left muttering in his own anger. Ignoring this the dirt blonde man readjusted his glasses and with a slight pang of hesitation turned towards Boris who had sat immobile and silent the whole time, only staring in scorn at something invisible.

''Boris, is anything new with you?''

''Hn.'' He snorted, still staring.

''Boris, please, you haven't said anything the whole…''

''I started with a medicine, happy?''

The words were thrown so violently in his face James could almost feel the physical sting. Boris refused to meet his eyes at first, annoyed without any doubt but then he turned his face towards the other man, and with just one look convinced James that if he even tried to clap his hands he would get them ripped off and shoved into very unpleasant places.

''What medicine is it?''

''You keep wondering that, four-eyes.''

The insult bit a his throat, but James decided to ignore it, sighing in exasperation. Moving on, they soon discussed oncoming events, topics and speakers. That followed by a discussion of medicine and how many found it useful, under which Boris gave no indication of even listening. After that they moved on to sharing experiences, and yet again the Falcon was somewhere else in his mind. Talking a bit more James decided to finally call it a day with a prayer. As their chorused words filled the room from floor to roof, Rei stood up, waiting patiently by the coffee section. The group disbanded, James thanking them and each one moved to their own destination. Some got out of there completely, another few stayed to talk to James and Boris, discretely followed by two others, went over to the coffee.

''Hey there, stranger'' Rei smiled, sipping some coffee.

''And you are?'' Boris raised an indignant eyebrow, mockery twitching at his lips.

''I'' Rei pointed at his chest. ''am your number one fan, of course!''

''Ah, so you are the one who sent me those dead cats and naked pictures?''

Rei choked on the coffe, his face flaming a bright red.

''What?! I did not!''

Boris shrugged in indifference, a slight tint of disappointment in his eyes.

''No, sadly not.''

Rei snorted, shaking his head as he threw the little plastic cup in the garbage bin. Hand on his hip he walked closer to Boris, poking him in the chest with a Cheshire grin.

''Behave yourself''

Boris scoffed.

''I always behave myself.''

The Tiger laughed softly at him.

''Should we go?''

''Why do you even ask? Let's go before we catch the Moron Syndrome.''

''I don't think you can catch syndro – ''

But the Russian didn't listen and only shoved his hands down his pockets, large and determined steps carrying him closer to the exit. Rei rolled his eyes, just about to do the same when someone snickered beside him. He turned around curiously, giving the snickering man a very odd look. It was the black haired man from before, Isaac or whatever James had called him. Rei raised a questioning eyebrow at the man, who smiled warmly.

''How on earth did you get him to warm up?'' he said, voice dark and bear like.

Rei glanced over his shoulder, spotting Boris who stood glaring at him from the door, anxious to leave. The Tiger turned back to Isaac, shrugging helplessly, a sheepish look on his face.

''I often wonder that myself.'' He said, and Isaac laughed again.

''Good catch anyway'' the ruffled man gave him thumbs up, before grabbing a handful of cookies and walking away.

Rei watched him for a moment, before an angry snarl from the exit brought him back to reality. Shaking his head in amusement, he jogged over towards him. The grey eyes glared suspiciously at him, then possessively narrowed to glare hatefully at Isaac who for the moment was discussing something with James. Rei smiled amiably, softly taking Boris' arm.

''What are you glaring about?''

''He looked funny at you.'' Boris snarled, his hand reaching for the door.

''He was telling me what a good catch you were''

A grey eyebrow rose in disbelief, Boris' upper lip quirking in a weird twitch. He snorted then, pushing the door open. The fresh air of late spring greeted them, the sun showering the streets in gold as Rei and Boris went outside. Leaving the AA behind for now, Boris growled in satisfaction.

''I most certainly am''

Rei smiled again and silently couldn't help but agree.

**X**

Hissing – churning – yelling – roaring – hurting. Hissing – churning – yelling – roaring – hurting. Hissing – churning – yelling – roaring – hurting. _Hissing – churning – yelling – roaring – hurting._

Boris tried to chase the enormous rampaging chaos of sounds out of his head, but it didn't work. They were persistent, like a bad infection that made his mind swell up and hurt, ache, pound and pound and pound until he just wanted to hit something. His skin was itching and his head was hurting, it was like a bad hangover but still not. How many hours the Russian had lain there he did not know, but the clock was way past midnight and still he hadn't fallen asleep. His fingers were trembling even as he forcefully gripped the sheets until they twisted into sweat covered lumps beneath his hands. The stupid medicine, which was supposed to help him, felt more like a lethal toxin running manically inside his body. As he thought about it – which was all he could do since not even Rei's peaceful breathing calmed him down – he was beginning to feel that he had just allowed the doctor to kill him.

Turning to his side for what felt like the thousandth time, exploring all the numerous undiscovered sleeping positions there was, he growled dissatisfied. Rei let out a snore in his sleep, turning away from him, hair escaping its ponytail and limbs stretched out like scattered twigs. If he had ever wanted a drink so much he could not fathom the remembrance, because that moment – even though the medicine was supposed to work against this addiction of his. How that was supposed to be possible he couldn't understand, not since every part of his mind just burned for a sip of cold beer, or the warmth of vodka or even the fruity tingle of wine. It didn't matter. But he couldn't take any more of it so with the greatest face of irritation he could think of, he pulled himself out of bed and ignored the weak feeling that molested his brain.

Fuck sideffects, he grumbled silently. This was one reason he never liked medicine. Like he hadn't gotten enough of pills and needles and men in white coats at the Abbey, no now they had to pester his adult life too. His free life which was supposed to be only his own. Where the hell was the justice in that?

Opening the fridge, more for the old habit of getting a midnight beer than the actual point of doing it, he was as expected met with nothing but food. Nasty food that glared foully at him. Relentless it leered, sneered and pointed at him with its stupid labels, as if it knew what he was thinking and that he was a fool for doing so. Boris was just about to rip the food out and throw it into the nearest wall when the phone rang.

He glared angrily at it, now more interested in destroying the phone for interrupting his ruthless vengeance. The shrill tone rang through the air like a cut through his eardrum, making the pounding inside his head increase tenfold. Snarling he ripped it out of its cradle, barking with the uttermost force he could muster into the speaker end.

''_WHAT?!_''

There was shocked silence on the other end, contemplative breathing and then a hesitant cough.

''_Uh_ – _hello, I am sorry to disturb you this ungodly hour Mr., but… do you by any chance happen to be Mr. Rei Kon?''_

''What the fuck do you want with him now? He's asleep you idiot! What are you? A fangirl?''

The hostility that almost exploded in his words made the woman on the other line stutter for a moment, hastily wonder why on earth she got the job of calling a madman. Boris shook in poorly concealed impatience, his grip tightening around the phone in annoyance.

''_No, I'm not a … fangirl. I'm calling from the morgue._''

''Morgue? What the _hell_ are you trying to pull you sick fuck?''

''_I just called to say we need Mr. Kon to identify a body._''


	21. Belly of the Beast

I know I don't always answer reviews, but I hope you know I am really thankful for them. They really make my day. Thank you for taking time with this.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-one  
****Belly of the Beast**

It was cold there. Much colder than what he would have imagined. The lights bright and cutting, like shards of glass into his eyes, a buzzing from thousands of flies seemed to fill his head, the wallpapers, even the air he breathed. Rei tried to take a deep breath, tried to remain strong but as the white walls seemed to be closing in on him, the end of the corridor drifting further away the more he walked towards it, every ounce of mental strength he had seemed to be blown away. Everywhere laid silence, a foul feeling in the air that only follows death. Rei had never thought that he would have to go to a place like this and yet, how wrong he had been proven. Beside him Boris glared with hostility at whatever white coat wanted to block his path, and as a police officer greeted them by a crossing of corridors his scowl only deepened. But Rei didn't even notice, stiff from the bone a coldness had laid itself across him, his brain not even working, numbness ruling his mind and soul.

''Mr. Kon?'' the policeman said, and the Tiger could do nothing but nod stiffly, an uncertain frown on his face.

The police raised his eyebrows, but assumed it had to be a traumatizing experience and therefore he deemed Rei's behaviour as rightful. He himself had gotten used to the bodies, being at the morgue was like going out to buy a magazine for him. He waved his hand for them to follow then, beginning to walk further down the hall. They did so, and after a few minutes of haze-like walking, Rei barely noted that they had arrived to a room that would most definitely ruin his day. The Tiger fidgeted, taking a deep breath to brace himself he only seemed to inhale the despair that seemed to stick thickly to the air, clawing at the walls like desperate parasites with a fear of death. Which was rather ironic in a way since the whole room reeked of death, and the unbothered manner in which the two pathologists moved just made him shiver. How someone could be so close to death and still not care, like it was an everyday thing, it just unnerved him.

Boris looked bored as his eyes swept over the place, instantly deciding this was all a waste of time. But he stood silent where he was, waiting for the whole thing to be over with since it wasn't any of his business and he really couldn't be bothered with it anyway. If Rei just checked the body out – which he had no idea why he even had to – they could go home and he could try to sleep for the millionth time that night. Sleep deprivation was clawing at his mind but the Falcon refused to acknowledge it, instead staring meaning at the Tiger, urging him to proceed.

The older pathologist lowered his delicate glasses, sharp, grey eyes skewering them almost to a fatal point. He nodded in greeting, waving for Rei to come closer. Rei swallowed down the lump in his throat, but it only stuck to the hundreds of other lumps he had been trying to swallow during that night. Shaky steps carried him forward, hesitating and resisting as he only got closer to the table which he could have paid anything just to avoid.

''Mr. Kon?'' the pathologist said smoothly and unaffected while panic blended with anger curled in Rei's eyes.

How could the man not notice that foul, almost blinding smell of despair? The room was covered in it, death, solitude, cold, echo after echo of the imaginary flies adding his discomfort. Perhaps the doctor did notice it and simply – which the Tiger found even harder to understand – he was used to it. After an impatient look from the taller man, Rei nodded his answer to his question. The doctor made an odd twitching movement with his mouth before nodding towards the table.

''Well then. Could you tell me if you know this man?''

Rei looked at him, a lucid, pointed look which the pathologist was not sure of how he should interpret. The Chinese sighed, collected himself, failed and instead forced himself to turn around. People always say one should face one's demons, but that moment he was doubting that it was always such a safe card to play. Seeing the dead body before him now, he was resolute that this demon was better off forgotten. Blinking, not noticing Boris' looking partially curiously at him, trying to get his own limbs to move. But he could hardly even master a breath, staring into closed eyes which, had they been open, would have looked right through him. The sickly white skin, decorated with bruises the size of his hand, multiple stab wounds just gaping at him as if they were laughing at his confusion. Rei's mind made a daring loop before shutting off completely, leaving him with nothing but the painfully loud sound of his heartbeats and the even louder absence of the corpse's own. Staring down at his father, Rei had never felt so lost.

''Mr. Kon?'' the irked pathologist said, looking at him with empty eyes.

_He has the eyes of a corpse._

''I…'' he couldn't speak, his tongue seeming dead itself, as if anything living that went into that room perished. ''It… I… what happened?''

This mildly surprised the other man, but he regained his porcelain slick face, looking at the body as well.

''Loss of blood, I'd say. Most likely the end of a bar fight gone wrong since we found multiple traces of alcohol in his blood.''

''Yes, I – '' he swallowed, voice laced with bitter contempt. '' – that's not surprising me.''

''So you recognize him?''

He almost wanted to laugh at that. There he was, shocked, furious, depressed, nauseous and numerous other feelings all drowning him in one go, standing next to his dead father and they dared ask if he knew who it was? He closed his amber eyes, not bearing to look anymore, tiredly shaking his head.

''Yes, it's… It's…''

''It's his father.''

Rei looked up as he heard Boris' voice, surprised to see the man stand next to him as he had not heard him move, which was usually an easy thing for Rei to do. He blinked perplexedly, but the stoic look on the Falcon revealed nothing but repulsion which was flaming dangerously in his eyes. Glaring at the pathologist, Boris' taut mouth made it clear that they had nothing more to do there. The pathologist cracked a crooked grimace, puffing slightly.

''And you are?'' he said wryly, eying Boris' as if he was something you found on the underside of your shoe during a festival.

''I'm the one who'll rip your face off if you don't wipe away that fucking smile''

''Lovely. But if this is Mr. Kon's father, then we have our answer.''

''What, you _knew?_''

''Dental records, yes. But we had to make sure, and now we have. Officer Schwarz will fill you in on the rest.''

He gave a dismissive wave of the hand, pushing up his glasses as he turned to leave. But Boris was bristling with blind fury, just about to leap at him when he saw Rei leaving as well, his steps fast as he did not want to stay in that room any more than he absolutely had to. Muttering, casting one blaming look at the corpse, the Russian followed. But before the two of them had gotten over the threshold, the second pathologist spoke.

''There is something else, Mr. Kon. Something you should know.''

The former Bladers turned around, Rei staring questioningly at her, while Boris only looked thirsty for blood.

''What is it?''

''Did you know that your father was sick?''

Silence fell upon him as her words hit him mercilessly and ruthlessly. He blinked, trying to swallow the words but to no avail as they sounded merely as lies to him. But that was absurd since she had no reason to lie and yet Rei on some level wished dearly that she had. Shaking now he tried to keep the trembling of his voice minimal but lost control long before he even mouthed the words.

''S-sick?''

She nodded grimly as if this was harder for her than she thought it would be. After all she was used to bringing bad news, but it was just something with that lost look in Rei's eyes that threw her off.

''Yes. Even if the stab wounds hadn't killed him we assume he didn't have long to live anyway.''

''What – I don't understand… what disease?''

''Mr. Kon, your father had cancer gone far too long for him to be able to get treatment.''

Cancer. No, not this again. Not the very same thing that had killed his mother. As if he wasn't already having mixed feelings about the whole scenario, the whole day, his whole damn life – now cancer had to get a leading role as well? Where did it end? But it wasn't even half through, because her eyes told him that there was more to the tale.

''It might run in the family.''

And right there, right that moment, everything seemed to stop. There was no eerie, heart cutting silence left in the wake of the dead man's unmoving heart, he didn't even feel like he was dying just by being there anymore because that moment Rei wasn't sure if even his own heart was beating. He looked at her, perplexed, bewildered, mezmerised by the pure and utter detachment he was feeling – as if this was just a very bad dream.

''A frail thing, the human body. I think you should go to the hospital and check it up, Mr. Kon '' she continued and all he wished for was for her to shut up and let him run. ''I do know a good doctor, actually he's a friend of mine. Dr. Dafoe, have you heard of him?''

But there was no answer awaiting her as Rei bolted through the door.

Slightly surprised and almost a bit crestfallen the pathologist looked with wide, blinking eyes at the place where the Chinese man no longer stood and then with even more irresolution at the Russian who, with a last murdering look undoubtedly promising her a dark future, wasted no seconds and followed.

When Boris emerged in the meager, dull and lifeless corridor he didn't have to search long before he found the somewhat pathetic little bundle of black hair that sat in a personal little bubble on a bench, undoubtedly muttering nonsense. Muttering a little himself, although out of clear indignation, the Russian stepped up in front of the man glaring him into the wall with a force that would have made Nuclear Weapons bow down in shame and subjection. Of course to a bystander this would seem very harsh and more like a mental assault than anything, or a challenge to a death match – whatever gets you going – but for Boris this was just his way of offering some kind of mutated idea of comfort. He wasn't all too used to comfort, or experienced, since he had never been comforted through his life and he had never had anyone he'd really care to even bother comforting, so you don't have to be a genius on MENSA level to realize that this was not a very easy feat for him. But he tried and they say that it's the thought that counts.

Rei on the other hand didn't even acknowledge that he was there. He did know of course - the intensity of the death glare that drilled through him was enough to bring anyone out of one's stupor - that Boris was there and on some level he realized what the man was trying to do but that was all he could summon the energy to really register. This angered the Russian further and it took him a lot of self control that he didn't even know he possessed not to slap his kitten right in the face until one of them started bleeding.

''Rei'' he barked instead, not even bothering to try to sound any bit human because he knew he would fail anyway.

But the man didn't even look at him, just muttering, mumbling incoherent dribble, staring down at his own hands as he tried not to fall apart on the spot. The grey glimmered in irritation, the Falcon's jaw tensely clenched as the seconds ticked by, his fist firmly shoved into his pocket in case his self control just decided to abandon him.

''Rei, look at me.''

But Rei didn't want to look at him. He didn't want to because he knew that when he met those intense eyes of ferocious battlelust and raw, fierce power he wouldn't be able to keep it together. A straw of grass always yields under the foot of an elephant, it was the law of nature and that moment Rei was feeling very much like a grass straw. If he made eye contact, or even looked at any part of the Russian that he held so dearly, everything would come crashing down on him. The strength that the Russian seemed to radiate would just overpower him and he didn't want to start sobbing like some weak little child in front of him. Perhaps it was stupid of him to put pride before trust, but he just couldn't take being pathetic anymore. He had done that so much already, he was sick and tired of it and he knew that he couldn't subject himself to such things anylonger because it would just break him in half.

''_Rei_'' but Boris didn't care about that and instead snarled louder, demandingly harsh. ''Rei, I said _look at me_.''

Hesitantly, Rei did. And as he had thought, it didn't even take a second before the tears broke loose like he was the Niagara Falls. Boris didn't even make a face as he bawled loudly into the Russian's shirt, holding the grey haired man so tightly it was almost enough to hurt a little. The Russian looked at him in impassive silence and Rei couldn't quite figure out if this was good or not. Either it meant that the Russian found him pitiful and disgusting, or it could mean the straight opposite. This among the things he already felt added to his confusion completely stole the strength from his knees. Rei slumped into the chest but this time – this time Boris caught him.

''I'm such a horrible fucking person!'' Rei screamed into the shirt, his voice vibrating through the Russian like electricity.

Boris held his grip tight to make sure that the Tiger wouldn't fall away from him, nearly crushing the spine beneath the skin.

''Why? Did you do it?''

That was the thing with Boris. Direct, blunt, provocative honesty. It was hurtful to a malicious point and made the person subjected to it so infuriatingly mad, but also it got to the point faster than any other approach Rei had ever encountered. With just five simple words Boris had stopped the flowing tears momentarily, causing him to stare up into the Russian's face with a mingled expression of hurt, disorientation and… relief.

He didn't know exactly what to feel about the situation. A part of him was laughing, smiling, so brilliantly glad that Jung was dead and yet another part of him felt so completely disgusting and horrible because of that. Partially, he felt guilty as well. If Rei hadn't denied his father residence, would the man still be alive? If he had done something, anything, would things be different? Then why did he even worry? It wasn't right to feel sorry for the man who made his own life as well as his mother's a living hell for several years, was it? A father was supposed to love but Jung had failed to do this, so was it then Rei's duty to love for the both of them or… what was he supposed to feel? What was he supposed to do? Rei didn't know and that, more than anything, frightened him.

Maybe Boris saw this in his eyes, maybe he didn't. But the Russian didn't really need to know any of that anyway, because what he could see was that Rei was going out of his mind over nothing. Because that was what it was. A monster got what he deserved – or no, not entirely, in the Falcon's eyes the man deserved so much worse. But he would never admit that, not to anyone. But he still found Rei's behavior unfounded, needles, pointless, a waste of breath and energy.

''Kitten'' he said, holding the other just a little bit closer. ''Shut up.''

Rei bit his lip, sighing as he sank into the warm chest which felt so abnormal, so out of place in that cold and cruel place. He let out a last heartbroken sob before recomposing himself again, not wanting to break the embrace but in the need to. He didn't want to stay there any longer, he had no reason to. The man that laid there was not his father, had never been and would never have been able too. It was just a man living in his life, destroying it with his bare hands. Rei had no obligation to do anything about the death, the only thing within his responsibility was to get his own life back together.

''Let's just… let's just go?''

Boris nodded.

''I never thought you'd ask.''

**X**

Finally back home Rei had not had the strength to do anything but fall into the messy bed and lie there, staring into nothing for hours. Boris hadn't tried to talk to him or bring him out of his haze, he didn't feel the need to. Sometimes it was best to just let people be. But he did get bored after the first few hours, staring at an old western movie he didn't even know what it was about. Finally he had resigned to bed himself, lying down behind Rei, holding him without even considering why. It seemed as if the day had been drained of all thought and emotion, left as nothing but a cold vacuum of time that moved just a tad too slow. His mind was running off into daydreams, silent thoughts which he didn't even know had lain beneath the surface of his emotional walls. Rei himself had been so silent that for a moment the Russian even forgot the man was there.

Then suddenly, Rei let out a loud, tired sigh.

''Should I..? Do you..?'' but he couldn't bring himself to speak, his throat so dry the words stuck in mid sentence.

Boris buried his face in his neck, breathing calmly, calmer than he had ever done before.

''I may be a man of many talents'' he mumbled as aloof as always. ''But mind-reading isn't one of them.''

Rei stiffened, biting his lip momentarily as he thought the words over carefully. He didn't really want to voice them because doing so felt like making them real, turning them into problems he actually had to deal with. And for the moment he didn't feel strong enough to deal with anything. But he knew that was stupid, they wouldn't just leave him be just because he ignored them. Instead they would build up inside of him and in time destroy him from within. And even though Boris might not have noticed it himself, just the fact that the man was even there at all – not even laughing at Rei's vulnerability – was the closest thing to an act of support that the Falcon had ever gotten. Rei wasn't alone, for the first time in years someone was actually there for him and to let that slip away… no, the sooner he got things cleared up, the better.

''Should I go see the doctor?'' he finally blurted out, taking in a deep breath as he did so.

''You mean for the cancer?''

That direct honesty never ceased to amaze him.

''Yes… I mean… it seems to run in the family so…''

''Better safe than sorry?''

The Tiger swallowed.

''Yeah…''

''You should do it.''

''But what if… what if it's…''

''Positive?''

Rei couldn't bring himself to answer, his eyes tightly shut as he tried to keep shivers from ruling his body. As he failed to do this, he was relieved to feel the arms around him tighten the grip further. Boris grunted into his neck, the warm breath welcomed as it seemed to be the only thing keeping Rei from going completely cold inside.

''If it's positive then there's not much to do about it.''

Boris felt a strong shiver from the Tiger who still said nothing, as if he had already received his judgment.

''But'' Boris added ''if we discover it sooner we have a bigger chance of curing it, don't we?''

''I… suppose.''

''But that is _if_ you have cancer. Just because your parents had it doesn't mean you will.''

Rei turned around then, those golden eyes piercing Boris with the chaos of emotions ruling Rei's mind, tearing at his heart like mad lions. Boris for the first time in his entire life felt something inside of him sink.

''With my luck I wouldn't hope too much'' he said and his voice was laced with so much defeat Boris felt something inside of him blaze up.

Giving the Chinese a very harsh and reprimanding look he turned Rei around fully to face him.

''Enough already!'' The Falcon snarled ''It wasn't your fault that they died, it isn't your responsibility and drowning yourself in self-pity will only take you so far. Get a grip, call that fucking asshole of a doctor or I'll drag you over there!''

Rei stared at him in mute shock, blinking a few times as the words sank in. No one ever acted so tactlessly, so ruthlessly, when trying to comfort him. Sure, Kai had lectured him quite a lot through their teenage years but Boris was so much fiercer, so much wilder. And that moment it was exactly what he needed. Smiling the smallest, saddest smile, he surprised the other man with a peck on the cheek. Boris glared suspiciously at him, which only made the smile grow and in turn, it looked so much sadder.

''Didn't you say it was time to stop running?'' the Russian muttered morosely, wiping his cheek.

''I…''

''What are you so afraid of? You're a White Tiger, aren't you?''

There were a lot of things he was afraid of. Going to the doctor, finding out the results, the chance of actually having cancer or in great risk of developing it, losing everything that he held dear and perhaps most of all, he was fearing that Boris might not be there forever. White Tiger or not, for the moment Rei felt about as harmless as a newborn kitten. Boris saw the tumult in the amber eyes, muttering under his breath as he summoned as much strength as possible to bring the Tiger closer without crushing him completely.

''How the hell can you stand me?'' Rei couldn't hold back the sobs that broke out of his throat this time. ''I'm so weak… so pathetic…''

''I have no idea.''

Silence then fell upon them and they lay there, in complete darkness, silent tears slipping uncontrollably down Rei's cheeks. Boris didn't mention it, didn't even comment it. On some level he enjoyed it, for once he felt like he wasn't the pathetic, vulnerable alcoholic weakling. For once he wasn't the one to embrace, for once he wasn't the one protected. He was superior again and even though it made him a bit of a jerk, he didn't care. He had given up trying to figure out just why and how Rei made him act, think, speak and _feel_ like he did. Maybe somewhere, deep down, sadly enough he was still human and in a way, it was a bit of a triumph against the Abbey who had tried to turn him into nothing more than a killing machine. Maybe somewhere in his subconscious this was a victory. Or he had just gone completely insane, whatever, it was all the same pointless conclusion in the end.

''You weren't born to run, Rei.''

''I know…''

He wanted to say _I love you_, wanted to thank him for being there, holding him, kissing him, not laughing at him but simply just being silent. But Rei didn't, he didn't want to risk another fight. Even though it was slightly sad that he couldn't even say those three words to the one he was practically living for, it was enough that the Russian was even there at all during his weakest moment. However absurd that was, the rest wasn't important anymore. It hadn't been in a long, long time.

''How did you do it?''

''What?''

Rei thought his words over carefully at first, before closing his eyes as he buried his face in the man's neck.

''How did you make it through the Abbey?'' came the muffled words vibrating against his skin. ''I mean, I saw what they did, a part of it at least but you… you _lived _there. You grew up there. Didn't it… didn't it ever become too much?''

''I don't know.'' Boris answered truthfully, not even pausing for consideration because he knew the answer all too well already. ''I can't remember.''

''Can't remember? Boris, that was basically a damn concentration camp! How could you not remember?''

''Because I chose not to.''

Silence as Rei thought the answer over, analyzing it as much as he had the energy for. Sighing in defeat and slight exasperation, he fought hard to find the proper way to voice his thoughts without ending it all with a fight. He just really couldn't bother with such things at the time, he didn't even have the strength to bicker.

''I just… I mean in the end, deep down I couldn't really be mad at you or… the others. The stolen Bitbeasts, the murderous intent in your battles… It wasn't your fault.''

Boris sighed as well.

''What are you trying to get at, Rei?''

''I… I just…'' he didn't continue for another minute or so, before biting his lip in resignation, succumbing to the chaos inside of him. ''Do you ever miss your parents?''

The grey eyes stared down at him in slight confusion and surprise, searching the Chinese's face for any answer or hint as to what he was thinking. But he found nothing but sincerity in the amber eyes and sadness on those soft lips. Finally he had to break the eye contact again as he found it harder and harder to resist the urge to reach out and touch him.

''No. I don't even remember them.''

''Not at all?'' Rei sounded sad in some way, disappointed even.

''The only family I've ever had is Yuriy and the guys. And I don't miss them.''

''Hn…'' Rei lamented, drifting away into his thoughts once more.

The moment stretched to a point where Boris had even forgotten Rei was even there at all but he hid his surprise well as he felt the other man move. Rei shifted before he sat up, staring out into nothing as if somewhere else in his mind than in his body. Something irked inside of Boris as he found himself wondering exactly where that was. Sighing, the Russian sullen and annoyed got himself out of bed only to dive back into it a few moments later, but this time undressed. Rei watched the man curiously, wondering if he was tiring him out. Boris caught his eyes and scoffed, before pulling the quilt to cover him completely.

''If you're going to be about as fun as a used condom, then I can as well get some sleep.'' He explained and ignored the pointed stare he received.

It was true, though. He needed some sleep. The Gods knew he hadn't gotten any in a very long time. The side effects were there, always lingering around him like shattered glass that he couldn't avoid no matter how hard he tried or how carefully planned his steps were. Some days the effects were milder than others, on some nights he even managed to sleep a little. But it had, even though his pride refused to admit it, worn him out and he felt that this night was going to be a good night because all the excitement from the day seemed to have drained even him from insomnia.

But as he turned around, he was surprised to find slim arms snaking their way around his torso and waist, warm breath dancing across his neck as a nose buried itself in his skin. For the first time in what seemed like ages there was warmth, a calm sense of tranquility rocking him further and further away from the waken realm. A lullaby of breaths and heartbeats in rhythm with his own softening the sharp edges of his headache and the bothersome exhaustion in his muscles.

''Wo Ai Ni.''

The Russian grunted, not sure if he had heard right since Rei had spoken so softly in his ear it had almost been inaudible.

''What was that?''

And even though Boris could not see it, he felt Rei smile.

''Nothing. Just… nothing.''

_I love you._


	22. Bittersweet

You know what? After googling for eternities I felt that, ah screw it, I can't bother trying to find the true birth date of Rei. So I'm gonna make up my own date and if that's a problem for you; go write your own fic with aaaaall the correct data about Rei. You stalkers.

All the angst was depressing me. So I'm writing a fluffy, yucky, sappy chapter, yaaaaaay! It's very poor, I know, but it's just a filler anyway so who cares.  
Reviewers, a thousand thanks to you.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Two  
Bittersweet**

Time moved onwards like it always does regardless of what anyone thinks about it. Not much happened during the days that passed and as summer came running along the way things felt like they were finally falling into place. There was a burial of Jung which Rei didn't even attend to and Boris got more and more used to the medicine, things like those falling more and more into the back of everyone's minds. Kai and the others went home for a while, but came back soon after, the hotel they were staying at feeling more like an apartment than anything. Rei had offered them to live with him and Boris but the Russians had declined, seeing the possessive look the Falcon was shooting them behind Rei's back.

Rei kept seeing Dr. Peony once a week, the nightmares were getting better and he could almost not believe that Boris hadn't had a drink in a very long while. It was almost like he had just woken from a bad dream and at times he found himself wondering whether or not this calm would last. Sometimes he was afraid that when he woke up the next morning it would all be gone. But he welcomed it with open arms anyway, feeling that if this was the best he had felt in years then he would enjoy every moment of it.

Although, he still had to go see Dr. Dafoe. And it maddened the Falcon a great deal that Rei kept postponing it. He didn't say much about it, but when he did the point got through like a shot to the face.

Today though, was not a day of cholar, but simply their own try at something cockaigne. Yuriy had dragged Boris out just an hour ago, whatever plans he had Rei did not want to think about. And he didn't have much time to either, since Kai had stayed with him and he was not planning to sit around. Rei watched him with curious eyes as the coffee's steam climbed towards the ceiling, reflecting in the rich eyes of the Russian which only made him seem all the more mysterious. Come to think of it, Kai was a pretty sexy guy. A pretty sexy single guy.

A scoff slipped the Tiger's mouth, which immediately caught the Kai-alarms.

''What?''

Rei tried, of course, to seem innocently oblivious. Kai wasn't falling for it.

''What is it, Rei?''

''Huh? Oh, nothing! Nothing at all! Hey, is this tea too strong?''

''We're drinking coffee.''

''Really? Well then no wonder it tasted so lush!''

A nervous little laugh escaped his mouth, the one that comes when you've just been caught in a very precarious situation.

''What is it?''

''Well... it's just... you're good looking, right?''

Kai raised a suspicious eyebrow, wondering if this was a good moment to back away. Rei laughed his little laugh again, smiling sheepishly as he shook his head.

''No, I didn't mean it like that! It's just... aren't you seeing anyone?''

''No.''

''Well, why?''

''Seeing all the trouble you're having one's not getting too eager.''

He couldn't tell if it was a joke or not. The thought of Kai actually joking was too scary for Rei's mind, so he ignored it. Better to be insulted by the Phoenix than, well... told a joke to.

''No! I'm serious! Aren't you interested in at least someone?''

''Why do you care?''

''Because...'' Rei squirmed a little, feeling uncomfortable under the dissecting look he was given. You could always count on Kai to make a simple look feel like a razor across your brain. ''You're my friend and I'm curious!''

''Killed the cat.''

Rei sighed.

''Yeah, I know, I know... but...''

''It doesn't matter.''

He nodded, disappointed at the lack of juicy gossip he had been hoping for. Even if it was a stupid idea, hoping to get any personal details out of Kai. But hey, a guy could dream, couldn't he? But it was weird. In all the time he had known the Russian, they hadn't shared a lot of emotional baggage. And the one that was shared was always Rei's. But maybe they didn't need it. He knew Kai was always there for him and vice versa, they didn't really need words. But still, curiousity could drag you a long way.

''So, what's the schedule?'' Kai broke his thoughts, making Rei smile the broadest smile he had flashed in forever.

''Well, we've been living here for six months...'' the smile grew bigger, Kai raised his eyebrow further. ''And Boris has been sober for two. I think that deserves a present!''

''Hmm...'' he nodded his head slowly, as if it was filled with thoughts heavier than the skull itself.

''Hmm as in good hmmm, or hmmm as in bad hmm?''

''Hmm as in We-should-do-something-about-that-hmmm''

Now it was Rei's turn to look suspicious, his eyebrows traveling far, far up in his tanned face. Kai just looked at him as if said face was falling off.

''You shop?'' Rei said, disbelief dripping off his voice and forming a large, slippery puddle on the floor.

Kai nodded.

''Yes, Rei, I shop.''

''When..?''

''Just take your stupid wallet and let's go.''

Kai stood up but Rei only looked helplessly at him.

''But - ''

''Fine, steal a present.''

''Kai!''

The Tiger sighed as the Russian left the room, shaking his hed slightly before he also got up, still smiling.

**X**

''You know, Rei's birthday is coming up soon.''

Boris kept reading like the red head wasn't even there. Yuriy glared at him from out the corner of his sharp, blue eyes, annoyance radiating from his otherwise stoic face. The grey haired man just kept on reading the magazine, tilting his head a little as he found a very interesting, odd part.

''Boris!''

''Mmhmmm...''

''Are you listening to me?''

''Nope.''

The Wolf's sigh came as an explosion of annoyance. The man walking over towards the Falcon, leaning his hands against the armrests, drilling his stare into the other nonchalant man.

''_Boris_''

Said man tilted his head to the other side, turning the magazine a little.

''Do people really find these hot?'' he said, pointing at a big breasted woman, clearly pumped with silicone looking like she was about to burst.

Yuriy snatched the magazine away from him, snarling and growling at the same time. Grey eyes looked obliviously up at him, giving the red head the feeling of being considered an idiot. He threw the glossy papers away, ignoring the childishly grumpy look Boris' face was dressing in.

''You know, I was just reading tha – ''

''As I said; Rei's birthday is…''

''Why do you know that?''

''Because you don't.''

Stey shared a short, disliking glare.

''So?''

''So it's been what? A decade since you finally got that stick out of your ass?''

''Depends on what stick you mean, because I can say it's been back in – ''

''Oh, _shut up_!''

Yuriy covered his ears, swearing loudly as he squirmed away from the other, looking completely and utterly disgusted. Boris just gave him a gleeful sneer, finding the whole situation peculiarly funny. The Wolf on the other hand was scarred for life.

''I'm just saying'' he growled ''Get your damn ass out of that chair and let's go!''

Boris looked confused.

''Go where?''

But the only answer he received was a jacket thrown in his face and a fuming red head storming out the door.

**X**

He had absolutely no clue what to give a severely instable alcoholic-on-the-road-of-recovery as a gift. He wasn't even sure if the man liked gifts. Not unless they were in liquid form wrapped in a bottle, and buying a bottle of Tequila just didn't feel like the right thing to do. Kai wasn't being any help, more walking silently and aloof behind him than giving out advice. It was times like these that made Rei feel sad that he didn't have any female friends.

On second thought, going shopping with Mariah or Hilary could count as suicide.

But suicide was on the other hand looking very nice compared to the endless rows and rows and fortresses of shelves before him. So many things, so little money, so much crap he could totally live without. What on Earth did one give a man who didn't have any nice and fuzzy feelings?

''Look at this! Drinking glasses, Drink Recipes Collection, Irish Pub Songs Collection, ice-cubes with the shape of breasts… what is this?! Are the Gods against me shopping?''

''Hn''

Rei sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day. There just didn't seem like anything was worth buying. He couldn't buy a nice set of lingerie for himself since well, there was none for men (that he liked) and Boris would just rip it to shreds in a wild sex-rampage anyway. He couldn't get the man anything resembling the use of alcohol, and stuffed teddy-bears just didn't seem like the Russian's thing. Kai didn't say anything remotely helpful and the Tiger was feeling very, very lost.

''Rei?''

Which only got worse as an awfully familiar female voice reached him. Involuntarily he turned around, his fake smile cracking in the edges. Like the mere sight of her was too horrible for his kindness to cope.

''Hi, Dr. Grey''

Amanda smiled shyly at him, as if the things she had done were forgotten completely. Obscure and left in the dark to rot like the sins they were. Okay, so maybe he was exaggerating and everyone was worth a second chance. But everytime he looked at her the feeling of her lips just… made a shiver course through him like a thousad, ice-cold knives.

''What are you doing here?''

Kai gave her a sideward glance, nodding stiffly in greeting before returning to Kai World.

''I'm shopping'' Rei said awkwardly.

''Oh'' she smiled. ''What are you buying?''

Maybe she was on drugs? Okay, bad thinking. Pull yourself together, it's just a woman. A woman who had been making moves on him in the past and obviously hated his boyfriend. But still, she wasn't going to jump at him.

''Uh, a present…''

''Is it someone's birthday?''

''Well, no… It's sort of like an anniversary.''

Amanda nodded, looking mildly impressed. Kai World was looking more tempting by the second.

''Really? What sort?''

''Mine and Boris'.''

The happiness in her face immediately melted off and instead her eyes got harsh and vicious. Rei was feeling sort of afraid of her.

''I see.''

He nodded carefully, unconsciously backing slowly away.

''What are you going to buy?'' she said then and he did not like that tone in her voice.

She had something planned. He knew it, he could see it in her thin, scheming eyes. Was he being paranoid? No, he was not. Okay, maybe a little but something was going on in Amanda's mind. He could feel it.

''I don't really know...''

''Yeah well, I could help you!''

''You… could?''

Red alerts. Red alerts. Plane going down. Keep track of your life wests.

''Yes, I need to buy one for my boyfriend. It's our two year anniversary tomorrow!''

What?! She had a boyfriend? She had a boyfriend and she had been hitting on him? What on Earth had he been trapped with?

Shooting a look for help which resembled more of a distress signal, Kai caught up and gave the woman a death glare. Amanda of course realized what was going on, but before Kai had the chance to strike her dead with his Kai-ishness she had grabbed Rei's arm and started dragging him towards the jewellery store.

So much for that calm.

**X**

''You've been together for six months and you don't even know what he likes?''

''Six months?''

''You don't even know that?!''

''Apparently not.''

''You're an asshole, anyone ever tell you that?''

Boris growled, grabbing his childhood friend harshly by the collar, slamming him up against a wall.

''What's with you being Dr. Love all of a sudden?!''

Yuriy pushed the fists away, shoving the Falcon away from him. Like to wild animals about to fight, they circled around the mall. People did the smart thing and kept at least a few feet away.

''I thought you didn't care?''

''Well I don't!'' Yuriy hissed defensively, his blood pumping madly.

''And I don't either. Why the fuck are we here?''

''Look, I don't give a shit about your boyfriend.''

''He's not my – ''

''Shut up. You are his boyfriend and so you should care.''

Boris blinked, wondering where in the hell the man had gotten such a sensitive side. It was freaky. Yuriy was supposed to be the easily aggravated person, the one to get really serious really fast and who would not take any place but the ruling one. This Yuriy was a lot like that, except it was getting mad at him for not buying a present for a person Yuriy did not like.

Was the world going mad?

''I don't even know what the fuck to get him.''

There was a true Wolf in his eyes as the red head grinned.

''Which is why you're so happy to have me!''

Before the Falcon had any time to answer, he found himself getting pushed into a store. A very odd looking store which seemed to have anything but nothing worth stealing. Perhaps the world wasn't mad. Perhaps Yuriy was. Maybe Boris was perfectly sane and shouldn't have been shipped over to London in the first place. Maybe that black haired man five meters away who really looked like Rei was talking to a very familiar woman. Maybe that blue-gray thing in the corner was Kai.

Wait a fucking minute…

''What the hell?!'' Boris bristled, and Yuriy barely had time to react before the other had stalked over to the trio, almost on fire.

''Hey, Boris! Where the hell are you going?!'' the red head shouted after him.

When he only got ignored the Wolf sighed in exasperation, muttering gruffly as he stalked after. Well on the scene of the crime, Amanda Grey found herself getting pushed up a wall by a very upset Russian. Boris was just a second away from punching her face in when Rei shouted out at him.

''Boris! What on Earth..?''

''Why is this woman here and why is she not dead?''

''She was just talking!''

''Uh-huh''

''Boris!''

The choking grip on the shrink's throat was tightening, the woman spitting and gurgling in a fight for air. Panic blooming in her eyes, legs kicking and Rei's fear rising in his throat. Boris was only looking like a madman.

''Didn't I fucking tell you to keep the fuck away from him?'' he hissed at her, the fear in her face only growing, pulsating, exploding again and again.

''Boris, let her down!''

''Why?''

''She wasn't doing anything, okay?!''

Yuriy grabbed the Falcon from behind, dragging him backwards but even with the help from Kai it was useless. Boris was set on killing her, as nasty as possible without a second doubt. This time Rei's pleading would not help the situation.

Amanda kicked and squirmed like an animal caught in a trap, feeling her life slipping away with her sweat. There was an intense ember glowing in the grey eyes of Boris, a glow which frightened Rei because he had seen it many times before. While making love, while falling asleep, while stealing a morning kiss. What if that passion bordered on murderous intent? What if it one day was turned to him?

''Boris! She was just helping me pick out a present!''

Boris looked disbelivingly at him.

''A present?''

Rei sighed, shrugging.

''Yes. It was supposed to be a surprise.''

''A surprise?''

''Yeah. For you.''

Slowly, the Falcon released his hold and the woman sank numbly to the floor. Kai bent down, asking her if she was alright but Boris did not care about them. He was just looking weirdly at Rei, his eyes an odd shade of grey which the Tiger had never seen in them before.

He protruded his lip thoughtfully, interrogation flowing from his face as he leaned forward to give Rei one very examinating look.

''Really? A present? For me?''

The Chinese nodded, slowly placing his hands on the stronger man's shoulders. Leading him outside before the security guards, who were giving them very ominous looks, could do it more violently. Left were Yuriy and Kai, the first one yelling at the shrink who was in too deep shock to really be offended. All the while Kai sighed in irritation, somehow cursing the shopping world altogether.

Outside the sun was bright although, the sky behind blue as a summer dream. The wind was soft and sweet, caressing them lightly as people went around enjoying their day. A true summer day when everything was sort of peaceful, quiet and comfortable. Then of course Boris was the one spot in the universe who contradicted this, looking more like a harsh winter's night. Rei nudged him forward, swinging a little paper bag in front of him. Boris' interest peaked immediately, greed barking in his mind.

''What's that?'' he said, trying to get a peak but Rei just snatched it away, smiling.

''It's for you.''

''Why?''

''Don't you know what day it is?''

The other shook his head.

''Monday?''

Rei laughed sweetly, eyes reflecting the sun and all its vigour. He shook his head, pulling out the mysterious gift from the bag, dangling it in the air. Shining in silver was a thin chain, soft and light and remarkably smooth against the Russian's skin as he grabbed it. Almost like a small whisper. Dangling at the end of it was a small Chinese sign, connected to a Russian letter. Boris raised his eyebrows. Rei could not tell in what way.

''This is you and me?'' Boris said and Rei smiled.

''I didn't know what else to get you.''

''You know I don't wear jewellery.''

The black haired shrugged, lightly and weightless, as if every problem was out of his way just this day.

''Maybe it's time to start.''

He reached up to kiss the cold, harsh lips which surprisingly, for a second felt so, so smooth. Boris gave the necklace one final look before he unclipped it and put it around his neck. Sparkling it laid against the fabric of his t-shirt, making the grey of his features stand out even more.

''I haven't gotten you anything.'' He said, a voice without regret and remorse, simply just staing this simple fact.

''You don't have to''

''I was thinking of giving you a Birthday Suit, actually.''

Now it was Rei's turn to raise his eyebrows, not sure if he had just heard what he had heard. When he saw the resolute look on the other's face, he wondered whether or not it was a joke.

''A birthday suit?''

''Yes.''

''You mean… I'll be on top for once?''

Boris nodded, Rei didn't really know what to say. Then a little grin of mischief spread across the Russian's face and a scorning laugh left his lungs.

''You should've seen the look on Yuriy's face!''

''You told him _I've _been on top?''

''It was beautiful. I wish I'd had a camera.''

Rei, despite his best efforts, giggled. Boris laugh died out, but the grin was still there. Walking the same old road back home, their home, everything was just in the right place for once. Whatever tomorrow would bring them, Rei was sure to savour and treasure this memory. He kissed the man on the cheek, sneaking an arm around the Russian's waist.

''Happy birthday, Rei''

''Happy everything, Boris''

And Boris knew that Rei knew, if he ever told anyone about this moment, the Tiger would end up a fur on the Falcon's floor.


	23. Addiction

Well, what can I say? I'm in a shitty mood so I'm taking it all out on my boys.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-three****  
Addiction**

As the foggy, moist atmosphere that could only be London lurked around them, Rei gave his boyfriend a very anxious look. Some would call it a pleading, begging, almost childishly depressed look but for Rei it was just a matter of disliking. Not disliking towards his boyfriend of course, but towards the fact that this boyfriend was not going to follow him into the large, white building in front of them.

''Stop staring at me!'' the boyfriend growled irritably. ''_You _were the one who told me _not _to follow you in!''

This was not as gustatory of a response as the Chinese would have liked, but still the man had a point. Rei had not wanted Boris to come because a) it was just a simple test, b) Boris hated hospitals, c) Boris had plotted Dr. Dafoe's torturous death for weeks and d) The AA would have a small get-together to celebrate that summer was here and when Rei thought about it, he couldn't remember the last time any of them had any fun. The emolument of being this thoughtful was to get the city's scariest man to tell Rei whether he was going to die or not. In a way, he felt that this was not one of his brightest ideas.

''I know, I know'' he sighed ''I'm just… uncomfortable. I mean, I could die!''

''It's just cancer.''

The amber eyes immediately shot up a flaming look.

''It's not _just_ cancer!''

''I meant it'll be fine. Calm the hell down before _I _kill you!''

''You're so puerile sometimes! You're supposed to be my fiduciary here!''

The grey eyes looked confused, accompanied by a raised eyebrow as the stream of alien English words made its way into his brain. Oh, how he hated that damned language.

''Your what?''

''Never mind. I'll be fine, just go!''

''Have fun''

Rei crossed his arms grumpily, thinly glaring at the Russian as he started walking away. Seeing how the strong back and messy grey hair disappeared more and more out of sight, Rei suddenly felt overwhelmed by loneliness. Helplessness, despair even. Sure, doctors were scary things but Rei had encountered a few in his life so what big of a deal was it? When had he become so addicted anyway?

''I'll come pick you up later!'' he shouted, ignoring the slight desperate pitch that echoed in his voice.

His only response was a hand waving indifferently at him, before the man was gone completely. Leaving the London streets and leaded sky looking incredibly empty. As if the world was one large, black hole and the only thing left in it was the evil hospital just a few steps away from him. The Tiger gave it one last disliking look, before he mastered his breath and dove right into the snake pit.

**X**

Everything in London looked so shitty. Even the trees looked like they were about to die from depression and Prozac. For being summer it wasn't looking very sunny, the sky like something out of a sooty chimney. Of course he hated sunlight as well, but after two weeks of rain, fog and grey he was about to crawl out of his skin. The AA wasn't looking like something out of a catalogue either, which only helped lowering his mood.

On the bright side he didn't have to go to the hospital. Seeing a Whitecoat sounded like the last thing to push Boris over the edge that day, especially with a hysterical Rei crushing his hand in panic. But of course this also had a downside. His murder plans on Dr. Dafoe were ingenious, almost magic if one believed in such things. Which he didn't, but he was damn proud of himself anyway. Hell, the things he could've done would've made Ed Gein look like a Teletubby.

''Boris! How nice of you to come!'' James was not putting much effort into keeping the honest surprise out of his voice.

How he just wanted to punch those glasses into his smiling, disgusting little face.

''Yeah, yeah. Where's the fucking food?''

The dirt blonde man looked puzzled for a moment, before hastily pointing towards the table at the end of the room. Boris strode past him without a second glance, instead focusing his contempt on the table and it's disappointing choices of food. As expected there wasn't even any alcohol.

Yes, the medicine was supposed to keep his cravings in place. The thing was, nothing with Boris could ever be kept in place if it didn't want to. And that moment, he really wanted a drink. He sighed angrily, drawing a hand through his hair, hating the world just a little bit more. He couldn't give in to the cravings, not now. Hell, he had made it through two months, why let the fucking weather ruin that? Sure, he couldn't care less whether he lived past 25 or not, but dead men could not have sex with a certain Chinese.

Oh fuck it! He was Boris Kuznetsov, he could handle one puny little drink. In fact, he could handle dozens. Just one little sip of beer wouldn't destroy the world, would it?

He guessed it didn't really matter, seeing how all there was to drink was diet coke and coffee. The world really liked screwing with him.

''Having fun?'' a mysterious voice spoke behind him.

Turning around he met the eyes of some blonde woman he thought he had seen before, but couldn't really care less about. She on the other hand seemed to be fairly interested in him, smiling that creepy little smile only a woman can master, tossing her blonde hair like a whip.

Boris hated women more and more for every time he met one.

''What the fuck do you think?'' he replied in a cold and stony voice, not even waiting for an answer.

But then she did the impossible. She told him just what he wanted to hear.

''I brought punch''

**X**

The very meticulous eyes of Dr. Dafoe glinted an ominous murky shade, his teeth-baring smile making the butterflies in Rei's stomach go kamikaze. He swallowed down a lump of dread, breathing heavily through his nose as the doctor made a thoughtful sound.

''Well, Mr. Kon. I think we should to a blood test on you and perhaps some scans. Will that be alright for you?''

He couldn't bring himself to do anything else than nod, and Dafoe took this as a good sign. He had just spent half an hour questioning Rei about all that could be questioned. The ones about his history of family disease was the most touchy one, but through it all Rei felt he had done pretty fine. But as soon as the doctor left the room again to get the nurse and the needle, his heart dropped so low it surprised Rei it wasn't spilling out on the floor. Which was about exactly what he wanted to do at that moment.

But he had to get through it. After all, what would Boris say if he chickened out and jumped out the window? Escaping from the building would probably only end in sending him back there too, seeing how they were a few stories above the ground. The Tiger sighed and slumped into a little blob of anxiety, hating his life over and over again.

It just wasn't fair anymore, was it?

''Mr. Kon? This is Olivia, she's going to steal your blood.'' The doctor's obscure voice cut through Rei's thoughts.

As he looked up he found the kind eyes of that nurse who always greeted him when he turned up. It was sort of embarrassing in away, seeing how Rei had been to the hospital so many times he had started to befriend the staff. Well, if anyone was going to stick him with a needle he guessed it was better that it be Olivia. She was nice and her slender hands looked soft, like she was a gentle and caring person who would not stab him in the wrong place and send him spiralling towards doom, death and destruction.

Oh, get a grip you big sissy! He could hear Boris' voice echo in his head, and that moment he did not know whether this was a good thing or not.

''Ready, sweetie?'' the blonde smiled towards him.

He wasn't, and he never would be, but Rei nodded anyway.

''Okay, you'll feel a sting but then it will aaaaall be better!'' she winked at him. ''I'll get you a lollipop later.''

He didn't even have time to ignore the snort of Dr. Dafoe before there was a massive, unbearable pain somewhere in his lower arm. Pain came screaming at him like a thundering truck pushing 100 mph, ramming into him and knocking the breath out of his chest.

''Olivia!'' Dafoe snarled.

''Oh! Sorry! Sorry! I'm not very good at this!''

''Mr. Kon? Are you alright..?''

''Fucking… shit!'' Rei coughed, his eyes going numb and blind from the white pain that exploded in front of him, sending him right out of his mind and onto the floor, bleeding and in shock.

There was a moment of silence, in which the white clad people shared an awkward look.

And then they broke out in laughter.

**X**

The ground was spinning rapidly, round and round like a carousel. The sky blurred and pink, the wind not even noticeable even though he could see how it pulled at their hair and clothes. People around them moved out of the way as Boris and Robin – at least he thought that was her name – plummeted through the crowds.

He couldn't believe it. He had given up on this? The world was his own personal merry-go-round and he had given it all up? Why? He had been a bottle of Vodka, a six pack of beer and ten shots of tequila away from heaven all this fucking time. Boris couldn't even restrain the maniacal laugh that escaped his mouth at the thought of this. He was such a fucking moron.

Stumbling across the streets, tossed out of the third bar that night they had since long forgotten about the AA's get-together. They had forgotten about everything that wasn't a 40 percent alcoholic beverage. It all seemed so simple. Their troubles gone, their emotions extinct, nothing to bother them in their messed up little heads but the mammal instincts of their brains. He couldn't feel anger, he couldn't feel spite, not even annoyance. Only hunger and pure, naked, full-born lust was bruning inside of him and the Russian could not fathom how he could have missed out for two whole months.

He had the magic of the universe in just one little can of beer. He was king, he was God, he was everything and the girl was laughing at his side. When had someone ever laughed at his side? Her blonde, curly hair fluttering like the long lashes around her perfect, crystal eyes. Soft, delicate lips and yet the aura of a fucked up generation corroding every part of her being. It was like the trash of the month dressed in fancy perfume.

He didn't know why he did it, hell, he didn't even notice when he started doing it but somewhere between the door of his apartment building and the umpteenth beer he kissed her. He dove right into her personal bubble and ravaged her lips, brutally like a savage plunders a village. He bit down hard and nasty and as soon as blood started pouring out of her lip and into his mouth, it was farewell to whatever little dapple of sanity he had left, hidden deep down inside of his clouded mind.

And she kissed back. Her wet, warm tongue which tasted of gin and rum and tonic made everything inside of him go wild and he just knew, he could feel in every fibre of his being that there was no stopping anymore. He had unleashed a beast within that was going, no matter what, to break out.

''Fuck it, you're hard!'' he heard her gasp in his ear, panting between the steps of the stairs and the kisses on her collarbone.

He pushed her against his apartment door, searching sloppily for the keys with a satisfied grunt.

''Better get inside then, baby''

**X**

The anodyne tone in the doctor's voice made every alarm in Rei flare bright and sinfully red. He knew the moment the man asked him to follow him into a small, white and mephitic room that made his head spin that something was wrong. Rei had only had a blood test and an X-ray so far and something was already wrong? Full, brash panic leapt through his veins and there was nothing to do to keep him from shaking anymore.

Dr. Dafoe took a seat in front of him, casual and yet a little stern in his posture. Rei tried to keep his breath in check, scratching at the clumsy needle tracks on his arms. He had already forgotten about Olivia's clumsiness, for now he had much bigger things on his mind. There was but one word that kept repeating through his head during those fractions of eternities that he and Dafoe had eye contact, a word he had dreaded all day.

_Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer._

He couldn't stop himself from worrying, even if he knew it was stupid. For all he knew maybe Dafoe just wanted to ask more questions, or run more tests. He wasn't a doctor, so how could he be sure? But still, there was just something in the air which made everything crash inside Rei's head.

''Mr. Kon''

_Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer._

''Yes?''

''There is something I want to tell you.''

_Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer._

''What is it?'' he bit his lip nervously.

Dafoe sighed. This could not be good.

(_Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer.)_

''I uh… well…'' he muttered something under his breath, before donning that arrogant devilish face again. ''You have a boyfriend, right?''

Oh good lord. It wasn't cancer? Was it...? No. I couldn't be! Could it?

(_AIDS. AIDS. AIDS. AIDS. AIDS. AIDS. AIDS.)_

Rei couldn't do anything else but nod stiffly.

''Well, during the X-ray we found some really disturbing scars, Mr. Kon.''

Rei couldn't even think now. Everything stood still inside of him and he hated the confusing disorientation blinding his head.

''What is it you want to say, doctor?''

''Is he hitting you?''

Everything inside of the Tiger went cold.

''What?''

''The scars, I recognize a victim of abuse when I see one. I've seen many in my work and I just wanted to ask. It's a moral obligation of ours, and a legal one as well, to try to help.''

The Tiger couldn't even speak, his senses so overridden it was ludicrous. They really thought such a thing about the only one in the world he actually trusted? They spewed this nonsense in their heads and they thought Boris was the one to blame? He didn't know whether to be relieved or furious. He chose to just be cold.

''Doctor, these are very old scars. I assure you they are from a time before Boris.''

Dr. Dafoe quirked an eyebrow, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

''Domestic problems?''

''You could say that, yeah.''

The doctor didn't look too convinced at first. Rei finally snapped, not wanting to stay in that room or conversation any longer. He glared darkly at the door, sighing tiredly.

''Look, doctor'' and he made eye contact again. ''I love him. And I don't know if he loves me, but he's sure as hell not hurting me.''

''Alright. I just had to ask.''

''Is that all?''

Dafoe sighed, but nodded.

''Yes, Mr. Kon. That is all. We'll have your test results in a few days.''

''Thank you, doctor.''

And without a second thought, Rei stood up and left the room.

**X**

Everything seemed to go at an awfully slow pace. The room wasn't really spinning as much as it was swaying, and yet it seemed to stand completely still. He was warm and sweaty, covered in someone else's smell and yet he felt so completely hollow. Like he had just ripped out something really important, and it angered him that he didn't know what.

Robin breathed calmly beneath him, wrapped up in blankets and the Russian himself, half asleep and dreaming about a life that she could never have. He wondered exactly where he was, for a moment he wondered even_ who_ he was. But his brain felt so sloppy and decayed he didn't even stop to think about who the person underneath him was. He couldn't really remember her name, but he didn't know why she was there or why she was naked.

But somehow, it didn't matter. And yet, it seemed to make all the difference in the world. Boris swore bitterly. What had he been drinking anyway?  
Oh fuck, a morning drink would feel so good. Maybe that was the thing that felt so wrong? Grunting tiredly, the worn man slid out of bed clumsily and somehow, miraculously he managed not to wake his little guest up as he snooped up a bottle he knew he hadn't bought. Perhaps the girl had brought it with her? Oh, what did it matter anyway?

Climbing back into the bed, missing the warmth of another human being he opened the bottle and started pouring the liquour down his throat as if he was born to do it. And even though the moment felt so right, it also felt so stupidly wrong. There was a warmth he missed, but yet the body beneath him wasn't the right thing. It was too soft, too small and too curvy. For some reason he wished the body would be more edgy, more toned and pale and the hair… the blonde hair, he wished for it to be black but he couldn't really figure out why.

Gulping down another mouthful of gin, he guessed it didn't matter.

Robin sighed in her sleep, shifting so that she faced him. He watched her soft features silently, wondering really why he wanted her nose to be more pointed. He wondered why she didn't have fangs. Was that even normal?

A small crack from the hallway woke him up of his contemplations though, and as he heard the door open Boris wondered who in hell had a key to his apartment. Perhaps he hadn't locked it. Well, that seemed somewhat rational.

But the gasp that followed as a form appeared in the doorway did not. He didn't really know why, but somehow those golden, piercing eyes that stared at him seemed so completely wrong. Like he had just done something very, very awful, even for him.

And then it all donned on him, like the bomb over Hiroshima, blowing him completely away.

''Rei?''

The Chinese couldn't even form words.


	24. All the Things That Break Us

I torture characters, and I love every second of it.

* * *

**Chap****ter Twenty-four  
All the Things That Break Us**

''Rei! _Rei! _Will you just stop and listen?!''

Boris had leapt out of bed, naked and drunk but too out of his mind to care. All he really did care about was that Rei was darting out of there, running and stumbling down the stairs completely ignoring him. Boris didn't blame him, he would ignore himself too. If he only could.

''Rei! For fucks sake, wait!''

But his roaring, bristling voice went unheard. Perhaps, if only Rei would have noticed the panic, the fear, the utter desperation disguised in the anger and the wrath, perhaps he would have stopped, even for a second.

But he didn't, because Boris hid it so well he didn't even notice it himself. All he could really do was run after him. But Rei was lithe and fast and so heart broken it wasn't even funny. Running down the stairs, Boris' drunken feet could not follow as fast as he wanted them to.

Yet another reason for the Russian to hate himself.

Bursting through the door, out on the streets Rei stumbled over nothing, panting. In and out, deep breaths ragged and tattered like old, old clothes. Clinging to him was the ache and the pain and he didn't know because it was so much, so much he didn't even see clearly. His heart throbbing and tossing and hurting, it was almost like it wanted to burst and he had never in his life felt so wounded. His eyes stinging with unshed, burning tears. Razor sharp echoes in his head, screaming just like the man stumbling out behind him.

''Rei!''

''No!'' Rei screamed, a choked sound in his voice, like a blockade the words wouldn't fall through.

''Rei, will you just listen – ''

''You're fucking drunk! You're drunk Boris! I don't want to listen to you!''

Boris swore loudly, staggering towards the other but Rei instinctively backed away. The Russian roared high and wild, pulling at his hair with shaking hands. Rei watched him like a trapped animal, pulse rising and rising until the sky was the only thing keeping it in place.

''Rei, stop being such a – ''

''_I CAN SMELL HER ON YOU!''_

The Falcon blinked, slowing down for a second as this new information worked itself through his head. But as it did, he didn't want to understand it. He didn't want to accept anything so fucking stupid because that would just make it real. But the pain, hurt and tear-filled golden eyes made it real anyway. The trembling, as Rei couldn't hold back the tears anymore, yelling and screaming in Chinese. It was so surreal, the Russian wanted to kill someone.

''Rei, just calm down and come back inside!''

''NO! Don't you fucking get it?! It's _over_ Boris! It's so fucking over!''

''What the fuck do you mean over?!''

''I mean I never want to see you again!''

''You fucking idiot! Stop that bullshit!''

''It's not bullshit, it's the truth!''

Their yelling and fighting could be heard all across the block, echoing hollow and dark through every wall. The grey sky seemed to curl back at the sight of them, clouds lingering, watching as their world fell apart. Rei was so furious he didn't care what he looked like or said any more. Everything he had was gone.

''Come the fuck back inside or I'll break your goddamn mouth!''

''Just do it then! I don't fucking care! Kill me if you want but I don't want to see you ever again!''

''Shut the fuck up!''

''FUCK OFF!''

''You wanna be a moron? FINE!''

''Go to hell!''

And just like that, Boris had gone back inside and slammed the door shut behind him. Trembling, going up in the flames of fury, Rei couldn't believe what had just happened. Sinking to his knees, the wrath left him, drained, cold and completely broken.

**X**

Kai didn't really understand what was going on, and that was driving him crazy. He hadn't expected a violently crying Rei to burst through the door of the hotel room, to just moments later try to break into the mini bar. After the difficult task of prying the man away from the danger zone, Rei had sunk into Kai's shoulder and cried so hard it was scaring the Russian.

Kai didn't understand a single thing. Yuriy understood even less.

''Rei?'' Kai tried somewhat tensely.

''I want to go to Russia!''

The red head shared a look with Kai, who didn't really know what to make of it. But the Chinese kept crying and swearing, changing between his native language and English faster than they could keep track of. They waited a while for the whole situation to calm down, but when they realized that it wouldn't, Yuriy took it upon himself to call the travel agency.

''What are you doing?'' Kai glared demandingly, but the other just waved him away.

''Yes, hello. I'd like to order tickets to Moscow'' Yuriy spoke into the phone, nodding as he did so.

Kai tried to get up and rip the phone away from him, but the weight of the third man was holding him back. Crying much quieter now, Rei listened half heartedly at what was going on in the room, hearing Yuriy's voice making him calm down slightly.

''Yuriy! You can't just order a ticket without even – ''

''Kai'' the Wolf fixated him with his ice-cold stare. ''I can guess what the fuck is going on. Besides, I want to go home. If you don't want the little shit to kill himself then I suggest you shut up and let me do the talking.''

Kai was just about to snarl something very nasty to go with the murder look taking place in his eyes, which for the moment looked more blood-like than they had ever done before. Yuriy was almost about to blink, but restrained himself as the lady on the phone spoke again.

''Three tickets to Moscow, 3.00 am tonight? Sounds absolutely fantastic!'' the mock excitement in his voice only made Kai's blood boil. ''Yes, put it on Mr. Hiwatari's card. The number…''

Kai didn't even want to know how in the world Yuriy found out his credit card number. He didn't want much else than make sure his friend never saw daylight again. But Kai restrained himself as he noticed Rei had come up from his shoulder. The mere sight of him only helped keeping the Phoenix quiet.

The Tiger's face was red and swollen, eyes rimmed with veins red from crying and completely transparent from all kinds of emotions Kai did not recognize. It was safe to say that this might have turned out to be one of the worst days in Rei's life, and Kai wanted to know why. But Rei seemed to understand what was on the Russian's mind, simply shaking his head as he slumped down on the bed.

Kai couldn't think of what else to say. Not that he usually said much, but when he felt like he needed to, his mind came up empty.

''I hope you packed your bags'' was the best he could come up with.

**X**

The Londoners were used to a rainy weather, but after the several days of sun they had endured the wild summer rain was not welcomed. And least of all, had it been suspected. As if something really bad had happened, something so sad that the skies had to cry until no trace of the tragedy was left behind. Washing away all that was wrong with the world, raindrops smattered against the windows like bullets.

It made Boris want to puke.

Or maybe it was the Gin. He didn't know and wasn't exactly in the mood to find out. But he blamed it all on the weather. There was always a need for a scapegoat, no matter how silly or stupid it might be. The Russian rolled over on his side, back against window as if to show the world how much he really hated it.

''Fucking _zalupa!_'' his voice roared through the apartment for the hundredth time that night.

Ever since he kicked Robin out with a broken nose and shattered collarbone, it had seemed quieter than before. And of course, without Rei there the apartment just felt… weird. As if something crucial was missing. Something like a wall or the roof, even the floor. Misfortune's large, scaly hand had just ripped the place apart, stealing whatever it was that had made his home feel like, well, home.

Had Rei really been that important? Boris snorted. He was so full of shit. Nothing was wrong with the home because that was what it was, a simple place where he slept, pissed and drank. Sometimes even ate. And it didn't matter who was there or who was not, because it was his damn home and he had made it just fine on his own. Before the Institute, before people seemed to come pouring through his door like the river to the big, black, polluted sea. Everything had been fine, hadn't it?

He knew London had been a mistake. If he had never done like Yuriy told him, he wouldn't have been in this mess. He wouldn't have been half past dead on the couch, empty bottles on the floor and odd, peculiar voices in his ear. Rei would never have left, Amanda Grey would never have known his face and that stupid doctor wouldn't have shoved a needle up his arm. Frankly, everything would have been better if his so called 'friends' would just have let him and his beer alone. In Russia. Where it never fucking rained.

So what if he wouldn't make it past twenty-something? Who cared if he only had a year or three to live? No one would mind. All he ever did was cause trouble, and he liked doing it as well. Boris was a big old pain in the ass and would always be. And knowing that, Boris didn't really know what to think of the day. He guessed Rei would never want to see him again, he guessed he wouldn't have much money left after his last trip to the liquor store and he guessed nothing really mattered anymore.

He guessed he could finally drink in peace. Guessed he could have his solitude for himself. He guessed all his old problems were gone. Now it was just him, his crappy apartment, the pissing sky and the little voice of reason that kept telling him what a fucking asshole he was.

And all he had to do to make that voice go away was have another drink.

But then again, Boris wasn't so sure of _why_ he was even drinking anymore. Of course the voice of reason had something to say about it, but the Falcon only waved it away. Letting his consciousness get swept away by the rain and the stench and the loneliness.

Rotting, and so utterly, utterly confused.

**X**

The rain hit the small window to his right, and as the plane took off into the sky England looked so sad beneath. Soaring against the dark clouds, somewhat like a falcon, Rei tried his hardest to sleep. But to no avail, as the constant throbbing in his head kept him awake. Not wanting to think at all about life, he tried to occupy himself but nothing succeeded to catch his interest. He tried reading, but every magazine seemed to have some article about Beyblading. Every book reminded him of something he didn't want to think of, every movie always made him want to cry half through. He couldn't even have a decent conversation with Kai because he had nothing to say that wouldn't make him break.

And crying in public had never been one of his favourite things. Kai held his distance, sensing the sickness in the air, a tense feeling almost making him choke. He asked Rei no questions other than if he wanted the menu, or if he had a pillow to borrow. Yuriy had been checking out the flight attendant during most part of the trip, and after an hour or so snuck off to go talk to her. Kai sighed, feeling like the only sane person left in the world.

He wanted to know what was going on. Even though he was mostly a heart cold bastard, vicious businessman and not a great speaker, Rei was a friend. He had seen Rei go down before, and he had always felt somewhat satisfied in his leadership personality to know that he had also helped talk some sense into the other. But this time Rei was completely shut off, staring out the window, drumming his fingers against a magazine he had stopped pretending to read hours ago. Blank pages staring up at them, headlines screaming out necessities they ought to know.

Which was when something particular caught Kai's gaze. A very familiar pair of smiling eyes, accompanied with an even broader grin was plastered across the open pages. A man holding up some kind of trophy, dark blue hair in a ponytail making a triumphant victory-sign with his fingers. Even though Kai knew it as soon as he caught sight of it, he couldn't help but confirm his suspicions by reading the headline.

''Tyson seems popular.''

He didn't know why he said it really. It was just cold smalltalk, and he never ever small talked. Maybe he just wanted Rei to say something, anything at all. A little sign that the man wasn't completely gone. To Kai's relief, Rei looked down at the magazine, interest completely absent from his eyes.

''Hn.'' Came thoughtfully and dull from his mouth.

Kai sighed as he leaned back against the seat again. He decided it was probably best to leave the rest of their trip in silence, as nothing he would say would help. And all the things that would help, were not for him to say.

**X**

It didn't matter what he drank. Everything felt the same, lost of taste and aroma. He could feel nothing but the sickening smell of decay that surrounded him, festering in his brain. His stomach made no sounds of the hunger he had subjected it to, made no movements at all but from time to time where it clenched itself violently in pain. But he welcomed it.

Empty bottles, all with the slop left, lying around like scattered flowers. Empty glasses on every table and edge, stains and spots and filth corroding every part of his home. A few days ago, or perhaps hours, the phone had rung be he didn't know where it was. Not that he intended to answer anyway, but he wanted to know where it was. That lone little fact gnawing at him.

So he drank some more and his troubles slipped further away into the smog he lived in. The emptiness in his bed, his fridge, his home, his heart, it hid itself as the burning liquid flowed down his soar throat. He coughed, chest upheaving as the beverage came up again. But Boris wasn't surprised, only pissed off since he had been throwing up plenty to go around already. He hadn't been able to keep anything in, in neither end. The toilet's stench was unbearable, even through the closed bathroom door.

Everything felt so… wrong.

Then, the voices came back. He wasn't sure of who they were, but he could bet his ass they weren't real. Something Rei had read to him from the self help book echoed in his memory, but he couldn't really place it. But the voices knew, they told him so with their ice cold laughs and purring voices. Fondling his mind with slick fingers, staring at him with a thousand eyes.

Boris didn't like feeling watched. But no matter what he did they could still see him. He barricaded the door, covered up the windows, paced around and around until he ripped the long lost phone off the wall. Bleeding from a cut he didn't know when he had sustained, he sunk down to the floor. Curling inwards as much as he could, the pain and the dizziness and the paranoia swirling around and around.

He arched his back to throw up again, but all that came out was blood.

Blood. Red, darling old blood, that had used to make so much sense. That had used to calm him down. But nothing worked anymore. Nothing but downing bottle after bottle, hoping to find something at the bottom. Just what that was he never knew.

Maybe that was why he couldn't find it.

**X**

Amber eyes had been staring endlessly ever since they got back. Lying on the big, soft comforting bed Rei had been staring at the phone for hours. But no one called. Not a single little beep or sound, nothing. Just silence. Complete and deafening silence. It was driving him insane between the tears. Sadness creeping up on him, choking every last bit of hope out of his chest. And the pain was unbearable. Heartache cutting right through him, he could imagine blood everywhere inside. Internal bleedings of a shattered mind, a shattered life.

Rei didn't want to feel sorry for himself. He really tried not to but it seemed as if pretending to be alright was much more tiring than crying his eyes out. So maybe he'd allow himself a day or two of feeling bad. Maybe even three. After that he would have to get up on his feet and go on with life. It wasn't a big deal, was it? Maybe the phone would even ring by then. Maybe… no.

It was all so useless.

''Rei''

He recognized the voice as Kai's. Recognized the smell of his cologne and even the emotionless feeling of his presence. But the Tiger didn't move, still staring at the phone as if hypnotized by it. Kai looked at him from the doorway, mouth taut to the point of strain and a bitter, dark look in his eyes.

''I read an article this morning. You might want to look at it.''

Silence answered him, and Kai wondered if the other had even noticed him. Holding the paper in his hands, gripping it harshly, crinkling the paper he stood waiting. Waiting for an answer he knew never would come, waiting for a reaction that wasn't possible to make. He didn't know why he thought the article would help. Didn't even know why he cared so much about it.

But he was, even though he wouldn't show it, worried about Rei. He knew something had to be done but despite all the money and brains he had, Kai couldn't figure out what. So he did what he could do, and that morning reading a paper had seemed like the best he could come up with. That or forcing Rei to talk to someone, but there was no one to talk to.

He refused to let Yuriy near the room and Kai himself, well, he would only make it worse if he knew himself right. Russia had felt like a mistake before that, but now he was damning its very core. Even though Boris and all the painful memories were in London, he thought it was a much better choice than Russia. Cold, empty old Russia where no one knew Rei and there was nothing for the Tiger but to lie around, staring, trying to cry as silently as possible.

''Dinner's at five.''

And even though he knew Rei wouldn't come down to the kitchen, just like he hadn't the last few weeks, Kai left with nothing else said. Leaving Rei in the silence of the room and the rampage of his own thoughts, breathing heavily as he closed his eyes. He turned around to look at the empty space by the door, and found that the paper Kai had been talking about was lying on his bed. He stared at it a long, long while, not fully understanding why it was there.

When another long moment of nothing had passed, he streteched out for it. Curling into a little shaking ball, he unfolded it and began to read.

**X**

''How is he?''

The redhead stabbed the meat on his plate, swallowing it after barely even chewing. Not having eaten for the whole day, going through the trouble of making all Rei's mail and whatnots go to the mansion, Kai didn't blame the red head's appetite. After all, they did have the best cook in the country.

''Not good.''

''Did he say anything?''

Kai shook his head and sat down in front of the plate that had been set out for him, eyeing the food warily. There was another plate by the seat next to his, but he figured that even tonight it would go untouched. They'd only been in the country for a few weeks, and Rei was looking closer to death by each day. Yuriy stopped by often, seeing how they were managing even though he said it was just because he was bored. Kai didn't mention it, but he was grateful to no end.

Taking care of everything alone was eating at him as well, even though he was too proud and too stubborn to admit it. Just because something didn't show on the outside didn't mean it wasn't still there on the inside. Which he guessed went for all of them.

Yuriy wouldn't show anything but his same old handsome face, but deep down he was worried too. They hadn't gotten a word from Boris, and when they tried to call the line never went through. The Wolf hoped they were just being ignored and that Boris was the same dickhead he always had been. But a small part of him feared the worst.

''No. He just keeps staring at the phone.''

Yuriy chewed thoughtfully, drinking out of his glass before he began twirling his finger around the edge. With a '_hmm_' he watched Kai cut his own food up, poking around the plate as the seconds ticked by.

''He's not gonna call.'' Yuriy stated then, Kai didn't even bother to look up.

''No, he's not.''

''I assume you haven't heard from the idiot either?''

''Not a word.''

''Ian and Spencer?''

''Haven't heard from him.''

Yuriy snarled, rubbing his face tiredly. It was as if the Falcon had vanished into thin air, and even though it wasn't that unusual it still felt too wrong. When he had moved to London he had refused to speak to any of them, but this time was different. This time Boris had no one to be mad at but himself. And even though Yuriy had known and expected from the very beginning that the grey haired man would fuck it all up, even though he knew Boris would never call and demand forgiveness, he still felt disappointed.

''This is fucked.''

Kai nodded, but said nothing. There was nothing more for them to do, which irritated him because he felt he had to do something. It could have been his ingrown leadership, but even more than so, this was something out of his control and Kai wouldn't let anything be uncontrollable. But they had done all they could, but sit and wait had never been the Russian's favourite approach. Kai sighed inwardly. What a complete mess.

Hesitant footsteps caught their attention. Immediately looking up, they found Rei standing by the table, the paper in his hand. Out in the light he was not a pretty sight, even worse than what Kai had thought. The skin was so absent of colour it looked almost washed out, his dirty hair a complete mess in the poor braid it hadn't escaped for days. Body thinner than before but most chockingly, his golden eyes hollow, empty and so cold it was choking just to look at them.

Rei laid the paper on the table, trembling as he did so.

''I read it.'' Came a voice so raspy and thin for a moment, Kai thought he had just imagined it.

''What did you think?'' he forced himself to say.

Rei shrugged loosely.

''An article about alcoholics. What was I supposed to think?''

''Did you read the last part?''

''The part about relatives and close ones? Yeah, Kai, I read it. What do you want me to say? Do you want me to hold a damn seminar of all my life long experience? Or write a damn book? Tell the press? Huh?''

His voice was cold and empty, like nails on a blackboard screeching in their ears. Kai didn't move a muscle though, simply staring at Rei with his emotionless eyes.

''You have to do something else than lying around and drowning yourself in your problems, Rei.''

''What the hell can I do?! I've tried, Kai! I've tried over and over and over again! But guess what? It doesn't work! Nothing works! I can't do anything to help any of them!''

Kai shook his head.

''Rei, you're not supposed to help them.''

Rei gave him a hurt look, not understanding anything. Not understanding what they wanted of him, what anyone wanted of him. What the article was supposed to mean or what he was supposed to do. What he could do. If he even could do anything. He didn't understand why Kai was throwing his failures in his face and why no one could just leave him be. He had tried all his life, but he had failed. Heh ad failed them all.

''Then what the hell am I supposed to do, Kai?''

''Eat your food.''

''No!''

He didn't care if he sounded like a soiled brat, he didn't care that he was hungry because he was so damn tired. He was tired of everyone thinking he could do something, tired of waiting for others, for the world, tired of waiting for them to stop staring at him. Staring as if there was something he was supposed to know.

''Eat your food.''

Rei threw the plate off the table, hearing it shatter against the floor as food splattered across the carpet.

''I said _no_!''

He was angry because he had lost his temper. Angry that he had lost his mind, lost his touch, his friends, his life, his security. Boris had been the last thing in the world to cling to, and that had just blown up in his face. Everything that had happened through his life had taught Rei one simple lesson, and the last month had only confirmed this lesson.

There is no security in this world.

Kai sighed, looking at Rei in a way that was hard to decipher. Yuriy watched them cautiously, his plate now empty but his eyes full of something Rei had never seen in them before. He didn't understand what they wanted, what they tried to say with their mouths closed and least of all did he understand why he felt like he was the one acting crazy.

''You're not supposed to help them, Rei, you can't''

Rei breathed in shakily, suddenly feeling very weak. Kai didn't let him go with his stare, and the Chinese had to lean against a chair not to loose his footing. Kai stood up and put his hands on the man's shoulder, pushing him down into the chair, Rei too weak to protest. The room suddenly spinning, Kai's voice was the only thing he could really focus on.

''You're not supposed to help anyone now'' Kai spoke again. ''You're supposed to help yourself''

And that moment all anger abandoned him, and Rei couldn't hold it together anymore. So he did the only thing he felt like doing, and despite his audience, broke into tears.


	25. Insensate Hearts

Next one is the last. I think… (I love Dr. Dafoe. I love him as much as I love reviewers. I'd marry you all if I could!)

_LOVE ME FOR A QUICK UPDATE!_

* * *

**Chap****ter Twenty-five  
Insensate Hearts**

When summer gave up and turned the throne over to autumn, nothing felt the same. The weather looked very much like Rei felt, and if he thought his room was lonesome enough, well… The mansion was a hundred times bigger, a hundred times emptier and a hundred times worse. As his solitude echoed off the walls, the mess of hurt, sadness and fury that Rei had carried around for the last weeks only seemed to get amplified.

It didn't get better when the post office told Kai that there were complications with Rei's mail. The one from the hospital which he had dreaded for nearly a month had somehow ended up in the wrong part of the world. The post office's sesquipedalian melange of excuses seemed to reach out into eternity. Neverthless, they fell on deaf ears as Kai got a hold of their superior.

This wasn't the only thing out of place, though. Time seemed to have stopped altogether and as the gold and red leaves fell off their crowns, there was nothing left to do but wonder. A part of Rei was angry, mostly at himself because despite how much he hated Boris he still wanted the man to call. Even though it was stupid of him, silly even, he wanted the Falcon to be there. He needed to hear his strong and rude voice, because life felt that much emptier without it.

Waking up in an empty bed, life itself was only half full. He hadn't thought much about it before, but once one had witnessed the rising of the sun or the rich taste of food, the warmth of a bath or the comfort of a fireplace in the night, experienced it with a loved one, doing all of it alone never felt the same again. Even the stars seemed to have lost their glow when he watched them, now when Boris wasn't there to tell him how silly they were.

But Boris had hurt him, had thrown his trust and love right out the window and pissed on it. A person like that wasn't worthy one thought from him, wasn't worth missing. And that made Rei hate himself further, because he couldn't help but feel that he wanted to forget it all. He wanted to pretend it never happened just to draw his fingers through silver hair again. Didn't he have more self respect than that? Sure love was blind, but even the blind had more sense than that.

He had tried to occupy himself. Tried and failed and in the end it always ended up with him walking through the mansion, thinking. Or locking himself up, staring. And it was driving Kai insane. That morning he had just taken care of tons of paper work for his business, slipped in a puddle of rain in the street and gotten a parking ticket. It just wasn't his day, and coming home was not the bliss it had used to be.

To sum up his foul mood Yuriy, who never seemed to have anything better to do, had showed up. The red head, just done with his usual exercise, had wolfed down half of Kai's fridge, staring at his friend from across the table. The aqua holding some lingering little emotion that was stomping on Kai's last nerves.

''Frowning gives you wrinkles''

Kai glared up from the paper he was reading, coffee mug in hand.

''Not in the mood?'' Yuriy kept speaking, clearly noticing the irritation in the crimson eyes.

''Don't you have anything better do to?''

''Nope.''

''You should consider getting a girlfriend.''

Yuriy waved his hand dismissively.

''Nah, they just give you grief in the end.''

Kai sighed slightly.

''Indeed they do.''

Yuriy furrowed his brow at him, putting down the fork to lean his chin against clasped hands.

''I take it the kid hasn't cheered up?''

Kai didn't answer, but his silence was undoubtedly a 'no'. Yuriy didn't really know what to do. Every day he saw his friend getting more worn out, and every day he felt angrier at Boris for being such an idiot. He felt angry that he couldn't do anything, angry that he cared. Angry that even though the Abbey was a distant memory in the past, life was still a fucked up mess.

''I'm considering going to London.''

Kai looked up this time, incredulous.

''Why?''

''This isn't only bad for Rei. It's driving you nuts and me as well! Boris has done a lot of shit in his life and I'm not gonna let him get away with it!''

The Phoenix shook his head, irritating Yuriy who thought it was a great plan. Sure, it demanded a lot on his behalf, a lot more than he wanted to give, but something had to be done. If he could choose, he would just have wanted to call Boris and yell at him for a few hours, then let the man sort it all out himself. But the Wolf couldn't. His life philosophy was something along the lines of '_Everyone else is a complete airhead, so if you want progress, sort things out yourself'_. This always turned into a problem when he, even though it was rare, ran into a problem he couldn't fix by yelling.

''You won't get a hold of him if he doesn't want you to.''

''Then what the hell are we supposed to do?!''

''_Nothing!_''

Blue eyes stared, disbelieving as they had never seen such an outburst in a long time. Kai couldn't believe he had lost his self control like that either, but he was getting tired. More so as the weeks passed.

''I understand what you mean'' he muttered gruffly ''But there is nothing we can do.''

Yuriy didn't want to believe him. He refused to believe it. Slamming his fist against the table, having an outburst of his own, the red head got up with one final snarl. They glared at each other for a small moment, before Yuriy stormed out of the room. Kai stared at the emptiness that surrounded him for a while, listening to the silence that followed the sound of a door slammed shut.

And for once in his life, Kai felt completely helpless.

**X**

In the three months that passed, Rei took up learning Russian. It was all he could do to occupy himself, so he decided to make the best of it. Maybe if he got good enough, he could always start working. Thinking back on the article Kai had given to him, Rei had thought a lot of doing something about it. If anyone would be interested, he could always hold some kind of seminar for alcoholics and their close ones. What good it would do he didn't know, but the more he considered it the more sense it made.

After all, there were more people like him in the world. So instead of drowning in his own pain, he could do something useful. Maybe tell people, make them more aware, or just let them know they weren't alone. Or, waste their time and money. It could end up either way, but he decided not to say anything about it until he had at least learned how to introduce himself in Russian.

But ignoring his problems didn't make them go away. In a way Rei felt like he had just gotten worse. His nightmares had returned, and with a vengeance. He barely spoke at all, and it was still rare to see him at the dinner table. Mostly Rei just lay in his room, reading and sleeping. His tears had run dry a long time ago.

Yuriy had, despite what Kai had told him, gone through with his plan and taken the flight back to London. The lady at the travel agency had asked if he had some special someone in the city, since he kept going back there again and again. He had just told her to shut up and hung up the phone with a roar. Since then Kai hadn't heard a word from him, and now it just seemed like he had yet another worry.

Two weeks passed and no one heard from Yuriy. Kai wondered if the man had, against all odds, gotten a hold on Boris and been beaten to death. Rei didn't say it, but the suspense was nearly killing him. He had now gone back to staring at the phone, waiting for any of the two Russians to call. Either Boris to tell him what an asshole he had been, which Rei of course highly doubted, or Yuriy to call and tell him that the big asshole had been found.

But nothing happened.

Until one fateful day, when the phone rang. And as soon as Rei threw himself on the phone and answered, he suddenly wished it would have just stayed silent. Months of waiting, months of dreading, longing for it to ring and when it finally did, he regretted ever picking up. It was Yuriy on the other end and he did not have good news.

''_Kon? Kon, did you hear me?_

He wanted to say no.

''Yes, Yuriy, I… I heard you.''

''_Then go tell Kai!_''

He really wished he wouldn't have to. Wished he could just hide away and never have to face anything again. Wished it was all just one of his bad dreams.

''_Kon?! Did you die or what?!_'' Yuriy shouted at the other end, snatching Rei back into reality.

''I wish.''

''_You're completely useless right now. Go get me Kai!''_

As on cue, Kai walked into the room. Coffee mug in one hand, stroking his hair out of his face with the other. He gave Rei and the phone an odd look, a spark of hope forming in his chest. But that hope was crushed and completely obliterated by Rei's transparent look as he reached the phone out to him. Kai took it, taking a sip of the coffee.

''Kai Hiwatari''

''_Oh, thank fuck! Kai, it's me._''

''What's wrong, Yuriy?''

''_I found Boris._''

Kai's heart stopped. He knew from the tone in Yuriy's strained voice that what he had just heard was not a good thing. As to confirm this feeling, Rei had sunk down to the floor, staring blankly into nothing as his hands trembled.

''What has he done now?''

There was silence on the other end, before Yuriy swore.

''_He's in a fucking coma._''

**X**

It took one day before they had arrive in London. The place looked exactly like it had the last time Rei visited, the city drenched in the sour smell of dreaded memories. Despite how high the sun stood against a pearly sky, and despite how beautiful the city looked with all the gold and red of autumn, it was like stepping right into hell. The only thing that was worse than stepping out of the plane was walking through the hospital doors.

As soon as the bright lights stabbed his eyes and the scrubs surrounded him, Rei's body refused to function. No limb would move and no thought would process through his mind. His chest one tightly locked trap, everything about him seemed to shut down. It took a good long while for Kai to even get a reaction out of him, and once he had, he had to literally push the man to the right floor.

But he didn't really blame him. Rei wasn't the only one who was afraid. Kai was scared too, but he turned it into viciousness and so no one really noticed. For a moment there, he understood why people always referred to him as a cold hearted bastard. But he had to be strong, since no one else seemed likely to be.

As soon as they spotted the red mess that usually was Yuriy's finely combed hair, he breathed a sigh of relief. Aqua eyes looked mysteriously at them, mouth half a sneer and half a bitter grimace at the sight of the Chinese. Without a word both men helped getting Rei to sit down on the nearest bench.

''Took you long enough'' Yuriy grunted after a moment of rock hard silence.

Kai's face was cold and empty, but his eyes were burning murderously as they bored their way into him. Yuriy's sharp, viciously handsome face had a mask of being unbothered, but to the trained eye exhaustion was lightly glinting through. It was useless to fight, but the Wolf needed stress release and as he normally barked at people who did not reach his expectations, this was not going to be a likely exception.

Just because you were in the same boat with someone didn't mean you weren't in the need of a captain.

Before Kai had the chance to answer though, they could see a white coat fluttering towards them. Like a godlike phantom from above, a sly face greeted them with the most unnerving sneer they had encountered in years. Dr. Dafoe stopped before them, greeting them with a curt nod of the head, his sapient eyes glinting.

''Ah, Mr. Ivanov, Mr. Hiwatari, we really must stop seeing each other like this.''

Yuriy grunted in answer, Kai simply nodding. Dafoe's eyes fell on Rei's catatonic form, broadening his smile.

''Mr. Kon, I was wondering when you'd show up! I was hoping to talk to you about a few things, actually.''

Rei, who didn't even notice the man, stared blankly into space with the dead eyes of a doll. Dafoe's mouth fell slightly, his brow furrowing in thought.

''Not in the mood, I see.''

''How bad is it?'' Yuriy snarled, forcing the doctor's attention back to them again.

The doctor tilted his head slightly, considering how to form the information into a sentence.

''Pretend there is a scale of how bad something can be. Let's say… one to ten.''

''Yes?''

''Boris is an eight.''

Yuriy growled irritably, stepping forward to glare the doctor in the face.

''Just spit it out!''

''It means that he's not fucked.''

The Wolf sighed, some of the stress leaving him. But Kai was not at all convinced, sensing there was something left unsaid.

''But'' Dafoe confirmed these suspicions as he spoke again. ''if we don't do anything soon I'm afraid he will be.''

A whimper left Rei weakly, but other than that he showed no signs of being consciously present. Dafoe shot him a small look, before staring back at the two Russians again. This times no sly playfulness left in his eyes, his face dark and as serious as a Death God's.

''Mr. Kuznetsov's liver is in dire need of mercy. It has given up completely, hence the coma. I reckon the only thing to save him will be a transplant.''

''A transplant?!'' Yuriy was fuming. ''Do you know how hard it is to manage one?!''

''If you haven't noticed, Mr. Ivanov, this coat means I'm a doctor. I didn't spend ten years studying medicine for nothing.''

''Then stop bullshitting! You know we won't get a surgery done in time! Why the hell wasn't anything done sooner?!''

''If you'd calm down I might tell you.''

Yuriy roared, slamming his fist into the wall with a loud yell. People around gave the group odd and frightened looks, but went on minding their own business as Kai shot them threatening glares. Dafoe was quirking his mouth now, his eyes serious.

''I've told Mr. Kuznetsov on several occasions how badly injured his body really is. It's out of my hands if a patient chooses to ignore my warnings, and since I haven't heard from either him or his boyfriend – ''

''We broke up'' Rei croaked suddenly, earning three mildly surprised looks. But he ignored them, staring up at Dafoe with such piercing eyes the man's mouth parted slightly. ''I haven't heard from him in three months.''

''And neither have I'' Dafoe said dryly ''Look,'' he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. ''You know how the world works. It'd take someone really rich and really powerful in order to get a surgery and transplant ready in time.''

This time, it was Yuriy's time to sneer. Patting Kai's shoulder dramatically, something evil sparkled in his eyes.

''Then, doctor, this is certainly our lucky day''

**X**

Rei had been staring for three hours. Sometimes he had been spoken to, but as he didn't really listen he had no idea who had spoken about what. All he could focus on was the form lying in the hospital bed. Through the glass the wires and machines looked almost threatening, alien devices which he had no idea what they were for. Rei hadn't been able to summon up the courage to go into the room yet, since he was afraid of what he might find. The white curtain that surrounded Boris' form made it impossible to see his face, so basically Rei had been staring at the man's covered feet all afternoon.

If he had been a bit clearer in the head, he probably would have felt very silly.

Rei knew he was supposed to hate the man. Knew he was supposed to loathe him and never want to see him ever again. But he couldn't help it. It was just in his nature to be caring. If Boris would have been the hurt one after their beybattle all those years ago, Rei would have visited him then. Just like they visited Yuriy when he was in a coma. And no matter what Boris did, Rei would never wish for him to die.

Kai had been talking to Dafoe for the longest while, so left was only Yuriy as company now. The red head wasn't much of a company though, but it didn't matter as Rei didn't feel very chatty at the time. Instead he sat staring, hands pressed against the glass until his arms went numb. Yuriy was glancing at him from time to time, feeling so many stupid emotions he decided to just be angry.

After half an hour had trudged past them, Yuriy had fallen asleep on the bench. Rei just kept staring, mezmerized and empty. The worry and the fear had melted into the anger and hurt and left him dumbstruck, shock clinging to him like a parasite. Draining him of every ounce of energy he had. He didn't even notice that Dr. Dafoe had been tapping the glass for his attention for nearly ten minutes.

''Mr. Kon, if you'd be so kind as to join the real world for a moment?''

Rei looked up hazily, his mind having to work hard in order to recognize the man. When it did, Rei's heart sank and swelled at the same time.

''Yes?'' he whispered, voice frail from lack of use.

''I would like to have a word with you. Would you accompany me to my office?''

Rei shook his head, desperation shining in his eyes as he tried to dig his nails into the glass. Dafoe grimaced at the sound his nails made against the window, muttering.

''It will only take a minute.''

''_No_!''

He blinked at the outburst, not really prepared for such a reaction. Rei shook his head violently, gripping the back of the bench like a rock in the big, black sea.

''I don't…'' he whispered through the lump in his throat. ''I don't want to leave him.''

''He won't exactly go anywhere.''

''I don't want to leave him.''

The doctor looked at him, examinating, meeting almost pleading golden eyes. Eyes as clear as the glass, face paler than the walls. Dafoe sighed.

''Mr. Kon, I know this must be hard for you…''

''You're married, aren't you doctor?''

Dafoe blinked again, unhappy about how many times the young man had startled him that day alone. The subject seemed somewhat hard for him, as his face hardened remarkably. His voice drawling at the words, like he was stalling as much as possible when he spoke next.

''I don't see your point, Mr. Kon. Please, I only need a minute.''

''You have a ring. You are married, are you not?''

''I…''

''Please, doctor. I was hoping you of all people would understand.''

For the first time in his life, Dafoe averted his eyes. He looked through the window at the shielded form of his patient, chewing at the inside of his cheek in thought. He didn't want to meet Rei's eyes anymore, fearing that all the pain and worry he would see in them would strike him like a shot to the heart. And worst of all, he didn't want it to bring back memories of how he himself had been waiting outside the glass, watching the heart monitor jump un-rhythmically, begging it not to go flat.

''Alright'' he finally sighed, sitting down on the bench, giving Yuriy's snoring form an odd look. ''Alright, Mr. Kon''

Rei tried a grateful smile, but didn't have the strength to manage it fully. He looked at his hands for a moment, nervously fiddling with them, before he looked at the doctor again. Right that moment, it seemed like the most crucial person in the world. A man who held the answer to a question of life and death in his slick, professional hands. Also, he was the last person to gain Rei's hard earned trust.

''Mr. Kon, I understand there has been complications with your test results?''

Rei nodded, his heart nearly stopping as his fears only rose. The last thing he needed now was that subject to come up.

''Well, since you're here now I might just tell you in person. Mr. Kon…''

The silence that followed was worse than any word the man could ever say. Rei's heart pounded maniacally in his chest, pain exploding in his head as the stress burned and sizzled. Everything around him disappeared as the only point he could focus on was Dafoe's motionless mouth, not a single hint of what was to come in his face.

''You do not have cancer.''

Rei couldn't believe his ears. He had to be dreaming. He must have died somewhere along the previous months and now he was just living in one never ending nightmare. It couldn't be. Karma had been against him every other time, this had to be some sick joke. But Dafoe's eyes assured him that this was as serious as death.

''I… I what?'' Rei croaked, nearly choking on his own breath.

''You don't have cancer, Mr. Kon. Congratulations.''

Rei let out a shocked, relieved squeaky sound, hand against his mouth as he couldn't believe it. Like he had just won the lottery, or conquered the world, or found out he was going to be a father. He was so utterly shocked he just wanted to cry from all the weight that was lifted off his shoulders. In his frenzy, Rei leapt out and flung his arms around the doctor, sobbing him in the shoulder.

Dafoe looked somewhat awkwardly at the man, not sure of how to respond. He hadn't gotten such a reaction in all his years as a doctor. Mostly because people found him creepy and weird. But he made a small grimace, before awkwardly patting Rei's back. Rei stayed like that for a moment, breathing heavily and yet so lightly at the same time. When he sat back up again, he couldn't help but smiling. A worn, withered, tired old smile that looked more sad than if he had been crying still.

''I hate to burst your bubble, though'' the doctor said, and Rei's face fell. ''But there is another complication with your… uh… ex boyfriend.''

Rei knew it. Knew karma was out to get him, knew it was too good to be true. At the same time all his fears of living alone, watching Boris die and not being able to do anything about it, attacked him. He would have passed out if he wasn't so damn panicked, and he would have cried if he had any tears left. Dafoe sneered dully at him, patting his back again.

''No need to panic, Mr. Kon. It's nothing serious… well, yet anyway.''

''Then..?''

''We can perform a surgery quite soon, thanks to Mr. Hiwatari's bottomless wallet. The problem is, though, that we're running short on healthy livers.''

Rei blinked. The words having dropped on him like a nuclear bomb, his mind didn't have the energy to work out a proper emotion. So he blinked again, and then he blinked a little more, mouth opening and closing, his words abandoning him.

''Don't despair, there's still one option left.''

''There… there is?''

The doctor nodded, not really sure if he wanted to resort to what he had on his mind, but seeing the look in Rei's eyes, so familiar to one he had worn himself in the past, he guessed it wouldn't do more harm than the Chinese had already suffered.

''We don't have any donors available right now. But there is one thing, it's fairly new as well. But it wouldn't be the first time you and Mr. Kuznetsov experienced this.''

Rei nodded slowly, suspicion whispering in his head. After staring the older man out for a minute or so, Dafoe's eyes took on something much like morbid interest.

''Have you ever heard of _Living Donor Transplantation_?''


	26. Building Bridges, Burning walls

You should love me, you know. I was seriously considering giving Rei cancer. But hey, I can torture him anyway! Oooh, and what is this? A look into the past of Dr. Dafoe? My, my!

This is the last one. I fear I didn't make the ending justice. Oh well. Reviewers, I can't thank you enough for sticking with me all the way. I love you to bits and it saddens me that this story is over...

But hey, I'm already writing a new Rei/Boris-fic. So stay tuned!

* * *

**Chap****ter Twenty-six  
Building Bridges, Burning walls**

What is fairly new, complicated and with a 0.3 chance of death after performance? Well Rei had no idea either, until Dr. Dafoe sat down to have a little chat. In just about thirty minutes, he had not only informed Rei, but also convinced him into the thought that the surgery was a good idea. It was a procedure where the surgeon took away around 55 percent of the healthy liver, sometimes even 75 percent were possible, and replaced the sick liver with this half.

After a long while, the livers would have healed and re-grown the missing part, and thus both persons would walk out of healthy. The complications were of course there, as in how much of a strain it was to perform such a procedure on a healthy patient. Also, the one to receive the implant would have to take immunosuppressive medication for the rest of his or her life.

Rei could live with that. If he needed to he would have given Boris his entire liver, just as long as there was a chance of the man surviving. There was the risk of Boris' body rejecting the organ, and even death. But if death hadn't occurred in three months, the chances were likelier to be good. So as soon as Dafoe had stopped speaking, and Rei had swallowed the information and the shock it brought, he had agreed.

Which lead to long hours of signing papers.

When he finally was let free, Rei staggered into the hall with a deep sigh. He felt so worn out, so exhausted it hurt just to think. Adding that to the fact that he hadn't eaten only made him feel more miserable. With a pained grunt Rei leaned against a wall and slid to the ground. A lot of nurses that passed him gave him peculiar looks, but he ignored them since opening his eyes only made the room spin.

He was absolutely beat. His brain one heap of goo, his heart pumping tiredly, begging for a little break. His stomach twisted in a painful pang of hunger, his muscles refusing to move any further as he trembled in exhaustion. It was safe to say he did not feel pretty, and certainly didn't look like it either. Dark circles under his eyes made him look more like a racoon than cat, and his hair had seen much better days.

Olivia felt sort of like an angel from above when she sat down next to him. The only thing sweeter than her perfume was her smile, and in her arms was two paper cups of coffee and what looked like food. Rei cracked his eyes open slightly, her brown eyes greeting him warmly. The misfortune of her needle-attack last time they met rang painfully in his memory, but he found he couldn't really blame her. She was a very nice person, after all.

''Hey there, tiger'' her cherry red lips moved, and he couldn't help but try to smile.

''Hi, Olivia''

''How ya' hanging in there?''

''Not very good''

He sat up straighter, but still slumped against the wall, looking directly at her now. She reached out one of the mugs to him, waving a sandwich and chocolate bar. He accepted them gladly, the coffee hot and steaming comfortingly against his cold skin.

''Are you mad about the needle-thing?''

''Who could ever be mad at you?''

Olivia giggled warmly, her smile never leaving her face. He find her oddly comforting, like a fresh wind in a murky swamp. Or a little candle in the dark, whatever it was, he was glad to have her there. It was funny in a way, Rei thought, because Olivia and Dafoe were probably the closest thing to making friends he had experienced in years.

''I heard about your boyfriend. I'm so sorry.''

Rei's eyes glazed over momentarily, since he was too tired to even try to look okay. In fact, he didn't care anymore what anyone thought. He was in pain and he was sick and tired of hiding it. Olivia didn't say anything, didn't look pitying at him or mock him. She just sat there, chewing at her own chocolate, genuine empathy in her eyes.

''We're not…'' he stopped himself then, not wanting to ruin the first comfort he had received since he got there. ''Thank you. I appreciate it.''

''You look kind of pale. Have you lost weight?''

Rei shrugged, staring at his sandwich like he hadn't really seen anything of the sort. In his hand it felt more like a collection of carbohydrates and molecules than actual food. Just a heap of flour, butter and cheese with a pathetic little tomato in the middle. His stomach cringed in dislike, even if his hunger roared for him to shut up and eat it.

''Don't you think it's weird that you and Dr. Dafoe always take care of our case when we're here?'' he changed the subject.

Olivia pretended she didn't noticed. A gamine look on her face as she smiled. Taking a large bite out of her sandwich, she wiped some bread crumbs off her cheek and leaned against the wall.

''That would be because we sort of make sure to always take your case.''

Rei raised an eyebrow, suspiciously eyeing her.

''What? You're stalking us?''

Olivia laughed.

''No, no! It's just that I find you charming and all the other nurses are hussies. And Dr. Dafoe thought that, since he's had you before he knows you better than the other doctors.''

''Oh… well, that makes sense.''

''Although…'' she chewed thoughtfully, swallowing the bread down with a sip of coffee.

Rei's suspicion only grew, but it was clothed in a sense of curiosity. He drank some of his own coffee, unwrapping the plastic of the sandwich just to have something to distract himself with.

''Although what?''

''I think Dr. Dafoe empathises with you.''

''That man can empathise?''

Olivia chuckled sadly.

''You'd be surprised. He's not all weirdness and irony.''

The plastic finally gone, Rei had no excuse to simply sit and stare at the sandwich anymore. He wanted to eat it, actually he was mighty damn hungry and he had a killing headache. He just didn't think he would be able to really muster it. At least not until he knew Boris was alright.

''What do you mean?''

''He's been where you are now.''

Rei frowned, not fully understanding what she was trying to say.

''You mean he's been to the hospital over and over again with his alcoholic boyfriend, until one day his boyfriend cheated on him – with a _girl _– to finally end up in a coma and with only one chance of surviving, mainly getting half of his liver?''

Olivia smiled yet again, and Rei wondered where she got all the energy. Her eyes were much duller now, as if remembering something sad. Yet she kept the warm glow in her face, now opening the chocolate bar with the gentleness of a mother. She shook her head, then shrugged slightly.

''I assume you've seen his wedding ring?''

Rei nodded, fingering on his sandwich until he finally, though accidentally, ripped off a piece. He stared down at it, just so he wouldn't have to focus on his company, slowly bringing it to his mouth.

''Dafoe had a wife. This was long before I worked here, and he's never spoken much about her. But basically everyone around the hospital knows the story. It was in the papers and all.''

Rei listened carefully, the story not really important to him but he guessed Olivia thought it would help. In what way he didn't know, maybe she wanted him to know he wasn't the only one in pain. That there were others out there, others with much bigger problems and who made it out. Who didn't sit moping around in a hospital corridor and got themselves together. Or maybe, she just wanted to talk. Either way, he welcomed it as his only distraction from what was going on around him.

''She was beautiful, from what I've heard. You know, large blue eyes and a smile to die for. But… she was an addict. Had been for years. Thanks to that their first child was born blind.''

She spoke with a voice that tried to be cheerful, but the sorrow of the story just made it tone down to being mellow. An empty wrapper in her hands that she kept twisting, looking at her own feet as she tried to remember all the details as they had been told to her when she first started working there.

''But she got cleaned up after that. And well, everything seemed to go well. She was pregnant again, twins this time. Everything seemed to be going just fine. Then… she had a miscarriage. One twin survived.''

Finally eating, Rei listened carefully to the story. For a moment it made him feel a little guilty. The fact that he was feeling sorry for himself when his problems weren't nearly the worst case scenario was making his heart sink. But he kept quiet, letting Olivia continue the story.

''She couldn't take the trauma, so she had a relapse. She couldn't stand to look at the twin, either, since he just reminded her of what had happened. One day, just driving home from picking the kids up...'' Olivia sighed. ''It didn't come as a surprise to anyone, the car crash. They all assumed she would die young and the autopsy came out positive for drugs in the blood. Dr. Dafoe waited thirty four hours at the hospital during the surgeries.''

She silenced for a moment, thinking deeply. Then she looked at him, calm and neutral even though Rei himself felt like crying. He hadn't been that emotionally stable before and he certainly wasn't in a happy mood now.

''She died first. Then their daughter, the oldest child. Dafoe decided to study medicine, you know, feeling guilty, like he should have done something and all that. When his son turned eighteen the kid had already been to several rehabs... One day he just left without a word and he hasn't heard from him since.''

Rei stared at her in shock, empathy and melancholy when she silenced. She smiled weakly at him, but it seemed so odd. What her intentions of telling the story were seemed all the more mysterious to him now. But she recognized the look in his eyes, laughing sadly.

''He sees himself in you, waiting outside that room hour after hour. Ever since the first time you walked into this place, you've just reminded him of his past.''

''I… I don't… know what to say.''

''You're not supposed to. I just wanted you to know that, you're not alone and Dafoe will try his absolute best to save him. It'll turn out fine.''

Rei sighed, suddenly not very hungry anymore.

''I wish I could believe you.''

Her eyes lit up bright and warm again, the cherry red lips curving cheerfully again.

''No worries, sweetie. I recognize a fighter when I see one and you'' she put an arm around his shoulders. ''You sir, are one hell of a fighter.''

Rei looked disbelievingly at her, but seeing the spirit in her eyes and the warmth of her hug, he couldn't help but smile. No matter how clumsy the woman was, or how creepy Dr. Dafoe acted, he guessed she had one point. This wasn't over quite yet.

**X**

Five hours. Five hours had passed since the surgery began and it wasn't over yet. Kai had paced back and forth through the corridor, all the blood and the shining lights just agitating him. He couldn't sit still, worry eating at his patience. He didn't care what the doctor had told him, he didn't trust this surgery one bit.

Yuriy wasn't too happy either. He hadn't torn his blue eyes away from the door of which the surgeons would walk when it was all over with. He had been staring at them, chin against his clasped hands, leaning over his legs as he waited. Waited and waited as the hours slowly dragged by. He didn't even care about the ache in his back, that wasn't important compared to what was going on in that room.

Olivia had come to check on them from time to time, winking a little extra at Yuriy as she did so. The man didn't notice her much, though, and he was very puzzled over how the coffee and the sandwiches had turned up next to him. Kai didn't say anything, simply nodded in greeting before resuming his walking. Back and forth, back and forth, over and over again.

Olivia made a comment about how he was going to wear out the floors, but he ignored her.

Dr. Dafoe had even showed up once, just to see how they were doing in there. As he gazed at the closed doors something dark fell over his face, memories of past days washing over him. He wasn't sure what to make of that, but even so Olivia noticed how he kept playing with his wedding ring.

Five hours turned to six, which soon turned to seven. Then seven and a half. By the end of that half hour, Yuriy suddenly rose to his feet and kicked the bench over. Kai stopped to raise an eyebrow at him, but the furious man simply resumed staring again. The wait never seemed to end.

''_Dr. Dafoe to surgery room 29. I repeat; Dr. Dafoe to surgery room number twenty-nine''_

The two men looked up as the speakers silenced, mixed emotions stirring up the fake calm in their eyes. They knew immediately that something was wrong, and even though they wished that '29' over the door would somehow be a mistake, they knew that something had gone wrong. Terribly wrong.

It didn't take long before the aforementioned doctor came running in all haste, swooping by them like a white flash of lightning before disappearing again. The only sign that he had even been there at all being the flapping doors. Yuriy turned furious again, wanting to run after him and see what was wrong but his dignity held him back.

Kai didn't have an easy time trying to keep his own emotions in check either, standing immovable as his crimson eyes were fixed on the doors. Left in oblivion, no one telling them what was going on, nothing was under their control anymore. Instead they had to sit and watch as strangers held the faith of their closest, and only, friends. It was the worst kind of torture they could have imagined.

Minutes passed. Slow, torturous and never ending minutes that felt more like years. Minutes under which nothing moved around them, when everything seemed to stand still and the world beyond the doors was something much like a nightmare. Kai wanted to jolt through them, wanted someone to come and tell him what was going on because he could sense in every part of his being that someone was in grave danger.

As the small eternity had finally made its egress, the doors swung open once again. It was Dafoe coming back, two strands of his hair hanging outside the otherwise perfect haircut, sweat dripping down his temple which he viciously tried to wipe away. But what caught their eyes and made their hearts sink, was the blood on his coat.

Bright, dazzling, ruby red blood. Splatters and dapples of it, small and large making the paleness of his skin stand out a hundred times more under the sickly bright lamps. It was something so insignificant, and yet it felt like the most crucial detail that could ever have been applied.

Yuriy, who seemed to have lost every ounce of control within completely, rushed forward to shake the doctor by the collar, roaring out his questions, demanding he get an answer or there would be more than just splatters to come. Dafoe just gave him a tired, look, the sly grin on his face looking fake and dishonest.

''Mr. Ivanov…''

''Don't give me that '_Mr. Ivanov_' crap, you fucker! What happened in there?!''

''It's hard to speak when someone is angrily shaking you by your robe, you know''

''Stop playing, you – ''

''Yuriy!'' Kai swept in to save the day, or at least the doctor, parting the two much to Dafoe's delight.

But Yuriy wasn't only bristling, he was burning with such intensity and fury in his eyes that they could almost imagine black smoke rising from his skin. But Kai held the distance between them, warningly shutting Yuriy up with just one single look. As he turned to the doctor again, Dafoe was in the middle of straightening out his outfit, stroking the loose strands of hair back into place until he looked almost half decent again.

''Tell me what's going on'' Kai said, the tone in his voice showing that he meant no bullshit. ''All of it.''

Dafoe sighed, crossing his arms to hide the tiredness in his pose.

''Did you know that Mr. Kon was both underweight and severely malnourished?''

The Russian's shared a quick look, before Kai nodded stiffly. Yuriy stood grunting in the background, not allowed to leap and destroy even though the wolf in him viciously craved for carnage.

''Well'' Dafoe continued, a bit reprimanding this time. ''His body certainly did and it was not happy to be drugged and cut open without proper treatment.''

''What are you saying?''

''I'm afraid he had a bit of a cardiac arrest.''

''Oh God…''

''_He what?!_'' Yuriy roared, frantic eyes much like a carnivore's darting from man to man.

Kai rubbed his eyes in exhaustion, the stoic mask he so often mastered slipping more and more. The wolf in Yuriy was furious, blinded by the shock and the fear the red head kicked the bench again, over and over until he was certain something in his foot had been broken.

''Mr. Ivanov, I think we might have to look at that foot of yours.''

Yuriy glared so heatedly at the doctor Dafoe almost felt burned.

''You're not looking at shit until those two get out of there!''

''Mr. Ivanov, you're bleeding.''

''_Don't you dare let them die!_''

''No one's going to die.''

But Yuriy didn't trust him. He didn't trust anyone who cut people up as a living, especially not since the men in white coats at the Abbey. He knew none of the men inside the surgery room were Gods, they couldn't save a life more than a cigarette could save an asthmatic. Swearing loud and angry, he finally sat down on the demolished bench, pulling at his hair as he growled at the shiny floor.

Kai shook his head, tired and lacking all the patience he had recently held. He wanted to control himself, wanted to be composed and cold but the wait had been too long already. If this wasn't over soon he wasn't sure just what he'd do. Dafoe looked silently at him, just as tired as the rest of them but feeling like he had to keep the air of a professional.

''Is he alright?'' Kai spoke, boring his stare into him.

''Yes, he is. I managed to stabilize the situation. I believe they should be done in there in a short while, actually.''

He noticed the Phoenix eyeing the blood suspiciously, mouth so taut with distrust it looked almost painful.

''Don't worry. It's messy at places like those. They'll be fine.''

Without waiting for an answer, Dafoe walked out of there, leaving the two men in their unnaturally tense silence. Somehow the emptiness of the room was echoing, as if the absence of people taunted them, mockery lingering like a foul smell in the air. Kai sighed bitterly, before he also sat down on the abused bench.

Waiting, staring, hoping that Dafoe's words held truth and weren't just another in the long line of empty promises.

**X**

When he opened his eyes something felt odd. His limbs had embodied the sense of rocks, lead running through his veins with a thundering, burning speed as his heart tried desperately to run a marathon on broken glass. His eyelids were the heaviest of all, and when he had managed to pry them open his vision was blurry and unfocused, much like a dirty lens.

The sight of chalk white walls met him, screaming with their cold emptiness and not a speck of dirt could be seen or counted. A beeping sound came from his close left and his distant right, heavy breathing accompanied by the familiar smell of antiseptics. Rei groaned, even getting run over by a bulldozer would have been nicer.

He had done a lot of stupid things in his life, but trying to sit up must have been the price winner. The moment he tried it, not only did his numb muscles protest violently, but there was an immense and unbelievable pain, unlike any he had ever felt, stabbing him in his lower stomach. Rei yelped with a sore throat, falling back against the pillow again as the stitches burned like hellfire.

Groaning he turned his head to the left, now that his vision was clearer he could make out a heart rate monitor and some odd looking IV. His eyes scanned the area for a short moment, before he remembered the other beeping noise he had heard. He groaned at the thought of sharing a room, not exactly in the mood to chat with a stranger when his mind was like Dresden after the bombing for the moment. With a small amount of dread, Rei turned his head to the right.

He immediately changed his mind. Sitting up was no longer the stupidest mistake in his life.

There, in a white, clean bed, lay none other than Boris Kuznetsov himself. Only, it didn't look like Boris at all. The thin, pale, sunken face looked like it belonged to someone older, someone tired and weak. Blue veins glowed brightly and clearly under the skin, dark circles surrounding the closed eyes. The grey hair only made him look more like a ghost than Rei had thought possible.

As Rei kept staring at the man and the tubes and the machines, his heart beat harder and he wasn't sure what to feel. Relief washed over him as he could only feel that safe when the Falcon was near, as much as he felt pain of being so close to the one who broke the last piece of his heart. And he was afraid now, more than he had been before because Boris didn't look a minute further away from dying.

He sighed, not tearing his eyes away even though the image hurt so much. Even though it confused him, he wanted to watch the other man sleep.

He didn't know how long he had been staring. Maybe just a minute, maybe an hour. In his drugged haze time felt fluid, like it wasn't really moving forward but instead just kept coming back. Flowing in circles, repeating the same moment again and again. In a way it was much like his life always had been.

But finally, and yet too soon, the Russian moved his own heavy eyelids, groaning at the same unbearable pain, to finally glare hatefully at the room. Through his disorientation, Boris got the feeling of being watched. Through the pain he focused his eyes, seeing nothing but a blur of black and white at first but after a moment, he could make out something golden.

And immediately he realized who it was.

''Rei?'' Boris' voice was raspy and hoarse, unused for so long it almost hurt to form the words.

He couldn't really believe what he saw. Maybe a part of him didn't want to believe it, either. Deep down something inside of him wished for it to be one of his many nightmares. In which his pain was not as gruesome, but where those golden eyes would look at him, hurt hitting him again and again like balls out of a cannon. And at the same time, Boris had missed those eyes. Even though it angered him to even admit it to himself, he had missed those eyes so god damn much.

''Good morning, Boris''

He almost thought he was back in the past. Back to one of those mornings when he would wake up, black hair in his face and a lithe form crushing his chest or arm or whatever it could get a hold of. When the sunshine that ravaged the room would reflect in golden pools, followed by a catlike yawn and for just a fraction of a moment, the world wasn't all that shitty anymore.

The only thing that stopped him from believing that, was the strain and the sadness in the voice, dropping like a stone as it hit him. And he knew, that all the fuck ups and bottles of self pity hadn't been just a bad dream. Things weren't like they had been before he made the biggest mistake of his life and he was still the worlds greatest asshole.

The person that lay in the bed beside him, with the sharp collarbones and cheekbones that seemed more prominent than he remembered, that wretched, drenched kitten that looked like the mightiest of white tigers in his eyes… that wasn't his to hold anymore. And it angered him, anger towards himself for being so stupid and yet, there was still anger that he even felt such emotions at all.

He wasn't supposed to feel anything. But how could something that felt so wrong, still feel like the only right thing in his life?

''I'm an asshole, aren't I?''

He didn't know why he said it. Didn't know why, but there were so many things he wanted to say but he couldn't form the words. He had never had anything to say in his life, and now when the words were roaring to be let out he found his vocabulary was just a few words too short. Boris' pride was happy about that, though, and the stubbornness in him kept those words locked away.

''You're the biggest asshole there ever was.''

''Huh...''

They lay staring into each other's eyes in silence. Thinking fervently, trying to come up with something to say. Finally seeing each other for the first time in months, what Rei thought would have felt like meeting a stranger was just like putting on an old glove. It looked different and strange, but it still fit as comfortable as it always had.

Rei wanted to touch him, wanted to tell him how much he had missed the Russian's hurtful words and rude manners, how much he had missed smelling his skin in the morning and waking up next to his warmth. He wanted to punch him straight in the face and tell him how much he hated him and how much he hated himself for loving him.

But he didn't know how to say it. Didn't know if it was okay to say such things to the person who betrayed your trust. He didn't know if it made any difference. But he didn't have to, because it was Boris that surprised him by speaking again. Wearing that furious glint in his eyes but behind it was something else, something so hidden Rei wasn't sure Boris even noticed it himself.

''Do you hate me?''

It was odd, he thought. Other couples threw the L word around a lot, but them, never. Instead they had, in a way, created their own language. They never asked if the other loved them, never told each other that they did and Rei didn't really think they had uttered the word in any way at all. Except the hidden one. This one, the clothed in disguise. The one others would simply frown at, failing to understand how they could ask such things.

''I don't hate you.''

An outsider would never understand, that the phrase '_I don't hate you_' was the same to them, as the phrase '_I love you_' was to anyone else. Sometimes Rei wondered if they even understood it themselves. It was a macabre way of saying it, but he guessed that for them it worked. And it meant a lot more hearing it than if they would have said nothing at all.

''I don't hate you, Boris'' Rei spoke again, and the Falcon knew what he was going to say long before he opened his mouth. ''But I can't… I can't come back. Not now. Not in a long while.''

There was a slight, undetectable shard of hope in his voice as Boris muttered his answer.

''Then what about after now?''

Rei sighed sadly, wanting to run out of there and get away from the warmth and the comfort he felt by being in the same room as the Russian. Yet he didn't want to leave. Maybe he was a weak person because of that, but in times when the brain and the heart screamed two different things, the heart always screamed the highest.

''Boris, I…''

''Just tell me, Rei. Tell me what I have to do.''

The intensity in the grey eyes crucified him, silver blades through his weak old heart, cold and hot at the same time. His stare left shivers down his spine, serious as death and with the battle lust of a soldier. They knocked the speech out of him for a moment, leaving Rei dizzy and tired.

''I don't hate you, Boris. But I don't trust you either and it's gonna take a long time to mend that.''

''Rei, I – '' the words caught in his throat, unfamiliar since he had never spoken them once in his life. ''I'm…''

_Sorry, so, so fucking sorry._

But Rei just gave him that warm, sad look.

''I know. I know.''

''No, you don't!'' Boris couldn't stop himself from yelling, the heart rate monitor going wilder as his heart raced with desperate anger. ''You don't know shit, Rei!''

Then Rei surprised him with a smile. A small, weak, weeping little smile.

''Yes, I do. Your eyes give you away.''

Boris looked at him, silently he gave him one last look before he closed his eyes again, exhaustion too strong to fight. Rei watched him as he returned back to sleep, the smile not dying away until his own eyes started feeling heavy. And as Rei too, drifted off, he hoped that it wouldn't take too long before someday, somehow Boris had made it all right again.


End file.
